You are playing with Coco in the living room. It is the only thing distracting you from looking over at Jaebum and his date seated on the patio with Yugyeom and your friend. You want to scream and yell at your bestie for being nice to that girl. But you can’t. She doesn’t know you dislike her. And why would she? You should have no reason not to like that girl. But you do. It cannot be helped.

Apart from an awkward greeting on their arrival, you manage to avoid them for most of the night. The instances where you can’t stop your eyes from wandering, you notice that her hand is always touching Jaebum in some way. It upsets you more than it should. So what if she is making physical contact? It’s not like his body is yours to touch anyway.

Jinyoung nudges you, “Is everything okay?”. You nod slightly, “I’m just tired”. You wonder if your insomnia will ever go away. “Why don’t you go and have a nap?”, he suggests, “The night is still young. Maybe you will feel better if you just rested for a bit. Did you take the sleeping pill?”. “No I didn’t want to be rude and fall asleep during the party”, you sigh. "Come on", he says.

He takes your hand and leads you to a room. You lie down on the bed, and snuggle up with Coco. He tucks you in, “How about a lullaby?”. You flinch. You hate yourself. Your boyfriend is being completely sweet and all you can think about is the time Jaebum sang you a lullaby. You block out the memory before your mind starts playing images of what happened after that.

“I would love a lullaby”, you say. He kisses your hand and you close your eyes. Jinyoung starts singing slow songs. His voice is soothing and the sleepiness hits you. It seems to be working. You can feel the sleep taking over. “Babe?”, he whispers. You don’t answer. If you speak, you will only feel more awake. He stops singing a few minutes after that and kisses your cheek. He thinks you are asleep already. You hear the door close.

20 minutes later and you are still not asleep. You get out of bed and take a quarter of the pill. You don’t want to sleep the whole night, just for an hour or two. You climb back in next to Coco who looks to be in such a deep sleep, it almost makes you envious. It doesn’t take long for the meds to to kick in and before long you are dreaming…

~~~~~~~

When your sleep breaks, you check your phone. You have been asleep for at least 7 hours and the sun is already up. Jinyoung is asleep next to you. Everything sounds quiet. Everyone is probably asleep. You get up and go into the bathroom. It has doors leading into it from the two guest rooms on this side of the apartment. You are thankful that there is no one inside because you really need to pee. The last time you were in here, someone walked in while you were sitting on the toilet. Luckily it was only Jackson’s GF and not one of the guys.

It feels safe this time because they are all definitely passed out. Still you can’t help but rush it just from the paranoia. You manage to finish up without anyone barging in. You wash your face at the basin. You should never fall asleep with make up on. It is just not a good look on anyone. You grab a towel and gently dab your face dry. And then you hear a door open. But it’s not the door leading to your room. It’s the other door. And it’s Jaebum!

He's entered the bathroom, wiping his sleepy eyes. He only has track pants on. Your eyes immediately find his abs and you hurriedly look back up. “Sorry”, he says, “I didn’t know you were in here”. “It’s okay… I’m done”, you hang the towel on a rack and start to leave. But when you turn around, he’s standing in front of you. “What are you doing?”, you ask. “I miss you”, he says softly. His eyes are pained. Your heart aches because as much as you don’t want to admit it, you miss him too.

“I can’t deal with being around you and not being with you”, he brushes some hair off your face. You pull away. “Well you seem to be doing a really good job at being with someone else”, there’s more jealousy in your words than you would have liked. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”, he says harshly, “For me to move on… for me to be with other girls… for me to give away my heart even though it no longer belongs to me”. “Stop saying things like that!”, you scold. “Why? You think me not saying it is going to change how I feel?”.

He steps closer to you and you unintentionally put your hand on his body to stop him. It’s a familiar touch to your fingers. You remember all too well how it felt that night. You take your hand off and he moves closer again. You back up to the wall and you can’t back away any further. He puts his hands against the wall on either side of you. You are fully enclosed by him. You like his proximity. You want him even closer. You hope your thoughts don’t show on your face. It was easy to not want him when you hadn’t seen him all this time. But now that he is right here in front of you, shirtless with y ruffled bed hair; you feel your will power slipping away.

He leans his face down to yours. You want to pull him into you so your lips will be pressed together… so your bodies will be pressed together. He doesn’t kiss you though, he just whispers, “Ever since the first moment I saw you tonight, I can’t stop thinking about all the things I want to do to you”. Your heart starts pounding. You feel it. The wall of defense you started building against him since the night at the hotel crumbles completely. You have no control around this boy and as scary as it is, you love it. You bite down on your lip, “So do it”.