Although I was slowly beginning to feel better about myself, I knew that I had to talk to Lisa. I had to repair what I’d done and see if she could give me a second chance. I felt so silly about it all. It was a simple misunderstanding, of course, but that was only looking at it from my eyes. Every problem could be explained away if the whole world just saw things from your own personal perspective. But I had to consider what Lisa was feeling. It was obvious that she’d been burned before by someone who dragged her along and I didn’t want her to think that I was the same way. I wanted her to like me. I wanted to be with her.

Kai and I had handed in our paper for English and after class we went our separate ways. I knew that Lisa would be walking back from her own class at the same time and I wanted to try to intercept her. We hadn’t seen each other since that final conversation at her door. Well, that’s not true. I’d seen her in the halls but purposefully avoided her out of shame. I imagine that if she saw me coming in Leopold, she probably avoided me as well.

As I walked the path to where I knew Lisa would be, I went over my monologue for the audition in my head. It was really starting to come together. I wasn’t forgetting any of it. Whenever I saw a play, it always made me feel a strange sense of wonderment that the actors could remember all those lines. I never thought it would be possible for me. But at Jisoo’s insistence, and with practice, I found that I had vastly underestimated myself. A common theme in my life.

I mouthed the words to my scene as I walked and I stopped paying attention to the world around me. One foot in the front of the other, my head bobbing along, almost as though I were using a musical beat to work on my monologue. It felt easier that way. It was a nice shortcut, a magic trick, that helped my brain keep the words in memory. I was zoned out, hypnotized by my own recitation, until my eyes spotted Lisa coming around the side of a building on the same walkway I was on.

Our eyes met and I could tell she was suddenly worried. I could feel that familiar anxiety rearing up inside of me but I chose to ignore it, to beat it down, to tell it that it wasn’t welcomed. I kept my feet plodding along defiantly, my body and brain struggling against one another, the fight or flight feelings beginning to bubble up. Lisa looked to either side, as though she were looking for a way out, but then I saw a sudden change in her face like she was accepting that we were about to have a conversation.

I smiled pleasantly at Lisa as we came upon one another, both of us stopping, pausing to chat.

“Hi,” I said, trying to convey a friendly demeanor.

“Hey,” she said. Lisa hiked her backpack up higher on her shoulder and gave me a look of minor annoyance.

“How are you?” I asked simply.

“Good.”

“Are you mad at me?” I said. Lisa’s face softened when I said this, like this innocent question was enough to show her that being mad or annoyed was counterproductive.

“No,” she said with a long sigh. Her shoulders slumped a bit and she gave me a dopey look. “I’m not mad. Just disappointed.”

“Can we talk about it?” I said sheepishly. I could tell that Lisa was giving in. We had gotten so close so fast, and I knew she felt an affinity toward me.

“Let’s walk,” she said. Lisa began walking away from me and I eagerly followed after her.

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