So here I sit, after exams in math, totally bored since I finished early. I wondered how Onew was doing. This morning, we had our biology exams together. It just so happened that I sat in front of him, since my last name was Lan, and his was Lee. Even though I was cramped up into the front, my desk pushed all the way to the wall, and his long legs crept under my chair to bump into my short, tucked in ones, I managed to concentrate. Still, my heart kept beating frantically for no reason, on and off for the full hour and forty minutes.

At the end of the testing, I pushed back my chair, but there was no room for me to just walk out. I quickly jumped out.

“Oh sorry,” Onew quickly apologized.

I looked up with a smile, “No it’s alright,” and managed to walk out the room with grace.

But now, as I sat here, with my math notebook and pen, all I could do was think about that silly little incident and his face when he realized he was blocking my way…

No. Not his face during that time. His face when he smiled, or raised his eyebrows. God he just made the whole world seem brighter. Like a sun.

Like I was looking through a window, and I was afraid that looking at it would shatter the glass, or the curtain would fall over and by the time I got it back up, he would be gone.

And it was true. I was stuck in the room of crushes again, staring at the window with hunger. And as many times as I wanted people to come into the room, the glass is always shattered.

I really didn’t want the glass to shatter this time.

I closed my eyes. God, I just acknowledged that what I was feeling might be a crush. I was barely over the crush from the beginning of the school year, and now I was on another one?

Onew had a list of firsts from me: First crush to appear in my dreams, and now first crush to come immediately after one that had extinguished.

Then again, Taemin was the first crush I had that I learned was taken.

I closed my notebook on the poems I had just written from the confusing thoughts, as if I could shut them away just with the motion of spilling them on paper and covering the words.