Kibum was getting ready to sleep when he heard the thunder rolling in. 

"Great," he mutters under his breath as he pulled the covers above his head. He would never admit it, but he was fearful of thunderstorms. There was something about the bursts of light and sounds that made him uneasy. The rain couldn't have come at a worse time. The academic decathlon was tomorrow, something that he had spent months preparing for, and he badly needed a good night's sleep. 

Kibum fishes underneath his pillow and finds the flashlight he has kept there since he was four years old. His Halmeoni gave it to him for nights such as this, telling him that as long as the light was on, he would never be alone. But the older he got, the less the light had comforted him. A loud crackling sound fills the air as Kibum sits up on his mattress, terrified. The young man closes his eyes as tight as he can, puts his fingers in his ears, and hums quietly to himself, hoping to drown out the noise outside. 

Suddenly, he feels a cheek press against the back of his hand with a voice humming along with him. He knew that voice anywhere. "Oh my God, Jinki! What are you doing here?" 

"Hi," Jinki says, his eyes disappearing in that bright smile of his. The younger man looks around, trying to make sense of everything when he sees puddles by his windowsill. Beside it was a soaking wet umbrella and his equally drenched rain boots. It was hard to believe that Jinki walked the ten blocks from his house in the darkness and pouring rain, but here he was. "There's a storm. And tomorrow's a big day. So I'm here to help you sleep. Come on. The clock is ticking." 

"Hyung, this is so sweet of you but you know you can't stay. What if Appa finds out?"

"Then he won't find out," he says, taking a seat on Kibum's bed and nudging away some space for himself. "I promise to wake up before sunrise and sneak back out the way I came. You worked too hard on this thing for you to lose just because you didn't have a decent night's rest. Scoot over. We both know you need this."

Kibum smiles as he moves to the edge of the bed. It was a tight squeeze for the both of them but neither minded having to squish into one another. Jinki starts to make himself comfortable by taking off his drenched coat, to reveal the cutest pair of pajamas underneath--like something little kids would wear. 

"Do you really wear bunny pajamas to bed or is this supposed to be for me?" Kibum asks with a smirk on his face.

"Laugh all you want, but I'll have you know that these kinds of jammies are the comfiest ones you can ever own," he says, smoothing his shirt out with pride. "Besides, bunnies are cute."

Just then, the room is illuminated from the outside as a lightning bolt streaks through the sky and lands nearby. Kibum jumps up in surprise and automatically shuts his eyes tight and covers his ears in fright. The cracking sounds make him fold into himself and the entire bed shook along with his small frame. 

"Hey... Hey, it's alright," Jinki says, wrapping his arms around Kibum. "It's gone now. It's alright. I'm here."

The pair sit there for a while until Kibum is calm enough to lie back down in bed. Still visibly shaken, he lies on his back while looking at the ceiling. The rumble of thunder in the distance is enough to keep him on his guard. But Jinki knew just how to lull Kibum to sleep.

The older man rolls over to his side to face Kibum and wraps a tender arm around him. He rests his forehead beside the young man's temple and hums a song in his ear--the one he was quietly singing to himself moments ago. Soon enough, he feels the younger's body relax and the sounds of rain and thunder are replaced by their voices blending perfectly together in quiet hums. The duo goes through some songs together until Jinki realizes that he is humming alone. 

"Kibum?" he asks softly, gently lifting his head to check on his boyfriend. Kibum is now sound asleep, finally unbothered by the flashes of light on display outside his window. Jinki loved that he had all the time in the world to stare at him this way and watch Kibum's chest rise and fall with each breath. Little by little, the steady rhythm of Kibum's breathing lulled Jinki to sleep, too. The older man smiles at the simple perfection of this moment. "Good night, Bummie..." he whispers in his beloved's ear. "I love you."

The barn kept them safe and dry from the thunderstorm raging outside, but nothing could shield them from the emotions that were coming to the surface at long last. It took a while for each of them to get back to being calm. The burst of emotion caught each of them off-guard and the pair now sat at a curious distance from one another. It was clear that the storm wouldn't let up for a while and they awkwardly shared this space, not sure how to go forward.

Jinki kept wringing his fingers and looking over at Kibum, who seemed transfixed by the drops of rain slamming against the windowpane. Like it or not, things have changed. No longer was Kibum the scared young boy who was frightened by thunder and lightning. The Kibum in front of him now seemed to find solace in the storm. He didn't need anyone to comfort him anymore. Jinki wasn't needed as he once was.

As much as things have changed, some things stayed the same. The younger had a blank look on his face--a look that Jinki was all too familiar with. Kibum was gathering his thoughts. The key was to leave him alone for a while until he was ready to talk. But the wait had been almost been half an hour now--half an hour of excruciating silence. And each minute that went by felt longer than the last. 

The older sits up in attention as Kibum finally stirs. "Do you remember that fight we had before I left?" Kibum says, still looking out the window. "I was so angry with you."

"I know. I remember," Jinki says, finding the strength to look back at Kibum. The only reason he could was that the younger wasn't looking back at him. Thank God that he found the window fascinating for now. It was too painful to confront the hurt in his eyes. 

"I couldn't believe that you were asking me to stay," he continues, chuckling to himself. "I thought we had agreed on meeting up in the city, and I couldn't understand why you waited until a few days before I left to spring that on me. Was that the reason you didn't show up at the station? Was it revenge for me choosing to leave even if you asked me not to? If you wanted to get back at me, you did it well," Kibum says, his eyes starting to fill with tears as the emotions from the past come to the surface. "You did it so well."

"I never meant to hurt you, Kibum," Jinki responds. "I just didn't know what else to do."

"There were a million things you could have done instead of what you ended up doing."

Jinki falls quiet. Of course, Kibum was right. Each day since then, he had to live with the guilt of what happened but the truth was at that time, he was just plain scared to face it all. But he couldn't tell Kibum that. There was no way that would be enough of an explanation. He knew that telling Kibum his side of the story wouldn't make that much of a difference, but he had to at least try.

"It wasn't that easy for me either, Kibum," Jinki's voice starts to crack as he recounts the years that have passed. "You were so busy getting ready to leave when I found out that Appa's health was getting worse. I felt like I didn't have a choice but to stay when they needed my help so badly. So I begged for you to stay here with me."

Kibum finally looked over at Jinki, whose eyes had fallen to the floor. The young man didn't realize that things were that bad even when he was still in town. This was the first he had heard of anything like this. He begrudgingly started to listen with his heart to what Jinki had to say. 

"You weren't the only angry one. I never understood how easy it was for you to go. I hated how you decided so quickly to leave me even if I was begging so hard for you to reconsider. All you cared about was your scholarship, your plan to meet up in the city, your dreams, your life. I was part of that relationship too but you acted like I didn't have a say. You didn't even want to hear me out."

The younger man was completely taken aback. All this time he had thought that Jinki was completely to blame for what happened. To realize that he might have had a part in all this made him sick to his stomach. "I thought you just didn't want me to go. I didn't know your Appa was already that sick then. You should have made me listen."

"What difference would it have made? If I insisted on telling you, only one of two things would happen: It's either you would have known the full story and left anyway, which would make me resent you, or you would not have left at all, which would make you resent me. Both are awful to even think about," Jinki replies. "I didn't enjoy leading you on like that. I regret it to this day. But I had to let you go to the city believing that we would be together there one day. Things had to happen this way."

"You still shouldn't have let me wait for you like that... Leaving things that way for years," Kibum replies.

"I know... But I did try," Jinki says. "That day we agreed to meet at the station, I tried to see you one last time. I rehearsed what I was going to say a million times in my head. I thought I was ready to face you but I never got on the train. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting you... I couldn't bear to let those words come out of my mouth... All my life, all I wanted to do was to be with you. I couldn't let myself be the one to end things. And the more time passed, the more I felt like I couldn't talk to you. So I just let it be."

With everything that he had imagined himself saying at this moment, Kibum was speechless. Many versions of this conversation had played in his mind over the years. He expected to feel anger, sadness, and regret... But not once did he imagine himself become so understanding of what Jinki went through too. Sympathy for the older man washed over him like a flood.

"For what it's worth, I am sorry... I've never been able to forgive myself for making you suffer like that." Jinki says, wiping the silent tears falling from his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Kibum. I wish I could have done better. I don't expect you to forgive me, but you should know how sorry I am."

"That's all I wanted to hear," Kibum says, a strange relief washing over his entire body. For the first time in a long time, he felt free from all the negative emotions that had weighed him down... About his life, about this town... About Jinki. "I'm sorry, too. I was too selfish. I shouldn't have been too hard on you."

Jinki nods his head in acknowledgment. For the first time in a long time, they were able to look at each other with clear lenses. They finally understood one another. It was a case of time and circumstance getting in the way of what was a real romance. The two share a knowing look as if to convey that everything was going to be alright.

"What now?" Jinki asks.

Kibum shrugs his shoulders. Having a clean slate with one another was more than either of them expected to walk away with. They were just going to have to figure things out as they went along. The younger man glances out the window and clears his throat. "The rain stopped. I better get going. Eomma might get upset if I miss dinner." 

Without the sound of the rain outside, everything sounded more peaceful--as peaceful as how they finally felt after a long while. The pair stand up, and Jinki walks with Kibum to the door of the barn, opening it for the younger man as he left.

"Hey Jinki," Kibum says with a faint smile on his face. "Don't have fun without me."

Jinki's heart skips a beat at the familiar greeting. Maybe things really were going to be alright. He couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face as he replied. "You know I can't."

"Kibum," Jinki says, trying to gently shake his beloved awake. "Kibum, it's morning. I have to go."

The younger man stirs in bed with one eye open, grabbing Jinki by his bunny sleeves. Somehow, sleeping is better when it's beside Jinki. He didn't want him to go at all. Kibum tugs at the sleeves until Jinki finally surrenders and lies back down--but just for a little while.

"Good morning," the older man says, placing a kiss on Kibum's temple. "You don't have to get up yet but I really have to go." Kibum pouts his lips and mimics a tantrum at Jinki's insistence. "I should go now or else your Appa will catch us. You don't want that, do you?"

Kibum quickly lets go of the older man's sleeve and sits up in bed, watching his boyfriend gather his things and prepare to leave. "Jinki? Thank you... I wouldn't have been able to sleep without you."

"I know," the older man replies with a wink. He sneaks one last look at Kibum before he crouches back through the window. "Don't have fun without me."

"You know I can't."

*****

A/N: Listening to Symptoms on loop while writing this. It was a struggle to flesh out this part of the story... It was tricky to be clear about what happened without making it seem like one person was more to blame than the other, so this is why I took my time with this chapter. For some reason, Symptoms coaxed me out of my slight block when I usually prefer to write alone and in silence. I'm such a creature of habit when it comes to writing (I tend to be superstitious about the things that work for me lol) and any departure from my norm is super interesting to me. The only other song I ever wrote to was SayoHito. Hmm, I wonder what's with those songs...? Haha. Pardon my irrelevant and random brain farts. Clearly, I need more people to talk to. Lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for reading along so far! Next one coming soon <3