After my conversation with Jisoo, I couldn’t get the prospect of auditioning for a play with her out of my mind. I dwelled hard on it. And I would be putting it lightly if I told you it scared the out of me. My social anxiety was something I’d been aware of for a long time and while I liked to think I had worked on it and made strides, the fact is that I really hadn’t done either. I didn’t want to be this meek person who had trouble asserting herself. When I really examined it, I hated that part of my personality. But you can get caught in these traps, you know, focusing so hard on this perception of yourself that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Maybe I was only nervous and anxious around most people because I continuously told myself that that’s just how I was.

That was something to consider.

While I often felt kind of alienated and misunderstood, I knew I couldn’t possibly be the only person who felt like this. And I knew that it wasn’t something impossible to overcome. Maybe I had to begin accepting the help of others, or least trusting in them a little bit more, trusting people enough to confide in them and tell them what was really going on inside of me, to move past this crippling anxiety and start living my life with a greater sense of liberation. God knows I could use just one day of not feeling guilty or like I wasn’t good enough. I had a voice. I knew I needed to learn to use it.

Walking down the hall on my floor, I pushed through the door leading into the stairwell, wanting to go see if Lisa was in her room and spend a little time with her. I was feeling a revived sense of accomplishment after analyzing my problems and I was intent to try to share with Lisa, who had been so patient and accepting of me already. As soon as I entered the stairwell, however, coming down the steps was Kai. At first we surprised each other, but his face quickly changed from surprise to revelation. Kai offered me a silly smile before he spoke up.

“Kismet,” he said. “I was just coming to see you.”

“Hey Kai,” I said, taking this opportunity to be more assertive. I stood up straight and tried to keep my eyes focused on his face, without looking too intense or anything. There’s a fine line between assertiveness and overbearing intensity.

“You got a second?” he said, standing on the stairs and leaning against the railing. I could see in his face that he was smitten by me. I had to figure out a way to let him down easy, to remain friends, and to let him know that it wasn’t anything he did wrong. “I’ve got that book in my bag,” said Kai, pull