Y’s POV

I checked myself in the mirror for hundred times already and nervously checked the clock as well. I have texted her the time and place for our dinner. I was so scared that she would cancel the dinner but thank God, at least until now, one hour before the dinner time, it is still on schedule and no sign of cancellation from her.

What am I doing?

I still cant believe I met her today. I still cant process what happened this afternoon when I saw a face that I have not seen for years. My mind started playing a flashback of memories between us. We used to be so happy, we were an item, we were in love, together through thick and thin. When she left the group, everything started to fell apart. She took everything away from me. However, it was amazing that we can still managed to stay together although our relationship was almost over. After a big long fight, we promise that we will still be by each other side no matter what, eventhough we were not in the same group anymore. But after that, it was even harder to maintain the relationship. We were not allowed to meet publicly so our relationship started to change like some sort of an affair. We met secretly, just had car dates, always scared that somebody from my company follow us. A fight after a fight became a regular habit in our relationship. We drifted apart and trust issues started to appear. At the end, it blew up like a bomb, and none of us want to put our ego aside, so we both decided to give up.

I regretted, for every single second of my life, that I gave up on her, on our relationship that day we broke up. I tried to reach her so many times but she was just ignoring every of my attempt. Then I saw her with him on the news, I saw his presence with her everywere she goes, and I felt broken even more. I was crushed. I know some of my members were still in touch and also met secretly with her. When I asked my members about their relationship, they just said she never give a firm answer to define her relationship with that guy. Then I stopped mentioning her name, I stopped asking about her to my members. Everytime they wanted to give me an update about her I just shoved them away and did want to hear it. Although, from time to time I still stalked her on Instagram whenever I miss her. But she moved on and I tried to move on too. I dated again and slowly committed in a new relationship with someone. I moved on, or so I thought. Maybe I was in denial, because when I saw her today, I knew that I still love her.     

 J’s POV

I was ready to call a cab to meet Yuri in the restaurant as she mentioned in her text. I don’t know why I put a lot of effort to look pretty tonight.

If it was a friendly dinner, why do I feel like I should look nice as if this is a date?

I am not going to lie that I almost cancel this dinner. I was thinking the whole afternoon whether this is a good idea or a bad idea to meet her. Actually I knew the answer already and it all pointed towards to ‘bad idea’. But I cant help it. Seriously when I saw her today and she asked me to have dinner with me, I cant seem to say no. I miss her. I have been missing her for years. God knows how much I suffered when we broke up. I almost could not eat and threw up everytime I tried to swallow my food. I cried so many nights that Soojung had to comfort me everytime she had a chance. But at that time, I was pretty sure that it was all for the best. Maybe we were not meant to be anyway. It was too hard for both of us and we just hurting each other. When she was non-stop calling me, reached out to me, and begging for my attention after we broke up, I used all of my strength to ignore her, I blocked her number so then I didn’t have to cry everytime I saw her name popped out in my phone screen. Each time I met or talked to Yoona, Sooyoung, Tiffany or Sunny, they told me how bad her condition was, and somehow it made me slightly happy as I know she also broken hearted as much as I am. It means she did love me.

But then, he got closer to me. Consoled me and being a really good company for me. I don’t know if I am in love with him but at least I can smile again. I feel like having someone that I can rely on and it felt nice to be loved by someone. He finally healed my wound and he finally can replaced her in my heart, or so I thought. Maybe I was lying to myself for all this time, because when our eyes met this afternoon, I knew I never stop loving her.

I called Soojung again when I was in the cab and she immediately picked up. Thank God I have such a caring dongsaeng.

“I am on my way to the restaurant. Soojung, what should I do?”, I whined to her a little bit.

She sighed. I think she was speechless. “well, you are the one who said yes to her invitation, Unnie”, she chuckled a little. “What are you wearing?”, she suddenly asked.

“A dress.”

“A nice dress? I thought this is not a date?”, she teased.

“YAH!”  I shouted. “This is not the time to tease me. Soojung, you know I think I am literally out of my mind right now.”

“Unnie, just relax. Why do you have to be so panic right now? She is just a friend now to you…, right?”, even Soojung failed to convince me as I heard some doubt in her voice.

“Yeah…”, I said weakly. “An old friend, my former member, who happens to be my ex too.”, I finally dared to say it, to admitted it.

“Don’t make the ‘ex’ word to be burden to you, Unnie. What worse could happen anyway?”, she tried to calm me down.

What worse could happen? Attempt to hug her, kiss her maybe?

Before I can answer her, I already arrived at the restaurant. I said goodbye to Soojung and ended the call, but that little rascal can still teased me one last time before I head out from the cab.

Y’s POV

I was already waiting in our table when she arrived. She walked in, in her beautiful dress, her brunette hair glowing and her face look flawless in contrast with a minimum light in this kind of fancy restaurant. I mentally slapped myself when I realized my surrounding.

Why did I choose this place? It looked like a very fancy place where all the customer are couples.

“Hi!”, she greeted me happily and smiled.

My God she was beautiful.

“Hi Sica.”, I awkwardly answered her.

She sat at the chair in the opposite of me and we just starred each other for few seconds. Before I broke the silence.

“I am sorry I choose this place. I don’t know this restaurant is full of… couples.. I mean, candle light dinner and all…”

She shook her head and chuckled. “It’s ok. It is a nice restaurant after all. Plus, I do think we deserve a nice treatment since we’re in France, right?”

I nodded and smiled. “I guess you’re right.”

Then silence again. This time the waiter broke the silence as he came to our table and asked us if we were ready to order. I thought we should order wine first to relax and break the ice and she agreed. I asked her to speak to the waiter in English and choose the wine. Then we also ordered some appetizer and main course.

After our second glass of wine, I think the atmosphere was getting more relax. We finally passed the awkward phase and talking more comfortably to each other. I updated her about Girls’ Generation activities, how the members wellbeing, and she told me about her Blanc&Eclare business, how sometimes she feels so tired as she had to travel a lot to attend events and met potential investors. She said that she always listened Girls’ Generation songs, even after she left. I also told her that I secretly bought her album and specified her songs that I really like.

“Some fans caught you looking at Instagram post about me.”, suddenly she teased and giggled.

I cant help but laughing. “Yah, well.. I miss the old times.”, I answered truthfully. “Eh, wait. How do you know I was checking that Instagram post?”

I saw her face turned red.

Gotcha! Ah, she is so cute.

“Well…”, she turned her head and looked away. “I miss the old times too so sometimes I read news about you guys.”

Our food came and we begin to eat while still chatting happily. It feels like the old times, it seems that she never changed, we never changed. Her pout was still cute, her laugh was still adorable. She is here, having dinner with me. As if she never left, as if we never broke up at the first place. Being with her here, even only to eat and chat, it warms my heart.

“I miss this.”, she suddenly said after finishing her fourth or fifth glass. “I miss you guys, my girls”, she added. I stared at her.

“We miss you too”, my hand suddenly reached out to hers and hold her hand at the table. I didn’t know why I do it, maybe it was alcohol, maybe it was my brain that order me to do things out of logic, maybe it was my heart, but it seems my hand moved by themselves. “But I miss you more”, I said.   

 J’s POV

“I miss this.” I sighed and let it out. It is true. I do miss this. I do miss her. I didn’t know why I suddenly talked in all honesty. Maybe I was drunk, it was my fifth glass after all. “I miss you guys, my girls”, I added. She just stared at me when I said that. I see pain in her eyes, a pain that seems never been healed.

Oh my, that black orb eyes. So mesmerizing, so beautiful.

Suddenly I felt her hand grabbing my hand, holding it firmly. My heart beat faster and I swore I can hear my own heartbeat right now. I remember how I used to feel save when her hand holds mine. “We miss you too”, she said, now squeezing my hand lightly. “But I miss you more”, she added.

“Seobang..”, I didn’t even know why my stupid mouth suddenly blurted out that word. Her pet name that I gave her when we were still together. She looked surprise upon hearing that name and I think it awakes her as she abruptly drew her hand from mine.    

“Uh.. I.. uhm.. its been a long time since the last time I hear that”, she chuckled.

“Well…, you are the only one who got the honor to own that pet name.”, I replied and laughed bitterly.

“You look beautiful tonight, Sica. Like always.”, suddenly she complimented me. I was so sure that I was blushing so hard when I heard that.

“Ah, I forgot how good you are with sweet words.”, she grinned when I said that.

“And I…I saw your pictures when you attended the film festival. You were.. flawless.”, she continued. She also blushed when she said that. I lowered my head because I was shy. “By the way, aren’t you here with…him?”

I frowned.  Why she brought a topic about him now? “He came back early to Seoul to take care some business.”, I just answered it lazily. 

“Are you happy, Sica? I mean…, you and him?”, I can feel she was a bit hesitant to asked that questions, although I know at the same time she also dying to get the answer from me.  

“I tried to move on, Yul.”, I seriously didn’t know how to answer that questions. “I see you got yourself a new girl as well?”, I tried to change the topic and make it all about her as I don’t feel comfortable talking about my love life with her.

She just smiled weakly. “Yeah, she is nice…”, is the only answer that I got.

What kind of answer is that?

“Do you want to come by and hang out at my hotel?”, again, my mouth and its crazy words that came out from it.

WTF? Are you crazy, Jess????