March 29, 2019

Minyoung look at me with exaggerated eyes as she ruffled her hair. My best friend was going through what she believed was a crisis as she stared at me. Her pouty brown eyes that were masked with her hazel contacts and rosy make up made her look doll like as she searched my eyes. She truly was beautiful, so as I smiled slightly, I gave her a fake apologetic look.

“So what’s the problem then?”

Her pout became stronger as she rested her head on the table and looked up at me. “I’m supposed to be sad about Luhan. I should try to get Luhan back, but I just keep wanting to see Kyungsoo.” She began to repeated to me like I was one of her students where she internshipped. 

“Plus, when I go to see Kyungsoo, it’s like the only thing I can think to say to him is how sad I am about Lu.” The soft whispers at the end of her voice leading her to trail into her thoughts as I rested my elbow on the table to prop up my own face. It was cute to see how Minyoung was so nervous around Kyungsoo and she didn’t even realize how in love the two would soon be.

“Do you like Kyungsoo?”

I watched as her eyes widened at my question as the gears began to work in her head. Of course, you liked him. You're going to marry him. Kyungsoo was the best man for her and I couldn’t ask for better. Yes, he didn’t play sports or was extremely popular like all of her other boyfriends, but that’s what made him special. He was so used to getting by in life quietly and peacefully, so when clumsy and crazy Minyoung stumbled into his life, it just spiced everything up.

“I think so, I’m not sure. But he makes me feel jittery and nervous.”

I smiled at her and was happy for her. Minyoung’s future was secure and happy, I think her only worry was about the occasional problem child in her classes, but other than that she had the perfect husband and two beautiful little girls. “I’m jealous.” I whispered not realizing the words coming out of my mouth.

Minyoung noticed however as she looked at me puzzled. “Why are you jealous? You have Sehun?” She laughed slightly as if I were joking, but I wasn’t. So as I rubbed the back of my neck, I tried to figure out how to answer my friend. “I do, I guess.” My short response telling my best friend that I was exactly sure of how to answer as her smile subsided.

Leaning over the table slightly to me, she softly asked, “Is everything okay between you two?” I looked up to her and could see the worry in my friend’s eyes and I wondered if I could confide in her. She was my best friend and had always been there for me. However, would she believe me? Or would she believe too much to the point where I would undo the natural balance of things. So as I shook my head and forced a smile on my face, I knew I couldn’t tell her.

“No, we’re fine.”

On the other hand, I wanted to see if Kris was right, so I confided in her just a bit. “It’s just sometimes I feel like I’m second behind his program. I know he’s really invested in it and I support him wholeheartedly, but I just feel like I’ll never be as important in comparison to it.” I looked up to my friend who watched me with full concern in her eyes. Reaching her small pale hands across the table, she collapsed them in mine and the slight warmth with the touch of her cold skin made me feel safe. 

The thing that never changed about Minyoung was her motherly touch, something that even if I went back in time, I couldn’t experience anymore. So as I held onto her hand softly, the girl began to comfort my confused heart.

I could hear her trying to carefully articulate her words as she began to speak. “You and Sehun have something strong, Eunji. You guys are perfect for each other, you have no idea. I know no other girl who could sit there and geek out with him about literature.” She began as I smiled softly, “It’s interesting.” She smiled at me before continuing, “Exactly, You both think it’s interesting, just like how you think he’s interesting. One of the things you love about him is how determined he is and he loves how strong minded you are, Eunji. So what’s holding you back?”

I listened to her words like deja vu. I heard those words before, but the girl kept going, “If you love each other, then that should be enough, Eunji.” She smiled as I smiled back at her. She was right in some aspects, I loved him. That should be enough, for me at least. On the other hand, did Sehun love me? That was the question that would haunt me for years.

So as I wrote my friend off as a hopeless romantic in my head, I thanked her and told her I had to go home to study. So as she gave me a hug goodbye, I began my trek home.

The walk home was mundane mostly. The smell of the brisk cold Seoul air always the same then, now, and in the future as I hugged myself. Times like this I wish I had saved for a car instead of moving out, but what was I to do? My dad lived too far from campus and the drive over with traffic was