The hospital smells worse tonight. Where Chanyeol usually sees hope and love, tonight all he sees are death and injury. The ER is full of smaller injuries; a child with a pearl up his nose, a guy that looks like he smashed his hand into a wall and fractured it, a woman with a sprained ankle. Chanyeol is pacing up and down with worry, nausea setting in every time he tries to sit down.

The nurse at the reception is looking at him with worry but he doesn’t care. He can’t care. The only thing that’s on his mind is Minseok.

Chanyeol doesn’t notice a pair of newcomers in the ER until said newcomers grab his wrists and leads him to a chair. Baekhyun is standing in front of him, worry written all over his face and Sookyung is standing next to him, hand firmly on Chanyeol’s shoulder to prevent him from standing up and start his pacing again.

“Is he alright?” Baekhyun asks and someone in the room, possibly Sookyung, sighs out loud.

“We’re here for you,” she says and subtly disregards Baekhyun’s question. To her, it’s more important that Chanyeol knows they’re there in the midst of distress. But Chanyeol knows nothing and when the fact really registers, he feels his body shivering, tears threatening to spill.

Baekhyun promptly sits down beside him, hands wrapped around Chanyeol’s tall body, his face buried in his chest. Sookyung sits down as well, hands slowly caressing his back soothingly to deliver the emotions she doesn’t like saying out loud. They’re here for him, for Minseok, for them.

Time ticks by slowly. Worry and tears become anger and frustration. When there’re no more tears to cry and no more anger to vent, Chanyeol deflates into a state of numbness. There are still no words from the doctors.

Sookyung is drinking her second cup of coffee, very unlike her, and Baekhyun is almost falling asleep on Chanyeol’s shoulder. The sun is peaking through the windows, illuminating the morning sky in oranges and reds and the patients in the ER are slowly replaced by new patients. Drunken men found passed out on the streets swear to all hell and back when the doctors suture their wounds and children are crying from infections and fevers. Chanyeol stares at nothing in particular, doesn’t feel like he’s actually seeing. He’s just here, waiting for news that doesn’t seem to come.

“Park Chanyeol?” a loud voice booms in the ER, surprising all three of them. Chanyeol is on his feet so fast that Baekhyun falls face flat onto his chair. Sookyung is by Chanyeol’s side immediately.

“I’m his sister,” she says when the doctor gives her a strange look. Considering that Chanyeol is taller than average and Sookyung is shorter than average and they look nothing alike it’s a pretty obvious lie, but the doctor doesn’t question them further. He leads them into a small room, Baekhyun scrambling after them awkwardly.

“You’re Kim Minseok’s bo… partner?” the doctor asks, eyes squinted a bit as if it hurts him to say the word boyfriend.

“His boyfriend, yes.” So Chanyeol does it for him. He’s not afraid of homophobia right now, he’s not really afraid of anything. Except the words ‘Minseok has died’. He’s terrified of those.

“We’ve transferred Minseok to the ICU. His core temperature stayed stagnant on 28°C but no matter how aggressively we treat his hypothermia, it doesn’t seem to work. We’ve put him on life support to minimize possibility of organ failure.”

Chanyeol stops functioning. His boyfriend, love of his life, is currently on life support to sustain his organs from the severe hypothermia he’s experiencing for no good reason.

“What are your plans, other than life support?” Sookyung asks, apparently able to ask the smart questions. Chanyeol is her forever thankful.

“We’re going to continue aggressive treatment, while trying to find the root of his hypothermia. Do you have any idea what might’ve caused it?”

There’s silent for a few seconds in the little room; then Chanyeol shakes his head.

“He wasn’t sick the day before,” he whispers, voice strangely unstable like he’s about to cry again. “When I came home yesterday, he was slightly shivering under some blankets and our duvet. I assumed it was a fever.”

There’s another pause, then Chanyeol asks “Can I go see him?”

The tension in the room is palpable until the doctor nods and leads them towards the ICU. There, in a room of white walls and grey floors, on a white bed covered with heated blankets and duvets, IV lines going from large drop bags in heated containers into his veins, lies Minseok. In the corner is an ECMO-machine humming silently, making sure he stays alive. He’s pale, dark hair a stark contrast to the white skin and his eyes are closed, black eyelashes resting on white cheeks.

Chanyeol wants to cry again, wants to kiss him better, but something is holding him back. His feet feel like lead when he walks closer and gently the cold cheek with the back of his hand. 6 years of love is laying in front of him, cold and still and it hurts to think this might be it. It feels like his heart is breaking into a million tiny pieces, forced apart by the stillness of his boyfriend. A warm hand is placed on his shoulder and Chanyeol chokes up. They cannot convince him to leave, however.

When Baekhyun and Sookyung leave, Chanyeol stays seated in the chair next to Minseok’s bed. The nurses bring him sandwiches and blankets, but Chanyeol never lets go of Minseok’s cold hands. Their fingers are intertwined, an odd hope that Chanyeol can bring back warmth. He falls asleep in the chair and a nurse gently places a pillow under his head.

Chanyeol wakes up to the sound of hushed voices, machines beeping and phones ringing. He has a slight headache and a sore neck from an awkward sleeping position. He’s a bit confused until everything hits.

“Why is it elevated? This is common hypothermia,” a hushed voice whispers and Chanyeol’s ears automatically tune into the conversation. He doesn’t get the answer because the door to the room is shut closed, but the few words he did hear strike something in him. Instead of looking for answers, however, he turns around in the chair and looks at Minseok, still pale on the bed, skin too cold. He his cheek, lets his hand fall through the hair on his forehead and leans down to press a kiss to the top of his head.

“Please wake up,” Chanyeol whispers. “I love you.”

Minseok doesn’t respond. The heart monitor is beeping steadily along with the ECMO-machine’s humming and Chanyeol wishes there was something, anything, he could do. He’s staring at his boyfriend, lips thinning as he realizes he could lose him any second. He might be stable with modern medicine now, but there are no promises. He doesn’t want to cry anymore, doesn’t want to feel the immense sorrow of something that hasn’t happened yet.

A nurse opens the door and Chanyeol jumps slightly in the chair, surprised by the sudden noise.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” she says and sends him a smile while she notes Minseok’s vital signs onto a tablet. She checks the IV-bags and replaces empty ones. She removes the blankets, now cold, and replaces them with pre-heated ones, continuing normal hypothermia treatment.

“Do you need anything? A sandwich? A cup of coffee?”

Chanyeol considers for a few seconds when a yawn interrupts him.

“Coffee,” he says sheepishly, and she chuckles.

“I’ll be right back.”

With those words, she’s gone. It doesn’t take long for her to return with a cup of coffee for Chanyeol, followed by the doctor who’s holding another tablet.

The doctor checks Minseok as well, notes his heart rate and checks for any change in condition. He talks to the nurse, orders a bag of IV pre-heated glucose solution to make sure his blood sugar levels doesn’t drop too suddenly and when he’s about to leave again, Chanyeol remembers the sentence he overheard and decides to ask for answers. Now is as good a time as any and may even help distract him from the feeling of fear residing permanently in his heart.

“Uh, excuse me.”

The doctor turns around and looks at him.

“I heard someone say something is elevated. What is elevated?”

There’s silence between them. The doctor hesitates and Chanyeol gets slightly annoyed. He knows medical language; he’s qualified to have this discussion. He deserves to know what is going on with his boyfriend. He deserves to know whether or not something is horribly wrong and as annoyance is replaced by anger, the thoughts of elevated hushed results start morphing into more and more gruesome details.

The doctor never gets to answer, because the door flies open and a small woman enters in a hurry, almost running to the bed where she falls into Chanyeol’s arms. She sobs into his shoulder. The doctor leaves without a word and Chanyeol grimaces slightly before he turns his attention to his mother-in-law, anger slowly ebbing away.

When she lets go, she, too, turns towards her son on the bed. Her hands cover her face as she gasps in shock and Chanyeol rests his hand on her shoulder.

“Oh, my sweet son.”

She’s whispering, her voice raw with tears and grief. It’s too much for Chanyeol, her pain is too hard to be in, but he can’t leave her alone in the room. It would feel wrong to let her suffer alone. Minseok’s mother is covering her son with kisses and well-wishes, even though he can’t hear her.

“Is he going to live?” she asks in a whisper. The question is directed at Chanyeol and he thins his lips to prevent crying. He doesn’t want to cry in front of her, doesn’t want to show how afraid he is of Minseok not surviving. Her fear is radiating off of her. Chanyeol doesn’t want to grieve before anything bad has happened.

“The doctors won’t tell me what’s going on,” he answers. She looks at him sharply, eyes piercing, and Chanyeol wants to hide in the chair. Minseok’s mother may be small, but she can be terrifying, and her piercing glare is something he doesn’t like being subjected to. Then she softens into a smile and grabs his hands in hers, slowly caressing them.

“He will live. Be strong, Chanyeol. We must be strong for Minseokkie.”

Chanyeol doesn’t know where she gets her strength but he’s her eternally grateful.

The overwhelming fear and hurt in the room, however, has him excusing himself when Minseok’s father and sister join them as well. He doesn’t want to intrude on family time either. It doesn’t matter how many times Minseok’s parents insist that he’s family as well, Chanyeol knows they have a special bond and he’s not a part of that. Besides, he should probably go home and take a shower and pack a bag if he’s to stay overnight in the hospital again.

On his way through the corridors of the hospital, he’s suddenly reminded of the conversation he overheard and the doctor’s reluctance to tell him what’s going on, so instead of heading towards the entrance, he heads towards the small breakroom for the paramedics in front of the ER. Joonmyun looks up when he enters.

“Hey Cha…” he greets him, but Chanyeol is already past the couch and sitting in front of the computer, clicking furiously to open his boyfriend’s electronic journal. He doesn’t care with a medical justification; knowing what’s going on is all the justification he needs. Joonmyun gets up from the couch and sits down next to Chanyeol. He’s about to ask something when Chanyeol starts muttering to himself, looking through the blood test results.

The CRP-level is highly elevated. Why would Minseok have an infection when he’s hypothermic? The two things don’t connect. Could he have a pneumonia besides his hypothermia?

“Why are you looking at Minseok’s blood test?” Joonmyun asks loudly, hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder to ground him and make sure he acknowledges him. Chanyeol turns around in the chair and looks at Joonmyun, blinking in succession when he realizes he’s not alone.

“Uh,” he hesitates for a few seconds before he decides Joonmyun is a trustworthy coworker, that won’t rat him out to the authorities. “Minseok is admitted to the ICU and the doctors won’t tell me anything about his condition.”

Joonmyun raises an eyebrow.

“Sepsis?” he asks and it’s a good guess, considering the elevated numbers on the screen. Chanyeol shakes his head.

“Hypothermia. Cause undetermined. He doesn’t respond to aggressive treatment. Why is the CRP elevated?”

Joonmyun frowns, wrinkles forming on his forehead as he’s thinking. He doesn’t have the answer to Minseok’s sudden hypothermia, but Chanyeol wasn’t expecting that. He suggests Chanyeol call in sick for the next couple of days so he can stay with Minseok and it’s a great idea, one Chanyeol is thankful for. He tells Joonmyun that and Joonmyun waves him off, tells him to go home and shower and jokes about his body odor. Chanyeol couldn’t be more grateful to his coworker.

The drive to the apartment is empty and silent without the radio on, but Chanyeol doesn’t want music. The mailbox is full of newspapers and their neighbor has put new flowers in front of her front door. The apartment rings silent and Chanyeol feels like he’s being choked.

The memories of the night are clear and the stench of urine coming from the bedroom is strong. He shakes his head a little, drops the keys in their basket, before he continues inside. Turning the lights on in the bedroom only makes the memories stronger. Their sheets are a mess on the bed; there are plastic covers from electrodes spread on the floor where Luhan and his coworker tended to Minseok. There’s a dark spot near the closet from where the stench comes. The blinds are still drawn, only letting a small strip of sunlight through.

He shakes his head and heads towards the window to pull the blinds up before he tackles the spot on the floor. Cleaning takes his mind off of things for a short while but when the bedroom looks spotless with the window open to air out, memories of Minseok complaining about his cleaning hits him. Minseok has never liked the way Chanyeol cleans, calls it too superficial. It’s never really good enough but it’s never gross either – and at least he does clean.

Chanyeol used to hate cleaning until he met Minseok, but cleaning with Minseok has always been fun. It has always been a way to release stress after a long day and it doesn’t matter if it’s bathroom duties or the dishes. As long as it’s with Minseok, Chanyeol finds himself enjoying it.

He looks towards the windows and sends them a small smile, remembering a beautiful spring day in the beginning of their relationship, cleaning the windows. Some of the soapy water ended up in Minseok’s hair but he never scolded Chanyeol for being taller.

He sniffs and swallows a lump in his throat. Cleaning has always been their most common fight but it’s one that usually ends in laughter and banter – and sometimes in . Their differences are what makes them work so well.

Chanyeol sits down on the couch, leaves the thoughts of panic behind in the bedroom, and stares at the large painting hanging over the armchair. It was the first thing they bought together, Minseok choosing the motive while Chanyeol insisted it be colorful. It lights up their apartment with happiness and it has always felt like the best thing to describe them as a couple.

As he sits there, staring at the painting, he lets his mind wander to the blood test results and Minseok’s comatose body. He wrecks his mind to find a connection between the results and the hypothermia, but nothing makes sense. The only thing he concludes is that the two must co-exist without any serious correlation. It can’t be the reason he’s not responding to normal hypothermia treatment. There has to be something else.

The doorbell rings followed by a knock and Baekhyun shouting into the apartment forces Chanyeol out of his thoughts and back to reality. Baekhyun peaks around the corner and finds Chanyeol sitting on the couch.

“Hey,” he says softly. It’s unlike him but this is an unlikely situation. “Sookyung thought you might need a friend and Minseok’s mother told us you went back to the apartment. Are you okay?”

Chanyeol swallows another lump.

“No,” he whispers. He’s not okay. Chanyeol doesn’t want to acknowledge how not-okay he really is, but Baekhyun there, arms extended in an invitation to hug, makes it hard to stay stoic. The apartment and the memories of Minseok hit Chanyeol again like bricks. The fear of losing the only person he has ever loved with his entire being, the one that feels like his soulmate, and the sorrow of seeing him comatose in a hospital bed, has Chanyeol falling into Baekhyun’s embrace.

Tears spill silently down his cheeks as he fights his own uncertainty. He doesn’t want to look weak, but Baekhyun doesn’t care about weakness. All he cares about is a friend needing him. Together they pack a duffel bag full of clothes, shampoo and a towel. They don’t say much but the gratitude fills the room regardless.

Baekhyun convinces Chanyeol to bring his electric shaver and the shaving cream and Chanyeol tries teasing him with the fact that he can at least grow a beard. It doesn’t affect Baekhyun in the slightest. They drive to KFC for some real food, as Baekhyun calls it, before they head back to the hospital.

Minseok is still in the ICU, Sookyung stands at the foot of his bed, his mother sits in the chair next to the bed. Minseok’s father stands behind his wife. They all look towards Chanyeol and Baekhyun when they enter the room. Sookyung looks relieved at the sight of her husband for a short second before her face falls back into the mask of grief she has been wearing.

Chanyeol knows she’s mostly just uncomfortable being alone with Minseok’s family. She cares about them, about Minseok; she’s just too shy to face his family on her own. Chanyeol sends them all a small smile. Minseok’s mother greets him with a smile of her own, while Baekhyun silently puts his hand around Sookyungs waist and pulls her a little closer.

The only sounds in the room are the ECMO humming and everybody breathing. Chanyeol is about to ask if the doctor has said anything while he has been away, but he’s interrupted when a new doctor enters the room and looks at everybody assembled.

“Which of you is Mr. Kim’s partner?” he asks, looking around at all of them as if it isn’t obvious that it’s Chanyeol he’s looking for.

“Me,” Chanyeol says and steps forward towards the doctor. “What is it?”

The entire room holds its breath until the doctor breaks into a smile and walks closer to everyone. He extends his hand towards Chanyeol, who takes it slightly confused. The doctor then turns to address all of them.

“I’m Cho Kyuhyun, the attending doctor on Mr. Kim’s case. Earlier we got some puzzling results back from his blood test, so we have arranged for a cat-scan tomorrow morning. I’ll let you know more when I know more, but until then we’ll continue with the hypothermia treatment as usual.” He then turns to address Chanyeol specifically. “I have arranged for a room at the patient hotel, so you don’t get a kink in your neck sleeping in the chair. Let me know if you have any questions.”

He’s still smiling when he finishes, and everybody stays silent for a moment, soaking up the information. Chanyeol is the first to speak.

“Are the puzzling results the CRP elevation?” he asks and everybody in the room turns to him. Even dr. Cho seems surprised that he knows of the results. “I’m a paramedic,” he says sheepishly as explanation and is about to apologize for listening in on conversations, when dr. Cho chuckles a bit and nods.

“Yes. We haven’t quite figured out how the elevation and the hypothermia connects. We’re hoping the cat-scan tomorrow will show us something of use.”

He nods his head in a bow before he leaves them. Baekhyun casts Chanyeol a long look, one that says he knows he’s been snooping and that he should trust the doctors. Chanyeol disregards him. Sookyung is looking at him disappointed, but he also disregards that. His parents-in-law look at him with confusion.

“What does it mean, Chanyeol?” his father-in-law asks. Chanyeol takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a split second before he focuses on his boyfriend in the hospital bed.

“It means he most likely has an infection as well. How it connects to the hypothermia, I have no idea. I guess we just have to wait for the scan tomorrow and see what it says.”

Chanyeol wants to believe his words, but they sound hollow, even to him. He doesn’t trust the doctors. He doesn’t understand the underlying medical issues either and everything . It just plainly . They sit in silence for a few minutes before Baekhyun announces their leave and pulls Sookyung with him. Minseok’s parents leave not long after with promises to come back the next day.

When Chanyeol is alone in the room with Minseok, he sits beside him on the bed, careful not to pull on any line or wire, and presses his lips to Minseok’s nose.

“I love you,” he whispers. “I love you so much.”