"Kibum," Jinki says, as he could feel himself getting more and more excited with every minute that passed by. Kibum's kisses were growing more urgent and Jinki felt himself wanting to get lost in them so badly. 

The younger man's wandering hands really didn't help at all, with Kibum finding his way into Jinki's shirt. His hand touching bare skin set him on fire. Muffled groans escape his lips as Kibum finds his way on top, pressing their bodies closer to one another. He looks up at the younger man, whose eyes were shut tight and enjoying being this close. Seeing Kibum on top of him like this was almost too much to bear. A familiar feeling at the pit of his stomach began to grow and he knew that he had to stop this right now before he couldn't turn back.

"Kibum," he says, mustering the strength to protest. "Wait... Let's slow down, okay?"

The younger man stops abruptly with a look of concern on his face. "Is there something wrong? Are you okay?"

"No, I'm fine," the older man replies. "I just think we should slow down a little bit."

Beads of sweat rolled down Jinki's cheek despite the cool Sunday afternoon. He hurriedly gets up out of bed to switch the fan on and stands in front of it, wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. He closes his eyes and desperately tries to get his thoughts on something else - anything, to get himself under control again.

Kibum sits in his bed for a while, dumbfounded that this has happened again. Every single time that he wanted to take things a little bit further with Jinki, the older man acted like this. He was beginning to think that there was something wrong with him, and he hated feeling that way about himself. It hurt even more that it was caused by the one person whose opinion meant the most to him. 

He waits for Jinki to say something. Just this once, maybe he could explain why he seemed so averse to the idea of having . But the older man stays silent, his head down and his back towards Kibum. Nothing could be heard in the room except for the dull, repetitive humming of the whirling fan. 

"I'll just head home," the younger man finally says, getting quickly out of the bed. Without another word, Kibum starts picking up his things from all over Jinki's room and angrily shoving them into his backpack. 

Jinki turns his head in alarm, almost sent into a panic by the tone in Kibum's voice. Over the years, he had mastered how the younger man expressed different emotions and this was definitely out of the ordinary. Kibum wasn't just annoyed or upset... Jinki could tell that he was hurt. 

"Hey, hey," he says, making his way quickly to his boyfriend. Kibum managed to dodge the older man and continue getting his things which were scattered all over the room. So Jinki had to hold on to his shoulders and do his best to catch Kibum's eye. "What's wrong? Why are you leaving? I thought we were spending the afternoon together."

Kibum thought of keeping his feelings to himself, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep a secret from Jinki for long. He takes a deep breath and decides to say everything that he was feeling. The months of frustration, pent-up anger, and heightened insecurities came flying out of him in one fell swoop. 

"I hate this," the younger man replies, tears filling his eyes. "I don't understand why you act this way. You say you love me and think the world of me, but then when it gets like this, you treat me like I disgust you or something. I'm tired of feeling like crap about myself every time this happens. I'll just go home."

"What?" Jinki says, his eyes wide with concern. There must be some mistake. He couldn't believe his ears. "What are you talking about??"

Avoiding eye contact, the younger man tries to walk around Jinki with as much speed as he could. But Jinki was deceptively strong. He catches Kibum and holds on to his arms to find out exactly what was going on.

"What do you mean 'You disgust me'? Kibum, I have never thought that in my life!"

"Y-You haven't?" Kibum asks, in between soft sobs. 

"No, never!" Jinki says, pulling Kibum in for a tight embrace. "Oh my God. Do you think that's what goes through my head when I say I need to calm down?"

The younger man nods his head, tears now fully spilling onto his cheeks now. 

"Kibum," Jinki says, as he takes his boyfriend's hands and sits him down onto his bed. "I'm so sorry... I never meant to make you feel that way. I'm an idiot. I'm such an idiot."

He takes the young man's bags out of his hands and lays it down on the floor. Wiping every tear with his own hands, Jinki makes sure to look Kibum in the eye as he finally says the truth. "Yes, I do stop when things get heated between the two of us but it isn't because I don't find you attractive... I don't have eyes for anyone else but you. You know that... Right?"

He says it with such a sincere look in his eye that made Kibum feel silly that he ever let himself feel insecure. He thought back to all the times that Jinki had made him feel like he was the only other person in the world... All the times that he was made to feel so special and loved. The older man was right. There was no way that what he was thinking could be the truth. Kibum nods his head in acknowledgment, instantly feeling a little bit better about everything.

"If you really want to know... I stop when I can because I know that if I get past a certain point, I won't be able to control myself. And I don't want it to get to that..."

"Why not?" Kibum asks, sniffling. 

Jinki looks down at their hands and is a bit shy to tell him exactly why. But he knew that he had to. They always promised to be honest with one another. He couldn't stand seeing Kibum in pain because of him. "It's not that I don't want you... I do. It's just... I'm scared. I don't know what I'm doing and I want to disappoint you or hurt you... And I really don't want you to think that's all I want from you. You're too precious to me."

Kibum looks up to stare at the older man in disbelief. It was hard to process that any young man would think this way. But Jinki did. And Kibum had never felt more treasured in his life. 

"I'm scared too," Kibum responds. "But it feels nice to show you how much I love you in that way, you know... When you walk away, I feel like you're rejecting me..."

"I could never," Jinki says. "Let's take our time, okay? I don't want to rush into it, that's all. I know that when it happens, it'll be beautiful..."

*****

The car ride home was mostly silent - not that either of them had minded. There was a comfort in the silence that they shared; an unspoken agreement that every whisper of their heart had already been expressed in the most beautiful way that they could think of. They now knew how they truly felt about one another. Nothing more needed to be said. 

As the chilly night air wafted through the open windows of Jinki's truck, he looks over at Kibum at the same exact time the young man glanced over at him too. Warm smiles were exchanged as he took his right hand off the wheel and laced Kibum's hand in his. It was one of the sweetest gestures that the younger man had ever experienced and he could immediately feel the blush coming onto his cheeks. 

Everything felt so right.

And even if he wanted just enjoy this moment, that in itself worried Jinki. 

If he had learned anything in his difficult adult life, it was that things were never as good as they seemed... At least not for long. And he dreaded having to face the fact that their lives operated in different universes. He was sure that he would have to make some difficult decisions again along the way. Their little pocket of joy would have to end sometime but the truth was, Jinki didn't want it to. Despite everything that practicality dictated, there he was - willing to go all-in. Jinki was sure that if there was anyone in this world worth risking anything for, it was definitely Kibum. It's been decided. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

Kibum, on the other hand, could not believe how fate has brought them back together. After all these years, he was surprised to find that his heart still beats for Jinki and Jinki alone. It was like he was floating in the air, and nothing could bring him down from the clouds. He kisses Jinki's cheek and lays his head on his shoulder. 

"How come we never did that before?"

Jinki chuckles at the younger man's blunt question.

"No, seriously," Kibum asks, constantly adjusting his grip on Jinki's hand. It was nice getting reacquainted with the feeling of the older man's palm in his. "I kept trying but... Maybe you really just didn't want me then and you were too scared to say that."

"You've forgotten," Jinki replies, sneaking a glance at Kibum. He was barely able to keep his eyes on the road. All he wanted was to stare at Kibum's beautiful face.

The younger man pouts and clicks his tongue. "No, I know. Can't you take a hint? I just wanted to hear it again to see if it's still true."

"Baby, if you only knew how much I wanted you. It literally hurt. You know you've always meant a lot to me. I just wanted it to be special, that's all."

"So was it?"

Turning his head to the side, Jinki sweetly plants a kiss on Kibum's forehead. "Better than special. It was beautiful."

In no time at all, they arrive at the Kim house, the darkness enveloping the progress that Kibum had made in repairing Halmeoni's beautiful garden. It was almost painful to let go of Kibum's hand as they get out of the truck together. They both walk up to the door like they used to do when they were younger when Jinki waited for Kibum to get safely inside his home. The older man lets out a sigh as he said something that he had been wanting to say the whole night.

"I just wanted you to know that this isn't a one-time thing. You mean more to me than that. I'd really like to be a part of your life from now on, if you'll let me." 

For once, Kibum didn't really know what to say. Of course, he wanted the same thing that Jinki did. But now that their lives were in separate places, there were so many things to consider. It was too complicated to even begin thinking about. He quickly shakes his head, wanting to clear his mind from any thoughts that could take away from the happiness he was feeling. 

He smiled shyly, as he reached to grab Jinki's hand. "Let's talk about it in the morning? I want to sort this out too..."

"I really wish I could have you to myself tonight," the older man says, pulling Kibum's hand and yanking him close for a sweet embrace.

Kibum leans into the hug, burying himself into the crook of Jinki's neck. The smell of his skin made the younger man's heart beat so fast. "I do too... It's just that... You know how busy early mornings around here can get. I need to help while I can."

"Yeah, I know," Jinki says, leaning in for a soft kiss. "So, tomorrow?"

"Are you really going to come by after breakfast?" Kibum says, playfully locking his arms around the older man and not letting him go. 

"No one can stop me," he replies, with a smile. 

The two share a kiss as the moonlight wraps around them beautifully, casting a soft glow on both of them. Kibum stares at Jinki for a minute, completely overwhelmed that they had found themselves in love again after all these years. 

Jinki plants another kiss on Kibum's cheek and whispers good night before he starts to walk back to his truck. The older man debates in his mind whether he should say the three words that he desperately wanted to say and decided that one declaration for one night is more than enough. But that didn't stop him from expressing it through his eyes. And Kibum felt it profoundly as he stared back at him before getting into the driver's seat. 

The young man waves goodbye as the truck disappeared into the cloak of night, before coming into his home.

Neither of them could remember the last time they were this happy.

*****

Jinki just arrived back home when he heard his phone ringing. He picks it up excitedly without even looking at who it was, expecting that it was going to be the one person that he was already missing.

"I just got home," he says, as he gets comfortable in the driver's seat, expecting a long conversation. 

"Uh... I'm glad you got home safe, Jinki-ssi," says a vaguely familiar voice on the other end. 

Startled, he immediately sits up and collects himself. He wasn't expecting business calls at this hour. Jinki hurriedly looks at the screen of his phone and doesn't recognize the number that rang him. "Sorry, who's this?"

"That's alright," the person on the other end says with a giggle. "It's me, Jonghyun! I'm on the train now on the way back to the city and was a little sad that I didn't get to say a proper goodbye. Thank you so much for making my stay pleasant."

The businessman rolls his eyes at the annoyingly sweet and thoughtful caller. "Oh! Jonghyun-ssi, good to hear from you. It was great to have you here."

"You're really too kind, Jinki-ssi," the writer says. Jinki had to admit that Jonghyun's voice was so soothing to listen to. It was like he could hear him smiling as he talked. "Listen, there's actually another reason why I called. Is this a good time to talk?"

Jinki paused to think. After what happened with him and Kibum earlier, he realized that he didn't need to be jealous of the new guy anymore. He knew he had Kibum's heart now. And maybe he could finally be open to Jonghyun. After all, with the way that Minho and Taemin treated him, he was pretty sure he was going to see this guy more regularly anyway. He deserved at least a chance at a decent friendship. 

"Uh, sure, Jonghyun-ssi. What can I help you with? Let's speak comfortably. You can call me Hyung."