Something about the way the four girls are lined up in front of her, shoulder to shoulder, makes Sooyoung feel uneasy. 

Chaewon had arranged for her to meet Jiwoo (and friends). Everything seems so rushed, but they're short on time. Jiwoo’s ex would be arriving very soon.

Seeing her in person, Sooyoung is more than pleased about her fake girlfriend for the summer. Jiwoo is pretty abnormal. Abnormally cute. In fact, Jiwoo is cuter in real life than in the photos Chaewon sent her, and Sooyoung had spent a good several minutes gushing over her adorableness the day before.

This is already a great start! Sooyoung had thought, but now she's realising that she may have jumped the gun a bit. Jiwoo’s nervous discomfort is so palpably obvious that in front of her, Sooyoung suddenly feels her usually-astronomical level of self-confidence falter.

Sooyoung puts on her friendliest smile in an attempt to ease the awkward air. She directs her attention to the girl on Jiwoo’s left, whom she excitedly recognizes from her dance club. “Jeon Heejin! How did weirdo Chaewon befriend such a sweet and pretty girl like you?” 

Chaewon opens to defend herself, but Heejin speaks up first. “Sunbaenim…do you know what you’re getting yourself into?” Hesitation paints her pretty features.  

Okay, weird question. Sooyoung narrows her eyes slightly, though she maintains her smile. “What do you mean?”

This time, Chaewon jumps at the opportunity to talk. “I’ve already explained everything to her and she’s up for it,” she says sternly, shooting a look towards Heejin that even Sooyoung could tell says ‘don’t ruin this now!’. Heejin receives the message, evident in the way she promptly presses her lips together.

“You’re a dancer?!” the girl on Jiwoo’s right exclaims – Hyunjin, as Chaewon had introduced a few minutes earlier – with a gasp. She turns to Jiwoo and mouths a not-so-secret ‘and she’s hot!’.

“You’re okay with this…?” This time, the cute voice comes from the cute girl in the middle currently gawking at Sooyoung with wide eyes.

Sooyoung hums. “What’s a better way to spend the summer than get paid to hang out with a cute girl?”

Jiwoo lets out a chuckle, though it sounds strained and anxious more than anything. She maintains her stilted grin, even as she grabs her friends’ arms and starts to pull them backwards. “Uh, give us a moment!”

Sooyoung’s smile falters a bit as she watches Jiwoo gather her friends in a huddle. Why are they acting so weird? Sooyoung had expected a bit more excitement from them. Was she not hot and cool enough? But Chaewon assured her she was the perfect girl! What if Jiwoo thinks she’s ugly? That’s embarrassing to even think about–

“Why are you so nervous?” Sooyoung overhears, undoubtedly Chaewon’s voice, “isn’t she pretty?”

Sooyoung doesn’t have to try very hard to listen in on their conversation. Not that she means to eavesdrop, it’s just that their hushed murmurs sound more like whisper-shouts. Nevertheless, Sooyoung pretends not to hear.

“That’s exactly why I’m nervous!” Jiwoo whisper-shouts and Sooyoung relaxes. Cute Jiwoo gets nervous around pretty girls? “She is way out of my league!” (That might be true.)

It’s Hyunjin’s voice she hears next and it’s the quietest whisper of all, Sooyoung had to strain to catch it. “Don’t be silly, Jungeun was also way out of your league, but you guys dated!”

Jungeun? Who’s Jungeun? Jiwoo’s ex? Now that Sooyoung thinks about it, Chaewon has never mentioned the name of the anticipated visitor, instead opting to refer to her as ‘Jiwoo’s stupid ex’ or some variation of those words.

“What’s that supposed to mean!” comes Jiwoo’s clearly offended whisper, “this wouldn’t be believable at all…”

“Well, we have no options left because Jungeun arrives in T-minus 72 hours and come on, Jiwoo, a godly presence has descended upon us like a guardian angel. Like, look at her!” Hyunjin furiously whispers. All four heads suddenly turn to look at Sooyoung, who returns their sheepish smiles with a small one of her own. Okay then. They turn back. “Not only is she older, she’s hotter than Jungeun, hotter than the sun-“

“Hotter than my latest mixtape,” Chaewon chirps.

Hyunjin promptly ignores that, “-it’s perfect! She’s pretty and willing to do this, so you need to seize this opportunity! Darpe ciem!”

“It’s carpe diem, stupid–“

Admittedly, Sooyoung can’t help the amused grin that spreads on her face for completely narcissistic reasons. The meeting isn’t really going as she had expected, with the weird response she’s gotten from them and all, so Hyunjin’s little blurb about her was just the exact type of ego boost that Sooyoung needed to regain her faltering courage.  

She overhears Heejin’s voice this time in perhaps the most flustered whisper out of all the girls. “Chae, what the hell, you didn’t tell me your Sooyoung was Ha Sooyoung! I told you guys I didn’t want to drag anyone from my dance club into this mess!”

“I didn’t know your Sooyoung was my Sooyoung!” comes Chaewon’s response.

Well, at least that explains Heejin’s hesitation; she respects her senior so much, that she didn't want her involved in her friends’ antics. Or at least that's what Sooyoung perceives.  

I knew you were one of my favourite juniors for a reason! Sooyoung smiles proudly to herself, making a mental note to treat Heejin to coffee one day.

But just when Sooyoung starts to feel overly prideful, the next thing she hears humbles her right off the pedestal. Ironically, it’s courtesy of the same girl who put her up on that pedestal in the first place.

“You know, she doesn’t seem like the type who’d even step foot in that weird Halloween store, but you’re telling me she worked there?” whispers Hyunjin, the amusement ringing clear in her voice. “It’s kind of hilarious.”

Sooyoung shuts her eyes in embarrassment and sighs. Damn it, Chaewon told them she worked at the Halloween store. She knows it’s their main connection, but still, she was hoping Chaewon would’ve at least helped her save face by omitting that fact. Truthfully, Chaewon was probably more than happy to expose her.  

She opens her eyes just in time to catch Jiwoo looking at her from over her shoulder. After returning Sooyoung’s smile with her own, she turns back around. She really is cute; anyone with eyes would think so.

Sooyoung doesn’t feel like listening in on their conversation anymore just in case it veers further into Sooyoung-actually-seems-kind-of-uncool-if-you-think-about-it territory, so she directs her attention elsewhere.

Within a few seconds, the four girls are back standing in front of her, having broken up their huddle with resolute nods.

Jiwoo looks at Sooyoung, still a hint of hesitation in her disposition, but looking far less anxious than before. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Sooyoung’s impressed with how sure she sounds, but she also senses that Jiwoo didn’t have much of a choice.

Hyunjin looks the most excited of the bunch, patting Jiwoo on the back with too much force. “Great! Now, we don’t have much time so you two,” she pushes Jiwoo, who stumbles right into Sooyoung’s arms (after which she hurriedly and shyly detaches herself), “need to jump straight into the icebreakers and have a deep ‘Get To Know Each Other’ session, or first date, or whatever so Jiwoo’s ex doesn’t figure out that you guys have literally never met each other ‘til today.”

Judging from that and the enthusiasm in her smile, Sooyoung suspects Hyunjin is the mastermind behind this whole idea in the first place. Hyunjin hooks each of her arms with Heejin and Chaewon and drags them away.

Jiwoo hesitantly waves them goodbye.

“Our first date,” Sooyoung muses out loud once they’re gone. Jiwoo chuckles nervously. “It’ll just be like a blind date. Have you ever been on a blind date?” When Jiwoo sheepishly shakes her head, Sooyoung extends a hand. “Well, I’m Sooyoung. Third year, economics department. Impulsive choice, but I’ve made it this far.”

To her relief, Jiwoo shakes it readily and firmly.

“Nice to meet you, Jiwoo. Come on, let’s go to a café. My treat,” Sooyoung offers and holds up a hand to silence Jiwoo when she opens to protest, “it’s okay. I’m the older one anyway.”

Jiwoo just nods her head, averting her gaze. Sooyoung hopes she can get the younger girl to look at her for at least thirty seconds.

So, thirty seconds seems like it might be too difficult of a challenge from the get-go.

Jiwoo won’t even look her way and busies herself by drumming her fingers against her cup of iced coffee. Sooyoung knows it’s because of nervousness, but she can’t quite figure out why Jiwoo is so nervous.

Sooyoung thinks back to what she had overheard Chaewon say during their little huddle. Is Sooyoung too pretty that it makes her nervous? (That would be cute.) (Or maybe Sooyoung is just full of herself.)

The atmosphere threatens to turn awkward, which Sooyoung dreads. None of her previous dates have ever been awkward. But then again, she’s only gone out with people who are actually interested in her or asked her out first.

Maybe Jiwoo isn’t used to dates? Does she hate this? Would she rather be elsewhere?

“Jiwoo, if you’re uncomfortable with this, you don’t have to–“

“No, I want to,” Jiwoo suddenly interjects, finally meeting Sooyoung’s eyes. “Do this. I want to do this.”

“…Are you sure?”

Jiwoo’s fingers abruptly stop drumming. “Yes. Sorry, I just…” she trails off for a bit before shaking her head, “how much did Chaewon tell you?”

“Um, the basics. I know you’re Kim Jiwoo, freshman business major, hung up on an ex who dumped you on the day of your high school graduation. She’s visiting for the break. You told her you had a girlfriend to prove that you’ve moved on,” Sooyoung explains, “problem is, you don’t have a girlfriend and you haven’t moved on…”

She pauses to gauge Jiwoo’s reaction, but only sees the girl looking at her shyly.  

“…So this where I come in,” Sooyoung finishes. “I’m the girlfriend to the rescue.”

Jiwoo’s suddenly back to drumming her fingers and looking small, having shrunk deeper into her seat. Her loss of courage draws a sigh out of Sooyoung. Since Jiwoo told her that she wants to be here, that leaves Sooyoung with the only other hypothesis she has for Jiwoo’s nervousness:

“If you’re nervous because you think I’m out of your league, you need to stop thinking that or else we won’t be able to get to know each other,” Sooyoung says, “and your ex won’t believe a thing.”

Jiwoo abruptly stops drumming again and looks at Sooyoung with comically wide eyes. “Huh?”

was that too bold of an assumption?  flashes quickly in Sooyoung’s mind. But she can’t take this back like a coward (only cowards backtrack!) so she quirks her lips in a smirk and pushes though.

“You guys didn’t really whisper quietly enough.”

Jiwoo blinks at her before looking down timidly, a slight pink hue on her cheeks. “Oh…”

Sooyoung ducks her head a bit to get a better view of Jiwoo’s face. “It’s okay. Don’t be nervous, I don’t bite. And if you’re still worried about whether I’m okay with this, I assure you that Chae didn’t threaten me or anything and I fully consented.”

While nervous-but-blushing Jiwoo is cuter than nervous-but-ambiguous Jiwoo, Sooyoung wants her to ease up more than anything. They can’t have a conversation if Jiwoo continues like this.

“Sorry…thank you for doing this,” Jiwoo tells her and somehow, Sooyoung can tell her gratitude is genuine. “I’ve just, uh, I’ve never done this before. What do we talk about…?”

Sooyoung smiles at seeing Jiwoo finally start to relax. “Well, for starters, you can tell me your ex’s name.”

“Chae didn’t tell you?” Jiwoo asks in surprise.

“She only called her ‘Jiwoo’s stupid ex’, which is honestly a fitting name for–” Sooyoung pauses when she notices Jiwoo’s face suddenly fall.

“Jungeun’s not stupid,” Jiwoo mutters and there’s a defensive edge to her tone. Jungeun. So her name is Jungeun.

Sooyoung softly sighs. “Look, I don’t know anything about Jungeun, nor do I know anything about the history of your relationship, but I do know that you guys lasted through the nightmare known as high school, which says a lot. And seeing how you’re still clearly into her, you must’ve like her a whole lot. With this limited info to base my judgement on, I see calling it quits on graduation day as a really ty thing to do,” Sooyoung explains, “and really insensitive of her to do that to you.”

Graduation days are supposed to be happy. Jiwoo visibly winces at Sooyoung’s rough recount of what is clearly a painful memory for her. Sooyoung realises it’s probably a memory that’s been rehashed numerous times in the past few days and she suddenly feels regretful for bringing it up.

But it might be something that Jiwoo needs a constant reminder of to help her move on. 

“And I may not know much about you yet either, but I know you’re not someone who deserves something like that to happen to them,” Sooyoung tells her. Jiwoo doesn’t seem like she’d hurt a fly.

Judging by the surprise evident on her face, Jiwoo didn’t seem to expect such sentimentality out of Sooyoung. Truthfully, neither did she. It just sort of came out that way in a moment of sudden sympathy.

Jiwoo opts not to reply, turning her gaze downwards to stare at her iced coffee.

“We don’t have to talk about Jungeun. In fact, we don’t even really need to,” Sooyoung says, shifting in her seat, “just tell me everything you told her about your imaginary girlfriend so our stories line up. You didn’t tell her a name or show her a picture, did you?”

Jiwoo opens to answer but the words seemingly get stuck in . Her lips quiver in hesitation and Sooyoung can see the tips of her ears starting to turn red.

“…Did you?”

“I may…have mentioned…a name…” Jiwoo’s voice gradually lowers to such a quiet volume that Sooyoung struggles to hear her.

“What? What name?”

Jiwoo stares at the folded hands on her lap. Shutting her eyes, she murmurs, “um…Yves…and you’re a quarter French…”

Sooyoung blinks at her for a moment. Did she hear that correctly? Is her brain processing it properly? Jiwoo, with her eyes tightly shut, refuses to put her head up.

Actions finally catch up to thoughts and Sooyoung brings a hand over in a poor attempt at hiding the grin spreading across her face.

“Yve– what?” she sputters, “why…? Why would you give her that kind of name?”

Jiwoo shrugs defeatedly, lifting her shoulders so high that they touch her reddening ears. They drop just as dramatically.

“I-I don’t know, I was talking to her over the phone one day and she just asked me out of the blue and I panicked and for some reason, my eyes darted to my perfume bottle and it just came out of my mouth and I had to play it off and it’s been haunting me to this day and I can’t take it back, okay!”

Whew, what a run-on sentence.

The hasty explanation comes out in lightning speed as a long string of mumbled, whiny words tripping over each other. But Sooyoung’s brain is still processing this and she can’t really help her extremely amused reaction. She lets a chuckle slip.

“And,” she suppresses her laugh, “the quarter French part…?”

Jiwoo’s ears are completely red by this point. She keeps squirming in her seat in hopes that Sooyoung doesn’t notice the heat emanating off her cheeks. But Sooyoung notices, of course she does. Jiwoo’s as red as a strawberry.

“I-I dunno…she asked who on earth names their kid ‘Yves’ in Korea and I just…” Jiwoo replies in an impossibly quiet mumble, “y-you can laugh, okay! I know it's stupid!” That last part comes out defensively.

Jiwoo’s unbearable humiliation is obvious to anyone. Sooyoung doesn’t need to read her mind to know that she must be desperately hoping to poof! disappear on the spot or scream at the sky outside. While the sight of her is amusing (amusingly cute), Sooyoung composes herself so Jiwoo doesn’t feel any more embarrassed than she already does.

She bites her lip to tame her grin and takes a deep breath. “Okay,” Sooyoung says in the most rational voice she can muster, “it’s alright. I’ll figure something out, don’t worry. Did you show her a picture?”

Her rational voice must’ve worked because Jiwoo’s redness mellows to a softer hue as she shakes her head no.

“When did you first tell her you had a girlfriend? If it’s too long ago, I doubt she believes you, especially if you’ve never shared anything on social media.”

Jiwoo shifts in her seat. “Well, I never directly told her I had a girlfriend…just that there was a girl…and we had a thing… I don’t know, I made the relationship sound a bit ambiguous,” she explains bashfully.

When Sooyoung just narrows her eyes, Jiwoo goes on:

“I never wanted to lie to her, it was only two or three weeks ago when I let it slip. Impulsively and out of spite, I guess, I dunno. I-I was just feeling particularly sad that night and I was looking through her social media and…” Jiwoo’s voice begins to quicken and grow louder, “and wondering how she’s living so happily with all her new friends and how she can talk to me so normally as if I was just an ordinary hometown friend and not someone she shared something special with...someone she said ‘I love you’ to, and I-I just…don’t understand how and why she moved on so fast? I want to be happy seeing her happy, but I can’t. Is this selfish? How can she be so happy while I’m here, still heartbroken and still so, so in love with her and–”

Jiwoo abruptly pauses. The words had spilled out of her like water rushing out of a broken dam. But they stopped coming as suddenly as they came out, and Sooyoung looks back at the glassy eyes staring at her, mouth still hanging open.

Jiwoo doesn’t realise how tightly she had been gripping her iced coffee until some of it spills over her hand.

Still seemingly taken aback by her own impromptu emotional release, Jiwoo gasps lightly as her shoulders visibly untense. She reaches over for the napkins, but Sooyoung already has a hold of them, making quick work of cleaning up the spill. She cleans Jiwoo’s hand for her, too.

Maybe it was the gentleness of Sooyoung’s hands, or her readiness to clean her up, or the softness in her features, or maybe it was all of those that compels Jiwoo to say what she says next.

“It isn’t fair.”

The confession comes out as a quiet murmur. And Sooyoung catches it, crystal clear.

She lays a comforting hand over Jiwoo’s, deciding that actions would speak better than words. Her sympathy would ring out through this simple gesture clearer than any reassuring sentence she could conjure up.

And Jiwoo doesn’t push her away, using her other hand to stop a tear from falling any further down her cheek. She doesn’t try to jump into a different subject either. Sooyoung lets the silence descend over them, not sinking and drowning in it, but rather floating in the stillness that settles. It's a comforting sort of quiet. 

The girl in front of her keeps her gaze downwards, but Sooyoung keeps an eye on her the entire time. She hopes her presence and her hand at least give the Jiwoo the solace she’s searching for.

Sooyoung took in every word she said, every stutter and every stumble that came along. She frowns because Jiwoo’s right; it isn’t fair and she doesn’t deserve this. Jiwoo clearly still has some open wounds.

It’s understandable. How can her ex be living her best life, but Jiwoo can’t? How’d she march on, but Jiwoo still feels like she’s being held back by the reins? How could Jungeun uproot her life just like that and then act like nothing happened?

It isn’t fair at all. 

They sat in silence for what must’ve been nearly twenty minutes as Jiwoo gathered herself.

It’s clear she’s thought long and hard about what happened to her and Sooyoung feels a pang of compassion when she thinks about the girl in front of her crying to herself in confusion and heartbreak. It seems like the breakup happened just last week, but it’s been four months. That’s an awfully long time to feel so sad.

Jiwoo takes a final, deep breath as if to compose herself and pulls her hand from under Sooyoung’s hold. She doesn’t say anything, but Sooyoung understands that that was her way of communicating ‘I’m okay now’.

Jiwoo is the first to pop the bubble of silence that had surrounded them. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Sooyoung says, shaking her head. She straightens her back, realising that she had leaned in far too close.

“Um, I told her once that the girl– well, you, I guess– took me out on a hiking date and you made lunchboxes with rolled omelette, which is, um, my favourite…” Jiwoo says, as if she suddenly remembered what they were supposed to be talking about. Her voice is more stable than before, though there’s still a hint of shyness.

She’s trying to act like she didn’t just almost break down in front of Sooyoung on their first meeting, so Sooyoung makes the effort to act normal too.   

“I go hiking like, never, but that’s okay. I am good at making rolled omelettes, though.”

“Really?” Jiwoo’s eyes light up for the first time. Sooyoung feels her courage jump levels. 

She nods confidently. “I’ll cook it for you one day. They’ll be the best rolled omelettes you’ve ever tasted.”

Jiwoo cracks a smile, a genuine one, and it’s so contagious, Sooyoung finds herself smiling too.

“That’s a bold claim. I have had many rolled omelettes in my life, spanning the entire taste spectrum,” Jiwoo says matter-of-factly.

“And mine will be on the delicious end, satisfaction guaranteed.”

Jiwoo chuckles and Sooyoung’s heart swells. She’s just happy to see the younger girl’s teeth again. With a bright smile like that, Jiwoo doesn’t deserve to ever feel sad.

“Oh! I also once mentioned that we study together every Friday after your history tutoring sessions…”

Sooyoung’s mouth hangs open. “I’m sorry to say this, but I failed history in high school.”

“Oh…”

“It’s fine. Everything will be fine. Let’s just hope she doesn’t ask me anything history-related. If worse comes to worst, the answer is always,” Sooyoung pauses for dramatic effect, “King Sejong.”

Aaaaand lamest joke of the year award goes to…

Another chuckle slips past Jiwoo’s lips and Sooyoung returns it with a smile. Her lame joke didn’t even make sense, but Jiwoo laughed anyway.

It’s like she can see the embarrassment evaporating from the younger girl as her shoulders rise slightly every time she grins. Sooyoung’s glad because Jiwoo feels less anxious, her nervousness being the result of the humiliation she must be feeling about this whole thing. She doesn't need to be embarrassed around Sooyoung. 

“You also pick me up from piano lessons every Wednesday.”

“You play piano?”

“Yeah! I love music. I even considered pursuing it, but…” Jiwoo trails off before shaking her head, “I don’t actually take lessons anymore. I used to, but uh, I stopped after high school. I never told Jungeun though, so she thinks I still go. Just keep that in mind, I guess.”

“Why’d you stop?”

“Um,” Jiwoo looks at her for a second before averting her gaze like she did before, shrugging, “No time, with school and all.”

Sooyoung’s not really convinced of that reason, but she lets it go. Maybe Jiwoo will open up to her one day.

The conversation had been going so well, but seeing Jiwoo starting to return to her habit of looking anywhere and everywhere but her, Sooyoung decides that she must do something to steal back her attention.

And so Sooyoung reaches over to grab her hand.

Jiwoo flinches, slightly pulling away in surprise.

“Girlfriends hold hands,” Sooyoung says, looking (and certainly feeling) slightly offended. Jiwoo just stares at her open palm. “Don’t you hold hands with your friends? What’s the matter?”

Jiwoo shakes her head. “Nothing.”

She slides her hand into the open palm. Sooyoung readily curls her fingers around it, but Jiwoo hesitates to reciprocate. To ease the awkwardness, Sooyoung slightly loosens her grasp.

“So this is what it feels like to hold hands with a mannequin,” she says jokingly before detaching their hands completely. “Well, we can practice hand holding later. It has to be natural.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Jiwoo says, suddenly reaching for Sooyoung’s hand. “I’m being weird, aren’t I? I’m sorry, I want to hold your hand. It’s warm, really warm.” Sooyoung feels Jiwoo hold her hand more firmly.

Jiwoo’s hand is warm, too, and soft and holdable, for lack of a better word. Sooyoung’s held many hands in her life, but Jiwoo’s feels different.

Maybe because unlike the first time they made contact when Sooyoung just rested a hand on top of Jiwoo’s out of sympathy, this time, Jiwoo’s holding her hand back.  

For a moment, just a mere few seconds, Jiwoo runs her thumb along a knuckle and tightens her grip, squeezing it firmly. It’s simple, subtle movement, but Sooyoung feels the emotion from such a small act. She looks at Jiwoo and finds her staring at their hands.

And then Jiwoo abruptly loosens her grasp, almost detaching their hold entirely, blinking as if she remembered something. It all happens in such a short moment and she’s soon back to holding Sooyoung’s hand normally.

Maybe Sooyoung has just really good intuition, or maybe Jiwoo is just that transparent, but Sooyoung thinks she can comprehend her every move.

Jiwoo has qualms because the hand she’s holding isn’t Jungeun’s. No matter how warm, comforting, or soothing Sooyoung’s hand may feel around hers, it probably just isn’t the same.

Sooyoung hopes she can change that.