"Hyung!" Taemin says, running towards them with Minho close behind. "We came as soon as we could."

Kibum was too shaken to do anything else but to stare at them coming closer. As Jinki gets up to greet them, the young man stays seated with a blank expression on his face. The shock of it all still had a hold on him.

"What did the doctors say?" Minho asks Jinki.

"Her strength is so low that even breathing can be hard for her, so needs a bit of help with that right now. They're just making sure nothing else is wrong and if everything looks good, she can go home. From what I've heard, what she needs to be more comfortable is an oxygen mask and some dietary adjustments. Mr. and Mrs. Lee are with her right now."

"That's good, right? That means she'll be fine?" Taemin asks, relieved.

"Yeah, the doctors hope so," the older man responds again. All three of them look at Kibum worriedly, feeling helpless that they couldn't do anything to help ease their friend's troubles.  

Kibum stares at the bland television program playing in the waiting area as the others continued to talk about his Halmeoni's condition. It was one of those silly noontime varieties where everyone made fun of everyone else. He glares at the screen, wondering how anyone could be laughing right now when he had just had the scare of his life. He tried to remind himself that the doctors were doing all they could and that she was being taken care of now but it was hard to snap out of it. The sight of his precious Halmeoni being unconscious and her skin feeling so cold wouldn't stop replaying in his head. The thought of what could have happened was sending him into a spiral.

His worries were interrupted by the sensation of a hand softly caressing his shoulder. "Kibum?"

"Huh?"

"I said, Minho and Taemin are going to get some lunch at the cafeteria. What do you want?"

He looks at his three friends, and they were all staring back at him, waiting for an answer. "It really doesn't matter," he responds, his eyes darting back to the television screen. 

"Hyung, you have to eat," Taemin asks, his eyes starting to get red. There was nothing he hated more than seeing any of his Hyungs in pain or distress.

Kibum immediately recognizes the worry in the young man's voice and turns his attention back to them. "Any sort of sandwich would be great. I'm sorry... Thank you, guys. Thanks for being here."

Taemin smiles and takes his mission to heart. "Sandwiches! Coming up!" 

"I'll try to keep him from buying the entire menu for you. See you in a bit. YAAA! Calm down! This is a hospital for crying out loud," Minho says, turning to catch up to Taemin who rushed off. 

"If those two can't get you to smile, I don't know what can," Jinki says, looking over at Kibum, whose eyes had crawled back up onto the screen. He sits beside the younger man in silence. It was always awkward to sit with someone in situations like these but there was an ease between the two of them that had been there since the beginning. Jinki's presence was enough for Kibum to know that he wasn't alone in that moment. He suddenly felt the walls that he had worked so hard to maintain all these years start to crumble. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop the tears from falling. Maybe his grandmother was right about Jinki. 

"I regret it so much," Kibum says. "At first I didn't want to call because it was too painful. Hearing their voices made me miss home that much more. It made the loneliness that much harder to fight. But after a while, I stopped thinking about them at all. It's not that I don't love them, Jinki. I just got so used to being by myself. I shouldn't have done that... I never wanted them to feel like they didn't mean the world to me."

Jinki quietly listens. 

"I should have told her I loved her every single day. When I touched her this morning, she felt so cold," Kibum says, his voice cracking as he finally acknowledged his feelings. "I thought..." 

The older reaches over and puts his arm around him. "She's fine now... She'll be okay..."

He would never admit it out loud but it felt good to finally let someone in. With Jinki, he knew that he didn't have to be the strong, ambitious, go-getter that the world expected him to be. In spite of all the heartache and the time that had passed, he knew that with Jinki, it was safe to be himself. Here, there were no pretentions... No judgment or expectations. And it meant more to him than he could ever say.

"It's okay to be scared, Kibum," he says. "You're not alone."

Kibum turns into Jinki's embrace and lets his emotions go in one fell swoop. Being held like this was a familiar sensation to him--one that comforted him a great deal.  

*****

Sunday was their favorite day of the week. 

Hanging out in Jinki's room would have been impossible any other day but on Sundays, it was their own little haven. The Lees would be out the entire afternoon making deliveries in other towns and Jinki's Eomma had always insisted for him to stay behind to catch up on homework. The truth was, homework was the farthest thing from his mind. On Sunday afternoons, the two could finally get away from prying eyes that followed them all week long and be in a world of their own.

The young man stared at the ceiling as Jinki rearranged his small collection of vinyl records. Some jazz quartet was playing in the background. 

"I'm scared," Kibum says, not even thinking about the words that were coming out of his mouth. It was always surprising how easy it was for him to be as candid as he wanted to be with Jinki. 

"THE Kim Kibum? Scared?" 

"I'm serious, Jinki," Kibum replies with a frown on his face. "It's really been bothering me. I mean... I work really hard and do well here, but things are different in the city. What if I don't have what it takes to make it?"

Jinki lays the records down and makes his way to lay down beside Kibum. Their heads lean against each other and they both stare at the ceiling. The older man could feel the tension in Kibum's body as he shared more of what was in his heart.

"My family sacrificed so much for me to come back home in just a few years with nothing to show for myself. I really need to make it; there's no other option. But what if I can't?"

Jinki listens carefully but he almost couldn't believe his ears. He gingerly takes Kibum's hand in his and it lovingly. "I've never really understood why you doubt yourself so much... I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

"Why? How do you see me?"

"With my eyes," Jinki says, turning to his side and facing Kibum, mocking him with a wide stare. 

The young man rolls his eyes and playfully clicks his tongue. "C'mon, Jinki," he says, turning to his side to talk to his boyfriend face-to-face. "Tell me... Maybe it will help me feel better."

"Okay..." Jinki sighs, knowing that baring his heart will be a tricky thing to do while looking directly into Kibum's eyes. "Well... For one, you're brilliant. Lots of people are smart but your mind works differently from everyone else's. Plus, you're hardworking. I've never seen anyone so dedicated. Being so smart and hardworking... You're already head and shoulders above everyone else... But the kicker is... You're captivating, too. I've spent my whole life trying to figure out what it is about you that makes everyone love you. You shine so effortlessly that in a room filled with people you will always stand out even if you don't try. It's like you don't even know the power that you have... You're not going to fail, Kibum. It's not possible."

Kibum is rendered speechless. He knew that he was the apple of Jinki's eye but he had never anticipated this. It was overwhelming for someone to see the absolute best in you, even when they've already seen the worst. 

When he didn't respond, Jinki searches Kibum's face and is worried that he may have crossed a line. "Sorry... Was it too much? I didn't mean to make you uncomfor--"

There was something different about Kibum's stare and it immediately made Jinki's heart start to pound. The look in the young man's eye was more intense than anything he had ever seen before and it sent him into a miniature panic. Jinki was suddenly acutely aware of everything around him: the breeze coming in from the window, the soft sounds coming from his record player, the awkward way his hands fidgeted, and his boyfriend's heavy breathing from across the bed. Kibum slowly inched his way closer to Jinki, and the older man didn't know what to do with himself. All he could do was stare. For years, he could only imagine being this close to Kibum but there was nothing that could have prepared him for how this moment made him feel. The truth was, he had always wanted to kiss Kibum but never wanted to impose anything that the younger man wasn't ready for. All this time, Jinki was able to control himself around him, but now that the first barrier had been broken, he could feel a wave of intense longing come over him. Kibum lifts his hand and tenderly places it on Jinki's cheek, all the while never breaking eye contact. The older man leans into his boyfriend's touch, barely able to stand the electricity flowing between them. 

Feeling their lips touch one another's was absolute heaven. Jinki could have sworn that a million fireworks exploded all around them, in tune with the beating of his heart. Kibum's lips were soft as pillows and faintly tasted of the raspberry lip balm that he used so much. Jinki wrapped his arms around Kibum as the soft and tender kiss went on. The older man's eyes were shut tightly as he explored this brand new way of expressing how much he cared. As he pulled the young man closer, he noticed that his body was shaking.

Kibum's breathing was shallow and quick--as if he had gone around the block chasing after something. The young man was completely overwhelmed and his entire body started to shake on its own. Jinki pulls back and looks at Kibum and the older man had never seen him more vulnerable. At that moment, he knew that he wanted to spend his life taking care of him and protecting him from all his fears. 

"It's okay to be scared, Kibum... You're not alone."

"I love you, Jinki," Kibum whispers breathlessly, as he leans back in to continue the kiss. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

*****

The events of the day left him exhausted but Kibum couldn't bring himself to go to sleep. It had been hours since Taemin and Minho had left and he kind of wished they hadn't. Being alone with his worried thoughts wasn't the best thing for him right now. He had been vegging out in front of the television for hours, not wanting to move far away from his Halmeoni's room. He wanted so badly to be by her side but it just made better sense for his mother to do so, since she already knew about all the medicines and routines that his grandmother was used to. Even so, he found it difficult to stay away. The young man had already been scolded by his Eomma for sneaking a peek into her room every ten minutes. Halmeoni must rest, she says, and he must do the same. But really, how could he?

He flips through the channels one more time and rolls his eyes. The program that he had seen at noontime in the hospital was being replayed, and time obviously did not make any of it easier to watch. His mind gets transported back to the hospital earlier that day when everything was unknown and scary. Despite the stresses that came with the emergency visit, Kibum would never forget the way Jinki had cared for him almost the entire day. It had been so long since anyone had paid that much attention to his needs. It felt so nice to be cared for, and by him. 

Jinki was so wonderful. The young man didn't even have to say that he was scared to talk to the doctors himself, or that he needed help going around the hospital to settle the bills. What stuck with him the most was how much comfort Jinki gave him just by being there. Even now, in his midnight solace, he could feel the effects of not having Jinki by his side. And he suddenly felt unbearably lonely.

The young man reaches for the remote and flips through the channels for the nth time, without much luck of finding a decent program. He was just relieved that his hands had something to do when his mind was racing a hundred miles per hour. Why was he even thinking of Jinki? It was so strange that things with the both of them fell back into a rhythm so quickly after they had let go of the past. He could tell that Jinki felt the same way too. All throughout the day, Kibum would catch him glancing with that same loving look in his eye from all those years ago. 

Kibum suddenly heard faint knocks on the front door and was confused for a minute. He lowered the volume of the television set to make sure that he wasn't just hearing things. There really was someone at the front door. He is startled when he swings it open to find the one person he was longing for on the other side. 

"You're here."