Sua felt the chilly air invade her clothes as her body shuddered to its touch leaving no warmth behind. She watched as her breath formed every time she exhaled, and her hands stuffed deep into her pockets. She didn’t like winter as it would make her cold and unable to move her body to freely under the many layers of clothing. It was too constricting to her liking which was why she preferred staying indoors when the cold season hits.

Siyeon, on the other hand, was happily humming to herself as she got Sua out of the hospital where death lingered on too many cancer patients. She wanted to cheer Sua up from that dreadful place. She looked around the city that showed people go about their lives, but they were happy. She wanted that with Sua especially as she enviously looks at the couples holding hands. She looked at their hands that was so close together but way too far apart.

Sua grabbed onto Siyeon’s arm as she felt herself about to fall. She knew that she would need help walking through the busy sidewalks as it was winter which has snow and ice lingering around. She didn’t want to fall or see an over concerned Siyeon.

Siyeon’s heart almost jumped to at the sudden contact with Sua. She wasn’t prepared for the day where Sua would willingly grab onto her. She began imagining too many couple-like things with her. She looked at Sua, who had both her hands on her arm. She had this feeling of just pulling her closer and kissing her head. She didn’t know what it signified but all she wanted to do was to show the public that this adorable person was hers. However, she couldn’t because Sua wasn’t hers not at this perfect moment.

“Where are we going?” Sua asked as Siyeon was contemplating through her emotions. “Hey,” Sua called out again stopping in her tracks and Siyeon finally realized that Sua stopped. She didn’t realize that Sua was so weak that she would drag Sua against her will for about 10 meters. Sua glared at Siyeon as she looked back at the evidence of the long trail that indicated the dragging of her feel without any interruptions.

“Haha,” Siyeon laughed hoping that Sua wouldn’t be too angry at her. “I didn’t realize that you stopped.” Siyeon started but Sua refused to acknowledge Siyeon’s mistake.

“Let’s just find somewhere to sit down,” Sua stated as she nudged Siyeon to keep walking. Siyeon slumped her shoulders as she began feeling slightly regretful of taking Sua out of the hospital. Maybe I should have just put on a lot of Marvel movies for today and hope that she would watch them with me. Siyeon thought as she walked to a nearby cafe that was surprisingly quiet.

“Hello,” A waiter came up to them ready to serve the newly arrived customers. “For how many people?” He questioned and Siyeon responded.

“For 2 people thank you,” He nodded and began showing them to some empty seats. Sua and Siyeon seated themselves down.

“Do you girls want anything to start off for drinks?” He asked as he pulled out a pen and notebook.

“I’ll have an iced caramel macchiato,” Siyeon said as she looked briefly at the menu and she needed it as she knew she was going to have a long day ahead. The waiter wrote it down and looked at Sua who was absent minded and blurted out an order.

“Can I have a cup of dark roast coffee and a bowl of ice cubes?” Sua said as she reached over and grabbed 4 packs of sugar and 2 of the 2% creams. The waiter and Siyeon looked at her questioning her response but the waiter only nodded and left.

“You have to tell me what that tastes like,” Siyeon said as she watched Sua set down the items onto the table.

“Hmm,” Sua hummed in response as she was recalling the last time, she drank Jiu’s coffee. “It’s a little bit cold but it’s warm enough that you can chug it down like no tomorrow. The dark roast doesn’t have too much caffeine, so you don’t have to worry about burning yourself out so early in the morning. The sugar is just there to make it sweet but not too sweet and the cream helps with that too. So, it’s a mixture of bitterness and sweetness the perfect harmony,” Sua answered as she recalled Jiu’s happy demeanor whenever she drank it. She would always make the coffee for Jiu since she was always the one waiting for Jiu at a cafe somewhere.

The order was placed in front of Sua and she thanked the server. She proceeded to grab the sugar and quickly put them in the cup. As she stirred the coffee, she started to gently put the ice cubes and counted to 7. After that she placed the cream in and took a little taste and deemed it worthy for Jiu’s taste buds. She smiled satisfied with her work and grabbed her water and took a sip while waiting for her girlfriend to finish her studies.

She scrolled through Twitter to pass the time but in the end, she became bored easily, but she wouldn’t tell Jiu that. She would rather wait for Jiu then have her be waiting for her. In the end, she settled in watching her previous dance competitions and seeing what her flaws were in front of a camera and what she could do to do better. She furrowed her eyebrows as she found so many flaws that she questioned how she got into the competition in the first place.

“Hey love, sorry that I arrived later than usual,” Sua looked up to see a disheveled Jiu. She knew that Jiu ran over to the cafe as soon as her class was over given the face that she was trying not to show that she was breathing heavily, and her cheeks were flushed.

“It’s okay I just got here about 15 minutes ago. I ordered for you since you look like you needed some coffee,” Sua responded as she motioned to the concoction that she makes some minutes ago. Jiu looked at the coffee and sat down beside her and linked her left hand with Sua’s right.

“Thank you so much, you always know how to make it right,” Jiu smiled at Sua as she picked up the cup took a sip. She hummed in response which made Sua do a small victory dance in her head. “One day I will arrive earlier than you and make you some coffee,” Jiu suddenly said as she was making a small promise to Sua. Sua looked at her is disbelief but leaned in and gave Jiu a small peck before giving her a smirk.

“You can try but you’ll lose since I know your school schedule.” She responded in a teasing way as she grabbed her glass of water to take a sip out of it. Jiu huffed and just drank her coffee but no matter how annoying Sua she was wouldn’t let go of her hand.

“Here are your orders,” The waiter placed down the beverages and Sua began Jiu’s favorite drink process. When she finished, she pushed it towards Siyeon as her heart ached how she unconsciously ordered it and made it while thinking of Jiu.

“Did you want me to try it?” Siyeon asked and Sua looked up to see Siyeon who wasn’t her beloved. She gave her a small smile, but her eyes were muddled in sadness. Siyeon could tell there was a story about this. A story she doesn’t know if she wanted to know.

“Yeah, sure. You seem curious so why not try it out for yourself?” Sua lied as she didn’t want to let her know that she usually bought it for her ex-girlfriend. Siyeon hesitantly grabbed the cup and tasted the coffee. It was a strange taste for her, but it was something Sua made so she cherished the first thing she ever made to her. It’s too sweet but I think I taste something burnt as well. Siyeon thought as she placed the cup down and pushed it back to Sua. “So,” Sua started as she looked down at the cup filled with so many memories. “How does it taste?”

“Hmm, I like it but not as much that I’ll drink it all the time,” Siyeon responded while watching Sua’s expression to gauge her reaction. She found that Sua has a small smile on her lips that she put there.

“Yeah,” Her mind was slowly becoming lost in her mind letting the good times roll. “Everyone has their own tastes that the other can’t help but give them their favorite when seeing them.” Sua brought the cup to her lips and let the coffee run its course.

“Well, my favorite drink is anything that resembles an iced coffee.” Siyeon smiled hoping that Sua would remember her favorite drink. That way if Sua survives this they would go out and possibly Sua might be there first and order her drink so they can spend more time together. Or maybe she might arrive early, and she can make Sua like her drinks as well. There were so many possibilities in learning about someone that it becomes precious and it shows that they care.

Sua arched an eyebrow. “You want imitation iced coffee then?” She asked as she laid back into her chair.

“No, not imitation coffee. I need real coffee to get through the day.” Siyeon answered as she drank her iced caramel macchiato. She sighed in content as the semi sweet content hit her taste buds.

“Then don’t say resembles iced coffee,” Sua grumbled and she crossed her arms. Siyeon found that small action of hers as cute. She’s pouting about this small fact. She cares and wants to know more about me. Siyeon beamed as Sua refused to look at her out of embarrassment. Sua picked up the cup and started drinking it. Siyeon happily watched Sua as she began hoping that something was changing in their friendship.

After spending an hour at the cafe, they left. Before Siyeon started walking she felt a weight on her right arm and found that Sua had looped her left arm. Siyeon gave her a questioning gaze while Sua only shrugged and started walking as she semi dragged Siyeon through the chilly streets. Sua felt a chill run down her spine and snuggled closer to Siyeon. I dislike the cold. Sua thought as she puffed out some warm air while Siyeon was rejoicing at the sudden closer contact that Sua initiated.

“Hey Sua,” Siyeon started as she was walking at Sua’s slow pace. She didn’t tell her that she was slow cause Sua couldn’t do anything about it. Plus, she loved the fact that she went at their pace more time for her to be together. Sua was looking ahead of the sidewalk to make sure that they wouldn’t possibly slip on anything… hopefully.

“Yes, Siyeon,” Sua replied as she tried to not think about the cold that was taking the warmth she once had at the cafe.

“Do you like Christmas?” Siyeon asked as she just wanted to make some small talk and possibly know more about Sua along the way.

“Hmm,” Sua thought about Siyeon’s question. “I don’t know,” Sua concluded because when she thinks about Christmas the word giving comes to mind. She had already given all of her to someone and expected nothing in return. Another word comes to mind which is companionship. It was all about the gift of being together with those who mean the most to you. She had that but she willingly let it go. She loves and hated the fact that she hasn’t kicked the bucket yet.

“You don’t know?” Siyeon repeated Sua’s answer. She didn’t understand why Sua would say I don’t know. It was an easy question but then again nothing about Sua was plain and simple. If Sua was just that then she wouldn’t have thought of her as mysterious.

“Yes, I don’t know. Christmas is a holiday that is supposed to bring joy to others but somehow, I can’t seem to find myself joyful on this day. There are too many feelings involved that I cannot choose between yes or no. So, yes, Siyeon, my answer is I don’t know.” Sua explained herself as she felt like she needed to explain to Siyeon her answer.

“Maybe you haven’t had enough joy in your life to have a definite answer,” Siyeon concluded which got a glare from Sua.

“You don’t know anything about me, and you are already judging me because I don’t have a definite answer about a simple holiday that’s supposed to bring people together to celebrate the joy in their lives.” Sua responded as she was getting riled up by a small comment that Siyeon made.

“I wasn’t judging you,” Siyeon defended herself as she wasn’t expecting Sua to be so angry.

“You weren’t judging me huh?” Sua answered back, “Maybe you haven’t had enough oy in my life,” She repeated back with sarcasm. “You were implying that I’ll my life has been nothing but misery. That I don’t understand the bliss of happiness and surround myself with it. That what I had with my ex girlfriend wasn’t enough to say that I was happy with her. I had enough happiness in my life to last me a lifetime. Those 5 years with her were nothing but happiness so doesn’t judge me before you know all of me.” Sua argued as she bit back the tears and let go of Siyeon’s arm. She began walking away from her as her tears still fell while letting her feet drag her anywhere but near Siyeon.

Siyeon was at a loss at what had just happened. She wasn’t careful with her words. This was why she wasn’t good with comforting people. She never had the right words to say and the people would always be angry with her when she says something she shouldn’t have. Sua… I wasn’t judging you. I… I don’t know what I wanted to say to you, but it wasn’t that. I swear to you Sua that I only had the best intentions for you. All her thoughts weren’t conveyed as the bystanders walked passed her with no intentions of stopping all except one.

When Sua calmed down her feet took her to a very familiar place. She laughed to herself as she took in the scene before her. She walked to the bench that she found herself sitting when she found out the news of her illness. She remembered the pain and guilt that she experienced knowing that she probably won’t have long to live.

Tears fell as she clenched her teeth. She covered her face so she wouldn’t show such an unsightly sight to anyone. Her other hand clenched at the piece of paper that held her next appointment date as well as receipt for the bill for her checkup. Her mind couldn’t grasp at the fact that she wouldn’t be leaving the world so young as her heart was in pain knowing that she would be departing with her beloved way too soon.

She opened to scream but all she got were sobs. She trembled as her body wanted someone to comfort her so she wouldn’t feel so lost and alone, but no one came. Did Jiu feel like this when she witnessed her ex cheating on her? Does it still hurt Jiu? Will it hurt this much when I leave you alone? I feel so weak and helpless now. Please anyone tell me that this is a dream. She prayed hoping that some miracle will happen but all she got was silence until she got a message on her phone.

Choco Wifey

Wii fii, I have a surprise for you when you get back

Make sure to come home soon.

I love you <3

Sua smiled at Jiu’s text like she knew she needed to cheer up. She wanted to call her, but Jiu will know that she had been crying so she stuck with texting her back.

I’ll be home soon

I promise, Love

I love you so much that I miss you

<3

Okay, Wii fii, don’t stay out too late

I’ll be waiting for you always

And forever Love

I won’t ever make you wait too long

I know

And I miss you too >///<

Awe, is my love blushing

Just by saying she misses me

No… I’m not blushing -3-

It’s your imagination

No?

Yes… no

It’s okay to blush but I’ll tease you

Cause it’s been almost 5 years of us dating

And you still blush

I do not!

Lies!

My Wii fii lies!

You were the one who put down the blushing emoji down!

Ah!

This one

So difficult

…

Love?

…

Do you hate me for being like this?

No never

I find it cute that you are like this

I love all of you, my weird dork

Are you saying that just to make me happy?

Nope, I’ll always love you for being you

To prove it I’ll stand by your side no matter where I am

I’ll defend you to whoever may offend you

Sua only cried some more as she sat on the bench as she let her mind jump to the day they broke up. She was on the bench just silently crying telling herself that she didn’t deserve to cry. That she shouldn’t be in pain when she made this decision to leave this way.

Time passed and she shivered under the cold, but she made no attempts to make herself warm. She knew she was getting weaker and more tired. Ah, maybe I should fall asleep some more. Tomorrow will be a better day, I hope. She thought as her eye’s lids were beginning to close.

“Sua?” A voice called out, but it wasn’t enough for her to stop her sleepy movements.

“Siyeon, I’m… so sleepy…” Sua slowly said but she felt her body being jerked.

“Hey! Don’t sleep here,” Her voice didn’t sound like Siyeon’s but someone else.

“It’s okay to sleep… you said that the body needs to rest, just… take me back to the hospital,” Sua replied as she couldn’t hear the rest. Her body slumped onto the person that wasn’t Siyeon’s. Yoohyeon looked at Sua with an angry expression as her mind told her to leave her while her heart told her that something was wrong with her the moment she said back to the hospital.

“The reasonable thing to do is to leave her,” Yoohyeon concluded but she couldn’t bare herself to let go of Sua and walk away. “Why can’t I walk away from her?” She questioned as no one went up to help her.