The next day, Friday, the day before my mother was to come visit, my mind was stuck on what I could possibly say to her. I knew I had to be open and honest, something I’d never really been able to do with her concerning my uality. It was easy to blow off when I was in high school. I just played up the fact that I was focused on my studies, that I was an introvert, that I had anxiety problems. But I think it all came from me suppressing who I really was. Did I really get wound this tightly, feel this isolated, because I was denying who I was? How did I let it get this far? Maybe I’d be a completely different person if I’d come out to my mother when I was a freshman in high school rather than a freshman in college. Maybe I wouldn’t have panic attacks or feel like a nervous wreck.

While on my way to class, mind focused on the task ahead of me, I got a text from Jisoo telling me that neither of us had gotten called back for parts in the musical. I could tell from her text that she was sad about it, but I have to admit that I felt relieved. Just the mere fact that I was able to audition for the show without puking my guts out and running out of the room with my arms flailing, I count that as a success. And it truly made me happy. There was something about the process that made me nostalgic and I couldn’t quite place why. I’d have to think about that later when I had some more mental space.

I found it difficult to pay attention in my Friday class, a psychology class, because I was going over every scenario in my head. Maybe my mother would be so upset she’d drag her arm across the restaurant table, knocking everything off, and run out screaming that I was going to hell. That didn’t really seem like her, though. She was a sweet woman, despite her strict adherence to all the church stuff. Maybe she’d jump up, run around the table, and embrace me, and she too would come out as a lesbian and we’d converse on the finer points of female uality. No, that would be just too weird. I tried to map out any conversation we could possibly have together and make sure I had my dialogue straight. It was kind of like I was preparing for the audition thing all over again.

After class, I made my way back to Leopold Hall and went directly to the basement to meet with Lisa in the ALOHA office. I wanted to talk over some things with her, get her opinion on what I could say to my mother, and how I could say it. But once I got to the office, peeking my head in, I was surprised to find that Lisa wasn’t there. Professor Sacco sat at the desk.

“Come on in,” said Sacco with a gracious smile. “How are you, Jennie?” Professor Sacco was such a welcoming woman, her face beamed brightly, she was happy. I wanted to know her secret.

“I’m good, Professor,” I said. “I was looking for Lisa. I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“You’re not bothering me, dear,” she said. “Maybe I can help y