The manager knows you well since you’re one of the gfs that are always around. He looks worried when he sees you. “Is everything okay?”, he asks. You nod and give a faint smile. “Can you give us a moment”, Jaebum says to him, “I’ll come to your room just now”. The manager looks at you again sensing something is wrong. “I’m okay… really”, you try to properly smile at him to make him believe it. “Okay”, he says finally, “Don’t take too long… Let her get some sleep!”. He says goodnight and leaves. You don’t close the door. You stand there and wait for Jaebum to leave as well. You think he’s going to but he just shuts the door instead.

“I asked you to leave”, you reach for the handle but he blocks it. “Not like this”, he argues, “I can’t leave until I know how you feel about what I just said”. “What do you want me to say Jaebum? Huh? If that’s the way you felt about me, why didn’t you say something sooner?”. “Would it have changed anything?”, he asks harshly. “Exactly… so why confess to me now if it’s not going to change anything?”, you retort. The tension between the two of you is growing but it’s just anger this time. “Because now I know you feel the same way”, he states, “It’s not just me anymore. So that changes everything!”. “I don’t feel the same way about you”, you insist, “I said I felt something for you and you didn’t give me a chance to finish. But the way you’re talking… it’s as if you’re…”. You can’t bring yourself to say the words. “As if I’m what?”, he asks, “As if I’m in love with you… because I am”.

“No”, you walk away, “Don’t say that. You can’t be in love with me”. “Why”, he grabs your arm, “Why can’t I be in love with you? Is that really so hard for you to believe? You think that I was somehow immune to you after spending all that time around you? Why does he get to love you and I don’t?”. You struggle out of his grip, “Fine… so now what? Am I supposed to break up with him and date you? Is that what you want?”. He ruffles his hair in frustration, “I don’t know okay… I don’t want to hurt him any more than you do. But I can’t help how I feel. I just know that I can’t be around you and not be with you”. “You’re going to have to try”, you say.

He holds both your hands and leans closer to you, “Tell me that you are going to be able to do that and I will try to do the same. Tell me that your heart doesn’t flutter when I’m this close to you, when I hold your hands like this, when I look into those eyes”. It did! But you couldn’t tell him that. “I love Jinyoung”, you say sternly, “No matter what I feel about you, it’s not going to change that”. He stares at you baffled before slowly releasing your hands and backs away. “I’m sorry”, you offer even though you know it’s not enough. He grabs his jacket without another word, gives you one final look and then closes the door on his way out.

~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe you’re back”, Jinyoung beams as he drives off. He came to pick you up from the airport. You cut your trip short after what happened two days ago. You couldn’t get rid of that unsettling feeling. It made it impossible to enjoy your vacation. Your friend decided to stay and follow Yugyeom around on tour for the rest of the week. Apparently they were a thing now. She had spent that entire morning after telling you all about it. You were happy for her, but all you wanted was to remove all memories of that night.

You had gotten absolutely no sleep after Jaebum left and called her to meet you in the lobby around 4 am. You needed to get out of his bed and his room and that hotel. It was all too suffocating. You went back to your hotel and showered. You couldn’t eat any of your breakfast. She noticed something was wrong and you lied that you were not feeling well and wanted to go home. And that’s how you got to this point. The whole plane ride back, you didn’t sleep or eat either. You were just numb. The more you thought about it, the worse you felt. It wasn’t just the fact that you cheated on Jinyoung… you broke Jaebum’s heart too.

“Hey beautiful…”, he says. You are staring out the window. You have barely said anything to him since you got into the car. “Want me to take you to the doctor?”. He also thinks you ended your trip because you were sick.  As if you hadn’t lied to him enough already, you are already at it again. You shake your head, “I just want to go home”. “Well can I at least see that face I missed so much”, he requests. The ache in your chest worsens. You can’t bear to look at him. But why are you pretending to be the victim right now? You it up and smile at him.

“Is it even possible to look this good after being on a plane for so many hours???”, he brushes your cheek with the back of his hand. “Would you love me no matter what?”, you ask suddenly. “Off course I would”, he says without a thought. “What if I don’t deserve your love?”. “Where is this coming from?”, he asks, “Did something happened”. You want to scream ‘YES’. But all you can think about is how much it’s going to hurt him if he ever finds out. Sure you were easily replaceable as his girlfriend, but what would it do to his relationship with Jaebum? “No”, you sigh, “Nothing happened”. You close your eyes and attempt falling asleep again.