Sooyoung’s thoughts have gone from ‘do I want to kiss her?’ to ‘I do want to kiss her’ and she isn’t really sure when exactly it made that transition, but she has an inkling feeling that it’s a bit of a shallow development.

As in, ‘I want to kiss her’…’because she’s cute’ and not ‘because I like her’. That’s what Sooyoung tells herself, at least.

She spends less of her days waiting on Jiwoo’s texts out of boredom, and more on waiting for them out of hope. It’s a weird turn of events and realising that the younger girl permeates her thoughts way more often than she’d like, Sooyoung is starting to feel kind of freaked out.

She shoves it to the back of her head, obviously. It joins a nice collection of snubbed regrets over every careless thing she’s ever done (because Ha Sooyoung does not live life with regrets).

On a separate note, it’s hard for her to gauge how effective the whole fake dating thing has been. Certainly, her and Jiwoo have gotten a lot better at acting like it and sure, they look natural enough that anyone could guess it. However, she has no idea how Jungeun sees it. The girl doesn’t even look remotely jealous, or maybe she’s just really good at hiding it.

And of course, Jiwoo’s only willing to initiate and reciprocate when she knows she has to – like when they’re with Jungeun – and Sooyoung’s left to constantly think of excuses to hang out with her alone. Jiwoo swears she hasn’t been spending all her time with Jungeun, but Sooyoung suspects otherwise.

Because even now, as Sooyoung lazes around on the grass, Jiwoo’s eyes are glued to her phone, texting someone else, surely.

Aside from Jiwoo barely paying her any attention and the fact that Heejin, Hyunjin, and Chaewon are only gone because they went off to buy snacks at the convenience store, Sooyoung could at least pretend this was some park date between the two of them and not a platonic hangout she just tagged along on.

Sure, Ha Sooyoung, whatever gets you through the day.

“Jungeun says she’ll be here soon,” Jiwoo mentions.

Oh right. Sooyoung forgot she was invited too.

She’s been trying to ignore the possibility that the only reason she’s here is because Jungeun was coming. None of the other girls would admit it anyway, even if it was the truth. Usually she’d point it out as a joke, but it hurts her ego, so she doesn’t say anything.

Sooyoung just hums. She rolls over to Jiwoo, putting her head right on the girl’s lap without warning. Jiwoo doesn’t push her away, but blinks at her for a few seconds before returning her attention to the screen.

“Oh.”

Jiwoo quirks an eyebrow. “What?”

“You’re pretty from this angle too.”

Suddenly feeling tongue-tied, the girl above her refrains from saying anything and promptly hides her face behind her phone. Kim Jiwoo, the Elusive. It’s like her superhero alter ego.

Sooyoung grins as she looks up at the girl looming over her. “Do I have permission to kiss you after Jungeun gets here?”

She doesn’t know where she’s gotten this recent courage to mention kissing around Jiwoo more often–

Uh, probably when you decided that you actually want to?

–but Sooyoung’s definitely not stopping any time soon.

Jiwoo finally tears her gaze away from her phone. “No!” she says, sounding almost panicked.

It’s hard to describe exactly how Jiwoo’s behaviour has changed ever since their totally-friendly-and-platonic trip to Jiwoo’s high school, but the nuances are there, and Sooyoung has been paying her enough attention lately to notice it. If she had to put a description to it, it’d be that Jiwoo’s been more shy around her lately.

Sooyoung feigns offence. “Why not?”

“It’s embarrassing!” Jiwoo admits, “I never kissed anyone in front of my friends before, not even during high school…”

Sooyoung purses her lips in defeat. Fair enough. “Okay, no is no. Well, don’t forget to at least spare me a glance or two.”

Jiwoo frowns at Sooyoung’s pout and maybe she is considerate of Sooyoung’s feelings. “I will! I’ll spare you multiple glances.”

Hard to believe, but pearly whites appear from behind Sooyoung’s lips as she widely smiles anyway.

“You’re free to do anything with me, by the way,” Sooyoung hums, closing her eyes to avoid the sun, “just in case you change your mind and want to kiss me, or something.”

Sooyoung can’t see it, but Jiwoo widens her eyes. “Okay, I know, I got it,” she hurriedly replies. Hearing the fluster in her voice, Sooyoung opens an eye and finds Jiwoo hiding her face behind her phone.

When she closes her eyes again, Sooyoung senses Jiwoo shift slightly above her and suddenly, the back of her eyelids darken. Jiwoo's shading her eyes from the sun, a classic move. How can Sooyoung even attempt to suppress her smile when Jiwoo does things like this?

She’s noticed that too, lately. They’d be subtle expressions of care, a secretive type of concern, that Jiwoo would show her every once in a while and hopes it’d somehow fly over Sooyoung’s head. Of course, it never does. And it never fails to put a smile on Sooyoung's face, or melt her heart for a second or two. 

“You guys look extremely convincing and disgustingly cute right now, I’m pretty impressed.”

Record scratch. The offhand comment interrupting their moment is courtesy of a certain Kim Hyunjin. Sooyoung opens her eyes just in time to see the three girls settling down around them on the picnic blanket, each with a plastic bag full of snacks.

“Chaewon, you only bought one bottle of Mogu Mogu!?” Heejin exclaims over the sound of rustling plastic. “Both Jungeun and Jiwoo wanted one!”

“Oh really? Whoops,” comes Chaewon’s innocently childish reply.

Hyunjin doesn’t fall for it. “She probably did that on purpose.”

“It’s fine, Jungeun can have my drink,” Jiwoo offers and Sooyoung’s eyes immediately shoot open to glare at the girl above her.

“No, give her mine,” Sooyoung says, “you and I can share.”

Jiwoo glances at her with the naivest look in her eyes. “Jungeun doesn’t drink cider. She likes Mogu Mogu, like me.”

“I like Mogu Mogu too, can you give it to me instead?”

Jiwoo’s eyebrows knit in momentary confusion. “But you said you wanted cider.”

“Well now I want Mogu Mogu.”

“But what will Jungeun drink?”

“Jungeun can have someone else’s drink, either keep your Mogu Mogu or give it to me.”

Ha Sooyoung, why are you getting so worked up over Mogu Mogu?!

Heejin interrupts their seemingly pointless back-and-forth. “I’ll just go buy another bottle! Geez, guys.” She throws a glare towards Chaewon, who mindlessly pops open a bag of chips with a shrug.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to!” Jiwoo says upon seeing Heejin getting up. She sighs out of frustration. “What’s the problem? Just give her my Mogu Mogu. I have a water bottle in my bag, I don’t mind.”

This time, Chaewon speaks up with a yelp, “don’t be ridiculous, Jiwoo! You’re giving up your god given right to Mogu Mogu!”

Jiwoo doesn’t seem to understand what all the fuss is about. “It’s just a drink! Oh my god, guys.”

Just then, Jungeun arrives at the most opportune time, greeting everyone with a bright smile, though it falters a bit when she meets Sooyoung’s eyes from Jiwoo’s lap for reasons unknown. The Mogu Mogu discourse comes to a halting silence.

“Uh, hi Jungeun, I’m just leaving to buy you a bottle of Mogu Mogu. Be right back!” Heejin says, scurrying off before anyone could stop her.

“Sorry, I told them you could have my drink, but Heejin insists on buying you a bottle,” Jiwoo greets with a sheepish smile. Sooyoung’s abruptly brought back to earth when Jiwoo lifts her head and starts squirming beneath her. “Sooyoung, move your big head.”

“Hey, I do not have a big head!” Sooyoung protests and somewhere, Hyunjin lets out an amused snort.

Unexpectedly, she’s less annoyed about Hyunjin and more annoyed with Jiwoo trying to make space for Jungeun.

“…they’re fighting over a pair of Minion socks! Can you believe that?!...”

Despite promises to spare her ‘multiple glances’, Jiwoo is currently busy being in the middle of an animated conversation with none other than Jungeun over some show that Sooyoung has never seen or heard about in her life.

Sure, the way Jiwoo waves her hands around when she gets excited is cute, but not as cute as her face scrunching up when she complains about something, and how she grins so brightly it gives the sun a run for its money, and when she laughs, her eyes arch in half-moons and–

Sooyoung blinks, realising she’s been staring at Jiwoo for the past fifteen minutes. She had opted to keep her head on Jiwoo’s lap so she could feed her, but Jiwoo seems to have forgotten that there’s a hungry Sooyoung beneath her.

“…she insists she bought both of them a pair!”

“Jungeun, you’re only defending her because she’s pretty, but she’s a snake!...”

Sooyoung doesn’t know what the hell they’re talking about so intensely, but she finally rolls off Jiwoo’s lap when she sees her feed Jungeun a chip.

Alright, Ha Sooyoung, enough of this, that chip was supposed to be for you!!!

Sooyoung sits up with a long, exaggerated sigh, but Jiwoo still doesn’t pay her any mind. This is getting ridiculous. And it’s ridiculous how ridiculous Sooyoung feels. What is she even doing here? She feels completely invisible. Alone, her and Jiwoo are just fine. Jungeun shows up and suddenly Sooyoung doesn’t exist.

The thought of it pulls at her heartstrings way more than she wants it too.

Her eyes scan around for something else to distract her; Chaewon’s motionless on the ground, possibly sleeping, possibly dead, and Heejin and Hyunjin are nowhere to be found, having excused themselves for a walk a few minutes prior.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” Sooyoung murmurs, “Jiwoo?”

“Maybe if they never called each other old hags, this wouldn’t ha-“ At the call of her name, Jiwoo suddenly stops talking and turns her attention to Sooyoung. “Hm?”

“Come with me?”

“Where?”

“The bathroom…?”

Jiwoo blinks at her. “Why?”

Sooyoung just blinks back and sees Jungeun looking at her too like she just asked some absurd question. “I dunno, I just want some company, I guess?”

Jiwoo cracks a smile, seemingly amused at something. “You don’t need a babysitter to go the bathroom.”

Sooyoung’s shoulders drop. That is so not what she meant.

“Go with Chae,” Jiwoo chirps, “I’m in the middle of a very important discussion!”

Sooyoung just stares at her for an agonizing few seconds, waiting for a ‘sike’, or a ‘just kidding, sure, Sooyoung, I’ll go with you because you’re my lovely girlfriend and girlfriends accompany each other to the bathroom’. But it never comes and Jiwoo doesn’t even wait to see her off before turning back to Jungeun and returning to whatever stupid conversation they were in the middle of.

“So, as I was saying, this wouldn’t have happened if they never called each other old hags in the first place…”

Ha Sooyoung…you may not be on a roll after all.

She scoffs slightly, biting her tongue to keep down a muttered ‘whatever’ as she crawls over to Chaewon, currently lying on her back with a hand over her eyes. Sooyoung yanks her earphones out before pulling her up.

“Hey–! What are you doing?” Chaewon shrieks as Sooyoung hauls her off the blanket and drags her off like she’s a sack of rice. At least it’s confirmed she’s not dead.

“We’re going to the bathroom,” Sooyoung says, finally loosening her grip on Chaewon’s sleeve once they get far enough away from Jiwoo and Jungeun talking each other’s ears off.

“I already pee’d like fifteen minutes ago.” Chaewon’s whiny, but keeps pace with Sooyoung anyway.

“Well, I need company.”

“Well, take Jiwoo instead!”

“Well, she didn’t want to come.”

This has Chaewon jolting to a stop, but just as she was about to do a 180 and stomp back, Sooyoung stops her from going any further.

“We can’t leave them alone!” Chaewon protests.

“Chae, it’s fine,” Sooyoung says, “they’re just talking. Just come with me.”

With her eyes, Sooyoung begs for her to concede. She’s not in the mood to face Jiwoo and Jungeun again and Chaewon’s been doing such a good job of holding herself back from insulting Jungeun to her face, it’d be a shame to see her composure fall apart now. If she goes back shouting at the two of them, the whole hangout would turn awkward.

They start to walk in a direction completely opposite of the washroom. It turns into a casual stroll and truthfully, Sooyoung’s just grateful to have gotten away. She was starting to feel too much like a third wheel even though she’s supposed to be the girlfriend.

She wishes Jiwoo could’ve at least kept her promise of sparing her a few glances. It stings to be snubbed, moreso when Jiwoo doesn’t even realise it.

“This isn’t working.” Sooyoung sighs.

“What do you mean?”

“This whole fake dating thing. It’s a total blunder.”

Chaewon her head. “I don’t get it. You guys are believable, Jungeun is totally convinced.”

Sooyoung shrugs. “No, I know. It’s working in that aspect. I think. But in every other aspect, things aren’t looking so good.”

She hasn’t forgotten about their objectives. The most obvious reason they’re doing this is to cover up Jiwoo’s lie, but the underlying goal of helping her move on seems to be astronomically way off course.

And the more she gets to know Jiwoo and spend time with her, the less Sooyoung is seeing this as some odd job for extra money and more about actually helping the girl.

“She hasn’t moved on at all,” Sooyoung says, running a hand through her hair, “she’s still head over heels for Jungeun. It’s so obvious, Chae, can’t you see it? And it’s…I dunno, frustrating? I just want to help her.”

When Chaewon narrows her eyes at her suspiciously, Sooyoung quirks an eyebrow.

“What are you looking at?”

“Are you into her?”

Chaewon’s sudden question prompts Sooyoung to widen her eyes as she immediately goes on defence mode. 

“What makes you think that?” Sooyoung asks carefully.

Oh , Ha Sooyoung, are you?

“Because…my senses tell me there’s a little green-eyed monster trying to claw out of its cage deep within you,” Chaewon says, poking Sooyoung in the stomach.

Sooyoung’s a bit weirded out by Chaewon’s bizarre attempt at euphemising the elephant in the room, but she knows that was just Chaewonese for ‘I feel like you’re getting jealous’.

And truthfully, that’s probably what it is.  

“Um…really?” is all Sooyoung can really say because she’s never confronted her budding feelings before and she’s still not even sure whether they’re actual feelings or just manufactured ones from fake dating someone.   

The thought of her seriously falling for Jiwoo has never actually occurred to her.

Chaewon seems confused too, now. “Are you not…?”

“I don’t know…”

“Uh, this is a yes or a no question. Haven’t you had a crush before? How did that feel? Does it feel the same?”

Sooyoung pauses to think about Jiwoo. She comes to mind far too easily, her sunshine smile immediately filling Sooyoung’s thoughts.

Wait. Waaaaait.

Okay, yeah, Jiwoo’s pretty cute and Sooyoung has dated girls like her before. Yeah, she’s nice, even when she’s less obvious about it – but the subtle acts of kindness are arguably more heartwarming. Yeah, she’s a lot of fun to be around and Sooyoung’s never dreaded spending time with her.

Yeah, their kiss in Sooyoung’s car flashes in her head sometimes. It feels like it happened ages ago and it was so brief, so transient that it’s practically insignificant,

Everyone probably forgot it happened, to be honest, maybe that scene didn’t have a lot of impact–

–but Sooyoung has not forgotten about it.

Chaewon must’ve suspected something from her face because she starts to knowingly smile, and it looks almost mischievous.

“Oh my gosh, you’ve totally got some kind of feelings for her. I know it when I see it, trust me. You have the same look on your face as Hyunjin did when I asked her if she liked Heejin and she told me she did the very next day! See, I have an eye for this stuff,” Chaewon says before her smile suddenly morphs into an ‘o’ and a hand flies up to cover , “oh, I don’t think I was supposed to tell you that…”  

But Sooyoung’s far too busy sorting out her suddenly-abuzz feelings to care about Chaewon spilling some friend circle secret.

Ha Sooyoung, are you seriously falling for the girl you’re fake dating? This sounds a lot like a fanfiction.

“You should go for it.”

That has Sooyoung snapping out of her thoughts. “What?”

“I said if you’re interested, go for it. You should make your move while she’s still a free agent.”

Sooyoung narrows her eyes. “Okay, so say I like her…if I like her…hypothetically…even if I did,” she stresses the uncertainty, though Chaewon remains unconvinced, “she has Jungeun-coloured glasses on.”

“…So?”

“Sooo…all she can see is Jungeun? How do I even go about it if I can’t even keep her attention for three seconds unless I’m dying of an allergic reaction…”

Suddenly, Chaewon bursts out laughing. “Wait, don’t tell me you’re actually lacking confidence?!” and just as suddenly, her face does a 180 as she puts on her serious face, “who are you and what have you done to the Ha Sooyoung I know?”

Sooyoung sighs, lightly shoving Chaewon on the shoulder. “Stop! I just…don’t want to overstep boundaries and get fired for the twentieth time,” she reasons, “also, have you seen Jungeun? The girl’s kind of a looker. If I was Jiwoo, I’d be pretty hardpressed to pick between two insanely hot girls.”

Chaewon just rolls her eyes. “I get it, you love yourself. Narcissism is a façade for deep insecurities, but we can talk about that on another day. Point is,” Chaewon says pointedly, rendering Sooyoung speechless, “just work your magic. Can’t you unstraight any girl you want? If you’re gonna pounce, do it now!”

She starts waving her hands around as if she was a magician about to pull a rabbit out of somewhere. Chaewon looks as ridiculous as she sounds.

“…Seriously?”

Chaewon pauses her jazz fingers to roll her eyes. “Yes! If this was a normal job, it’d be like the equivalent of getting a raise.”

“I’m literally getting paid. The equivalent of a raise here is still a raise...”

“Then it’d be like the equivalent of getting promoted…? Whatever! It doesn’t matter! If you succeed, you get your girl, Jiwoo moves on, and Heejin, Hyunjin, and I celebrate a victory because we all like you. Everyone’s happy! Except Jungeun, maybe. But we don’t care.”

Sooyooung narrows her eyes. “Okay, now this is starting to sound like it’s just for your revenge story.”

Chaewon blinks before shaking her head in dismissal. “No, no, it’s not, this is no one’s revenge story. I’m sorry, this isn’t about me. That’s not my point,” she rambles, “what I mean to say is, don’t deny your feelings. Don’t hold back.”

Sooyoung hums. “Wait, Park Chaewon telling me not to hold back?”

The corner of her lip quirks into a slight smirk. She really should make an effort to control her impulsivity, but if Chaewon’s encouraging it, then…

“I’m not telling you to be impulsive! I’m just…ugh, nevermind, you know what? As long as you’re not locking kids in bathrooms, then it’s fine with me.”

“I can’t promise you that,” Sooyoung says with a grin.

Chaewon sighs. “I’m just saying, sort out your feelings and then do something about it.”

For someone who doesn’t look like they could give decent advice, Chaewon gives pretty decent advice. Sooyoung does want to sort out her feelings; they’re there, whether she wants to admit it or not, somewhere in the morass of her thoughts. Sure, she's chased after girls before, but only when she knew she had an actual chance with them. That, or she had liquid courage surging through her bloodstream – but the relationships that stemmed out of these chases never lasted.

If she’s to do this, she wants to do it with clear-cut intentions and no half-assed feelings. Sober and sensible. She wants to go at it carefully. Because careless Sooyoung doesn’t exactly have the cleanest track record.

She doesn’t want a repeat performance of her previous failures. No more mistakes, no playing dirty. No kids wildly running through aisles in wolf masks; no locking such kids in the bathroom. No kids smoking weed in the bathroom; no throwing dirty mop water at such kids’ faces.

It’s just her, Jiwoo, and some feelings to untangle. How hard can that be?

Ha Sooyoung. You can do it, right?

Of course, she can. Ha Sooyoung has never been one to shy away from challenges.