April 12th, 2019

Checking my hair in the mirror, I made sure not one strand was out of place. Today was the day. The day I would tell Sehun how I felt about him and the day that would change everything. I couldn’t help but feel the anxiety in my chest as my heart palpitated. However, I would assume for it to only be natural.

Yes, I had my reservations about everything, but it was all worth it for today. Today, I could mend our relationship completely. So as I fixed my fringe and applied a little more mascara, I stared at myself in the mirror. Makeup wasn’t my thing when I was younger, but when I turned twenty five, I had decided that being bare face wasn’t going to help anyone. Therefore, as my painted lips and thick eye lashes stared back at me in my reflection, I smiled. Getting up, I walked out toward the kitchen.

Closing my room door behind me, I strolled over to the fridge as I glanced over to the analog clock on the wall. It was 7:50 p.m. Sehun was supposed to be coming in ten minutes so I was exactly on time. So opening the fridge, I pulled out the sweet cream strawberry cake that Sehun had liked. It was his favorite cake and today just had to be perfect.

So as I closed the fridge door with my hip, I walked over to my living room, which I had decorated with balloons that scattered on the floor along some streamers scattered around. Placing the small cake on the coffee table, I placed my hands on my hips happily and examined what I had accomplished today. I had woken up at the crack of dawn in order to get in line for the cake.

Of course the cake that Sehun liked was so popular that it was impossible to pre-order unless you were ordering for at least a hundred. The line itself took me about thirty minutes outside just to get the cake. Then decorating was no easy feat. My small apartment with decorations was just so annoying, but it was totally worth it for how it looked. So running over to my lights, I dimmed them down waiting for Sehun.

I contemplated if I should light up the candles or not, but looking at my phone, it was 7:59 p.m. If I remember right, Sehun came exactly at eight. So lighting up the candles quickly, I ran over to the door and waited for Sehun to knock at any moment.

Excited, I could feel my heart racing as my hands shook a bit. This was it. I was going to be with Sehun. We were going to be happy.

I could feel my body shaking even more as I clasp my hands together and blew air on them trying to calm myself down. However, as the second passed by I could feel myself becoming more and more anxious.

As time passed, the second turned to minutes. I stared at the door. The white paint on it reflected little bits of the fairy lights that I had managed to hang up. It felt like an eternity that I had been staring at the door until I smelled smoke coming from behind me. Turning around quickly, I could feel my heart drop as I saw that the candles had burned down.

“.”

I cursed under my breath. Running over to the table, I tried to pull out the hardened wax. Luckily enough, the cake itself was fine beside the small blemished in the frosting.

“Sehun won’t mind.”

I tried to convince myself as I threw away the candles and pulled out some more from the box.

“I’ll just light them up when he comes.”

I told myself. I looked at the door once more. Maybe it would be best if I didn’t stare at the door. I took a seat at my couch and looked at the cake on the table that sat there lonesome. Sighing, I took my phone and looked at the time.

8:10 p.m.

Maybe he’s just running late. Sighing, I felt myself fall back into the couch waiting for him. I looked up at the ceiling and wondered what would be making him late. I’m sure Sehun wouldn’t miss this. He had even come last time just to break up with me.

I paused.

I could feel the soft sting in my chest just thinking about it, so I closed my eyes for a bit. I was exhausted. I started the day off so early and ran around with a single break. So Sehun wouldn't be mad at me for closing my eyes just a bit? I’ll get up when I hear him.

So I closed my eyes, I could feel myself slowly fall into a slumber. I tried my best not to but my eyelids were heavy and my lips just barely let out, “Five minutes.”.

I held the phone up to my ears as I listened to the phone ring. 

“Pick up! Please.”

I said through tears as my voice slowly trailed off. Forcefully wiping my tears with the back of my hands, I knew I looked like a mess. It had hardly been forty eight hours, but I had completely self destructed. I looked at all the tissues scattered around my room.

“Hello?” 

I could feel my heart drop at the sound of his voice.

“Sehun?” I called out to only get a sigh back in response.

“Eunji.” He replied.

Clearing my voice, I tried to hold back in my tears. “Can we talk? Please?”

He had been ignoring my calls and I don’t blame him. Why would he want to talk to me? I was a horrible girlfriend. I was selfish, so selfish. I still am selfish.

“Eunji, I don’t think there’s anything to talk about. You need to stop calling me.”

I could hear the softness in his voice. I wasn’t sure if he felt bad for me or if he was annoyed by me. 

“Please?”

I just wanted to see him and if I couldn’t see him, I just wanted to talk. I wanted to understand. I wanted to change. How was I supposed to change if I never knew how he felt? Why didn’t he want to give me the chance?

“I’m sorry, Eunji.”

I listened to the line cut off. Hanging up, I threw my phone on my bed and hugged my knees. Burying my head into them, I began to wonder. Was becoming a lawyer worth it? Was it worth not having time for the people I loved?

I’m a horrible person. I hate myself so much.

Throwing my body back into my bed, I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. So as I landed hard on my pillow.

My eyes shot open. Looking around the dark living room, I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair.

That’s right. It was just a nightmare.

I was sure my hair was messed up, but that was the least of my problems. Trying to shake off the memories of the past, I picked up my phone and looked at the time.

11:21 p.m.

I bit my lip and saw that there were no missed calls. What if something happened to him? Worried, I hurried up and dialed his number not thinking of anything else beside Sehun’s safety.

I waited as his phone rang until I heard his voice.

“Hello?”

I could hear a bit of laughter in his voice as the muffled sound of laughter and chattering in the back filled the white noise before being muffled further.

“Sehun?” 

I call out trying to mask my disappointment. “Wher