Over the last three months, Eunbi and I had been keeping in touch. Despite the time difference, we still manage to message or facetime each other whenever we can, just telling each other how our day went. For now I will smile,  I will listen, I will pick up the phone when she calls but I will keep everything casual between us. This is just me keeping my promise to a friend and nothing more.

I'll be honest, I wasn't really doing well after the last time Eunbi and I spoke. After that night, I have completely shut down. As soon as I got home, I cried myself out and let every emotion I held back come out on full blown. It was terrible. Hyewon and Yena had been trying to get me out of the house but every time they call I always wanted to stay in, watch a movie or play games. I was lame and pathetic, I know.

I was in a middle of a game when my phone starts ringing, Eunbi's picture is flashing on my screen. I let out a heavy sigh before answering it.

"Hello Kkura, I'm glad your still awake."

"Hi unnie. I was just finishing something for work. I'm about to go to bed." 

"Oh, can we talk for a bit? We haven't really talked much since last week." 

"Sure."

"Are you okay Kkura?"

"Yes."

"Yena mentioned that you've been keeping to yourself lately."

"I'm fine." I sighed. I've been keeping my responses short on purpose. I really just wanted to leave the conversation there but of course she won't let me.

"You know you can tell me anything. We're still friends after all right?"

"Of course we are. We still message and talk every week and-"

"And those conversations felt forced and strained. I know that we can't get things back the way they were but can we at least try to get somewhere near there?" 

'Easy for you to say,' I thought. 

"I know it's hard for you. You put your heart on the line and I hurt you and I'm so sorry for everything Kkura. But I hope you would stop pushing the people who cares for you away. We love you and we're here for you. I miss my best friend."

"You're right and I'm sorry. Believe me, I'm trying unnie but I need some space. Give me some time. I have to go." click.

I didn't wait for her response and ended the call. It's getting too much for me. To be quite frankly, I had taken to mind that since she hurt me, it was now her turn. I lost the person I love the most so I'm going to make her lose her friend. I know it wasn't right, it was petty. I'm just being bitter about it and not thinking straight. I mean, who am I get mad at her for not loving me back? It's not like we can force people to like us. I suddenly felt guilty with how I treated my friends. I wasn't treating them very well, not Eunbi, not Hyewon, not Yena and its not what they deserve. I seriously need to put my together.

-

"I'm going on a trip."

"Sakura unnie, when we said 'you need to get your off the couch' we were thinking more like going to the mall or having a girls night out." Yena sounded surprised.

"But I guess a trip out of town would be nice too." Hyewon agreed, but then again, it's not exactly what I had in mind. 

"I mean 'I am' going on a trip. I hope you don't mind." I stated. 

"You mean you are going alone?" Yena asked.

"Yeah, why not? I think it might do me something good to get away for a while."

The two looked at each other and then back at me, their eyes are full of concern.

"Will you be alright? Me and Hyewon can take a vacation leave so you'll have company." 

"I'll be fine. I feel that this is something I had to do by myself. Like some kind of a retreat if you may, to help me clear my head."

"We understand. Just don't take too long." 

"Don't worry I'll keep tabs."

-

The morning sun shone brightly into my bedroom and a slight breeze ruffled the curtains, bringing in the fresh sea air. Finally a new scenery. I am going to dedicate my trip to relaxation and soul searching. 

I checked my phone and found new messages from Eunbi. I won't even bother opening them. 'I'm trying to get over you unnie, please don't make it harder than it already is.'

I haven't returned any of her messages for a while but I did tell her that I'm going on a hiatus so she won't worry. God I miss her. I miss her smile, her laugh, the way she talk, I miss everything about her. How I wish I could just tell my brain to stop thinking about her. 

I have spent my first three days lounging in the pool, drinking piña coladas, swimming, listening to music, reading or simply doing nothing. I have found out about a private beach not far away from one of the staff and I thought I could probably sneak in. But I guess that will have to wait another day. 

I settled back in my same spot under the shade of a large umbrella by the pool. My gaze is hidden behind my favorite sunglasses as I check out the other guests in the resort. 

It looks like there's a new arrival. I saw a group of girls checking out the pool area. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a girl who fully caught my attention. I even had to do a double take and took my sunglasses off because she resembles Eunbi so much.

The girl happened to look in my direction, so I quickly averted my gaze and put my sunglasses back on. 'Did she catch me staring at her?' That would be embarrassing. 

For the next few minutes, I stole little peeks in her direction, not wanting to get caught again.