Day one without the wife.

After leaving Jinsoul and her children at Yerim’s, Sooyoung decides to drive around town a few times just to cool off. But she doesn’t, for some reason she continues to feel like she’s going to explode. This time it doesn’t feel right. She doesn’t like how Jinsoul looked at her before getting out of the car, she doesn’t like the way none of her babies told her bye.

Sooyoung starts to realize, once she’s taking another loop around a parking lot, that this isn’t anger bubbling inside of her. It’s a deep sense of dread and fear. Sooyoung knows how her temper works, it sparks just as fast as it fizzles out. This though...it wasn’t going away. The fuse felt forever. 

Slamming on her breaks she smacks the wheel, “!” Leaning back into her seat, Sooyoung crosses her arms. For a few seconds she replays the fight in her head. All the words exchanged and then it’s too much. Closing her eyes she takes deep breaths, it doesn’t work. If anything it feels like no air is reaching her lungs. The harder she breaths, the thinner the air gets.

Holding out her hands she notices how bad they’re trembling. She wants to drive back but she can’t, she still feels angry at Jinsoul but at the same time wants her wife’s hold knowing it would be the only thing to ground her. She needs her babies and her wife’s affection but they hate her right now. And Sooyoung can’t help but to start hating herself. 

“Whatever, I don’t need her. Stupid.” Sooyoung tries to replace the need and longing with petty frustration. It works enough so she can get her hands back onto the wheels and she drives home.

When she slides into her driveway she starts to gather her things. At the moment she was numb. She didn’t really feel anything which was weird. Getting out of the car she slams the door shut and walks up to her house. She’s still bitter, but not angry, Sooyoung could care less about Jinsoul at the moment. 

Walking inside it’s dark and quiet, it’s not so bad. “I could get used to this.” Sooyoung tells herself, but those words contrast the feeling in her chest. It’s constricting yet empty. Was this really her home without her wife and children? It reminds her of the days before she met Jinsoul. She’d come back to her three cats...rip to them, met with only silence and a slight feeling of loneliness. 

Sooyoung once thought that was how she was going to live the rest of her life. Alone, only in a small space while fulfilling some needs with strangers here and there. But then she met Jinsoul, who literally put an entire new sun and moon in her sky. Her whole life changed at a single glance. Sooyoung stops at the counter as she remembers the first time she met Jinsoul, she was annoyed...but smitten by the young woman at first glance.

She fell hard and fast. But never was she brought back up. Almost 15 years...and Sooyoung’s still falling in that enormous pit of love she has for Jung Jinsoul. It was just something about her that Sooyoung couldn’t survive without now. She didn’t know back then, when Jinsoul was only a special ‘client’ of hers, that she’d become her entire world, her literal everything. No, the more she saw that goofy blonde in her playroom and outside of it the more and more she realized that she was the one. The one that Sooyoung was gonna spend the rest of her life with. 

Jinsoul gave her a brand new life. Jinsoul changed her. Created something that Sooyoung would have never gotten close to by herself. Happiness she’d never get without her now wife. Sooyoung’s lip starts to quiver at the thought of Jinsoul being her wife, she remembers how enamored she was with Jinsoul when she got down on one knee at the beach. She is even more now, she’s always been devoted to her wife.

And she let her and the children they brought into this world together down.

Sooyoung can’t even think about her children right now. It feels like her heart is being torn out her chest. Her knees go weak so she slides down to the floor. A single sob wrecks through her, then another. It isn’t soon till Sooyoung can’t breathe between the piercing cries and weeping. 

At least it isn’t silent anymore.

~~~~

“Girls who paint their nails purple are dumb.” Jinsoul glances at Yuna, who was painting her nails Lilac, and then back at Yeji who was smiling evilly after she said that.

Jinsoul screams when they both start to claw at each other. She’s way worse at breaking up their little fights than Sooyoung is. Jinsoul sniffles, don’t think about her. Sooyoung was a big grouch and crazy like a psychopath sometimes. But Jinsoul was already starting to miss her. After the twins are settled back down in their fluffy towels. Jinsoul gets back to bathing her youngest who was boxing around a rubber duck.

She smiles at a certain memory, it was when she and Sooyoung were still dating and not married yet. They took a lot of baths together since Jinsoul was exhausted after...certain activities and she couldn’t stand up for a shower. She was really happy back then, which makes her frown about the current situation. Not like she wasn’t happy right now, it just reminds her of how good it can be with Sooyoung, then go to absolute in minutes.

Just like when they broke up for the first and final time. Jinsoul was practically obsessed with Sooyoung back then, just for them to break up because Sooyoung was bottling herself up. Now it was like Deja Vu. Her marriage with Sooyoung has been amazing since her difficulties with getting pregnant. They’ve only had a few bumps in the road but the rest of the ride was heaven.

Jinsoul’s really happy with her life, she thinks it’ll always be this way. She loves her wife, Sooyoung makes her feel safe and on cloud nine at the same time. It’s comfortable but still has that spark that it did all those years ago. Jinsoul couldn’t ask for a better life than she has with Sooyoung. However, she may have grown accustomed to her wife’s little...slip ups. But their children haven’t. 

She and Sooyoung are made for each other. Jinsoul has no doubt about it, and she has never questioned herself about her commitment to Sooyoung. It was the best choice of her life getting married to this woman. But, she does question her lenience on Sooyoung. Maybe Jinsoul loved her a little too much, maybe she should have been harder on Sooyoung whenever she acted crazy. Instead of solving their conflicts through ing each other sensless like they used to, Jinsoul knows that she and Sooyoung both have three very big responsibilities. 

Jinsoul also knows if she were to go to Sooyoung right now, she’d end up face down (maybe even tied up) in the mattress and loving every second of it. But that can’t happen, Jinsoul has children to take care of, she isn’t in her twenties anymore. She can’t be reckless because she needs her wife more than anything.

Because her children need her and Jinsoul couldn’t survive without them, with Sooyoung or not. Her children were everything to her now. That’s why Sooyoung needs to establish a safe net for them, not make them scared of her. She needs to apologize and show them that she won’t ever hurt them. Jinsoul could tell Yeji was a bit traumatized, Sooyoung will really need to work hard to get the older twin to trust her again.

They’re the ones who need more space than either of them. Jinsoul’s went through the motions before, she’s strong enough to take Sooyoung’s outbursts. She understands that her wife never really means any of it, even though it still hurts. But saying in front of their babies is what pushed Jinsoul over the edge. 

Rinsing Chaeyoung off, she wraps her daughter up in a fluffy towel as well. Getting the three ready for bed is hard by herself, but eventually Yerim comes up to help. After they’re all settled in bed, Jinsoul feels her eyes getting heavy. She doesn’t know how long she’ll stay away from Sooyoung, she’s not sure what needs to be said before she forgives her.

“Mommy?” She hears Yuna call out to her and Jinsoul turns her head slightly. “I miss momma.” Jinsoul pouts up at that. She was laying on her side, her three girls were cuddled around her, Chaeyoung in her arms and the twins bundled up in front of her.

Sniffing just a bit she replies, “I know baby I know.” Jinsoul sighs, this week was gonna be long. “Me too.”  

~~~~

Day 2 without the wife.

Sooyoung has forgotten how to make cheesecake. She looks at the box and then her creation. Jinsoul always made it because she was better. But this looked, “damn that looks nasty.” Sooyoung pokes at it and it slops to the side. How did she up the Jell-O no bake cheesecake. 

“YEJI, YUNA COME LOOK AT THIS!” Sooyoung yells out, but then remembers that she is all alone in the house. She starts to cry again. Flopped down onto the floor, Sooyoung is reminded of how dramatic she is. But my god did she miss her children. If life without Jinsoul was hell, then life without her three babies was complete and utter purgatory. 

Last night she cried herself to sleep because the bed was too cold. If her wife wasn’t wrapped up in her embrace when she fell asleep, one of her daughters was. It was torture, Sooyoung doesn’t know what she did to deserve this. Well she kinda did, but she didn’t need this kinda punishment! It makes her angry at Jinsoul again.

But then she remembers how sweet and caring Jinsoul is, how much that woman loves her and then she breaks down all over again. What if Jinsoul was actually leaving her this time? What if she was done for real? She wouldn’t get to see her children as much as she wanted, no more taking them out to have fun or playing. They would hate her and never come back. Sooyoung would die, literally. 

Getting back off the floor she mumbles to herself, “shut up she’s not leaving you it’s not even been two whole days.” She felt like she was going crazy. Sooyoung’s been calling out to her children all day only for them to not be there. Looking back at the cheesecake she made for her and the twins, she throws it in the trash. Sooyoung was so defeated.

Struggling to even get to the couch, she flops down on it. The house was starting to become a mess because Sooyoung was throwing all kinds of stuff last night during her break down before she finally went to bed without changing.

Sooyoung couldn’t do anything today, it was like her body shut down completely. God she didn’t realize how dependent she was on Jinsoul and that scared her. She couldn’t even live with herself now! Sooyoung knew how to cook and clean…but it was so hard. And the house was way too quiet so the ambient noise of the tv was appreciated.

There were days Sooyoung wished it was quiet, but now that she had it she only wants her loud children back. 

She hasn’t tried calling Jinsoul yet, she feels too guilty. Her wife needed space and so did her children but she just wants to hear their voices. Sooyoung whimpers sadly, though her cry this time is not as loud as earlier, but just as broken. 

However long this would be...would certainly destroy Sooyoung.

~~~~

Day three without the wife.

Sooyoung was destroyed. Currently she was in the twins bedroom, holding the ring she gave Jinsoul all those years ago to her chest. She couldn’t eat, she couldn’t sleep, she’s called off work for two days now. Sooyoung won’t answer her phone or texts unless it’s her wife. But not once has Jinsoul reached out to her, not even Yerim. Does her children not even want to talk to her?

She’s numb inside, she feels like a chunk of her was ripped away. Jinsoul and their children together were her other half and now Sooyoung can’t function without them. Was Jinsoul okay? Yeji and Yuna? Or oh god Chaeyoung? That’s all Sooyoung wanted to know now, if her wife and kids were living good without her...were they even thinking of her? Missing her like she was them?

Cuddled up in Yeji’s bed she flips over the pillow since it was soaked with her tears. Sooyoung was crying so much she thought she would get dehydrated...does that happen? Jinsoul would probably know, Sooyoun thinks, her wife was so smart and she was so proud of her and- Sooyoung starts to wail out again. 

It was like she was suffering from a withdrawal. In a sense it was, because the one thing keeping her afloat was ripped from her. “I CAN’T DO THIS!” She screams out into the half brown, half pumpkin colored room. Her daughters had weird favorite colors...raising up in the bed, Sooyoung wipes her tears. 

This was the worst thing to ever happen in her life.

Staring down at the Dora the explorer sheets Yeji had on her bed she glanced at Yuna’s that was just all white. Sooyoung thought she should probably clean the room up for the girls, if they ever returned. Oh god...if, wait is she having a heart attack? Sooyoung clenches her chest with another sob and kisses Jinsoul’s ring. 

Standing up, her knee’s wobble. Making her way over to Yuna’s bed she moves the anime girl body pillow out of the way to grab the ipad. Twirling the ring in her hand, Sooyoung tries to not think about how Jinsoul threw it at her. Never ever, has Jinsoul thrown her ring off. Sooyoung’s so scared that she won’t be able to put this ring back on her wife.

Looking through the videos, the first smile on Sooyoung’s face appears in days. Most of the videos are of Yuna, so Sooyoung clicks on one. Her daughters face is right up in the camera, “so I have question, if fries are potatoes and tator totz SHUT UP!” Sooyoung raises a brow as Yuna screams at Yeji off the screen.

She faintly hears her other twin reply, “.” 

Yuna then throws her pillow and Sooyoung giggles at the screen, she loved her girls. “Anyways, what the heck is a potato? All this crap made out of them but I don’t know what one looks like? I mean...a mashed one, but like it’s beat up or whatever.” 

“Look it up Eistill.” 

“You mean einstein stupid.” Yuna bites back, “I did for your information all that popped up was silly looking rocks! How micky dee fries come from that?” Yuna rambles on and Sooyoung is cheesing the whole time, a birth of a scientist maybe. Just like her momma, “I think the government lying to us, how they say cheese comes from milk when all milk really is...uh,” Yuna pauses, “is the water that comes from ghost rivers.” 

Sooyoung nods along, she can see where Yuna was coming from. Maybe once she sees her daughter again she can explain it properly. 

Yeji then pops up on the screen, “I gots one I got one.” Yuna looks at her sister funny who had a terrible bed head. The twin sits the ipad down and Sooyoung can only see the upper half of their bodies in a weird angle, she was starting to crack up. “When momma cook something too long in the over it burns right?”

Yuna nods, “yeah all the time.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes at the diss...she never burnt food that was Jinsoul. 

“Then the chicken can get freezer burnt right?” Yeji is making sense, and Sooyoung pays close attention. “But when you put popsicles in there they don’t” Yuna blinks and then tilts her head like her sister is crazy, “you basically cooking the popsicles in the freezer like how they don’t burn in there?” 

Sooyoung bursts out laughing the same time Yuna does in the video. It ends abruptly when the twins start to fight since Yuna was making fun of Yeji. Sooyoung wipes some happy tears from her eyes and instantly the sad ones come back.

Trying to distract herself, she plays another one without looking...it’s Chaeyoung and her. The baby is sitting in her lap sleeping and Sooyoung’s singing her a lullaby, holding her with one arm while the other films with the ipad. Sooyoung’s eyes swell up with even more tears and she starts to bawl. Her baby looked so precious. 

Chaeyoung was half asleep in her arms with a smile on her face, clinging onto her shirt tightly while her face was snuggled into her chest. Sooyoung’s heart ache painfully. On the video, Sooyoung sings out the last few notes of the lullaby softly. She then kisses her daughter on top of the head. 

Then her wife pops up on the screen and Sooyoung loses it. “That’s her favorite song isn’t it?” Sooyoung cries out at her wife’s soothing voice, she misses her so much. On the screen, Jinsoul settles down next to her before throwing an arm over her shoulders. Sooyoung’s got the biggest smile on her face in the video as she leans her head underneath Jinsoul’s chin. Her wife holds her tightly, just like she’s holding Chaeyoung.

Slamming the ipad down she screams, “THAT’S IT I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” Grabbing Jinsoul’s ring, Sooyoung sprints through the house, not even bothering to change out of her sports bra and pajama shorts. Putting on some fake ugg boots, Sooyoung grabs her keys and bursts out the door.

She’s going to get her family back. Her babies, her wife. She wants them back tonight no matter what.

Sooyoung hops in her car and turns the radio on. Maybe some music will compose her, but then Be Without You by Mary J. Blige comes on and Sooyoung slams her hands against the wheel. Turning it up full volume she starts to scream out the lyrics while pulling out the driveway and speeding down the street. 

~

“Mommy, who’s Wonho?” Jinsoul knots her brows, “my math teacher made us say bring back Wonho on the video camera today and we had to do noodle art for him.” Jinsoul is baffled, she has no idea who Wonho is, but she is sure it has nothing to do with math or learning.

While Yeji was suspended, Yuna and Chaeyoung still went to school. But before too long, Jinsoul would be pulling them out so she can set a case up without them being there. She was going to expose that man and sue the school for neglect and discrimination. Jinsoul’s been busy working on getting her daughters away from the boy who bullied them. And to keep that man away from their family.

She’s really mad at Sooyoung at the moment. Her wife hasn’t even called or texted! Jinsoul was about to ride back home and beat Sooyoung’s herself, did she not care about her or their children? Jinsoul’s face and eyes were all puffy from crying but she’s done well with hiding it from her babies, she didn’t want them to know she was hurting. It would only make the situation they was in more confusing. 

God she misses Sooyoung though, and the girls were starting to get panicky too. They needed their momma right now more than anything. Jinsoul wonders if Sooyoung’s living it up right now without them? Or maybe she just doesn’t want to bother checking on them. Really, Jinsoul guesses that Sooyoung’s probably just feeling too guilty to contact her or stubborn enough to not be the one who breaks the silence.

She wonders if Sooyoung’s just as worse off as she is? If she’s hurting as much as she is? Because honestly...Jinsoul doesn’t feel right, she barely can keep food down and sleep is impossible. Yeji doesn’t seem to be okay either. 

Her daughter has never been this quiet. But Jinsoul can barely get a word out of her lately. Jinsoul rubs her hands together, her ring finger feels strange without her wedding band on. Jinsoul misses Sooyoung holding her, giving her goodnight kisses. She misses watching her and their girl’s playing together. 

Yerim slightly knocks on the guest bedroom, “Soul? I made dinner wanna come eat?” Jinsoul smiles and shakes her head while encouraging her daughters to go to their aunt. Yerim frowns at her and leads the girl’s to the kitchen. 

Jinsoul leans back into the pillows and takes a deep breath. 

After closing her eyes for five minutes she hears something crash outside the house. Jumping up in the bed she goes to her daughters first. In the kitchen, Yerim’s peeking out the window, “oh you gotta be kidding me not my ing mailbox!” 

“What happened?”

“It’s your crazy wife! What else would it be!” Jinsoul can’t help but melt at the info, Sooyoung came, she was thinking about them. Her heart skips a beat or two.

“MOMMA!!” She hears Chaeyoung scream and she’s racing towards the door, Yuna is quick to follow her as well. Jinsoul’s about to join them but then she looks down and sees Yeji, still sitting at the dinner table pushing around her food with a fork.

Jinsoul’s heart shatters as soon as it was put back together, “baby, momma is here, don’t you wanna see her.” Yeji shakes her head no quickly and Jinsoul breaks a little inside, it isn’t time for them to go home yet. Their daughter still needs space and time. 

Yeji looks up at her, “she hurt you didn’t she mommy?” Jinsoul’s eyes swell up with tears...Sooyoung was gonna have to really make it up to her for forgiveness. 

Yerim pops back in, “yeah, you’re gonna wanna see this .” Her sister is giggling and goes to pick up her phone to hit record. 

Jinsoul raises a brow and leans down to kiss Yeji on the head before following her sister. The closer she gets to the door the louder it becomes. Sooyoung’s singing...it’s that Mariah Carey Jinsoul loves so much...we belong together. 

Her sister and her daughters are peeking out the front window so Jinsoul joins, she doesn’t know if she should laugh at her wife or cry. It was incredibly endearing...but if she wasn’t so emotional she would laugh at how overly dramatic this all was.

Her wife was singing her heart out, swinging her arms about and such. Shuffling her ugg boots on the concrete, her wife barely had anything on too. Jinsoul looked back at the road where their car was still running with the headlights on, it was ran up onto the curb over the trash can and mailbox.

Jinsoul shakes her head at her wife’s antics, her face was screwed up in a sob but still hitting the high note. She hasn’t ever seen her wife’s hair this messy, Sooyoung always kept herself neat. She was a downright mess right now.

Sooyoung can’t sing anymore so she falls down to the ground, on her hands and knees. Jinsoul watches closely and then she realizes how hard Sooyoung was breathing, her eyes widen in fear and she races towards the door.

But her sister grabs her before she can open, “really Soul? Some corny singing and that’s it?”

“She’s having a panic attack!” Yerim looks at her like she’s crazy, “please I know my wife and she doesn’t do that ever now let me go.” Jinsoul seethes out and Yerim reluctantly lets go of her. Shushing her worried daughters she pushes them back to tell them they can’t see their mother yet. 

Opening the front door to the house Jinsoul steps out, Sooyoung sounds like she can barely breathe. Moving down the steps she kneels in front of her wife, “baby I’m here, can you breathe with me?” Sooyoung’s arms tremble but she nods. 

Jinsoul reaches forward to rub soothing circles into Sooyoung’s back. Sooyoung starts to mirror her breaths, slow and deep. Her wife hiccups from crying, her head still lowered towards the ground. 

Sooyoung croaks out, “I’m so embarrassed.”

Jinsoul smiles just a little bit and squeezes on Sooyoung’s shoulder, “don’t be.” Sooyoung didn’t look the best, she barely had clothes on and even though her wife was already tiny, she looked too skinny. 

“Sooyoung, look at me.” Jinsoul whispers after some thick silence but Sooyoung shakes her head.

“I can’t.”

Jinsoul closes her eyes, Sooyoung’s still ate up with guilt and she realizes that they won’t be able to be together until she forgives herself, until Yeji forgives her. “Do you wanna see the girls?”

Sooyoung hiccups again, it sounds like her nose is full of snot. Jinsoul wishes she could just wipe it all away. Her wife makes a throaty noise before replying with a broken voice, “yes please.” Jinsoul stands up and leaves her on the front step.

Walking in she nods at her two overly eager daughters. Chaeyoung and Yuna race out to their mother. Sooyoung raises up and Jinsoul has to turn away after she accidentally locks eyes with her wife, well she’s got her answer. Sooyoung was just as bad, if not worse than her because of this whole ordeal. 

Sooyoung lifts both of them up in her arms, Jinsoul lets herself smile just a little when she hears their happy squeals. Sooyoung starts to laugh, “there’s my babies gosh I missed you guys so much.” The older woman sits her daughters back down but kneels to keep hugging them, she glances up where Jinsoul was still standing, “where’s Yeji?”

Jinsoul shakes her head but then Yerim speaks up, “she hates you.”

Smacking her sister on the back of her head, Sooyoung looks like she’s on the verge of passing out. Jinsoul’s quick to dismiss the statement, “Sooyoung you know she doesn’t hate you but-”

Sooyoung starts to cry, “but what? Tell me!”

“It isn’t time yet.”

Jinsoul can see the anger on Sooyoung’s face when she tells her that this is exactly why they’re not ready yet. “What the do you mean?” Sooyoung spits out while standing up and grabbing Yuna and Chaeyoung’s hand. “You and the girls are coming home with me tonight!”

Looking at her wife sadly she shakes her head, “no Sooyoung. This isn’t how it works.” Her wife makes a noise that causes Yerim to snort, “I love you but it isn’t time.” 

“Time is a construct Jinsoul you better get your in the car now.” Yuna and Chaeyoung pull away from Sooyoung.

Yuna looks up at her concerned, “momma are you okay?” Sooyoung blinks and takes a deep breath. Then she looks back at Jinsoul. Yuna wasn’t afraid of Sooyoung, neither was Chaeyoung, but they were worried. Their mother was half , shaking like a leaf with the crazy eyes. 

“Yes baby, momma’s fine.” Sooyoung swallows a lump in your throat, “go back over to your mommy.” Yuna nods and skips back over to Jinsoul. Chaeyoung reaches for Sooyoung so the older woman picks the girl up in her arms. “Then how long Jinsoul? How long are you gonna make me wait to have my life back? Don’t you realize that you and our daughters are my everything?”

Jinsoul pouts, “I know...but, Sooyoung.” She can’t explain it, but she needs Sooyoung to understand. Jinsoul doesn’t know how long this is going to take. Sooyoung sighs and looks down and Jinsoul’s grateful she doesn’t have to put it out in words.

“I’m taking this one with me.” Sooyoung tells her and holds Chaeyoung up, the girl squeals and holds onto her mother’s neck as she’s settled onto a hip. “At the end of the week you better be ready to come back.”

Jinsoul swallows, “it isn’t about me and you know that.” Sooyoung grimaces, “you don’t think it’s bad enough that Yeji won’t come out and see you? Sooyoung she won’t even talk about you. She thinks you hurt me.” Jinsoul watches as her wife bites her lip to keep her tears at bay, “and you did. You hurt me Sooyoung.”

Sooyoung sobs and turns away from the house, “I’m sorry Jinsoul.” Her wife chokes out and Chaeyoung is tugging on her hair, she was wanting to cry too since everyone else was.

“Goodnight Sooyoung, be safe going home.” Jinsoul mumbles out and her wife whips around with shock on her face, Jinsoul waves goodbye to her baby as well, blowing her kisses and such. 

Sooyoung starts to mutter, “no no no, I’m not done talking to you!” Yerim flips Sooyoung off before slamming the door shut. Jinsoul stands behind as Yerim security locks the door, then her wife is opening it again. The chain bounces and Yerim rolls her eyes.

“I swear if you don’t leave imma smash your fingers!” The chain is straining in the security lock and Sooyoung stick her arm inside, waving it around and grabbing onto the window curtains and such. Yerim pushes her out with a groan.

Her sister closes the door and it’s quiet for a few moments, until there’s a loud banging on the wood, then the doorbell is wrong several times. Sooyoung even moves over to bang on the window. “LET ME IN!” Sooyoung’s muffled voice reaches their ears and Jinsoul fights with Yerim to get the door back open.

It swings open only held close by the security chain.

Jinsoul can’t believe how crazy her wife is, “get that back out here Jinsoul! We wasn’t done!” Sooyoung screams through the crack and she can hear Chaeyoung giggling, “baby please come here, let me love on you! I know my baby misses it please...please Jinsoul- JINSOUL I’M BEGGING YOU!” Sooyoung desperately rambles out while holding her hand out, trying to find Jinsoul. 

The arm goes limp for a second and slithers out of the crack, Yerim goes to close the door but then Sooyoung pops her arm back in, “here baby this your ring, can you put it on for me? Please wear it...will you do this one thing for me?” Jinsoul glances down at Sooyoung’s trembling hand where her ring was. She wishes she never threw it in the first place. 

Reaching forward, Jinsoul isn’t surprised her wrist is grabbed and she’s being pulled towards the door crack. Sooyoung looks her straight in the eyes and Jinsoul knows she’s starting to cry. She can feel hot streaks of tears running down her cheeks. She doesn’t know how she manages to not just open this door and fall into Sooyoung’s arms.

“I love you Jung Jinsoul, I am yours. I love you so much, please don’t leave me, I’m sorry, I’ll be better. I'll never hurt you again. I promise I swear on our children’s life I won’t.” Jinsoul swoons at her wife’s words, god she was so in love with her.

Yerim looks at her with pure disgust but Jinsoul doesn’t pay her any mind. “I will never leave you Sooyoung. You know better than that.”

Sooyoung sniffles, “tell me you love me.”

Jinsoul nods, “I do, you have no idea how much I love you.” Her wife calms down at that and lets go of her to hand her the ring. Jinsoul takes it, grateful to have it back and slips it on her finger, holding it up she whispers, “it’s staying on Sooyoung, forever.”

“Better stay on. Can I get a kiss?” Jinsoul nods eagerly but Yerim pulls her away.

Her sister screams through the crack, “nope! Bye Sooyoung, don’t come back!” Yerim slams the door after Sooyoung flips her off. Jinsoul watches as her wife quickly pulls her arm out before it is smashed in the doorway. 

Jinsoul begins to cry again and Yerim rolls her eyes, “yeah we're gonna need to talk.” Her sister says seriously. 

~

Sooyoung waits until the lights are turned off to leave. She’s parked in the street, hunkered down in her seat. Chaeyoung is in her lap fast asleep. She didn’t leave straight away, she simply drove off and then drove back to a dark shaded spot where her black BMW wouldn’t be noticeable. 

She watched her sister in law's house for any movement, maybe see if Yeji or Jinsoul came out on the porch or to take out the trash. But she didn’t get the satisfaction of that. So when the final light in the house went off, it was the room up stairs, Sooyoung starts her car and creeps off.

Jinsoul wanted her to go home...but how could she? Her home was here. Jinsoul, Yeji and Yuna, the tiny girl in her arms right now was her home. 

Rubbing Chaeyoung’s back while she drives, waits for a stop sign to lift the girl and place her in the back, stretching over to buckle her up safely. “Chaeyoung, Momma loves you.” Sooyoung whispers out and her daughter groans sleepily, smiling, she starts to drive them back to the house.

At least she’ll be able to sleep tonight with her daughter in her arms. She wishes all three of them would come home with her, and her wife. But Sooyoung knows she’s still in big time trouble. Yeji wouldn’t even see her. 

Sooyoung’s really messed up this time, when she did with Yuna she was able to make it up pretty early on. The younger twin still flinched from time to time when Sooyoung would discipline her, so she would scoop her daughter up in a loving hug and promise she’d never do such a thing again.

She needed to start explaining herself more, rather than using her hands to fix things. Yeji must have taken the fight hard. The whole thing...it was gonna take a lot more for Sooyoung to fix this.

Yeji was older, more mature, while Yuna barely remembers her experience now since Sooyoung made up for it so much. She wouldn’t doubt this moment would stay fresh on Yeji’s mind for years, along with her other two babies who were also caught up with it

And yet, Sooyoung still lost her temper back there. She couldn’t stand it without Jinsoul. But she needed to learn how to control herself so she could be with her wife again.

Sooyoung needs to figure this out and as much as she doesn't want to.

She'll have to do it alone.

~~~~

AHHHHH sorry I haven’t updated this in forever so there we have it! First part of the redemption arc. Next chapter? I promise it won’t take as long to get out as this one did! I’ve been really busy with another work of mine. 

I hope everyone likes it and it’s not disappointing or anything! Lots of love as always...muah!

Spoilers: law and justice Jinsoul edition, Sooyoung has a new addition to the family