I knocked firmly at Lisa’s door a bunch of times, scared and impatient, hoping that she hadn’t just run off to the other stairwell. I felt ashamed that she had seen me and Kai kissing, even though I wasn’t kissing him at all. It was just the most inopportune moment. I had no interest in Kai, no interest in boys. It was Lisa who I wanted and I had to let her know that. I couldn’t believe that my failure to assert myself, my anxious inaction, had put me in such a bind. Everything was looking so good and then this moment, this misrepresentation of my feelings, brought it all to the brink of destruction.

Knocking again fiercely, the door abruptly swung open and Lisa stood on the other side, looking like her head could just blow up. I knew she felt betrayed and pissed. But I had never been in a situation like this before. I’d never had anybody interested in me, let alone two people. It was all scary and new for me and I just didn’t know how to remedy it. I felt my body click into autopilot and I just hoped that something deep inside of me knew how to figure the situation out. I knew that my brain had no clue.

“Yes?” said Lisa in a short, accusatory tone.

“Lisa,” I said. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“Do you know how bad that sounds?” she said. “Think that phrase over again.”

“That’s not what I meant,” I said. “I mean, what you saw wasn’t right.”

“I know it wasn’t right,” she said calmly. “Look, I told you this before Jennie: I’m not interested in getting my heart broken. I’ve seen you around with this boy a little too much,” said Lisa, shaking her head as though she were mad at her herself more than she was mad at me. “And I don’t know if you’re a lesbian, or a “lesbian,” she said, making air quotes with her hands. “College c