“Merry Christmas!” Siyeon cheered as she entered the room without knocking.

“Go away,” Sua mumbled as she turned away from Siyeon as she was getting tired from the constant treatments that were making her feel worse.

“Come on, I got a present for you,” Siyeon walked up to Sua and gave her a nudge. “It’s not everyday you get a present from lovely ol me,” Siyeon boasted as this was their first Christmas together and she wanted it to be special.

“I didn’t get you anything for Christmas so no celebrating,” Sua whined as she pulled the thin blanket over her head. Siyeon sighed as she grabbed the blanket and ripped it right off Sua. “Ya!” Sua quickly got up to look at Siyeon with a little bit of rage in her eyes.

“I don’t care if you don’t have a present for me. Being by your side is more than enough,” She responded with a victory smile as she got an eye roll from her. These past few weeks after Sua said I suppose was thrilling for her. She began seeing an improvement in Sua rather than looking like a catatonic patient. Though she would catch her every now and then being distant and fully immerse herself in her mind.

Sua waved her off as she got off the bed. Siyeon widened her eyes as she rushed over to her side while discarding the blanket onto the floor. Sua trembled as she stood up herself and was about to fall but Siyeon was there just in time to catch her. Her heart was beating erratically as she was scared that if she didn’t make it in time Sua would be in a world of hurt. However, it was also at the fact that she was holding Sua so close that she didn’t process any time to think or to let go of her. Sua lightly pushed her away to let Siyeon know that she didn’t need to be held any longer.

“You have to be careful. Your body isn’t as strong as before, Suashi, all you have to do is ask if you wanted to get up and I’ll help,” Siyeon said as she was still close to Sua as if she might fall again.

“I can get up just fine, Siyeon, I’m not some weak person who cries help every time I fall,” Sua replied as she was agitated that she couldn’t get her body to work the way she wanted.

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Siyeon whispered as she was hurting already by just some small venting from Sua. Sua sighed as she knew she shouldn’t have taken her frustrations out on Siyeon.

“Sorry, I just hate looking and feeling so weak. This,” She gestured to all of herself, “Isn’t me at all.” She grumbled as she didn’t like how easily this cancer was eating away at her. Siyeon whined as she also hates seeing her so weak.

“It’s okay, you’ll get better in the long run so just bare with it,” Siyeon try to comfort her though it wasn’t going as good as it seems. She wasn’t good at easing the patients need when they were crying. She was just a deer in headlights before running to her co-workers for help.

“You know, you aren’t really encouraging when you whine while comforting someone,” Sua pointed out as a small chuckle came out from her lips. I’ll take the win in making her day a bit better. Siyeon thought to herself as she gave her a bigger smile than Sua.

“Well, do you have a better way to comfort someone?” Siyeon asked which brought Sua into her mind to a memory.

Sua walked into Jiu’s apartment as she was getting worried about her since she hadn’t responded to any of her texts for the past 2 days. She thought all kinds of possibilities that made her not answer her phone.

“Jiu love? You alive?” Sua tried to joke to get a response but inside she was scared. She didn’t know what to think as she continued down the hall to enter the main area of the apartment. “If I say Marco you say polo,” Her voice echoed through the place and a chill ran through her body as she didn’t like this feeling at all. “Babe, you’re scaring me here,” Sua walked into the bedroom and found it completely dark until she flicked the lights on. She found a huge bump on the bed that was supposed to be made and she quietly approached only to find her girlfriend a sobbing mess within the heap of blankets. “Babe, what’s wrong?” She sat on the bed hoping that Jiu would tell her what’s consuming her mind enough to stay in bed for who knows how long.

“Why doesn’t anyone love me?” Jiu whimpered out but she didn’t remove the blankets to see Sua. She couldn’t see Sua’s painful expression nor the fact that she was hurting Sua by not answering her phone and worrying her. “What is so wrong about me that people always seem to be leaving me?” Jiu cried as Sua didn’t want to watch in horror as the fruits of self hate begin to take fruit.

“I’m here, Babe. You have me right here. I’m not leaving you,” Sua started as she was desperate to comfort her girlfriend who she would die for in order to make her happy.

“I don’t have you. You’ll leave me eventually I know you will. You’ll get bored of me and throw me away by hurting me. It’s going to happen,” Jiu moaned out while Sua stood up and grabbed the blankets as she ripped it off Jiu’s body. There she saw Jiu’s tear ridden face with her eyes puffy and pillow soaked. Sua crawled on top of Jiu to try and prove her point.

“But you have me!” Sua exclaimed as she finally got Jiu to look her in the eyes, but it was only for a second. “You have all of me and that’s never going to change. No matter what,” Sua rested her head on Jiu’s pillow as Jiu wasn’t looking at her. “I’m on your side even if you can’t feel like it.” Sua continued hoping that her words were getting through to Jiu.

“You say that now, but it can change in any amount of time,” Jiu countered as Sua lifted her head and grabbed Jiu’s right hand and placed it on her left where here heart resided. It was beating erratically.

“You feel this, Jiu? It’s my heart and it beats this fast for you. It’s like this every time I’m with you and it’s not going to stop anytime soon. So, believe in what I am saying that I’ll always stay beside you even if this beating heart of mine stops this rhythm I’ll make sure you’re happy without me before I leave you.” Sua looked at Jiu’s teary eyes as she said this while hoping that Jiu would at least believe physical evidence. However, it seemed like Jiu wasn’t listening to her and Sua dropped her hand. She removed herself from hovering above Jiu’s body and sat on the edge of the bed. She contemplated what she did wrong and drew to the conclusion that she didn’t show her love enough to Jiu. She sighed and got ready to get up from the bed to leave for a glass of water. It’s going to be a long day, but I’ll do it for her. Sua thought as she was about to stand. Jiu quickly hugged her from behind making Sua halt in her actions and looked down at the arms that were wrapped around her midsection.

“Don’t go,” She heard Jiu mumble and she felt her nuzzle into her back. She tightened her grip and she knew that Jiu was about to fall asleep. Sua slowly turned herself around and laid Jiu down.

“I’m right here, love, forever and always,” Sua kissed her forehead before grabbing the blanket to cover her up. She shifted in Jiu’s bed and hoped that Jiu would sleep easier tonight now that she was by her side.

…

Sua woke up with her bed dipping and a cold pair of arms wrapping around her. She heard a sniffle coming from behind her and a whimper.

“You’re right here like you said you were,” Sua listened to her love’s voice. She knew that Jiu didn’t want to be seen like this, so she let her have this moment. She felt Jiu kiss the back of her neck while mumbling. All she could do was pretend to stay asleep to let Jiu know that even at her vulnerable state she wouldn’t try to change her. If she needed this to reassure herself then so be it. “Don’t you leave me, Sua,” Jiu whined as scooted closer to Sua. “I can’t handle losing you,” Sua kept on listening to Jiu’s words as she silently hoped that she wouldn’t be losing Jiu any time soon.

…

Sua watched Jiu fidget with her fingers as she could see her eyes filled with insecurities. She, on the other hand, was supposed to be on her phone watching a recording of herself so she can assess what to make her dance moves better. Sua switched her phone into her left hand and reached out her right to hold onto Jiu’s left. She felt a little prick as she felt Jiu clinging onto her hand like a vice. She glanced up to see what Jiu was doing and she found Jiu holding her hand while the other one was pulling the back of her hand’s skin.

“Babe?” Sua started as it got the attention from her girlfriend. Curious yet questioning eyes looked right at her. She watched how Jiu still didn’t stop fiddling with her hand. “If you wanted my attention all you had to do was ask,” Sua put her phone down so all her attention to Jiu. She watched as her lover hung her head low.

“I didn’t want to seem too clingy,” Jiu pouted as she pulled Sua’s hand closer to her. Sua chuckled at how adorable her girlfriend was being.

“You can never be too clingy to me in fact you are showing me less clinginess. I advise you to step up your game, Jiu. Cause people might think we are friends rather than lovers.” Sua teased as she watched Jiu look at her as if she was crazy. She felt the hesitation of Jiu’s hand wanting to do something, but she did nothing. Sua sighed knowing that it’ll be a long way before she would open to her, but she’ll wait an eternity just for Jiu. “I’ll wait for you. No matter how long it takes for you to trust me. I’m never leaving until the day I die,” Sua confessed as she knew that this love will last forever.

Sua smiled at the memory but it also made her heart go pang knowing that she broke her promise but not before knowing that she was happier without her.

“Just be by their side no matter how painful it’ll get because whatever they are going through is much more than what you are going through. Show up every day even if they don’t want to see you or if they get angry at you. It’ll annoy the hell out of them but at least deep down they know you care. Treat them how you usually treat them but only when they ask for help you help them because you can’t force the person to get better. You need to have the person them self to make that decision. The first step is to give them the support they can lean on which is as I said staying by their side. That’s all you need to do to comfort them. Nothing too hard but it’s not simple as well. It all depends on your will.” Sua finally answered Siyeon’s answer even though her mind was replaying all those moments where she had comforted Jiu. Siyeon scrunched up her eyebrows as she felt like there should be more than that to comfort someone.

“Anyways,” Siyeon changed the subject as she didn’t need to contemplate too much on such a happy day. “Open up your present, Suashi,” She handed the nicely wrapped present and handed it to Sua. Sua looked at the present and began opening it. She found a funko doll of Captain America behind the wrapping. Siyeon was happily looking at Sua with the eyes saying 'Don’t you like it? Praise me.' Sua only shook her head at her friend's weirdness. She raised the figure like she was about to toast for something to celebrate.

"Thanks for the gift," She simply said while Siyeon happily nodded and walked out of the room. Siyeon walked through the empty halls as she needed to fill out some forms now that she was Sua’s emergency contact. She was learning something new however she still had to find out her condition through charts and doctors. Mainly Handong and Gahyeon would have their input on her condition which was a strong recommendation towards a new clinical trial for stage 4 lung cancer. She met the right conditions, but she refused to take the test to try and get in. Siyeon made a resolve to get Sua better no matter what the cost was.

She returned with a smile as she got some happy news and found Sua looking out the window again. She slowly walked up to her hoping that her footsteps would break her out of the trance, but it didn’t work. “What are you thinking about right now?” Siyeon whispered but it fell to deaf ears while Sua was thinking back to the Christmas’ with Jiu. Siyeon huffed and grabbed Sua’s hand to make sure that she wouldn’t think of her old lover anymore. Sua flinched and looked at Siyeon with confused and scared eyes. “Hey, I was telling you some news but lost you for a moment there.” Siyeon half lied as she wasn’t talking to her at all. “I have some news for you,” She continued as she watched Sua’s confused features appear on her face. “I got the approval to letting you go out today and roam the city streets.” Siyeon smiled knowing that being cooped up in the hospital will make anyone crazy.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Sua said as she looked out the window where Jiu would be roaming around somewhere. The thought of seeing her happy without her pained her too much. “I’m perfectly fine here,” She let out a shaky breath knowing that the pain was added too much already.

“Come on, it’ll just be for a small but. It won’t hurt you too much. Besides, you get to see the outside world a little bit more and get some Christmas spirit.” Siyeon urged as she wanted to just try and get Sua out and go on their small outing that she deemed to herself as a date. Let me have my moment please. Siyeon pleaded to whoever would hear her wishes. Sua sighed as she answered.

“Okay, fine but I better not regret this decision.” Sua really hoped that nothing bad happens especially on this sweet sweet holiday while Siyeon smiled knowing that Sua was letting her in.