Park Chanyeol: Have you tried lighting the candle?

Park Chanyeol: I got one for myself as well but it always made me hungry at night

Jo Jia: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Jo Jia: I haven't. I'm afraid it will run out so quickly...

Park Chanyeol: We can just get a new one!

Park Chanyeol: I got it online, but I think we should visit the store. I'll send you the link. They have so many scents!

          I smile looking at the chat, but it makes me impatient at the same time. My feelings towards him grow bigger as days pass, combined by the longing of not seeing him for awhile.

          My phone lights up from a call, and my heart grows expectant but my excitement vanishes right away when I see who’s calling. Mom? Why is she suddenly calling?

          “Hello?”

          “Are you ever going to visit home?”

          “I’m busy nowadays.”

          “Is making bracelets taking that much time?” I hear Mom clicking her tongue. “That, I saw your photo in the school website. What’s with your hair? You know that lady who lives upstairs whose daughter goes to your school—she said her kid saw you a few times and thought you were a man.”

          I massage my temple. Of course she would complain when someone else had talked about it. “I’m just trying a new style. It doesn’t make me less of a woman.”

          “You’re lucky your oppa and I haven’t told your father. He’d go ballistic.”

          I sigh inaudibly. “And what’s he going to do about it?” I mutter. “I have a lot of assignments. I’m hanging up.”

          I bite my tongue after the call, and get lost in dark thoughts. Why can’t I just be happy?

*

          The next day at school, I’m heading to class with zero energy. I even planned to skip lectures, but I dragged myself out from the house, thinking I’d be more miserable by staying still.

          The thought of Chanyeol comes to my mind, and I exhale deeply. I miss him.

          I’m getting closer to my class, and notice two people talking next to the door. I begin palpitating after I realize one of them is Chanyeol, and the other one notices me coming.

          “Oh, there she is.” Siwoo says, and smirks to Chanyeol. “I’ll leave you two.”

          Chanyeol grins to see me, and walks closer. “Hi.”

          “What are you doing here?”

          “Just stopping by.” he says, and leads us to empty waiting chairs on an unseen corner next to the class. “Haven’t seen you for awhile.”

          We sit next to each other, and I curl my toes. I’m glad I forced myself to go to school. “How’s practice going?”

          “I’ll be back after class, as usual.” he laughs bitterly. He takes a look at me, a bit longer than he should. “Your face doesn’t look good. Did something happen?”

          I let down my shoulders. Am I that transparent, or is he just that good at reading me? I shake my head. “I’m fine.”

          He looks doubtful. I set my best cheerful face, gives him an assuring smile.

          “Are you sure?” Chanyeol asks again, and I look up to him. I nod with all my might.

          “Let’s not talk about it.” I think on how to distract him. “Actually… I have something to give you.”

          I rummage through my bag, and hold onto a small box before I take it out. I made this last week and have been carrying it ever since, not sure about the time to give him. I think now is okay?

          I hand him the box, and Chanyeol’s eyes widen. “Oh?”

          He looks at me, and I signal him to open it. He carefully lifts the lid, and I watch his face intently. My heart beats faster as he takes a bracelet made of polyester strings out from the box.

          “I want to show my support. I thought of making you something to eat, but I have non-existent cooking skills, so…” I shrug. “I made, knitted and sewed it myself. Since beads are too risky to be worn at the court, so I created this one.”

          Chanyeol is inspecting every inch of the bracelet with his lips slightly parting, and I fidget nervously on my seat.

          “I try to match it with the uniform color. I took it from the one I wore at the photoshoot, and after I saw other photos of the team, I think you guys also have red and black theme. So I used it all.” I raise my eyebrows. “Thankfully it turned out decent.”

          Chanyeol looks at the bracelet (which looks tiny on his palm) and smiles brightly. “Wow… This is so pretty. Whoa. Is this really for me?” he turns to me, wide-eyed.

          “Of course.” I laugh. “There’s only one in the whole world.”

          He starts giggling, and wears the bracelet. “It fits perfectly.”

          Feelings overwhelm my chest and I clench my jaw, trying to stay calm. The words I want to say are already on my throat, but I can’t bear to say it now. I don’t think this is the right time.

          Chanyeol looks genuinely touched. “I’m so grateful. I really need some boost recently, and you came with this… Do I even deserve this?”

          “Because I like you so much.”

          I gasped for air after I said it, and my heart starts drumming. I struggle to keep the eye contact between us, and Chanyeol is seen frozen. His mouth parts a bit, but nothing is said. Between my heartbeats, I think hard to do something.

          “You’ve been very nice to me.” I control my breathing. “It should’ve been my question—do I deserve this? You helped me a lot, gave me your time, your attention, your thoughts. I—I’m just—” I let my head down.

          We’re being still for a few seconds, then from here I can see Chanyeol takes the bracelet and wears it on his wrist. After making sure it stays on its place, he puts his hands back down. “Jia.”

          I hold the sides of the seat tightly, and slowly look up. The last thing I saw was Chanyeol smiling from ear to ear before he pulls me into a tight hug.

          He rests his head on my shoulder and pats my back for a few times, then softly breaks the embrace. He looks at me fondly, his lips curving into a tender smile. “You’re coming to my match, right?”

          I blink. “Of—of course. It’s in a few days, right?”

          “I’m glad.” Chanyeol smiles, and caresses the bracelet. He clears his throat, and attempts to look at me. “It’s always been a dream to have my girlfriend see my match.”

          He hugs me again, and I’m now completely loosened up. I silently laugh on his shoulder, savoring the warmth and happiness I’m feeling.

*

          The first match is going to be held in our school, and there are a lot of supporters from our side. I enter the court with a nervous yet excited heart, and I feel jumpy to see our school’s players bench near the entrance.

          Chanyeol just happens to sit on the nearest spot, and I cautiously call his name. He turns his head immediately, and his smile blooms. We walk to each other, and I can hear the supporters from the bleachers beside us murmuring.

          Chanyeol lifts his wrist, showing off the bracelet. “My lucky charm.”

          I beam. “Good luck. You can do it!”

          Chanyeol places a hand on my shoulder, and with one swift movement he plants a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you after the match.”

          The people near us are heard gasping and I feel my legs getting wobbly. Chanyeol runs back to the bench, and I blink twice.

          After getting to my seat, I keep fanning my flushing face and try to focus on Chanyeol instead. The match is going to start, and I see him pressing the bracelet to his lips as he enters the court. I smile, and let out my loudest cheer.

*

          “Aren’t you going to follow my social media?” Chanyeol pouts one day, and I look at him as I sigh.

          “I hardly use my personal account.”

          “Come on, a follow wouldn’t hurt.”

          I raise my eyebrows, and check my phone. After finding his account, I take a look again at the photo we took at the wedding next to the newest picture, him and his team winning the tournament, and notice something. He’s changed the caption from a grinning smiley to a couple emoji with a heart in the middle.

          I press my lips, trying not to smile. Chanyeol observes me from across the table curiously. “Why?”

          I don’t answer, and Chanyeol jumps on his seat, dying to know. “What, why? What is it?”

          “Nothing.” I shake my head. I switch back to my business account after following him, and I gaze over the logo. Allegra… It means lively, joyful. I chose the name because it sounds beautiful, and has wonderful meaning. It might be a prayer as well.

          I look at the man in front of me. I think I received an answer?

          He's my joy, personified.