You pull away from Jaebum. You don’t answer the phone because you are in a state of shock. He looks at the phone and sees Jinyoung’s called ID. You can see the feeling of guilt that you have, in his eyes too. The phone stops ringing. You wrap yourself in a sheet and go into the bathroom. You wipe yourself up and change back into the dress you wore to the concert. You couldn’t possibly wear Jaebum’s clothes again, especially now that you know how he feels about that. Your phone rings again and you leave the bathroom to find him putting his shirt back on. He’s not looking at you. It’s probably for the best because you can’t look at him either right now. You answer the call.

“Hello”, you try to steady your voice. “Hey sweetie, did I wake you up?”, Jinyoung’s asks. Hearing his voice makes you feel physically sick. What were you thinking? How could you lose control like that? How could you let any of it happen? How could you let it go as far as it did? “No, no, I’m awake”, you say, “Are you just getting home now?”. Jaebum has walked over to the window and is looking outside. “Yeah I’m sorry I kept missing your calls… how was the show? Did you guys have fun? Did you see them after it was done?”. All his questions add to the guilt. How are you supposed to answer any of it?

“The show was great… we saw them after and had dinner together... but uhm, can I call you back tomorrow… I have a really bad headache and I just want to get some sleep”, you lie. “Okay sure… sorry for disturbing love… I hope you feel better soon”, he sends you a kiss through the phone and it saddens you. You don't deserve his sweetness. “I love you”. Are you really going to say those words back to him? If you loved him, you wouldn’t have let this happen. But surely this feeling of regret means that you do right? “Me too”, you say and hang up.

Jaebum is still staring out the window. You sit on the bed with your head in your hands. “That should have never happened”, you are still shaking. He turns around, “I know. What are we going to do?”. “Are you going to tell him?”, you ask. “Are you?”, he asks back. “I don’t know what to do Jaebum”. “Me neither”, he replies. “We should just forget it ever happened”, you rock back and forth, “Go on with our lives like before… because I don’t know how to deal with any other outcome. I don’t know…. I don’t know what else we can do”. You become frantic. The panic and guilt combo becomes overwhelming.

“I can’t do that”, he shakes his head, “I can’t forget what happened here”. He comes over and kneels in front of you, “Just because it never should have happened, doesn’t mean I didn’t want it to. And I know you did too”. “It doesn’t matter what we want”, you argue. “Yes it does!”, he cups your face, “It matters how we feel about each other. Was it purely physical for you? Do I not mean anything to you?”. You stare into those hopeful eyes. You never let yourself think about it before. But you already know the answer. He’s the reason you haven’t been able to sleep recently. He’s constantly on your mind. The more you try to push him out, the stronger those thoughts become. You didn’t want to believe that you feel something for him, apart from just attraction.

“You do mean something to me but...”, he cuts you off with a kiss. His kisses are gentler this time. It’s not like the raw you felt before that you had no control over. It’s sweet and meaningful because there’s more going on between the two of you than just the physical allure. That’s what he’s trying to portray to you. That you mean something to him too. That it isn’t just about for him. That you are the girl he wants.

He drifts away from your lips and leans his forehead against yours, “Tell me how you expect me to forget about any of this. Even before tonight, I couldn’t get you off my mind. You have no idea how hard the past few months have been. Every time I see you with him, it kills me”. The mention of Jinyoung makes you flinch. Jaebum's phone rings, startling the both of you. He ignores it but it rings again. It’s obvious who it is by the look on his face when he sees who is calling. Jinyoung was probably calling to thank him for getting us the tickets and find out how the night went since you couldn't talk to him.

“You should answer it”, you say, “And you should go”. “No, why does it feel like you’re closing the door on us?”, he asks. “There is no ‘us’ Jaebum. We are being selfish. We are hurting someone we both love. We are hurting someone who trusts us more than anyone”, you start sobbing. He reaches out to you. “Don’t”, you say, “My tears aren’t yours to wipe away when I cry. My hands aren’t yours to hold when you’re drunk. My lips aren’t yours to kiss… ever again”.“

What about your heart?”, he asks. “My heart already belongs to someone else”, you say and it looks like you’ve broken him. His eyes are sparkling with tears waiting to fall.“And what about my heart?”, there’s hurt written all over his face and your chest aches like hell. It's not fair to him that he has to go along with what you say. You don't want to do this to him. You don't want to cause him any pain. But it's the only way this can end. 

 “I have nothing to do with your heart”, you hate how harsh it sounds. “That's where you're wrong”, a tear drop finally falls to his cheek and it takes everything in you not to wipe it away. “You have everything to do with my heart because you are all that's inside it”. If your heart really did belong to someone else, then why was it melting at this confession? You are grateful for the knock at the door. You open it up and their manager has arrived to take Jaebum with him to his room.