This time it was for Im Nayeon to leave. To get back to where the scars were made, open them, and heal each inch the poison had taken over.

To realize that if she knew her past love wanted to take her own life, she wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it, that it had always been too late, that she was helpless and that the choice was far from hers. Suicide was wrong, selfish, but Jennie, as she did it, wasn’t in the right state of mind; her feelings took over, overwhelming, suffocating. How could Nayeon judge her pain?

She needed to go back where everything happened, to understand why Jennie had never thought of talking about her disease, why she had never trusted them, why she thought they wouldn’t care.

She needed to move on.

It was this hard tug that pulled them towards each other; it was this crazy pull that crashed her back to reality.

The first time they locked eyes, the first time she saw her cry that day, at the party, in the dark of the room with the muffled beats of music in the background while the woman was sobbing so alone.

The glances exchanged, the blushing, the nervousness, the danger and the vital need to expose yourself. The heart pacing quicker and pounding loud in the ears.

The insecurity, the invading thoughts, all the new feelings, the excitement when it was already time for the lesson.

The lack of understanding, the lack of vulnerability, of putting yourself out there and ask “what is going on,” the lack of deep connection, the lack of true pain, the lack of meaningful silence, the lack of stares, of peace, of quiet, of difficult and long breaths while looking in each other’s eyes. It was simply something that didn’t grow and would never do as Nayeon was still living in her past.

No patience, no hard work, no real investment, no confessions… There wasn’t trust, barely respect; there wasn’t this feeling of knowing each other forever.

And as sad it could feel about leaving all these could-have-been