Minseok lies on his bed, still as ever, and Chanyeol sighs as he reaches out to take his hands. He has asked Sehee if he can bring his own bedsheets for Minseok’s room but has been denied. Instead he has brought a small bouquet of Himalayan blue poppies to familiarize the hospital room.

There is a knitted blanket strewn over the chair next to the bed, a gift he suspects is from his mother-in-law. On the windowsill stands a small frame and when Chanyeol picks it up to look at the picture, he recognizes his own proud smile and a happy Minseok beside him. They’re dressed in tuxedos, Minseok holding a large bouquet in one hand and Chanyeol’s hand in the other. Happiness radiates off of them, palpable through the picture.

It was taken when Minseok passed his Ph.D. with flying colors. Chanyeol had never been prouder of his boyfriend in that moment. He remembers Minseok’s mother shedding tears behind her husband as she fussed with his sister and his father trying to hush them so he could take a nice picture.

They had been laughing so much that day as they went out to dinner with Minseok’s family. When they’d gotten back to the apartment, Chanyeol had pulled out a small gift from his pocket and kissed his cheek. Minseok had giggled, told him he was crazy for spending money on a gift but Chanyeol had been persistent. Getting a Ph.D. was not for everybody and the surprise on Minseok’s face when he opened the gift and saw the expensive watch, had been more than enough to prove that Chanyeol had made the right decision.

“Remember this?” he says out loud and turns the photograph towards Minseok on the bed. “How happy you were. You were so nervous before your doctoral dissertation but there was no reason to be. I always told you, remember? That they couldn’t possibly fail you for your work. You stayed up late for many nights.”

He sits down on the chair, photo still in hand and turns it back towards himself so he can stare at their happy faces one again.

“Remember your sister demanded we take her out for dumplings now that we were actual adults with jobs. We never did get to take her out, did we? It’s been years now. Do you think she still remembers?”

The vital sign monitor starts ringing out its alarm and Chanyeol’s eyes snap immediately to the machine. There is nothing disturbing shown, however. Minseok’s vital signs are as they have been the entire time he’s been in the hospital. A nurse enters the room to turn off the alarm and sends Chanyeol a smile. When she leaves, he reaches out to wrap his hand around Minseok’s.

“We should take her out when you wake up. I love you. Please wake up. I can’t do this without you. Minseok, please.”

He can feel the tear that finds its way down his cheek. He hasn’t been crying for weeks so why now? Angrily he wipes it away with the back of his hand and then focuses back on Minseok. He looks so peaceful. He doesn’t care about the world as he lies there in a world of coldness of his own.

Sehee enters a little later with a wet cloth and a hairbrush and Chanyeol leaves her to her work, even when she suggests he does it. He doesn’t think he can do it, knowing Minseok won’t be there to complain about his roughness or kiss him to make up for the jokes. Instead he leaves the hospital, heart heavy with memories yet again.

---

Chanyeol finds himself in Jeongdok Public Library once again, browsing through books lightly but he has another purpose today. He’s looking for Jongdae, fingers only gently touching the back of the books as he goes through row after row, shelf after shelf in search of the black-haired boy. He has almost given up when he spots someone near the audiobooks. When he gets close, he stops for a few seconds, rethinks the entire thing but ultimately decides he has to go forward.

“Hey Jongdae,” he says. His voice sounds so loud in the quiet of the library and Jongdae jolts a little at the sound in surprise. He smiles when he turns around towards Chanyeol, though, and gives him a nod.

“Didn’t see you there,” he says and puts down the audiobook CD he’s holding. Chanyeol smiles.

“I was wondering if your grandfather is okay?”

Chanyeol is genuine, even if he’s also a little curious. He knows that police work had that house under investigation for a little while, hell, he even met the old man himself with Baekhyun by his side and he want to know the connection Jongdae has to it all. He still can’t fathom the old man himself as Chen. Jongdae scratches his neck and ruffles his hair.

“Fine. Better. Doctors said it was a TIA so he’s recovering well. He wanted to send you guys chocolate for helping him, but … I convinced him to send it to the doctors and nurses instead.”

Jongdae sounds a little sheepish and laughs afterwards. Chanyeol’s smile grows.

“What a shame. Joonmyun would’ve loved some chocolate. I’m glad he’s doing better, though.”

They chuckle. Jongdae gestures towards the chairs and Chanyeol dutifully follows. They sit down in comfortable silence. Jongdae is fiddling with his shirt sleeve. Chanyeol observes him as he wrecks his mind to find a way to ask the one question, he’s here to get an answer to. It’s hard, though, to pretend he knows something about a government-hating blog that links to his grandparents’ home without revealing he’s been doing an illegal stake-out based on confidential police information.

It’s also difficult for him to find a way to bring it up without mentioning Minseok and revealing he’s gay, something Chanyeol so far has kept hidden. He also doesn’t want to stir up silence or questions about Jongdae’s partner that made him a widower – but not saying anything doesn’t give him an answer.

“Hey, did you see the news recently?” Jongdae asks when he finishes fighting with his sleeve. Chanyeol stares at him in question.

“What news?”

He feels dumb. No, Chanyeol hasn’t watched the news recently because he’s been too focused on Minseok, but he doesn’t want to admit that. He silently hopes Jongdae is referring to some dumb news about famous people, because Chanyeol never follows those. They’ll make him even dumber, Minseok tells him – Chanyeol believes him.

“The nephew of North Korea’s dictator wants to meet with the president. Some say he’s asking for help to flee the country.”

Chanyeol lifts an eyebrow in surprise. He hadn’t heard that.

“I thought the dictator’s family was well-fed and cared for,” he says in a questioning voice. Jongdae shrugs a little and smiles.

“So did I. But they’re also just rumors. Would be wild if there was actually some truth to them, though. Imagine that, a member of the North Korean dictatorship seeking refuge in South Korea.”

He chuckles at the thought and Chanyeol can’t help but feel the corners of his lips move up.

Jongdae launches into a new topic and leaves Chanyeol to give the right response and it only has Chanyeol’s mind going back to his dilemma of asking a suspicious question in a way that doesn’t give him away. He never gets to find an actual solution, however, because the same time he asks Jongdae if he can ask a question, Jongdae rises from his chair and excuses himself.

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “I really do have to go, but - wanna get lunch tomorrow? You can ask me then?”

Chanyeol nods.

“Yeah, sure, fine. Have a nice day!”

Jongdae leaves without more words and Chanyeol sinks back in his chair. He might still be curious; he might still be suspicious but he’s also not able to find a way to ask.

---

Baekhyun knocks twice before he enters the apartment as usual. The lights are on in the living room and Chanyeol sits on the couch, staring at the movie playing, bowl of popcorn in his pajamas clad lap.

“I can’t believe you started without me,” Baekhyun says mock-offended and throws his keys at the taller man. Chanyeol splutters and almost chokes on a popcorn before he flings the keys back towards Baekhyun. They end on the floor.

“It’s a different movie,” he wheezes between coughs to get the popcorn back up. Baekhyun just rolls his eyes and plops down on the couch, placing bags of chips on the coffee table. They have movie night once every month or so. It used to be more often but then they both got partners and full-time jobs and to keep Thursday dinners a regular thing in their schedule, movie night had to suffer a setback.

Chanyeol has downloaded multiple action-thrillers and horror-movies onto his tablet and Baekhyun is changing into his pajamas from his place on the couch.

“It’s like being back in college,” he says enthusiastically. He settles on the couch when he’s finished, drags the blanket closer and rests. Chanyeol laughs out loud at the memory but he agrees. It really is like being back in college, back when everything was so uncomplicated. Back to when it was only he and Baekhyun, without partners, without jobs, without adult responsibilities. Just the two of them, best friends watching movies that would scare them long into the night. Chanyeol appreciates movie night a whole lot more with nostalgia coursing through his veins.

They’re lying in the living room, Baekhyun on the couch and Chanyeol on the floor, with the lights turned off and only the moonlight shining in through the curtained windows. The scenes from the horror movies still flashes by every minute or so, making them shudder in the darkness. It’s always a little difficult to fall asleep. Chanyeol’s mind, however, is mostly occupied with the thought of Jongdae and the government-hating blogger that lives in his grandparents’ house. He’s about to ask Baekhyun what he thinks when he hears light snores from the couch. Chanyeol sighs and stares at the ceiling. He doesn’t get much sleep.

---

“What would you do?” Chanyeol asks a cold Minseok. He doesn’t get a response but he’s getting used to that by now. It helps just imagining a conversation, just voicing out his problems to the man he loves the most. He has a lunch-date with Jongdae in a couple of hours and still, he seeks out Minseok to help him figure out what to do. He isn’t of much help, though, because the usual logic that Minseok brings to a conversation just eludes him when he’s silent and Chanyeol has to think for both of them.

A knock on the door behind him has him turning around and dr. Cho walks in with a smile on his face that turns to mild sympathy when he sees Chanyeol.

“Oh hello,” he greets and Chanyeol feels his fingers tighten their hold on Minseok’s hand. “I’m afraid we’ll have to send you out for a while. We’re taking Minseok to surgery.”

Chanyeol widens his eyes in surprise. He hasn’t heard anything of surgery. They narrow to confusion but that doesn’t give him any answers either. Dr. Cho just opens the door wider to reveal a nurse and an orderly.

“Wait! Surgery?” he asks and doesn’t let go of Minseok’s hand as they all file into the room. He only narrowly avoids standing up to protect his boyfriend from intruders coming to take him away.

“His left kidney has suffered so much damage from the ECMO that we have to remove it. Leaving it would cause necrosis and a lot of damage. He’ll be back in a couple of hours. I suggest you do something productive while you wait around. Do you want Sehee to give you a call when he’s out of surgery?”

Dr. Cho is noting things while talking. Chanyeol blinks and swallows a lump. Everything seems to go by in a blur. The orderly removes his hands gently and takes the bed, the nurse helps Chanyeol stand and guides him from the room to the reception desk and dr. Cho tells Sehee something in passing before they all disappear to do new things to new patients and Chanyeol feels stuck in the middle of the hallway.

It makes perfect sense to remove a bad kidney, but he feels lost without Minseok and for some reason, fear of him never returning, strikes him as lightning from a blue sky. He almost sits down right there on the floor but then realizes he can’t. He can’t be a child about this. He’s been adult enough to survive the two and a half month Minseok has been admitted to the ICU in a coma-like state, he can’t suddenly let go of his responsibilities now.

The large wall clock slowly ticks life back in him and as Chanyeol exits the hospital and breathes fresh air he feels somewhat less hopeless, somewhat more ready to take on whatever life throws at him. Well, if only it wasn’t this.

---

Jongdae sits in front of a computer, very occupied with whatever he’s doing, and he doesn’t notice Chanyeol’s footsteps coming closer. Instead of calling out to him like he usually would, Chanyeol decides to sneak up on his new friend. Except as he gets closer, he notices the black background on the screen from somewhere. He squints his eyes and tries harder to read the text, slowly inching forward because he doesn’t want to surprise Jongdae and have him close whatever tab he’s on.

The red text is striking against the black and he’s almost standing right behind him when he realizes where he has seen it all before. Chanyeol gasps, loudly, and Jongdae turns around in surprise and quickly closes the tab. Chanyeol has seen enough, though. The red text, the striking username, the words and the slurs.

“What the ?” he exclaims loud enough for the librarian to hush him. Jongdae raises an eyebrow but he doesn’t look particularly fazed.

“What?” he asks and Chanyeol sees red. There is no evidence the blog – and now Jongdae – has any connection to Minseok in the ICU but Chanyeol lets anger well up, nonetheless. The anger, the hatred – the fear of losing the love of his life clouds the edges of his vision and he almost hits Jongdae square in the face. Instead he fists his hands until his knuckles turn red. Jongdae leans back in the chair, surprise gone and replaced with nonchalance. He crosses his arms across his chest and the stare he sends Chanyeol shows nothing of the kindness and friendliness he has gotten used to.

“You…” he stammers, unable to find his words. This is the answer to his question.

“I?” Jongdae repeats, mocking him. Chanyeol glares at him but only receives a glare back. The budding friendship between them has disappeared within seconds. Chanyeol can’t find words to describe his anger, so instead he punches Jongdae in the face.

When his fist connects with Jongdae’s nose it throws it out of position. Jongdae gets up from his seat, ready to retaliate when the librarian hurries towards them and chastises them for fighting. They’re kicked out of the library and she threatens to call the police if any of them dare set foot in her library again.

Chanyeol doesn’t care much, he can beat Jongdae outside the library as well. Jongdae, however, starts walking away, hand holding his broken nose. When Chanyeol realizes his answers are walking away, he hurries after him. It only takes a second from Chanyeol grabbing hold of Jongdae’s arm to a fist lands on his face, bruising his eye and his cheek. He feels slightly dizzy, but he holds on.

Jongdae doesn’t go down without a fight, however.

A couple of bruises, a metacarpal fracture from a punch into the wall and a shallow cut from a ring later, Jongdae and Chanyeol rests against the wall of the library. They look hideous, but they’re too exhausted to continue fighting and more than one passer-by has shouted threats of calling the police towards them.

“What does it matter to you if I hate the government?” Jongdae asks, his voice cold. Chanyeol closes his eyes and rests his throbbing head against the cold bricks behind him.

“I …” he says and takes a deep breath. “Why do you hate the government?”

He can hear Jongdae scoff and sniff.

“They killed my wife and my daughter. A freak accident caused by lazy engineering that nobody cared for because it was the cheaper option and the government covered up those responsible.”

Chanyeol stays quiet for a few seconds.

“I’m going to kill them. All of them,” Jongdae says before Chanyeol can respond. When he opens his eyes and looks towards the other man beside him, there is fire in his cold eyes, determination strong and scary.

“I’m …” Chanyeol starts but doesn’t know how to continue.

“You’re what?” Jongdae spits. “Sorry? Hah, the government will be sorry when they’re dead.”

“Why didn’t you say anything to media? Made a big deal out of it?” Chanyeol asks and Jongdae scoffs again, only to sniff blood back into his broken nose.

“Nobody cares. That’s why they’ll all have to die.”

Chanyeol doesn’t know why he asks but he asks Jongdae to elaborate on his death threats. Hearing Jongdae talk about his loss has Chanyeol feeling sorry for him. He has almost forgotten that the blog is the reason he punched Jongdae in the first place. Jongdae’s answer, however, has chills running down his spine. Despite being exhausted and hurting, Jongdae’s words have Chanyeol’s hands fist against his side and he’s near ready to throw another punch at the man beside him. Jongdae doesn’t seem to care too much about Chanyeol, filled with his own desire for revenge.

“You’re killing my boyfriend,” Chanyeol says. His voice is stone cold, and he doesn’t care about homophobia. With Jongdae proudly explaining how he created a dangerous virus to kill the government in their sleep, letting them suffer, Chanyeol realizes Baekhyun was right all along. The blogger had everything to do with Minseok’s illness. Jongdae raises an eyebrow in disinterest and looks at Chanyeol, noticing his hands.

“He’s not dead yet?” he asks and Chanyeol sneers.

“What the is that supposed to mean?”

“The virus needs to be better.”

It takes a split second and Chanyeol grabs Jongdae’s shirt, not caring about the pain in his hand, and threatens him in a whisper.

“You will cure my boyfriend and you will leave us alone afterwards.”

When he lets go, Jongdae just stares at him unimpressed.

“Is that it?” he asks and dusts his shoulder off. “I’m afraid that can’t be done because you will go to the police and send me to jail and if that happens, I will kill your boyfriend for certain.”

The silence is heavy between them.

“If I promise not to go to the police, will you cure him?” Chanyeol asks in a whisper. Jongdae shrugs.

“No promises.”

It earns him another black eye.

A police car drives past and stops a couple of meters away. The officer that exits the car looks at the two of them in disgust. Chanyeol tries to neaten himself but he doesn’t succeed much.

“Hey officer,” Jongdae says and stands up. “Anything wrong?”

He’s smiling, charming, in spite of the dried blood on his philtrum and his black eye. Chanyeol scrambles up to stand as well. The officer tilts his head in obvious annoyance.

“Are you done fighting? I will bring you in if you don’t get off the streets this second,” he says and Chanyeol nods and bows 90 degrees. He apologizes as he grabs Jongdae’s wrist to keep him from running away and drags him towards his car in the library parking lot. He drags Jongdae with him and forces him into the passenger seat and locks the doors the second he’s in the car as well. Jongdae scowls at him.

“What do you want?” he sneers. Chanyeol leans against his car seat and sighs.

“Cure my boyfriend.”

Jongdae snorts.

“Does he mean that much to you?”

Chanyeol nods.

“Cure him or I will report you to the authorities.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes and instead of retaliating names an address and sinks back into the seat. Chanyeol’s hand is starting to hurt a lot by now. Jongdae doesn’t say anything as the car starts and they drive towards the address.

It’s a small house on the outskirts of Bukchon, red bricks and a green roof like every other house around. A trash bag sits in front of the iron gate, waiting for the garbage truck, and a lonely pear tree stands in bloom in the small front yard. Jongdae leads him down a couple of stairs to the basement apartment and Chanyeol stops in the doorway, staring at the interior. It’s dark and clinical. A mattress is resting in the corner, the kitchenette is dirty, and the rest of the room is full of tables and chemical instruments Chanyeol has never in his life seen.

He recognizes a Bunsen burner from high school chemistry but then gives up and forces his attention back to Jongdae. The smaller man is opening a shelf and taking out a small vial. It’s labeled with a flame to indicate it’s flammable. Chanyeol automatically reaches out towards it but Jongdae removes it away.

“Ah ah,” he chides. Chanyeol narrows his eyes. “If you mention my name to anyone, I will send the finished version to kill your boyfriend.”

The threat is strong in his voice. It would be foolish to doubt it, but Chanyeol has only one goal – saving Minseok.

“I won’t.”

The anti-virus exchanges hands and Chanyeol leaves. He drives directly to the hospital.