It’s not often that Sooyoung gets a full night of sleep, it’s even rarer she gets to sleep long enough to dream. This morning was no exception. First she feels around for her wife, then her two babies who usually would start out sleeping in their own beds, but eventually cried until they were placed between her and Jinsoul. 

Sooyoung stares at the ceiling, she can hear everything vividly. She wishes she could just zone out, but the tv was on full blast, the girls seemed to only know how to scream, and Jinsoul could never cook quietly. 

She wishes, just one morning it was quiet enough for her to sleep in. Maybe one day she’ll just sleep through the entire day. But then she’d miss out on all the fun. She hears the pitter-patter of tiny feet down the hallway, her bedroom door opens and in walks her favorite girls in the world. 

They repeat Momma over and over again and bounce near the edge of the bed. Sooyoung smiles, no matter how painful the headache she had, this was the best part of her life. Opening her arms up they crawl up into the bed and jump on top of her. 

“Good morning my babies.” The twins were a little over three now and were starting to speak a whole lot more. Yeji was very good at repeating words she heard and Yuna had own language that she and Jinsoul has had to learn over time. One of them flops over her tummy and Sooyoung groans when her rib is jabbed into by bony and tiny elbows and Yuna pats her face with sticky hands. 

Sooyoung jerks away from the grubby little hands and scolds her, “ew child what is on your hands!” Yuna holds them up and giggles like a gremlin, sure her daughter was cute, but a demon. Yeji was the more behaved one between the two, but Yuna would do the goofiest things that would crack Sooyoung up, it reminded her a lot of Jinsoul and her wife’s ability to make her life. Her babies were like polar opposites but exactly the same. Even though they were like that, they would never separate, having that weird twin connection.

“I eated sor yup.” Yuna mumbles to her and Yeji is flipping around on the bed. 

Sooyoung raises her brow, “you ate what?”

“Thur-up.” Yuna says something entirely different and Sooyoung just nods. “Mommy gave me it.”

“Mommy gave you...syrup?” The little girl grins with all her teeth and screams yes with a bit of a lisp. 

Sooyoung always gets an immeasurable amount of happiness just talking to her girls. They were really the light of her life now. “MOMMA MOMMA WATCH ME!” Her other little one screams for her attention and Sooyoung quickly turns to her, holding Yuna to her side who was still patting her with sticky hands. Yeji starts out by bouncing on the bed, her pigtails flopping around, Sooyoung thinks that the jumping is what is supposed to impress her and she’s two late when the three year old jump high and flops off the bed backwards, she cringes at the loud thump she hears and Yuna laughs and claps her hands at the little show. 

“YEJI!” Sooyoung has no idea why her child decided to do that. Scrambling over, she peeks over the bed, her child was face down silent. Sooyoung picks Yeji up and sits her in her lap. The girl is holding her head, “why’d you go and do that for?” Yeji shrugs her shoulders and starts to cry. Sooyoung rocks the girl back and forth shushing her. Yuna is giggling next to them, clearly amused that her sister is crying. 

It isn’t too long until Jinsoul appears, fear in her eyes. Sooyoung’s heart still drops when she sees her wife, “what happened?” Her wife hurried over to sit next to her, taking their sobbing daughter out of her arms. Sooyoung occupies her now empty hands with hugging Yuna, who was bouncing around behind them. The girl gives her a gurgling laugh as Sooyoung sits her in her lap and watches Jinsoul tend to the wound on Yeji’s head. Her wife’s gaze is concerned and filled with guilt that she wasn’t able to save her on time. 

“Your kid wanted to act a fool.” Jinsoul glares at her before kissing the spot on her head where Yeji said it hurt. Jinsoul had no authority when it came to the twins, they wouldn’t listen to her, but they’d always come crawling to her when they got in trouble. Sooyoung thought she had authority but most of the time didn’t have the guts to really discipline her children. They were just so cute, how could she scold them. So most of the time they let them run wild and when they got hurt that’s when they taught them the lesson, of course some lessons had to be taught before anyone got hurt, it was usually Sooyoung since she could put her foot down better. Jinsoul sometimes was too patient with them. 

“Mommy I want kiss tew.” Yuna is getting a little jealous at all the affection Yeji is receiving and Jinsoul quickly kisses her daughters chubby cheek, giggling as she does so. Soon both girls are clinging onto Jinsoul receiving a whole lot of love that Sooyoung is starting to want as well. 

Her wife was especially pretty in the morning, there was something about her fresh faced and bright eyed that left Sooyoung breathless, “hey this baby needs some love too.” Sooyoung points at herself, instantly feeling childish when her three favorite girls stop playing around to stare at her. She just felt left out, the things that made her happy completely ignoring her. Sooyoung cannot believe how powerless she is when all three of them upturn a brow. 

Sinking back into herself she fights away the pout, now that would really be losing. Her babies are on either side of Jinsoul clinging onto her, the younger woman was so good with them and it often made Sooyoung's heart ache with how good of a mother she was, Sooyoung couldn’t deny Jinsoul’s charm was irresistible, the twins adored Jinsoul just like she did. Jinsoul whispers into the twins ears, they start to giggle while looking at Sooyoung. She should have known what was coming.

Jinsoul gives them the signal and Sooyoung is met with the force of two powerhouses. She pretends to fight back as they smother her basically, when Sooyoung feels fingers dig into her waist she laughs through the pain. Her daughters distract her while Jinsoul tickles her most sensitive spots. Her wife then pushes her into the mattress and straddles her, Sooyoung’s eyes almost pop out when she finally notices what Jinsoul’s wearing. It was just some small sleeping shorts without a shirt, it was actually her sleeping shorts...Sooyoung ended up with Jinsoul’s shirt on however. 

She guesses after last night their clothes must have gotten mixed up. Like she said, it wasn’t often she got a full night's rest. If it wasn’t the twins waking her up, it was her wife begging for her touch. Sooyoung never complained about either. Her wife knew exactly how to make her forget a long day by replacing it with a long night.

“Give your momma a kiss before she pouts up again.” Jinsoul is holding her down by the chest, looking down at her with endearment. Sooyoung feels like her heart is in . Yeji and Yuna both give her sloppy cheek kisses and one of them even pinches her nose, after Sooyoung snorts they run away laughing. Waiting for Jinsoul to get up as well, but her wife leans over to give her a soft and long kiss. Sooyoung tries to chase her lips after she breaks it but sighs when her wife whispers out, “Good morning my love.”

Her eyes are still shut as Jinsoul starts to crawl off her, they flutter open as she watches her wife sway out of the room. Picking up Yeji (who in turn sticks her tongue out at Sooyoung) as she does so.

Sooyoung’s head falls back onto the bed, trying to catch her breath. A smile on her face.

Walking through the hallway Sooyoung can already hear the music playing. Usually when she got up she’d play the girls some of her favorite songs, Jinsoul had seemed to catch onto her after a while and even went through the effort to make her countless playlists for a tv., all based on her mood. Jinsoul knew her too well now, like nobody else. Her wife tried learning everything there was to know about her. 

But before stalking into the living room after her children Sooyoung first greets her cats, Evangelista, Tubbie Wubbie and Whiskers. All of them were getting really old, which left a whole in Sooyoung’s chest. “You guys will always be my babies.” They each start purring as she patted them, they’re all curled up on a bed. Tubbie wubbie has syrup all over him. Standing up, she continues to walk towards her younger babies.

Sooyoung smiles when she sees the twins dancing to an old song playing out, she can’t help but join. If there was anything her daughters loved, it was dancing. Her pride and joy, joining her in one of her passions. They were horribly off rhythm, doing all sorts of moves, Sooyoung tried her best to show them how to really do them but it was more fun to just let them loose. 

The next song comes on and Sooyoung bounces with her babies and quickly calms them down, “wait let momma show you.” She gets in front of her daughters and waves at them before dancing to the song. 

Jinsoul finishes putting rice in separate bowls before checking on her family. Sooyoung was showing their twins how to do the dougie. Yeji was actually doing it well...while Yuna was just wiggling around. Sooyoung was only in an old t-shirt, one of Jinsoul’s from college, that barely came down on her thighs. Jinsoul watches the woman with a warmth blooming in her chest. 

Her wife notices that there’s a pair of eyes staring through her, turning with a goofy smile on her face. When Sooyoung looks over at Jinsoul however, her eyes hood and she forgets about her daughters tugging at her hands. Jinsoul only smirks as Sooyoung checks her out moving her head up and down, her tongue stuck to the corner of as she does so. Turning around she leaves Sooyoung to gawk.

“Monkey, monkey!” Sooyoung has to tear her eyes off her wife to play with her daughter. Yuna is jumping around at her feet, begging to be picked. Sooyoung lowers her arms letting Yuna and Yeji cling to them before lifting to swing them around, there laughs are like music to her ears and their smiles are the cutest Sooyoung’s ever seen. 

Jinsoul is finishing the chicken up when she feels hands grip at her bare waist. Sooyoung whispers dangerously close to her ear, “you want me to stay home so we can lay around and eat ice cream all day?” Jinsoul only hums as her wife hugs her from behind, leaving hot kisses on the side of her face and down her neck. Palms drag across her skin and cause goosebumps to rise. Letting out a low laugh Jinsoul leans her head back to give Sooyoung more room to make her skin burn hotter than the grease in the pan. 

“You’re so beautiful.” Shaking her head at the deep voice she grabs Sooyoung’s hands and pushes them off before rolling in her wife’s arms so she can face her. Jinsoul swears Sooyoung gets prettier and prettier everyday. She repositioned the hands to the small of her back and gives Sooyoung a short kiss. “How did I manage to make you mine?” Her wife asks her seriously. But Jinsoul thinks is silly to ask something like that when Sooyoung is as perfect as she is.

“Because there’s no one quite like you.” 

Jinsoul thought they were sharing a tender moment, until Sooyoung smacks her and squeezes. Pushing her wife off she scolds her, “enough.” Looking like a kicked puppy, Sooyoung tries to grab her again but Jinsoul only shoves a bowl and plate into her hands. “Feed your kids, they’re hungry.” Sooyoung sighs and starts to get the twins ready for breakfast.

As she’s eating herself, she glares at Jinsoul who was happily feeding Yuna. Her wife was being mean, what did she expect Sooyoung to do when she was walking around looking like that, showing off her curves and wearing those shorts that barely fit her. Sooyoung shakes her head, her wife could be torturing sometimes.

She distracts herself by feeding Yeji. 

Sooyoung gets ready for work, she was kinda busy these days. While she managed a dance studio she still had her job as a professor. Thankfully she only had to teach dance. So it was far less stressful. 

Slipping on her ball cap she kisses her babies bye since they were already falling asleep. She stands in front of Jinsoul who was sipping a glass of water. It was her wife’s day off, she wishes she could stay home and spend the whole day with her family. But she has to chase the bag.

“How I look?” She spins around for Jinsoul and her wife hums. Sooyoung always looked good, Jinsoul doesn’t understand how she bagged a baddie like this woman. 

Jinsoul twirls her finger so Sooyoung will show her again. White shirt, black sweatpants, hoop earrings. “Dance a little.”

Sooyoung’s gotten better over the years, especially moving from kids to young adults. She only does it a few seconds before covering Jinsoul’s eyes with her hands, “you wanna see more you gotta give me something in return.”

“Hmm I think I’ve seen enough.” 

Sooyoung scoffs at Jinsoul and her ball cap is turns downward covering her face. Sooyoung doesn’t move, she only frowns before Jinsoul is pulling her hat back up, showing her that face she’s fallen in love with, “hi gorgeous.” She groans when the hat is swatted down again.

“Babygirl, I’m not coming home till late at least pretend that you’ll miss me.” 

Jinsoul sits her water down and rubs her wife tummy before dragging her hands to her . Jinsoul laughs when Sooyoung tries to swat her away when she starts to rub on it. Sooyoung was starting to get an when she was eating good for three, but now she was a bean pole again. “Of course I’ll miss you, I’ll be waiting for you when you get home.” She gives Sooyoung a chaste kiss on the side of the mouth and squeezes at her waist

Sooyoung then smiles and hugs her tightly, “have fun today okay? Go get your nails done or something.”

“I’m taking the twins to the park...with your favorite person.” 

Jinsoul smiles and kisses Sooyoung again before she can say anything. Haseul and Sooyoung still weren’t the bestest of friends, they’ve argued a lot over the years. But Sooyoung would usually bite her tongue around the younger woman.  

“Kay, but you better defend me if she talks any okay?” 

Jinsoul nods and helps her wife out the door, watching her walk down the hallway. She waves bye and Sooyoung blows her a kiss which she makes sure to catch.

Closing the door she sends a quick text to her old friend. 

Today would be fun.

~~~~

Jinsoul thinks she’s changed over the years, however. Haseul hasn’t changed one bit. “Why are you late?” 

“Damn you’re already ing?” 

Haseul has changed her looks, the woman that used to be a little childish is beyond sophisticated. Delicate makeup and a bob cut that was perfectly bumped. 

She steps out of the car, instantly greeted with a tight hug and a kiss to the side of the head. Jinsoul groans and pushes her away, already done with human contact for today. “Oh shut up, I know you’re only late because you can’t drive.” 

“I thought you’d get nicer with age.” 

Her friend hums, “awe don’t you miss it when you were just a and I had to take care of you, back then you thought I was the nicest friend in the world.” Haseul laughs at the glare she receives, “at least you’re still a dork, some things never change.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes at Haseul’s pestering and the woman opens the back of her car. Yeji and Yuna scream when they see the woman. While Haseul always looked after her when they were younger with tough love, she treated her twins with nothing but kindness. 

“Auntie Seul!” Haseul helps the twins out of their car seats as Jinsoul looks around for a dark headed boy.

“Hey Seul where’s Xiao?” 

Her friend pulls out her daughters in matching outfits, Yuna had a ponytail and Yuna had pigtails, that’s how they would tell them apart, but as they got older, their looks were starting to differ. 

Haseul looks around frantically for her son. He was a little older than the twins but was a real handful. Clicking her tongue the older woman peeks underneath Jinsoul’s vehicle, groaning and snapping her fingers, “Xiao Jun Wong get your out from underneath the car right now!” Jinsoul snorts at Haseul’s mom voice, but she had no room to judge. Out of her, Jungeun and Haseul, the latter was definitely the best parent. 

The little boy giggles as he rolls out, already dirty from playing. Haseul tries to grab him but he only laughs and spins around. The twins follow after him as he skips to the playground. “I swear his brain is laced with or something.” Haseul mumbles out and picks up Yuna who had tripped and fallen while running.

Jinsoul doesn’t know if she’d agree with such a strong statement but Xiao was definitely the happiest kid she’s ever seen. He was pretty too, it was crazy how he almost was a mix of Haseul and Vivi perfectly. He had Haseul’s attitude however, “Auntie Jinsoul I got you a present!”

Smiling she brushes the boy’s bangs out of his face. Jinsoul should have expected it, when he turns around and lets out a fart before running away again. Jinsoul side eyes Haseul who is struggling to keep in her laugh. 

Settling on a picnic table not too far from the play set, Jinsoul keeps an eye out on her twins. They’re clumsy, a lot like she was, but very brave, like Sooyoung. Xiao is way too coordinated to be a three year old. While he can navigate the play set extremely well, her twins struggle to get up on one step.

“They’re growing up so fast Jinsoul, what are we going to do when we have to send them to school?” 

Jinsoul thinks for a moment, “have more.” 

Haseul sighs and Jinsoul can see the tension in her expression. It instantly worries her. While she couldn’t wait to have more, Sooyoung had convinced her to wait until the twins were at least four, so they could send them to preschool. Having two babies at once was a struggle, Jinsoul was left with many sleepless nights, however, it was very rewarding.

Watching how amazing her babies were. She and Sooyoung did a good job. Jinsoul remembers when they were tiny and she could hold each of them with one arm. She and Sooyoung would fight over who got to hold them. Sooyoung was a better mother than she was though because her wife could make them fall asleep in seconds while she struggled to get a yawn out of them.

Jinsoul guesses Haseul doesn’t feel the same, then again. Xiao was like three kids in one. 

Haseul says something she doesn’t expect, “I do...but Vivi, I-I don’t know.” 

Her friend says the last part quickly and under her breath. “What’s up?”

The woman with sharp eyes looks torn, “it’s nothing really. I think I’m just worried.” 

Jinsoul has known Haseul since she had time to grow from experiences. If there was something about her to catch onto, it’s when her thoughts was eating away at her. Haseul was one to wear her emotions, but never to speak about them. At least when it came to her own feelings, she and Jungeun have never had to protect themselves because Haseul was always there for them.

Sometimes Jinsoul wishes she knew how to break into her, just like Haseul has to her since they were kids.

Yuna runs over tripping over the wood chips, “Auntie Seul!”

Haseul is pulled from her solemn mood and smiles at the girl who is hopping in front of her, “open your pursss.” Jinsoul raises a brow as her daughter peeks into the woman’s bag, smiling. “Give me your dollar.” The girl says cheekily.

“Yuna!”

Her daughter laughs at her and takes the dollar away since Haseul let’s her. 

Jinsoul isn’t so happy her daughter’s action wasn’t taken seriously, “she’s a kid Jinsoul, even if she is a little bad one.” 

Crossing her arms she leans onto the table. Haseul’s gaze is in the distance, but it’s not focused on anything in particular. “She’s Sooyoung’s, what do you expect?” Haseul snorts and waves her hand.

“Please, I don’t know how you live with that woman.” 

“You know exactly how I live with her.” Jinsoul sighs, Haseul gives her a disgusted look.

Meanwhile the twins show off their dollar. “Look you’re broke!” 

Xiao looks between the two girls before pushing on of them in the face and taking the dollar to escape. 

Yeji takes off as well, to get revenge for her assaulted sister.

“So what’s going on, you look like you’re about to have an aneurysm.” She presses Haseul, just talking about it might help.

Her friend sighs, “girl I don’t know. Vivi been acting differently.” 

Jinsoul doesn’t understand why it’s so hard. But then again she usually keep things bottled in too. “She’s working so much, I don’t understand. We’re well off, so it just makes me think that she doesn’t want to be home.” Jinsoul frowns, sure she and Sooyoung has fought plenty of times, but it wouldn’t take but half an hour for them to makeup and talk it out. They’ve never had a standoff. 

Vivi was unlike anyone else though. No one, not even Haseul really knew what was going on inside her head sometimes. If there was anyone in the world that was hard to read, it was Vivi. “I want to have another, but I want her to be there. She has been for Xiao but not recently. Jinsoul he’s starting to understand that she’s not around as much.” She reaches out to squeeze on Haseul’s shoulder. Jinsoul isn’t for sure what to tell her. 

“It’s bothering me, you know how she is. I won’t know until I hit it right on the head and I’m afraid I’ll be too late by the time I do.” 

Haseul stops talking altogether, but thankful that someone was there to listen. 

Xiao is running toward them with something in his hands. The twins behind him screaming. Haseul narrows her eyes, “honey what is that?!”

The boy smiles, “a knife!”

Jinsoul doesn’t think she’s ever heard Haseul scream louder. 

As the woman chases her son, the twins cling onto her. Jinsoul quietly asks them, “where did he get the toy from?”

Yeji is breathing heavily, “He- he traded his dollar for it.” Jinsoul’s eyes widen when Yuna points in the distance. 

It was Vivi. 

Thankfully, it was just a plastic kitchen knife. Still it freaked Haseul out. The woman notices her wife in the distance and drags her son over with her. While Haseul’s body language is stiff and a bit panicked, Vivi’s was relaxed and her smile was as soft as ever.

“Mommy why does Auntie Seul’s hair look like a mushroom.” 

Shushing her daughter she eavesdrops on the couple. If they were having problems, it didn’t seem like it. “Don’t ever say that to her okay?” Jinsoul whispers, if Haseul ever heard that she’d get smacked. 

Vivi picks up her son and holds him close. It was clear that he loved her a lot. He clings to her, Haseul stands by and points at Jinsoul. She waves when Vivi waves at her and smiles. Jinsoul herself has never seen Vivi out of place and right now they looked like the perfect family. 

Jinsoul tells her daughters to hush as the three of them make their way over. Xiao between the two swinging his legs up in the air when they occasionally lift him. Vivi is the first to break the silence.

“It’s been a while Jung Jinsoul, you look beautiful today.” There was something undoubtedly charming about the woman. Jinsoul always felt on edge talking to her no matter how many times they’ve been together. The girls cling to her as Vivi stares at them, they haven’t spent a lot of time around the woman.

Yuna leans in and whispers not so quietly into her ear, “mommy Aunt Vivi is pretty.” Haseul sighs when Vivi snickers at the young girl. 

Jinsoul leans her head over, “I think my daughter has a good eye.” 

It seems normal, the conversation. Jinsoul tries to find the fault. But they seem to be in love as ever. Vivi looks at Haseul as if she’s just met her, trying to memorize the features of her friend. Haseul still blushes when Vivi says something affectionate. 

Almost an hour later, Yuna is hanging off the bridge on the playground fighting sleep. Yeji and Xiao are playing with the wood chips, equally as tired. Vivi is the first to stand, “you wanna join us for lunch?” 

Haseul looks at her expectedly and that’s when Jinsoul figures it out. They’ve never fought before, Haseul wasn’t confronting Vivi about her concern and Vivi wouldn’t say anything until she was asked. 

Neither of them really wanted to be alone together, because that’s when the tension would consume them.

Jinsoul scratches her head, “you guys go ahead, I think the twins need a bath and a nap.”

Haseul frowns and Vivi looks surprised. Jinsoul watches them go in the direction where Vivi was standing. Carrying Yuna in her arms, Jinsoul makes her way to her car. Yeji is clenched onto her shirt. Jinsoul hopes they work it out. 

She also hopes she and Sooyoung never get to the point where they forget they can trust each other.

~~~~ 

It’s Sunday, the day where nobody had anything to do. The twins, now almost five are building a pillow fort. Yo Gabba Gabba was blaring on the screen, something Yeji was obsessed with while Yuna didn’t really care what was going on. Always in her own little world.

Jinsoul is staring at the dishes in the sink. Trying to fight off the nausea biting at . Sooyoung was still asleep, spending all night watching movies with the twins. She stares at her children flipping around on the floor. They were growing up so fast, Yuna could speak a mile a minute, not that you could understand her that much. 

She focuses on the two playing a game, Jinsoul believes they’re having a dance off. Yeji was already starting to show signs that she was going to be a good one. Yuna only hops around to aggravate her sister, holding her fingers in the shape of an L. She smiles but burns again.

It’s too much, Jinsoul heads to the bathroom. She looks at the clock on the wall, it was only nine am. This is the second time this morning. Jinsoul’s managed to hide it so far, from the girls and Sooyoung.

But this morning, of course she’s caught. “Jinsoul? Baby what’s wrong?” Sooyoung stands in the doorway, sleepy and with messy hair. Her sleepwear barely on right as she crouches down to pull Jinsoul’s hair back out of the way as she empties her stomach. After Jinsoul is finished she leans back and glances at her wife. Sooyoung looked really grumpy.

“Good morning.”

“Are you sick?” 

Jinsoul smiles, Sooyoung was not always a morning person. Only when she got a good night's sleep or...something else during the late hours. Nodding she stands to clean herself up, Sooyoung stares at her through the mirror. A worried expression etched in her features. Jinsoul doesn’t liked being watched this closely, “I’m fine, go back to bed.” Sooyoung ignores her and continues to study her.

Starting to nervous Jinsoul turns and lays her hands flat on Sooyoung’s tummy. “Sooyoung sweetie, I’m okay I swear.” Her wife searches her eyes but finds nothing. Jinsoul is relieved when Sooyoung leaves the bathroom with a sigh and back to their bedroom. 

It’s not until later around noon when Sooyoung emerges again. Full of energy and a lot sweeter than before. Jinsoul is zoning out again, recently she’s been deep in thought. Work was getting harder for her since she wasn’t just an amateur now. She actually had to lead a research team. 

It was stressful and sometimes she couldn’t even wind down at home.

She’s finishing up a report, tapping away at the laptop on the counter when her wife creeps up behind her. Hands squeeze onto her shoulders and Sooyoung gives her a lazy kiss before sitting across her to eat some of the leftovers from this morning when Jinsoul cooked for Yuna and Yeji. Her wife keeps staring at her from across the counter, slowly eating her food not paying any mind to it. 

Jinsoul breaks a sweat under the gaze. Looking up from her work she gets a lump in by how steeled Sooyoung’s eyes are. Her wife’s head is tilted down, but her eyes are hooded, piercing right through her. 

“You’re acting weird.” Sooyoung says it carefully. 

Shaking her head Jinsoul denies it, “how?” 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes and takes a sip of juice, “you just pulled away from my kiss and this morning you was all jumpy.” Did Jinsoul do that? Was she really acting that way? She didn’t know for sure. Her mind was so foggy. “I don’t know, you've been weird for like two weeks.” 

Her eyes widen, well she thought she was hiding it well. But Jinsoul wasn’t the best liar in the world. She’ll have to convince Sooyoung nevertheless, “I haven’t been sleeping well, work has been .” Sooyoung sighs noisily and makes her way over to push Jinsoul’s hair behind her ear. 

Jinsoul turns into mush when Sooyoung massages at her neck, “I hate that. This is supposed to be your dream you know?”

Nodding Jinsoul pushes herself more into the touch, maybe she has neglected Sooyoung too much. But she’s had to.

Jinsoul was starting to show and she knows Sooyoung isn’t naive enough to not notice her body is changing. Her wife was very smart, it was hard to get anything past her so Jinsoul’s put a lot of effort in with not giving her the clues. 

“Humble beginnings Sooyoung,” she’d be living her dream soon. She’s not had this job long enough to make her own choices. 

Sooyoung knows she’d rather not talk about it, “just don’t work too hard okay? I’m here if you want to forget about it for a little while.”

Her wife runs off to go jump on top of twins and pretty much destroying the pillow fort they had created. Jinsoul tries to focus on her work, but the giggles and squeals pull her away and she watches her family play around. Jinsoul watches with a faint smile as Sooyoung tosses the twins around, they pretend wooden spoons are swords and swat at her wife, “DING DOOONG!” Yuna yells out and slams the spoon down right on Sooyoung’s head, Jinsoul cringes at the crack it makes and the face Sooyoung gives her daughter.  

The wooden spoon is snatched outta her hand and Sooyoung scolds her, “gimmie that spoon before I Yo gabba gabba your over this couch.” Sooyoung may look angry but she sikes the girls out by smothering them both in the pillows and covers splayed out on the floor. 

They wrestle on the floor, the twins having the upper hand as they give Sooyoung a run for her money.

Jinsoul is laughing at the scene when she gets a text on the phone.

[Jiwooming]: how are you feeling momma!

Smiling she only sends her a thumbs up. Jiwoo was the only one that knew. There’s another crash and Jinsoul raises a brow when Sooyoung starts to growl and bark like a dog, pretending that she’s gonna bite one of the twins. Yeji screams when Sooyoung chomps a little too close to her fingers and comes running towards Jinsoul.

“Mommy! Momma tried to eat my fingers!” 

Jinsoul laughs and picks the girl up in her arms and starts to walk over to the other pair. Sooyoung had Yuna pinned to the ground threatening to tickle her, “uh oh what’s this?” Sooyoung holds up her hand and starts to rub her fingers together, faking a gasp she looks down at Yuna, “it’s a bee!” 

Yuna starts to cry kicking her feet around as Sooyoung mimics a buzzing noise and moves her hand around lazily until getting at the worst spot and pinching the girl. Yuna’s screech makes Yeji hold her ears and Jinsoul lean back from how loud it is. 

Yeji wiggles around to get into the mix and they manage to get Sooyoung flat on the pillows. Yuna holds up the spoon, “Mommy finish her!”

Jinsoul raises a brow and takes the spoon, “Sooyoung?”

Her wife knows she’s in trouble with the way she nervously laughs. Jinsoul shakes her head as she sits down on top of Sooyoung’s tummy making the woman groan, “have you been playing mortal kombat in front of them again?”

Raising up the spoon she holds it directly over Sooyoung’s chest, “ummm no?” Her wife faintly speaks out.

Jinsoul shakes her head as she brings the tip of the spoon down. Sooyoung takes a grunt of pain and pretends to fade out. Yeji tackles her sister with victory, “we beat her!” Sooyoung plays dead and Jinsoul lets the spoon roll out of her hand. 

Playing along Jinsoul shakes the woman under her, “Sooyoung? Sooyoung!” The girls stop jumping around to watch Jinsoul panic, “wake up Sooyoung!”

The twins slowly come over and help Jinsoul with shaking and pressing on her chest. Yeji is the first to start crying, “Momma?!” It’s not long until both her daughters are crying and clinging to their mom. “Mommy why isn’t momma getting up?!”

Jinsoul shakes her head sadly and it breaks her heart that she’s let this joke go on for too long. But it was very amusing to watch, so she lets it play out. Yuna gets down in Sooyoung’s face and starts to hug it to hers, “Momma please! You can’t go!”

She rolls her eyes when Sooyoung raises up to hiss at them, scaring the life out of them. Both of them cling to Jinsoul as Sooyoung raises up. It’s not a second after until they’re clinging to the older woman. 

Sooyoung rubs on their heads as she stares at Jinsoul with heart eyes. “You wanna rebuild the pillow fort?” Sooyoung whispers to the twins and they instantly lighten up. Jinsoul sits by as they work together, somehow, Sooyoung gets their daughters to listen just this once. 

When it’s finished her wife crawls in, Jinsoul peeks under but she can’t see them due to a blanket covering the entrance. She can hear the girls giggling so she scoots closer.

Sooyoung pops her head out and almost gives Jinsoul a heart attack, “come inside.” Jinsoul frowns at the creepy voice Sooyoung makes but takes the hand outstretched to hers still. She crawls inside, Yuna and Yeji already laying out on the bed of pillows. Sooyoung pulls her on top and holds her close as the twins snuggle into the side of them. 

Jinsoul looks around amazed at how nice it is inside when it looked pretty ty on the outside. “We could stay here forever.” Sooyoung mumbles out, more to the girls than her. Jinsoul rolls off to her side to hug up to Yuna who was already trying to break out. Yeji ventures to the entrance and Sooyoung is quick to pull her back in.

“Wait baby it’s freezing out there!” Yeji stares at the light peeking through the blankets and back to Sooyoung. Yeji doesn’t listen and sticks her head out anyways. The three in the fort start to scream and Yeji covers her head.

“Momma it’s cold!” Sooyoung snorts and brings Yeji in between all of them. As Yeji fakes a shiver they all cuddle up to fight the ‘cold’ that’s creeping outside.

It’s night by the time the twins are settled down. Jinsoul’s already got a headache, not from her children but the pile of work she has to get done. Pushing her glasses up she sighs and glances at Sooyoung who was chopping up vegetables.

Taking a break she focuses on her daughters, who were watching some cartoons. Seeing something on the screen she instantly gets a craving, “Hey Soo, can you get my cake out the fridge.” The slicing of the knife comes to a stop and Jinsoul turns to study her wife.

Sooyoung looks up at her sheepishly.

“You did not.” 

Jinsoul hops off her chair and runs over to the fridge and opens it up. Her cake was gone. “You .” She whisper shouts and shuts the fridge door a little dramatically. Jinsoul’s been thinking about that cake all day.

Staring at Sooyoung she can even see the reminisce of it on her lips. “Why would you eat that when you know it’s my favorite!” Confusion laces over Sooyoung’s features, “I really wanted it!” 

Sooyoung deflates, “more than half of it was gone, I just wanted some.”

It’s definitely the hormones that’s making Jinsoul overreact, “SOME! YOU ATE A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN JUST SOME!” Sooyoung looks at her like she’s crazy, Jinsoul feels crazy, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Jinsoul scratches her head, “I’m going to go shower.”

Walking off she’s stopped when her hand is grabbed, “come on now, we’ve had a good day.” Jinsoul shakes the hand off her own and continues to make her way down the hallway.

God she felt like she was going to explode. Locking the door she sighs and starts to tear her clothes off. Jinsoul was having a hot flash, she needed to cool down as quickly as possible. 

Sooyoung pads down the hallway, shakes the door handle before resting her head on the wood. “Is mommy okay?” Looking down to her left Yeji is tugging at her shirt.

“Yes she’s just...sick.”

Staring at the door Sooyoung tries to convince herself and eventually leaves when she hears the water starts to pour. 

The rest of the night neither of them speak to each other. The twins don’t exactly notice, since they’re the ones filling up the silence. Every second or so Sooyoung glances at Jinsoul who is eating her food quickly, she never does that. Her wife was always the last one to finish. 

When they’re getting ready for bed, Sooyoung keeps trying to touch Jinsoul but her wife pushes her off. She almost wants to cry as they brush their teeth together. Sooyoung hated to be neglected.

She finally breaks their hours worth of silence, “Jinsoul get your over here.” Her wife was tucking Yuna in after her bedtime games when she tugs on her shirt. Jinsoul doesn’t resist her this time, falling into her embrace.

Sooyoung searches in Jinsouls eyes, but finds nothing but...fear. “What’s up with you today?”

Jinsoul shakes her head and kisses her slowly. Sooyoung hasn’t got a kiss like that in a while. When her wife is pulling away she can’t help but chase the lips she hasn’t had the time to appreciate. But Jinsoul holds her off, much to her disappointment.

Sooyoung tries to not let it get to her, but suddenly Jinsoul turns the whole mood around. She understands why she saw the fear in her wife’s eyes. “Um Sooyoung, do…”

“Do you want to have another one?”

Staring at Jinsoul’s eyes she’s thankful to recognize the sparkle in them. Smiling she only dumbly nods, she wouldn’t mind at least one more. The twins were growing up so fast. It’s like the whole evening wasn’t filled with awkward silence as they hug and kiss, the twins faking gags as they do so.

When they ask them how they would feel about a baby, Sooyoung and Jinsoul’s hearts fill with happiness as the girls give them enthusiastic answers. 

Once they settle in bed, Jinsoul doesn’t have the energy to push Sooyoung away anymore. Scratching her nails through her wife’s hair as she lowers down her body. Jinsoul protests when her shirt is lifted up, “wait not tonight!” But her wife slaps her hands away.

“Shush I’m just looking.” Sooyoung only pushes her shirt to below her s, and carefully glances over her tummy. Her wife then leans down to kiss at her sensitive spots before resting her head there. “You’ve gained weight.”  

“Hey!”

Sooyoung doesn’t react to her blabbering and keeps her shirt up when she tries to pull it down. Her wife just keeps gently circling her hands over her tummy, Sooyoung’s head raises again and she leaves a kiss right over the navel before resting her chin there. “Is there something you’re not telling me?” Jinsoul narrows her eyes at Sooyoung, she doesn’t know. So she pushes her off.

“No?” Sooyoung tries to keep her hands on her tummy, liking the way it felt underneath her palms. There was something different about Jinsoul, she was glowing and her face was fuller.

“And I can’t believe you called me fat, yes I’ve been eating a little more so what if I’m stressed?” Jinsoul mumbles out to scoot to the edge of the bed.

Sooyoung fumbles over her words, “s-sorry I didn’t mean it in that way.” 

Staring at Sooyoung who looks guilty now she shakes her head and stands up, “wait baby, seriously I’m sorry.” Jinsoul ignores her and keeps walking.

Jinsoul thinks this is a good enough time to tell than any. Avoiding Sooyoung’s groping hands she sneaks off to the bathroom and holds up a test. 

The whole five minutes she’s waiting, excitement runs through her nerves. But when she looks down and only sees one line. 

Jinsoul narrows her eyes at it. Why was...she takes another, then another.

Breaking them all up she hides them in the trash and slowly walks back to the bedroom. 

Sooyoung is waiting for her there, sitting in the bed cutely, twiddling her fingers together. When her wife notices she’s back she pats the spot next to her excited and Jinsoul would think it’s adorable if anxiety wasn’t eating at her right now, “there’s my beautiful, y, amazing wife, can I make it up to you by offering you some love?” Jinsoul’s out of it and goes to sit next to her wife. The hands start to rub at her lustfully at first but when tears fall they quickly start to comfort her. 

Her wife side hugs her immediately apologizing, “I’m sorry,” Sooyoung doesn’t really know what to say. “Is this about the cake still? I’ll buy you a hundred tomorrow okay?” 

Jinsoul shakes her head, “it isn’t about the cake Sooyoung.” Looking at Sooyoung her heart breaks, this isn’t easy. 

Her wife studies her, “is it because I said you were gaining weight? Trust me baby it’s not a bad thing.” The little comment does nothing to brighten Jinsoul’s mood. Just like it wasn’t easy the first time...or the second. Every time it gets harder to hide and deal with. What Sooyoung says sets her off, because her wife was right, she was gaining weight, because she was pregnant, 3 months to be exact. But the test was showing she was not, maybe something was just messed up or...maybe. 

Was something wrong with Jinsoul?

Clinging onto Sooyoung she says the only thing that makes sense.

“ I love you so much.” 

~~~~

The next day, Jinsoul sits uneasily at the doctors office.

Jiwoo is easy to read, so much so that Jinsoul grabs her purse to leave before she even gets the news.

“Wait Jinsoul!”

Before she grabs the door handle she angrily spits out, “what? I already know what you’re going to say. I’m sick Jiwoo, I just want to go home.”

Her fried sadly sighs, “I’m sorry, I-I don’t know what to do. We’ll have to try again.”

Jinsoul isn’t for sure, what if she’s incapable of it. But she wants to try, even if it was starting to become painful. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I promise.”

With that Jinsoul opens the door and leaves, driving all the way home sobbing so hard she can barely see the road. This past year she’s lost a part of herself, her confidence, her optimism, the way she could flow through life without worry. But every single thing feels like weights on her shoulders. They’re getting too heavy.

Barely fitting the key in the door she slams it open and drops her belongings with a thud. Turning on the light she doesn’t even have the energy to smile when she sees Sooyoung and her daughters holding up her favorite desserts.

She doesn’t have the energy to even tell them it’s okay when they see her cry.

~~~~

“Auntie YERRRRP!” Yerim shortens a laugh at her nieces. Who refused to say her name properly. It was Sooyoung’s doing, and her Karma. 

Yerim closes her eyes, you can do this, smiling at her nieces she bends down to give them both hugs and kisses. They were the birthday girls after all, and their auntie Yerim was their favorite. 

The skating rink they was at was very smelly, filled with people Yerim either knew or never seen before. Holding the twins hands she spins them around on their skates before pulling them over to her sister who was stumbling around aimlessly trying to get the party together.

“Yoo you look like !” Jinsoul gives her a death glare before setting out more food. Yerim’s eyes widen at all the chicken wings and barbecue on the tables. There was even some pizza. 

The twins spin around her as she takes a long look at her older sister. Just months ago Jinsoul was glowing in health. Yerim had even poked fun at her for gaining weight, but now her sister was the skinniest she’s ever been, her skin was pale and there was starting to be wrinkles between her eyebrows from how much she scrunches them. 

Yerim often asked if she was okay and Jinsoul would always give her the same reply. 

Don’t worry sunshine. 

Sooyoung looked more or less the same as she did when Yerim first met her. If anything she looked better. The woman was a 360 from Jinsoul, she had a dark tan from the summer. Her skin was flawless, her figure was perfect. She was smiling a lot too. 

Yuna picks up a chicken wing and ends up biting all the meat off in one go, Yeji claps for her sister, clearly impressed and tries to do the same. When she starts to choke Yerim quickly hits her back making the chewed up chicken hit the floor, some kid slips on it slamming onto his back. Yerim simply covers it up by sliding over and shushing the twins who were laughing, she didn’t want to stress out Jinsoul so she was going to be the best aunt ever today.

“Soooo what’s up?” Yerim asks while holding Yuna up sideways, her skates kicking into the back of her thigh.

Jinsoul looks at her for a faint second before waving her off, “I’m busy, go skate.”

Yerim fakes offense, “seriously, I guess you ain’t wanna see what I brought you.” Jinsoul raises a brow and Yerim giggles while bringing her bag over, opening it to show her some Rice Krispies and Tito’s vodka. Yerim also promised to be the best sister today.

“Imma guess those are some rice trippies.” Jinsoul mumbles

“You know it sis.”

Jinsoul is about to say no but Yerim grabs onto her sisters are and begs her, “come on Jindori, we never have fun anymore!” Jinsoul shakes head tightly and Yerim looks around to see Sooyoung staring at them, “oh come on, don’t worry ‘bout miss bossy, I can tell you’ve been stressed out. I’m just trying to help.” 

Yerim has been very worried about Jinsoul. Her sister used to be so...happy. Don’t get Yerim wrong, every time she goes over to their home she gets all sorts of grossed out with how lovey dovey Jinsoul and her sister in law is while she has to watch over the babies. But recently they’ve been standoffish and Sooyoung likes to nag at Jinsoul when she clearly needs a break. Yerim thinks Jinsoul’s sulking has a lot to do with that. Her sister doesn’t do very well when Sooyoung is mad at her.

Rolling the kids off to the rink Yerim takes a hold of Jinsoul’s hand and starts to pull her away from the crowd of families. They’re giggling to each other until some man stands in front of Jinsoul, “hey, I made it to the party!”

It’s a tall, very handsome man. Jinsoul is a bit intimidated by him. “Kim Soo-Hyun, nice to meet you.” He holds out a hand for Jinsoul to shake, Yerim is the one who takes it. 

“Hi Mr, I’m Jung Yerim, this is-“

“Jung Jinsoul, trust me I’ve heard a lot about you!” He says almost maliciously, it doesn’t sit right with Yerim or Jinsoul.

Jinsoul blushes when her sister whispers to her, “the he think he is? Who is this guy.” Jinsoul shrugs as the man stares at them like they were peasants. 

“Sooyoung didn’t mention that you were...um.” Jinsoul’s nostrils flare and jealousy pools at the pit of her stomach. About to tell the man that he can walk his out the door a hand grabs hers on the other side. She looks at Sooyoung who has her jaw clenched. 

“Didn’t know you were coming, Soo-Hyun.” Sooyoung says carefully, pulling Jinsoul close to her side. Yerim gets a little mad as well and squeezes into Jinsoul’s other side. Jinsoul doesn’t like the way Sooyoung said his name, nor the way he looks at her.

The man flicks his watch, “of course! For my favorite coworker.” Jinsoul sneers and jerks out of Sooyoung’s embrace, pulling Yerim along with her.

She was pissed, whoever that man was or what he had to do with her wife didn’t make her feel any better. Jinsoul needed out now, she’d make sure to ask later.

Jinsoul glances at her sister who seemed very happy suddenly, “were gonna get so zooted.”

Sooyoung stares longingly at her wife as she leaves. Ignoring the creep in front of her. Kim Soo-Hyun, the new director of the art department, veteran actor and drama coach. At first Sooyoung was smitten by his charms, thinking that he could be a good friend to her.

She was having trouble ever since Jinsoul had been acting strange. Her wife wouldn’t talk to her, wouldn’t do anything with her. Jinsoul was bottling something up that Sooyoung couldn’t pull out and it was killing her inside slowly, but she wouldn’t let it show. 

It was getting to her and she had no one to turn to. So she confided in a stranger. Sooyoung constantly talked about Jinsoul to him, from the good to the bad. The bad being at how Jinsoul’s been distant with her, something she was so afraid of. Sooyoung didn’t want to look crazy though so she usually just, let it go. Whenever Jinsoul would ignore or push her away.

In the past when she’s went crazy she could tell how it didn’t sit well with Jinsoul, how her wife would be afraid to get close to her again. That was when they were first fallen in love, Jinsoul would get mad then turn away from her. Now...Sooyoung was afraid if she were to break and lose it, she’d lose Jinsoul for good. So she’s been biting her tongue, waiting for the right moment.

Soo-Hyun was the one who she vented too. At first he was nice, listened to her like she wishes Jinsoul would. But then it started to get strange, he would touch her, leaving a sensation that made Sooyoung sick to her stomach, making her miss Jinsoul’s hands more than she did before. He would say things like I wouldn’t do that to you and you deserve better.

Sooyoung knew she deserved better but not from anyone else, she’s had better. She’s had the best, and that was Jinsoul. Her wife was the best, but she was at a low right now. Sooyoung felt useless how she couldn’t bring Jinsoul out of it. She was frustrated that she couldn’t help her wife, more so that her wife wouldn’t let her. Sooyoung knew Jinsoul must had been depressed, trying to fight it on her own. Sooyoung had no idea what to do, or how to even begin to heal her.

She didn’t want anyone else, and she felt like Soo-Hyun thought that’s what she needed. What she needed was her wife to trust her. Not some man trying to fix her marriage for her by ruining it. So she stopped talking to him. He of course got angry, but Sooyoung would just ignore him. That’s when she learned his true feelings, when he confessed that he liked her more than a colleague and that he wanted to take her away from the pain she was feeling.

But he didn’t understand, the pain she was feeling was because she felt so detached from Jinsoul already. If Sooyoung was fully pulled away from her love, she wouldn’t be able to survive with a broken heart. She also thought of her daughters, what she and Jinsoul had made together. She never wants to share them with anyone else. Sooyoung needed Jinsoul more than ever. Her worst fears were itching away at her, she wanted Jinsoul close again. Her feelings haven’t changed in the slightest for that woman, they were now stronger since she was getting a taste of what it’s like losing them. 

The man follows her around, many people look at him. Including her sisters who instantly want to know what’s up. Sooyoung ignores them and sits in a booth. Finishing up some of the balloons. “You look absolutely stunning today.” Sooyoung was only wearing flare jeans and a tiny button up sweater that shows off her upper body. If she was being honest...she was trying to get Jinsouls attention. But her wife understandably was more tore up over the birthday party. 

Sooyoung wonders if Jinsoul still finds her beautiful after all these years. The compliment grosses her out so instead she gets straight to the point, “why are you here? Who told you to come here?”

Soo-Hyun smiles and flicks his watch again. “Well to see you and,” Sooyoung glares at him while pumping a balloon up. “Meet your wife.” Her body freezes at the mention of Jinsoul. He must have been stalking them, Sooyoung had countless pictures of them in her office so he could have seen it there. 

“I have to say, I have no idea how she convinced a beauty to marry her. Average at best and she seems a little you know.” The man points at his head and spins his finger. 

The balloon pops and Sooyoung still has her hand on the air, “excuse me?” People look at them from the commotion so Sooyoung pretends everything is okay, when it’s all wrong. She glances around nervously and casually blows up another balloon.

He smiles, knowing that he’s getting under her skin. “It’s a shame, seeing someone like you wasting away because of her.” Sooyoung zones in on his features, so relaxed as he keeps dogging her wife. 

The man doesn’t know where to stop. Sooyoung finally lets go of the breath in her lungs, “Jinsoul is as I said, everything to me. No matter how many times you say you’re better than her and that I should just leave her for a piece of like you, will never convince and it never has. The fact that we have children should have told you that’ll you'll never have me the way you want.” 

Sooyoung searches for her twins and points when she finds them, her beautiful daughters. Perfect because it was her and her love raising them together.“See them Soo-Hyun? Over there, my babies? There is no one else that I want to share that with ever, I don’t know how many times I’ve had to tell you. I care way too much about Jinsoul to even let you think you can become a part of my life.”

Soo-Hyun narrows his eyes, clearly starting to get pissy. It’s been like this for weeks that Sooyoung has had to stand her ground. She wonders why this man wouldn’t leave her and her family alone. It was stressing her out. “I’m just saying, Jinsoul is a very lucky woman.” 

Rolling her eyes she hardens her voice, “if anyone is lucky, it’s me. I still can’t believe I get to be with someone as amazing as her for the rest of my life and I cherish every moment I have with her, even the worst.” 

Sooyoung’s chest starts to hurt, “and I feel like a piece of now, because I’ve let you think that you can take me away from her. That I haven’t been convincing enough to let you know that I love her with everything in me.” Sooyoung should have never even told him anything. She feels horrible that she hasn’t talked about her wife in a better light, and has left her coworker to believe that he has a chance.

It’s embarrassing, all she wants to do now is to be with Jinsoul. “I’m going to ask nicely for you to leave.” 

Soo-Hyun sighs, but still confident. “I’ll see you at work.” Sooyoung finishes up the decorations, wondering just where Jinsoul is. 

Jinsoul gobbles down the edible in seconds and takes a long swig of the Tito’s. “I can’t drink too much, I can’t let my babies see me like this.”

Yerim giggles and swipes the bottle from Jinsoul. She has to admit, her sister is more of a party girl than she was. In most cases she was what made every party fun. “I miss you so much Jinsoul, you never hang out with me anymore. Can you like not be an adult?” Jinsoul laughs and pokes at her sister's head. She had purple hair now, matching with Hyejoo who had blue streaks. 

“I know sunshine, I’m too grown for you now.” Yerim still acted like a kid now despite being in her last year of college. 

They’re cracking up on the side of the street when Sooyoung busts out the door. Thankfully they were towards the back, so they didn’t see anyone passing by besides a few street folk. Sooyoung is flushed, with wide eyes.

When those eyes land on Jinsoul she feels like she’s going to die. “What the hell are you doing?!” Her wife stomps towards her, the brown wedges she got on scuffing the ground. Jinsoul takes her wife in from the bottom up, her catwalk was still smooth when she was angry. 

“Wow Soodan you could pass for Tyra banks with that forehead!” Jinsoul snorts and Sooyoung’s death glare is directed from Yerim to her. Jinsoul quickly covers it by wiping . 

“Get up.” Sooyoung tells her in a deep voice. Jinsoul only looks up at her, too scared to move. She felt like she was a teenager being caught. “I’m not saying it again, get the up.” Jinsoul doesn’t.

“But you just did.” Yerim points out, Sooyoung groans and leans down. 

Jinsoul doesn’t expect her hair to be yanked by Sooyoung, “damn aight chill!” Her wife ignores her and continues to pull. 

Yerim hops up as her sister is dragged off, “yo I thought you weren't a dominatrix no more!”

Sooyoung stops and drags Jinsoul to her side who was whimpering in pain. Yerim skips up to her, “your smize is terrobull luv.” Sooyoung’s eye twitches when Yerim pokes at her cheek. “Here, loosen up okay?” Sooyoung raises her brow when Yerim shoves a rice krispy treat perfectly wrapped in her hand. Jinsoul screams for help as her sister leaves her in the dust, Sooyoung only drags her harder back inside. 

Jinsoul is finally let go when they step into the crowd again, “you’re missing your children’s birthday party to drink on the curb, I better not see you do dumb again today or you’re sleeping on the couch.” Sooyoung sighs at her before running off to do something else. (She really goes off to a quieter area to cram the funky smelling desert Yerim just gave her into her purse.)

Walking through the chairs Jinsoul guesses she’ll be useful, staring at the cake for a second she puts the candles on, people start to gather round and Jinsoul starts to sweat. The girls are rolled over by Sooyoung, already jacked up on sugar. Jinsoul smiles at them and pinches their cheeks, ignoring the glare Sooyoung’s is giving her. With shaky hands she lights the candles and the birthday song begins. 

Jinsoul looks around her, “there you are, sorry were late.” It’s Jungeun, Jiwoo is beside her giving Jinsoul a polite smile. Their daughters ,Chaewon and Wonyoung in their arms stare at the light from the candles. Wonyoung was four while Chaewon was only 6 months old. Both of them being dolls despite Jiwoo and Jungeun having heavy personalities.

She sees Haseul and Sunmi creeping up behind the twins, Sooyoung doesn’t notice since she’s two busy filming and talking to Vivi who had a hold on Xiao. As soon as the two blow out the cameras their faces are shoved into the cake, “WHAT THE!”

Haseul and Sumni jump at Sooyoung’s voice. It was tradition, they’ve done it every year. But Sooyoung had forgotten to get another cake. “Mama why is Auntie Soo about to have a .” Jinsoul quickly pulls her wife away as Haseul and Sunmi clean up the twins and bring a new cake out, one that Sooyoung didn’t know Jinsoul bought.

Jinsoul pats at Sooyoung’s shoulder, her wife was on edge. “Um I got it, the other cake, remember? You told me to this morning.” Sooyoung nods, her stare being cold and off to the distance. Jinsoul wasn't sure what to do. “You okay?” Sooyoung’s jaw is clenched and her eyes won’t meet hers.

“I’m fine just, I don’t know...overwhelmed I guess.” Her wife sighs out and pushes past her. 

The back-up cake is served and the kids start to open their presents. Jinsoul tries to up to Sooyoung but she’s getting the silent treatment. She completely forgets about the edible and it hits her. Really it’s the worst time possible. “Oh .” Jungeun is sitting next to her, Wonyoung was in her lap. Her friend stares at her for a second before going back to cheering.

Jinsoul sits there a few minutes, but then Yuna opens up a toy. “WOAH! THAT’S SO COOL!” People start to stare at including her wife. Her daughters just eat it up, holding up the toys so she can scream for them. 

Her sister is across the room, shooting her some winks and blowing kisses. Jinsoul wiggles her eyebrows until hips come into view. She knows those hips, she’s held them countless of times. Sooyoung squeezes between her and Jungeun, “are you high?” Jinsoul stares at her wife who now had three eyes, oh wait maybe she was just crossing hers.

Jungeun snickers at them, “I think you’ve lost her Sooyoung.” Her wife waves her hand in front of her face, but Jinsoul doesn’t flinch. Sooyoung rolls her eyes and stomps off again. “Psst you got anymore?” Jungeun asks her with a raise of her brow and Jinsoul points at Yerim. Her best friend thanks her before heading over. The longer she sits there the more she feels it.

An hour later, Jinsoul is rolling.

Quite literally, she put on her skates and is now racing with Yuna who was pretty bad at it. Jinsoul holds her while laughing obnoxiously. Jungeun and Wonyoung was squatting while being pulled by Jiwoo, since the girl didn’t know how to skate and well Jungeun didn’t know either. Yerim is skating like a pro, impressing all the kids, including her niece Yeji who was trying to mimic her moves. 

Haseul come rolling over towards Jinsoul, she and Vivi were teaching Xiao how to skate. “I think someone is maaadd.” Her friends says it mockingly and rolls back over to her wife and kid. Xiao was so short still, barely coming up to Vivi’s knee. It was really cute how they were both holding his hand helping him go down the rink. That’s what she and Sooyoung should be doing.

But her wife was seething holding baby Chaewon in her arms. Jiwoo looked absolutely happy with Jungeun and Wonyoung on the floor trying to get up but falling back down. The skates didn't help at all. Yuna is slipping around her as well and it takes all of Jinsoul’s brain power to keep her daughter up.

Suddenly someone bumps into them. It’s Sooyoung, who was an expert skater. “You look ridiculous out here.” Sooyoung says a little too softly. Jinsoul looks up and sees there’s still traces of anger in Sooyoung’s features and a small pout on her lips. Looking around she catches Jiwoo back at the tables with her baby in arms. Chaewon was happily munching on applesauce

But Jinsoul had another baby in front of her while the other was rocking back and forth trying to not fall.

Jinsoul, high, having no restraints squeezes her wife’s cheeks in her hands, “baby you’re so cute when your mad.” Sooyoung’s lips open as Jinsoul gushes over her wife, their daughter clingy to Jinsoul’s leg. 

Sooyoung blushes, Jinsoul hasn’t called her baby in a while. “S-stop it.” 

Amused Jinsoul still cradles her wife’s face, “why? I just wanna…” Sooyoung’s eyes widen when Jinsoul gives her a deep and borderline inappropriate kiss for a birthday party. Pushing Jinsoul off weakly, since that was the best kiss she’s had in a long time, she tries to control her. But between Yuna and Jinsoul Sooyoung has her hands full, they spin her around and before she knows it Yuna is slipping between her legs.

Sooyoung is dragged down and the skates only go outward. 

She thanks god that she’s flexible, but still, it hurts like a . Jinsoul does the worst imaginable and hugs onto her putting more weight onto her shoulders.

Sooyoung goes into the splits and hears her pants rip. “OH DAMN!” Sooyoung’s face flushes when her wife cursed out. She knows her cheeks are showing. 

The song instantly changes on the speakers, it’s the thong song. Sooyoung wishes she can disappear into a ball of dust right about now.

She knew she shouldn’t have worn her lace thong, but these jeans were tight and she didn’t want to show any prints. Jinsoul covers her with her jean jacket. Sooyoung slowly gets up and fights back the tears, from the wedgie she got and the humiliation. The parents and kids around were all mouth agape.  

Rolling to the bathroom, Sunmi laughs before telling her she has an extra pair of jeans in her car. Jinsoul follows behind her, leaving Yuna with Yerim who was playing with Yeji still. 

The door shuts, Sooyoung is stuck in a bathroom that smells like with the one person she’s been dying to be alone with. But now, she wishes she was miles away. Jinsoul is leaned back onto the teal wall, pointing at the mirror. Sooyoung’s turns and sees her poking out of the jeans, it wasn’t just poking out, the whole thing was in view. Laughing with Jinsoul she takes her roller skates off. 

She presses her hand against Jinsoul’s chest, “you think this is funny?” Her wife nods, her eyes glassy and unfocused. Sooyoung’s hand drags up and wraps it around . Squeezing until Jinsoul stops laughing, “me too.” She says it sarcastically. Sooyoung checks for fear in Jinsoul’s expression, but she doesn’t find it. 

“You piss me off Jinsoul.” She says angrily and her wife grabs the wrist of the hand that was holding her against the wall. “But I can’t stand to not be around you.” 

Sooyoung can see how Jinsoul’s eyes darken, it’s only fascination and the high. “Do you think I’m crazy?” 

Jinsoul swallows against her palm, “yes...but I'm not scared.” Sooyoung doesn’t expect that kind of answer. Her wife smiles at her, “it’s just a part of you, and I love every part of you.” 

Sooyoung jerks her hand away, “ugh Jinsoul.” 

“What?” 

Staring at her wobbly wife she huffs, why does the Jinsoul says still to this day causes her heart to race. It was so stupid, but undeniably endearing. Every one of their fights would be like this, Sooyoung would get so mad and act out of raw emotion and Jinsoul would always say things like this that would throw her off. 

“I just can’t stay mad at you even when you deserve it.” 

Jinsoul frowns at her and hides her face in her hands. Sooyoung goes to lean back onto the counter, suddenly exhausted from today. Her wife mumbles something out into her hands that were covering her face. Jinsoul looked so tiny from all the way over here. Sooyoung couldn’t believe the amount of weight her wife had lost in such little time, she was making sure she was eating good. 

It made her sick to her stomach, Jinsoul was worrying her to death. She just wants to know what she can do to help, she knows she’s not doing anything on purpose. Sooyoung was just starting to get impatient, frustrated that she couldn’t do anything to make it better.

“I ruined the party didn’t I?”

Sooyoung steps closer, “almost, if you didn’t get the cake you would have.”

Jinsoul drags her hands down her face, her eyes puffy and bloodshot. “I’m sorry Sooyoung, for everything. I-I keep ing up. What do I do?” Sooyoung let’s her eyes trace the features of Jinsoul’s face. This woman in front of her has changed a lot throughout the years, but her love has stayed the same. Sooyoung’s learned to love the differences. She still adores Jinsoul the same way she did when she first kissed her.

“You can start by telling me what’s going on, what’s been bothering you lately.”

Her wife sighs, even while high she looked stressed out. Sooyoung has never seen her this low. She keeps thinking of ways she can build this woman back up. “I don’t want to bring you or the kids down, you already know. You ask me all the time. I haven’t been myself recently Sooyoung.” She doesn’t let her heart break just yet. This was her Jinsoul. Who was strong and was the one who kept her safe. Not the one who was weak. But at the same time Sooyoung’s never felt closer to her, she’s never seen this side of vulnerability she has for the past few weeks.

“So I’ve been trying to ya know keep my distance, so I won’t bring you guys down with me. I want you guys to be happy.”

“How is that fair Jinsoul?”

Jinsoul snaps at her, “Don’t you think I know that? I’ve been treating you like Sooyoung.” Jinsoul instantly apologizes for her tone, she hardly never got angry anymore. “I’m still pushing myself for Yuna and Yeji, no matter how….” Her wife pauses and scratches her cheek. “I don’t want them to worry. I hope they don’t feel like I’ve neglected them.” Jinsoul spends all her time with her children, after work that’s who she speaks with. Jinsoul even sleeps with them now instead of Sooyoung. 

“You’re an amazing mother Sooyoung, I wish I were as half as great as you are. They adore you.” Sooyoung’s heart breaks then. Because Jinsoul was the greatest mom. She doesn’t understand why Jinsoul keeps beating herself up.

Stepping forward she pulls Jinsoul close to her. Her wife looks at her with the saddest eyes and Sooyoung wipes the tears away, “don’t give up on me Sooyoung, I know that man from earlier is really handsome-.” 

“Oh shut up! Are you kidding me?!” Sooyoung scoffs out as Jinsoul giggles. Pinching her wife’s side she nuzzles her face into the crook of her neck. Goosebumps spread on her skin from the close contact. “I will never do that, I hate to break it to you. But you’re stuck with me forever and ever and ever.” Sooyoung didn’t realize how much she’s craved this until she was receiving it. The affection she was so used to. “All I’m asking for you to do is stop shutting me out. Okay? I’m trying to help you Jinsoul and you’re not letting me. That’s why I’m angry.”

Hands tighten around her waist holding onto her like she was the only thing keeping Jinsoul from fully breaking, “it’s...hard Sooyoung, I’m sorry.”

Sooyoung thinks as pulls Jinsoul closer, how do you miss someone who’s right against you? The ache in her chest gets more painful. “Promise me this, you’ll stop pushing me away. You don’t have to tell me, but I can’t take this any longer Jinsoul. I need you too ya know?” 

Jinsoul pulls back, “I’ll try, for you.” Sooyoung then kisses her, hard. Like Jinsoul was going to disappear at any second. In some way, it gets more heated than intended. Especially when Jinsoul grabs a hold of her bare being squeezed by the ripped jeans. Sooyoung breaks the now sloppy kiss to stare at her wife with a daze.

Uh oh . Sooyoung really really missed Jinsoul. But right when she’s about to go in for another kiss there’s a knock on the door that pull them apart. 

Sooyoung opens it aggressively before cursing her sister while grabbing the jeans out of her hands. Slamming the door back shut she sits them on the counter she turns to Jinsoul and points to the button on her ripped ones. “Take them off.” Jinsoul hesitates at first but with a snap of Sooyoung’s fingers she quickly rolls over. Sooyoung darkly laughs as Jinsoul takes her jeans off for her. Knowing that she still had some sort of effect on her wife sent chills down her spine. 

Jinsoul is staring right at her…area, Sooyoung tries to resist the urge. Usually when they fight they take it out on each other in other ways that’s not so appropriate for their twins birthday party. Right now it’s worse than it’s ever been and Sooyoung can’t think of any other way to get this bubbling frustration out.

“Good girl.” Patting on Jinsoul’s head she pulls the pair that Sunmi gave her up. Her wife still on her knees, smiling as she was waiting for Sooyoung to say something. 

Sooyoung steps away and helps Jinsoul up. Checking her watch she thinks they can kill some time, “drop them and bend over.” Jinsoul’s eyes widen.

“Huh?”

Sooyoung takes it as an answer and goes to open the door but Jinsoul stops her. Jinsoul wiggles on her skates, she was very toasted at the moment. Which was making everything nice and warm. She stares at Sooyoung, they haven’t had in months. The longest they’ve ever gone, since Jinsoul didn’t want Sooyoung to know she was pregnant before and now that they were having this silent showdown. 

Sooyoung patiently waits as Jinsoul tries to undo her belt, it’s torture since Jinsoul’s hands are so sweaty she keeps messing up. “Here let me help.” Sooyoung pulls her closer and undoes her buttons without even looking down. The next thing Jinsoul knows she’s being slammed onto the counter. 

Her wife hovers over her, pressed against her so tightly she can’t breathe. “I’m gonna you, then you’re gonna give me head. Okay?” Jinsoul quickly nods as her pants are dragged past her thighs. 

She can’t think of anything else but Sooyoung’s voice.

“Man where the hell did my sister go?” Yerim is holding two worried twins. Junguen and Jiwoo shrug. Their baby is gurgling in Jiwoo’s arms and Yerim takes it into her own. The couple watch her like vultures making sure she doesn’t do anything drastic, “can I poke the soft spot?”

Jiwoo visibly tenses, “I’d rather you not.”

“But it’s fun.” 

Vivi is rolling around with Xiao, unsure where her wife went. “Do you want to go outside?” She speaks to him in Cantonese, Vivi wanted him to be bilingual so he could go visit her family. If they ever did, that is.

Her son nods and Vivi rolls them out, staring at the dark hallway that leads to the bathrooms as she does so.   

Jinsoul’s skates are going a little haywire and she can’t keep her balance, “wait please stop.” Her wife, still behind her moves her hands up her back. “I don’t wanna.” Sooyoung blinks at her through the mirror before helping her pull her jeans back up. 

Hopping around she faces her wife who was flushed red. “I don’t deserve this.”

Sooyoung doesn’t expect that at all, “what? You-.” 

Jinsoul presses her fingers over Sooyoung’s lips, “if we have right now, it won’t make up for the fact that I’ve not been a good wife or mom lately. It’s not fair to you.”

Sooyoung shakes her head, “Jinsoul you haven’t been bad.”

Her wife goes to grab her but Jinsoul dodges her hands. “Yes...I have.” Intertwining her fingers with the hands she’s just caught Jinsoul tilts her head  cutely, “bad bad I’m sorry I’m bad?” 

They stare at each other for a moment before bursting out into laughter. It’s the first time they have together in weeks. Jinsoul then slams into her wife for a hug, fitting the tiny body into her embrace so easily... so perfectly. “I've been missing you so much and it’s all my fault. I love you lots and lots.”

Sooyoung squeezes her wife closer, the way she’s wanted to hear those words for so long. “I wanted to tell you this morning too, that you look beautiful, but I get nervous.” Sooyoung blushes and closes her eyes just to focus on Jinsoul’s warmth. 

“You don’t have to get nervous Jinsoul.”

Her wife giggles at her, “but I’m always nervous around you, you’re really pretty Sooyoung.” 

“God I love you....” Jinsoul squeaks as her wife tickles her, but her fun is over when Sooyoung latches onto her shoulders. “But this is not a one time thing, I want to know what’s on your mind when something’s bothering you. I can’t have you hurting anymore.” Jinsoul gives her a soft smile.

“I promised you I’ll try. For you and our babies who are probably waiting on us right now.” 

Sooyoung frowns for a second, “but I really...Hmm I think we should stay here for a while longer. I’m kinda hot.” Her wife glances down between their bodies and how Jinsoul’s hand was patting her coochie. 

Jinsoul then rolls back almost falling down as her skates slip underneath her. Sooyoung can tell her wife is gone, physically, but mentally is still all here. Her eyes are puffy and red, “Fine I’ll still give you head, because if I don’t you might rip someone’s head off.” Sooyoung doesn’t quite catch it since she feels like she’s seeing Jinsoul for the first time in so long.

It doesn’t register until Jinsoul is fumbling to her knees, pushing her towards the counter. Sooyoung watches with a slack jaw, “o-oh.” The butterflies in her tummy turn into something hot and heavy, as Jinsoul looks up at her with steeled eyes and a mischievous smirk. 

This wouldn’t take long at all

Yerim is being pulled by countless children, Yeji had found a rope and the rest was history. She felt like Santa Claus and all the small children were her reindeer, “faster my minions, faster!” The children all run around the rink, allowing her to relax with her skates. 

Jiwoo holds her baby up for everyone to see. “Look what I made!” The strangers just stare at her and then continue to talk. Jiwoo frowns, her wife was now hand feeding Wonyoung near the booths, acting very strange from her usually strict behavior. Jiwoo holds her baby in her arms, singing to it. “I love my babeey~ my babeeyeyy~.” Baby Chaewon giggles and squeezes her nose. Jiwoo smiles and squishes her baby to her chest. 

Combing the few red strands of her baby’s hair she hums, “why are you so bald.” Moving to an empty booth she sits down her baby on one side and sits on the other. “Let’s chat!” Her baby looks at her funny. But then starts to smack the table and makes noises, Jiwoo her chin and narrows her eyes. “Hmm very interesting you say that.” 

Jiwoo is happy to see Jungeun coming over, sitting next to their baby. Wonyoung sits next to her and Jiwoo holds her daughter in her lap. “What’s tea?” Jungeun asks and looks between them.

“Oh! I was just chatting with our baby. Tell them what you said earlier.” Chaewon blabbers, blowing spit bubbles that get stuck to her chubby cheeks. The baby screams and smacks the table before looking at her parents. They’re silent for a few seconds before agreeing with their baby. 

Junguen points to her wife, “she has a point you know!”

Wonyoung is looking at her parents like they were aliens, “you guys are weird.” 

Jiwoo chuckles and gets in her daughter’s face, “if we weird guess what baby you is too!” 

Outside, Vivi is watching the sunset with her son on her lap. There’s a few non-party goers outside chatting but Vivi makes sure Xiao is only focusing on the sun. “Did you have fun today?” Her son nods and curls up in her arms.

“Yup! I’m glad you don’t have a job anymore Momma. That means you get to play more!”

Vivi blinks out of shock. How did her son know... Haseul. “Sure sweetie. Thank you.” A few months ago Vivi’s realtor company was going bankrupt so she was working overtime to get as much money as she could. Of course she could have got another job as soon as she was laid off, but she decided she wanted to be there with her son.

It was a good choice. 

“There you two are.” They glance up at the shorter woman with grown out hair. Her wife sits next to her and tries to pull Xiao out of her embrace but Vivi tugs him back.

“Hey why are you trying to steal him?”

Haseul snorts at her, “because it’s my turn.” Xiao crawls over to his other mom’s lap and shrugs his shoulders at Vivi. The three sit there cuddled up from the now chillier air of the afternoon. “I love you.” Haseul tells her quietly and Vivi replies with a short kiss on the lips. 

Vivi stares at Haseul’s features, her wife had been stressed lately, “say, you wanna go somewhere nice?”

Haseul has her eyes closed, “hmm like home? Yes..I’m killed, but Jinsoul would be so sad if we left early.” 

“No silly, like Tahiti.” Haseul’s eyes pop open.

“For real?”

Vivi nods, she’d do anything for this woman. “Of course, anything for you my love.” 

Xiao is the one bumped out of a seat when Haseul climbs on top of her wife.

Jinsoul is wiping off with a napkin. Sooyoung is standing beside her, oddly quiet. her lips she pats on her wife’s shoulder, “you okay?” Sooyoung doesn’t flinch, her insides were goo. Why was it that Jinsoul was so good at doing that one thing with her…

“Ew there’s grease all over you mouth Jinsoul.” It’s Jungeun who gives her another napkin. Sooyoung grabs it and holds her wife’s chin between her fingers and wipes off the ‘grease’ from . Jinsoul’s lips were swollen and Sooyoung gets side tracked staring at them, five minutes prior they were, Sooyoung blushes at the memory that was still fresh on her mind.

It was kinda embarrassing. How she couldn’t move for a good ten minutes after, the back of her head was rested on the mirror and her nails digging into Jinsoul’s scalp. “Sooyoung?” Reliving the moment was getting her fired up again, maybe she should refrain from thinking about her wife’s many talents. 

Sooyoung just wipes the rest of her…stuff off Jinsoul’s face. “I’m fine!” She says with a raspy voice that Jungeun questions with a funny look.

Her wife is definitely amused, “you sure are baby.” Jungeun gags and leaves them be. Jinsoul is wiggling her brows at her, Sooyoung refuses to change her expression. “Was it that good?” 

“Do you really have to ask?” Sooyoung weakly replies. Her legs were jello. Jinsoul helps her sit down in the booth and Sooyoung is left alone.

But it isn’t too much longer until company joins her. In the form of two beautiful girls and one gorgeous woman. “Hi I brought you some presents.” Jinsoul has a hand on each of their heads. “This one is Yeji.” Her daughter smiles, missing countless teeth. “And Yuna, aren’t they the cutest?” Sooyoung nods and pulls her babies into her arms. 

Jinsoul sits across from them and watches with her face resting in her hands. Sooyoung is the most relaxed she has been in a long time. She just got some love from her lady, now her babies jabbering about how much fun they had. 

She realizes that maybe she was the one that almost ruined the party. But Jinsoul was the one that saved it.

Later, as people start to leave, Sooyoung takes turns in feeding all three of her favorite humans the leftover cake. 

The three she shares all her love with. 

~~~~

A few weeks later, life is back to normal. Jinsoul is feeding her children, after getting them ready for school. She couldn’t believe they were already five. They had started school in the fall, both of them loving it. Sooyoung had been a mess when they had sent them in, Jinsoul had to hold her wife for hours as she cried and tried to go pick them up. 

Sooyoung never could get them ready, because she would just cry and get upset. Begging Jinsoul just to let them stay home. Jinsoul would be lying if she said she didn’t want the same. They were so attached to the twins but their girls were growing up so fast on them. 

Her wife comes stomping into the kitchen, with only a tiny crop top on and shaking the water out of her hair from her shower. Jinsoul almost drops Yuna’s piece of meat she was trying to feed her as she stares at Sooyoung’s hips and abs. Jinsoul doesn’t understand how someone can have that perfect of a body. 

“Good morning, my family.” Sooyoung says a little chirpy. Jinsoul knows exactly why she has that tone. Sooyoung was off today, meaning she was going to lie around until the kids needed to be picked up. 

Jinsoul feeds Yuna the bite she’s been chomping at for a minute and picks up another piece of pork belly with her chopsticks to hold up to Sooyoung. “Can you put some more clothes on?” Jinsoul mumbles out while holding Sooyoung’s chin so her wife doesn’t drop any food. 

Sooyoung smiles as she chews, “what? Is these shorts not enough?” Jinsoul shakes her head and feeds another piece, wiping at the grease that spills from . 

There’s a knock on the door, “that’s Jungeun.” Opening the door she greets her friend with a hug before waving at Wonyoung who was hiding behind Jungeun’s leg. She was turning five in a few weeks. Jinsoul then gives her babies a longer than necessary embrace. Sooyoung does the same, but starts to whine when the girls try to pull away from her.

“Noooo stay home with momma today!” Yeji slips out of Sooyoung’s arms leaving Yuna to be crushed in them. Her daughter wearing all black with pigtails goes to hold Junguen’s hand. Yuna is standing limp, with a black face as Sooyoung kisses her head and squeezes her tightly. 

“They’re going to be late.”

“Jungeun be quiet.” Jinsoul looks between her wife and the woman at the door who now were glaring at each other teasingly, Jinsoul was thankful they were in a love hate relationship. Sooyoung continues to hold her daughter, some tears springing to her eyes.

Yuna pats on Sooyoung’s face, “momma I have to go to scoo.” Sooyoung pouts up and Yuna pouts as well since she felt guilty. Jinsoul is trying not to combust from how cute this little scene she’s witnessing. 

Jungeun waves at them, leaving Jinsoul and Sooyoung alone. In a quiet house. Sooyoung was staring a hole through her. 

“Well I guess I should start getting ready.” Jinsoul squeaks out and tries to run past Sooyoung. But her wife grabs her and pins her to the counter. 

Sooyoung looks at her with dark eyes, “stay home with me today baby.” How can she resist that tone? Jinsoul knew she should have gotten ready prior, it was so annoying how she couldn’t say no to Sooyoung. That’s just how good her wife made her feel. Her wife’s touch is like fire and she’s addicted to the warmth it brings.

“No get off me ert!” Sooyoung laughs lowly before grabbing onto her more roughly. Jinsoul groans at the hot kisses on the side of her face. Why was she even trying to act like she didn’t want it just as bad. It was killing her. There’s a certain spot Sooyoung nibbles on and it makes her cling to her wife. 

“Please please please stay home today.” 

“Sooyoung.”

“You will if you love me.” 

Jinsoul is too weak when it comes to Sooyoung, “fine, I’ll call off just give me a second to-” her wife cuts her off with a searing kiss, laying her tongue right on her lips.

Sooyoung draws back and picks her up bridal style, “good girl.” 

Jinsoul isn’t given the second and she isn’t given much time until she’s meeting new heights that she’s never been to before.

~~~~

Laying back into the pillows, Jinsoul holds Sooyoung’s head to her chest. She and her wife were looking through old photos of them and when the twins were growing up. There’s a particular one that Jinsoul keeps clicking on. It's the one where she and Sooyoung were holding the twins. It was at the park where they had went on one of their dates. While the twins slept comfortably in their stroller in the shade, she and Sooyoung shared half a watermelon while giving the other half to the ducks. Jinsoul wasn’t the only one gushing at the small birds. 

Neither of them are looking at the camera, but at each other. Jinsoul’s heart pounds harder the more she looks at it. “This is so cute.” Jinsoul sighs out and Sooyoung agrees with a hum before pressing a kiss to her bare chest. “We should start doing these things again. Ya know?” Her wife raises up at her suggestion. The sheet that was covering her body falling down. 

Jinsoul can’t believe someone this beautiful loves her. Reaching out, she lets her fingertips ghost across her wife’s body. What Jinsoul doesn’t like how vulnerable Sooyoung looks at the moment. More than she ever has. “Jinsoul um can we talk?” Her heart sinks at the question, but she nods anyways to raise up as well.

Sooyoung lays her hand over her own. Looking into her eyes, Sooyoung wasn’t hiding anything. The tears were just proof. “I’m really happy that we’re okay again, but-.” But? Jinsoul’s anxiety starts to bubble and she scoots closer to Sooyoung, where she’s just a breath away. “Are we okay? Last night I-.” Jinsoul stops her there, Sooyoung must have heard her crying. Holding her fingers up to her lips, Jinsoul lowers her head.

“Jinsoul I love you, you’re my other half, not just my wife. If I start losing you again I feel like I’m losing myself.” Sooyoung’s voice starts to waver, “when I married you, I promised that we would be together. But it’s so much more than that to me now.” Her wife reaches out, “I’m scared. Jinsoul, that you’re not happy anymore.” Looking up she sees the fear in Sooyoung’s eyes, how could she think any of this had to do with her. 

“No no no, Sooyoung look at me. It’s not you, it’s never been you.” Jinsoul regrets not trying harder, but she felt terribly empty inside. Like nothing mattered anymore. But the only thing that gave her that light that had been muffled by the constant worrying and insecurities overbearing her. “You’re all I have. If I didn’t have you or our children I don’t think I would have been okay…” Jinsoul admits one of her deepest secrets, even at her lowest, when she almost felt alienated from her wife. She was still there, showing that she cared from afar no matter how much Jinsoul pushed her away.

Jinsoul needed to be alone with her thoughts, she would hate to put to burden on Sooyoung when her wife was already hurt from her behavior. Sooyoung didn’t seem to understand that, Jinsoul was only trying to lessen the pain. But Jinsoul didn’t understand Sooyoung’s intentions, “Jinsoul, you need to know that your happiness is mine, that goes with your pain as well. We share more than what I promised you. Remember? You said if you give your all I have to give you mine in return.” Sooyoung then scoots in front of her, raising her hands up, “I’m right here Jinsoul all of me.” 

It’s that same feeling, she’s suffocating. Her chest restricted. But she’s not hurting for herself, she’s hurting for Sooyoung. “It isn’t fair, it’s killing me Jinsoul watching you like this. We can do this together. But I can’t do anything when you won’t let me.”

Jinsoul thinks it’s comfortable hiding. That way, you don’t have to watch the person you love become guilty, their face contorting into sadness when you tell them just what you’ve been concealing all this time. Jinsoul didn’t want to share this with Sooyoung, because she loved her. Her pain was hers alone. She never wanted Sooyoung to feel the way she did, but her wife seemed to want to understand her. And what way other than to do that, then to tell the truth and live it together.

Maybe her excuses and distance had been a different kind of pain. Sooyoung had definitely shared her feelings in that sense. Jinsoul could just be scared. She’s never felt lonely while being with Sooyoung, but she did feel alone, isolating herself in an effort to not rub off on any of the people that made her happy. Jinsoul wonders what it would be like without someone wanting to care for you. Maybe she’d never dig herself out. “I care about you Sooyoung, that’s why I didn’t tell you.” Jinsoul thinks that if she keeps this from her any longer, then maybe Sooyoung really will lose a part of herself. 

That’s the last thing Jinsoul wanted.

So Jinsoul had to lose a part of herself, the security she had by hiding herself away. It’s her own sacrifice so that Sooyoung doesn’t go down too. Because after this, like her wife said they were together, they can build the pieces back up again. If she and Sooyoung were both broken, her by her inability to open up, Sooyoung from the empty promises, the broken trust. They would never be able to build this connection as strong as they had agreed on. Sooyoung always told her it was up from here. So she intended on keeping her wife high, digging herself lower, so one day she can reach back up to her. 

Jinsoul couldn’t give up on this love. It’s just a goal she has to let go to make new ones. Sooyoung was so fragile but strong at the same time. She’s sure her wife would never be as weak as her, but she was sensitive to the smallest of things. Jinsoul thinks that Sooyoung was concerned about her wellbeing more than her own. Jinsoul was thankful that Sooyoung did care so much about her. 

Holding her wife’s hand she smiles, “I want to have a baby Sooyoung.” The woman in front of her smiles at first too, her eyes sparkle and her face lights up. Jinsoul thinks it’s breathtaking. But it doesn’t last long. Because Jinsoul’s smile is empty, her eyes are filled with glass, steeled over from the memories she’s reliving right now. How heartbroken she was and how she couldn’t begin to think of the other options because she was so disappointed. So disappointed that she wasn’t as lucky as others. That she’ll never feel the way Sooyoung did that day. So angry that she had failed so many times.

“But I can’t. They told me I’d never be able to.” 

Jinsoul’s stomach turns with guilt. She was actually the luckiest among others, because she had a beautiful wife and even more beautiful children. And they loved her. She had everything she’s ever wanted right in front of her. She couldn’t even begin to think of wishing for something more. This was all she could ever need. Jinsoul just didn’t realize how much she needed them at that time. 

At the same time, Jinsoul felt horrible for even trying that hard. Failing three times she gave up. She was lost. Unsure. She wanted to be happy with her family and act as if nothing was wrong but she couldn’t do that. So she had put them on hold until she was okay again. But the thing was, it was taking so long to be okay. Jinsoul questioned herself a lot, why did she felt so empty, why she couldn’t bounce back. Work started to pile on, her wife’s concern was eating at her. Her daughter’s missed her. Everything made her feel worse and worse the more she bottled it in.

Jinsoul rubs her thumb over the sweaty hand in her own. “I was pregnant maybe five months ago? It was my third time actually, but the longest so I really thought it was going to work.” Sighing out she thinks she’s going to be okay. “I wanted to surprise you.” Sooyoung is crying now, realizing it but remembering. Why Jinsoul had acted different and had been showing the signs. “When they told me that I’d never be able to I got stuck, I couldn’t bring myself out even when I already had my family right there, waiting for me to be normal again.” 

Swallowing she shakes her head, “it was hard. I didn’t understand it.”  

“But it’s okay now, because I have what I need right here.” Jinsoul holds up their intertwined hands. “My favorite things in my entire life are probably coloring right now.” Jinsoul knew how good she had it, but she was empathetic. She wanted none of them to know what she had done for the sake of their feelings. How could she tell Sooyoung when her wife was so happy. Jinsoul didn’t want to cause the rift.

Jinsoul sniffles, “please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t want to make you sad Sooyoung.” Jinsoul knows how she felt when she lost the third time. It would keep her up at night, just thinking of what the baby would be like. Would it be as perfect as her other two? Jinsoul felt so wrong for trying again and again. She felt wrong when she’d cry next to her wife while she was sleeping. “Yeji and Yuna are my whole world, I love them with all my heart. I couldn’t let them down. I’m trying to forget it all but it keeps haunting me. I thought I could do this myself but I can’t and I feel so bad for dropping this on you.” 

Sooyoung rubs tightly into her head and Jinsoul starts to sob. She’s missed her wife so much. She’s missed her children. This secret has been tearing her apart. But she couldn’t let it tear them all apart. Jinsoul had to let herself heal, even if it was painful. Even if she had to share it. “I’m so sorry.” Jinsoul chokes out, she wasn’t there for her family. But she was now. It was a rough spot, but with the love and kindness from her two babies and the love of her life. She was able to find her way back again. 

She promised herself she’d never back down again. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Sooyoung whispers into her hair. Her cries have turned into hard breaths. Her wife keeps repeating those words. We’re going to be okay. Jinsoul’s wife was right, she was going to be okay. They were going to be okay. Her children were perfect. Jinsoul’s never been so grateful for them in her life. Because she couldn’t live without them, she couldn’t survive. 

Her heart belonged to them. Safe in caring hands of her babies who adored her.

Not broken.

Always loved.

~~~~

“Strawberry milk for my lil baby.” Jinsoul hands Yeji a glass filled with pink, “chocolate milk for my big baby.” Sooyoung smiles and makes a tiny noise as Jinsoul places the milk in her hold. “And one...glass of apple juice with chocolate syrup, sprinkles and...honey for my baby who is gross.” Yuna bounces on the couch cushion and takes the glass out of her hands. Jinsoul sits next to her daughter with an odd taste with her own glass of tea. Yeji is sitting next to Sooyoung on the far end, both snuggled up. 

They had bought a bigger couch so they could all lay on it at the same time. It was movie night, so that meant there was snacks laid out everywhere along with popcorn and soda. They had already seen the favorites, Kung Fu Panda and Coco. Yuna and Yeji had picked them everytime. Jinsoul usually picked some similar, most of the time Zootopia much to Sooyoung’s satisfaction, because she just loved the movie. Jinsoul would ignore her wife’s rambling about how she never wanted to see another rabbit, but the girls really liked it too and would giggle with Jinsoul and cry with her when the bad parts came. Sooyoung always watched her family instead of the movie, it was the way more interesting and cuter than what was on the screen. 

Sooyoung loved how her wife and kids would make the same faces at certain parts. She couldn’t stop smiling while staring at them. But Jinsoul was different tonight, “let’s watch something old.” 

Jinsoul strolls down, Yuna underneath her arm, slurping on her god awful concoction. “Ooh you guys haven’t watched this yet y’all don’t even know.” Clicking on the movie she glances at Sooyoung who is smiling just as hard as the kids. 

The movie was who framed roger rabbit. Jinsoul has her fun by watching her kids' reactions to the movie for the first time. They keep laughing at all the silliness and Jinsoul can’t believe she hasn't picked this sooner. Pulling Yuna into her lap she scoots over to her wife who easily accepts them into her embrace, along with Yeji on her other side. They’re all entangled in one small spot, trying to be close as possible since it was so comfortable. 

When Jessica Rabbit comes on the screen Jinsoul and Sooyoung cover their daughters eyes, Yuna unfortunately caught a glimpse of them before however, “WOAH SHE'S GOT SOME BIG HONKERS!” 

Yeji is giggling since Sooyoung was letting her peek through her fingers, “hehe ies.” Jinsoul gasps at her good child and looks at Sooyoung’s fingers which were spread. She slips her hand over her wife’s and her daughter pouts up. Jinsoul couldn’t believe it.

“Oh Neptune...they're just like you Sooyoung.” Not that she was complaining about that, it was like a dream come true. Jinsoul looks at her wife who then wiggles her brows, her smile spreading across her face. Barnacles she’s so pretty. 

Her wife squishes her cheek against Yeji’s and it makes Jinsoul’s heart ache from how cute it is. Their baby whines as her Momma rubs her cheek against her own since she was trying to watch the movie. But Sooyoung was having so much fun messing with her daughter. “Mooommm stahp it.” 

Sooyoung giggles lightly and squeezes Yeji harder. “But you’re so soft! Like a little marshmallow...I wonder if your taste as sweet.” Yeji screams when Sooyoung’s snorts and acts like she’s going to eat her. Jinsoul was going to hold this memory forever, watching Sooyoung tickle and snuggle with Yeji was her favorite site. Yuna’s laugh playing like her favorite tune. 

Her wife suddenly stops, staring at her and Yuna. Jinsoul was holding her baby around the waist, the five year old was clinging to her shoulders with her face pressed to hers. They were both smiling watching the two play around beside them. Jinsoul wants to rub it in their faces so she gives Yuna’s cheeks some kisses and Yeji instantly starts to act up, “noo me too me too.” Jinsoul has to contain her laugh as Yeji crawls out of Sooyoung’s arms over to her. Holding both her babies she takes turns in giving them Eskimo kisses, tickling her fingers under their chins.

“Ah that’s no fair!”

Peeking between her daughters she raises a brow, “what? My lovings are just better than yours.” 

Yuna hangs off Jinsoul. Waving at Sooyoung who was sulking because was all alone. “Well I can’t argue against that.” Sooyoung pouts and turns her back against them to watch the movie. Jinsoul is holding her daughters who are laughing at first, but then start to feel bad for being mean to their momma. Jinsoul’s smile doesn’t leave her face when they both leave her embrace to crawl over to Sooyoung.

Her wife at first pretends they're not there. But as Yuna gets right in her and shakes her shoulders Sooyoung’s can’t keep up the act. “Momma I love you.” Jinsoul cracks up as her wife starts to bawl her eyes out, hugging both her daughters as they chant out loving words. Sooyoung was such a baby, but Jinsoul would have her no other way.

Jinsoul is pulled over eventually too, finishing the movie under Sooyoung’s arm with the girl’s stretched out across their laps. When Jessica Rabbit is kissing Roger rabbit all over the face Jinsoul leans over to whisper in Sooyoung’s ear, “I’m your silly rabbit.” 

Her wife side eyes her with the most puzzled look, “you’re odd.” Jinsoul pokes at her wife’s side until she breaks out that beautiful smile again. 

Once the movie is over Sooyoung instantly grabs the remote, “flavor of love time!”

Jinsoul groans as the girls scream out in delight. “One episode I promise.” Her daughters were becoming corrupted, but Jinsoul liked that they were becoming more and more like Sooyoung everyday.

It’s actually three episodes, the third one the girls had fallen asleep. Snoring louder than bulldozers. Jinsoul was getting sleepy too, she was just so comfortable. “Baby let’s go to bed.” Sooyoung mumbles to her and they start to pack the twins up and turn off all the lights. Yeji is sleeping limp in Jinsoul’s arms as Sooyoung carries Yeji the same. In the darkness, Jinsoul holds Sooyoung’s hand as she guides them through the hallway.

Sitting the girls in bed, Jinsoul and Sooyoung each give their kids a kiss. Their room was filled with posters and toys, making it hard to walk through. Sooyoung had bought them the softest beds as well, wanting her princesses to get the best beauty sleep.

Jinsoul is in the middle of taking her clothes off when she hears the door clicked shut and then locked. Sooyoung hovers around her before Jinsoul goes to sit on the edge of the bed. Sooyoung’s voice is low as she quietly speaks out, “are you tired?” Jinsoul looks up at her wife in the darkness, how those eyes seem to hold her carefully. Shaking her head, she reaches out to Sooyoung, wanting her wife to be near her already. “Good.” Sooyoung husks out. 

Pulling Sooyoung close by her pajama bottoms, she starts to raise her wife’s shirt up to kiss at her tummy and hip bones. Her lips stay heavy on the warmth, and she rasps out when she feels the muscles tighten, “I’m so in love with you.” 

Sooyoung melts into her and flops onto to bed when Jinsoul barely pulls on her. Crawling on top of her wife she situated herself between long legs and grabs at Sooyoung’s small waist after guiding her arms to drape around her shoulders. About to capture the lips she still to this day craves so much there’s a rattle on the door. They both turn to the noise. Jinsoul’s suddenly aware of how hot she is, Sooyoung’s body was on fire and her wife was already breathing heavily. “Must have been the cats.” Sooyoung mumbles out and pulls Jinsoul’s face back to hers, plump lips already parted for a deep kiss.

Except the kiss doesn’t last that long, Sooyoung groans when the door rattled again. “These cats.” Jinsoul’s waist is being squeezed by the legs around them. When they get back to it, the slow tenderness is gone and the dreamy atmosphere has faded. It’s only desperate and passionate now as Jinsoul starts to rip Sooyoung’s clothes off while leaving wet kisses on . Her wife’s tiny noises drive her crazy.

Leaning up to at her ear she whispers out, “baby you have to be quiet.” Sooyoung claws at her shoulders and lets out a gasp. 

“Jung Jinsoul I need you.” Something about the way Sooyoung had whined it out destroyed Jinsoul. This woman was truly something. About to give it to her wife until day break she’s stopped again by a thump on the door. They stare at it this time, Jinsoul’s urges were killing her. After months of not even touching each other it seemed like they were doing it every other night making up for all the last time. Jinsoul doesn’t know how...but it keeps getting better and better. Her feelings were so strong for this woman. Maybe it was just the raw emotion and familiarity that made it so addicting. Where it wasn’t about meeting the end, but instead about the intimacy of being this close to Sooyoung, to knowing every single inch of her wife this well. Drowning in the feeling of Sooyoung in her arms and all the expressions she makes when something is good for her. How it feels just so right. 

Back when they first got married, it was intense and full of desire like they couldn’t get enough of each other. So rough it left Jinsoul with a limp walk for days. But now it was almost like a dream with how good it was and lasted forever, because Jinsoul just didn’t want it to end sometimes. And she gave up on that thought of being satisfied, because she’d never get enough of Sooyoung. 

Jinsoul loves being with this woman every second of her life. 

“ Momma! Let me in! ” Jinsoul loves every second of her life this woman has given her, including the two knuckleheads who hated to sleep alone. Like she said, they had every other day(not even that...it was whenever they could.). But it was getting harder and harder to find ways. Jinsoul buries her face in Sooyoung’s neck and laughs. 

“Maybe next week baby.” 

Sooyoung stretches out and groans as she lays face down in the mattress, “just give me a second.” Jinsoul fixes Sooyoung’s clothes before going to open the door. Outside stands both of the twins, holding hands. Yuna was crying quietly and Yeji was looking at her with concern.

The older one of the two glances up, “Mommy Yuna was having a bad dream.” Frowning Jinsoul squats down to pull her child into her arms. Jinsoul shushes her crying to where it’s just sniffles and carries her inside, Yeji follows behind until running up to the bed to crawl on.

Sooyoung rubs Yeji’s head, “was someone having a bad dream?”

Yeji nods and cuddles up to her mom. Jinsoul places Yuna down on the bed and slips a pillow under her head. Laying beside her daughter she sings her a lullaby, putting Yeji to sleep first who decided Sooyoung’s body was more comfortable than the mattress. Then Yuna who was curled up against her. When both her daughters are quietly snoring she then starts to sing to Sooyoung who was looking sleepier by the second.

When Sooyoung is snoring just as loud as the other two, Jinsoul allows herself to stare dreamily at the three of them. She’s content...more than happy.

In love with what she has.

~~~~