Yixing

As the sun rose across the sky early the next morning, the glittering golden rays spread across the room where a figure sat in his room, still and unmoving. Zhang Yixing had spent the entire night awake and sitting in his room, unable to sleep for even a second even though his body said he was exhausted. His heart was troubled, his ears unable to forget the sound of Princess Feiyan’s fury, and his memory unable to forget the tears that had flowed from her eyes. A deep sigh escaped his lips as he saw the morning rays of sun begin to flow across his room.

“And so it comes…” He murmured softly. The sound of footsteps approached, and Yixing stared in surpise as a familiar figure stepped in.

“Yifan?” He exclaimed, “What are you doing here so early?” Wu Yifan, top general of the Qing army, chuckled softly and sat down next to Yixing.

“I could ask you the same thing, although I had a feeling it would be like this.” He said, “Why are you up so early instead of sleeping?” Yixing sighed deeply.

“I couldn’t sleep.” He admitted.

“If you are worried about Princess Rongxian, you could go apologize.” Yifan suggested. Yixing groaned.

“Does the entire palace know about this already?” He asked. Yifan chuckled dryly.

“It’s not difficult.” He said, “There were many who witnessed the chaos that erupted last night.” Yixing groaned again and held his hand in his hands.

“I can’t ever go back from this…” He said with a deep sigh. Yifan reached out and rubbed his shoulder soothingly.

“What happened, Yixing?” He asked, “It’s not like you to want to leave Princess Feiyan’s side.” Yixing sighed again and looked up at his friend.

“If I said the emperor told me to leave the princess, would you believe me?” He asked. Yifan’s eyes widened.

“Wait...you’re saying the emperor told you to leave Princess Rongxian and go to Mongolia with Princess Sarnai?” He repeated in shock, “So you’re not really in love with Princess Sarnai, but just had her put on an act with you?” Yixing frowned and nodded. Truth be told, there was still that bit about him possibly being a mongol prince that he hadn’t mentioned, but he figured it was best not to tell too many people when it was still all speculation.

“I cannot go against the emperor’s order, even if it hurts My Lady.” He said softly. Yifan sighed as well.

“Zhang Yixing, I never thought of you as a coward.” He said, “You could have at least put up a fight!” Yixing looked up at his friend sadly.

“I just couldn’t.” He said quietly, “I’m not afraid of death, but My Lady would never be able to take it. The emperor ordered me out of love for his daughter. Who am I to protest?” Yifan frowned and shook his head.

“I’m disappointed in you, Yixing.” He said, “You are her personal guard. You’re not supposed to leave her side!”

“A lot of people are disappointed in me, Yifan.” Yixing said wryly, “You’re not the only one.” Before Yifan could speak again, Yixing looked past him to the rising sun.

“It’s time I go bid My Lady goodbye.” He said, “Please excuse me.”

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Feiyan

A little distance away in the same palace, Princess Feiyan sat glassy eyed in her room, her gaze empty as she sat at the tea table in the middle of the room. Try as she did, she had failed to sleep for even a minute during the entire night, and so had resigned herself to staying awake. Multiple thoughts had flown through her mind as the night drew on. How could she convince Yixing to stay? Was he really in love with Princess Sarnai? Was he just lying to her for some reason? Nothing made sense anymore. As the morning rays of sunlight rose across the sky, she heard footsteps from outside her door and a painfully familiar voice spoke.

“Princess, are you awake?” Feiyan felt her heart clench at the words.

Princess…

In their ten years together, Yixing had never called her by her title to her face. It had always been ‘My Lady’ paired with a bright smile that brought out the dimples in his cheeks. Hearing her title now, it sounded so odd and foreign. As Feiyan turned towards her door, she could see the outline of Yixing’s figure standing outside her door.

“What do you want?” She asked, forcing her voice to be stable. Yixing sighed quietly.

“Princess, it is time for me to go.” He said softly. Immediately, Feiyan felt tears spring to her eyes. So soon? Was it already time for him to go? She rose to her feet and hurried to the door, but stopped just outside of it. She just couldn’t bring herself to open the door and look at the face of the man who had been her most trusted companion. If she did, Feiyan wasn’t sure what she would do.

“Then go.” She replied at last, “Go and live a luxurious life, and don’t ever look back.” Yixing sighed again from outside the door, and his hand reached out to touch the outside of the door ever so gently. Feiyan reached out as well and gently ran a finger across the paper screen separating her and Yixing, her slender finger tracing the outline of his large hand. How many times had those hands kept her safe? How many times had those hands caught her when she fell, pushed her to safety when there was danger? It had been so many times that Feiyan could no longer remember how many times it had happened. And now, it would never happen again.

“My Lady.” Yixing said quietly, “Please allow me to call you that one more time.” He took a shuddering breath before continuing.

“My Lady...all that I have, and all that I am, I owe it all to you. If not for you, who knows what I would be doing now.” He said, “I will be eternally grateful for everything you have given me.” Feiyan wiped futilely at her eyes as tears bubbled up again.

“Is that all?” She asked, “Gratitude?” Feiyan saw the dark outline of his figure move slightly as Yixing shook his head.

“No, My Lady.” He replied, “I...these ten years have been the happiest time of my life. Even though you are a rambunctious young woman and constantly get into trouble, I never thought of you as a burden. I was happy to be by your side.” Feiyan’s hand clenched slightly against the paper screen, frustration welling up again.

Then why do you want to leave?

She so desperately wanted to ask him that question, but at the same time she was afraid of how he would answer. Whatever it was, it was likely to be an answer she didn’t want to hear. Feiyan watched Yixing step away from the door, kneel on the ground and bow deeply to her, pressing his forehead against the ground.

“My Lady, please take care of yourself.” He said, “Please marry well, and be happy.” Feiyan’s breath caught in as he rose to his feet and began to leave.

“Zhang Yixing!” She called, still afraid to open the door but knowing he would hear her nonetheless. The dark figure that was Yixing paused, and Feiyan swallowed hard before speaking.

“I never thought of you as an object.” She said quietly, “You were always...my most trusted companion. Not just a guardian, but a trusted friend.” The figure stood unmoving from the other side of the screen before it shifted again as Yixing bowed.

“Farewell, My Lady.” He said, and then continued on his way.

Farewell…

The words sounded so final, so eternal, it broke Feiyan’s heart to even think about it. Tears rushed down her cheeks, and a sob escaped her lips as she sank to the floor, her tears blurring the image of Yixing leaving her palace.

“Farewell...my imperial guard.” Feiyan whispered, even though he was too far away to hear it.

Farewell...Zhang Yixing.

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Yixing

“Yixing.” Yixing turned from his horse as he heard his name to see Yifan approach. The young general’s face was grim as he stopped in front of Yixing.

“This is your last chance.” He said, “Do you really intend to leave?” Yixing sighed and nodded. Yifan reached into his sleeve and pulled out a bronze token and pressed it into Yixing’s hands.

“Hold onto this.” He said, “You might need it.” Yixing frowned as he examined the token.

“A pass to enter and leave the palace freely?” He said, “Why are you giving me this?” Yifan looked at the Mongol men surrounding them and stepped forward to whisper into Yixing’s ear.

“Princess Rongxian did not remove you from the imperial guard registry.” He said softly, “Nor has your name been removed from the list of people working in her palace. Don’t you know what that means?” Yixing’s eyes widened slightly, but forced himself to keep his expression calm. Of course he knew what that meant. By not removing him from the records, Princess Feiyan was making it clear that she was still holding onto the slim hope that he would return to stay by her side. Although Yixing’s hands closed over the bronze token and he felt his heart wavering slightly, he happened to look up and saw the emperor watching him leave from high up on the palace walls. Emperor Kangxi’s face was stern as he gazed down at Yixing, and the young imperial guard knew he had no choice.

“Thank you, Yifan.” He said quietly, “I will hold onto this, but I doubt I shall need to use it.” Before Yifan could say another word, Yixing tucked the bronze token into his waistband and swung onto his horse.

“Set off!” He declared, and the mongol delegation began their journey away from Qing.

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A few days later

Yixing stood on a grassy hill overlooking a wide rushing river, where wild animals were currently grazing. Yixing watched as a small horse wandered slightly away from the herd and was immediately nosed back into place by its watchful mother. A small smile turned up the corner of his lips. An adventurous little horse...just like Princess Feiyan. Yixing paused as he realized his thoughts were wandering again, and sighed with a shake of his head.

“Stop it, Zhang Yixing.” He muttered. Yixing lifted his sword up from his side to distract himself, and smiled as he watched the sun sparkle off the well polished surface of the scabbard that Princess Feiyan had given him. The scabbard had proved to be durable and strong, and Yixing made sure to polish it along with his sword every day.

“There you are.” Princess Sarnai’s voice drew his attention, and Yixing turned as the foreign princess walked up to him. She handed him a flask of water, which he sipped at politely.

“Thinking about your princess again?” Princess Sarnai guessed immediately. Yixing laughed softly and ducked his head in embarrassment.

“I’ve been caught.” He replied softly, “How did you guess?” Princess Sarnai smiled.

“Zhang Yixing, you are typically a closed book.” She said, “I cannot guess what you are thinking. But when it comes to Princess Rongxian, everything is different. All your thoughts and emotions show on your face. How could I not know what you are thinking about?” Yixing chuckled.

“You are very perceptive, Princess.” He said. Princess Sarnai smiled.

“You’re still calling me by title?” She said, “We could very well be siblings.” Yixing bowed slightly as he handed the flask back to her.

“Until that is certain, I will maintain my manners.” He replied. They stood in silence for a few long moments before Yixing turned and shaded his eyes against the sun.

“Princess Sarnai, tell me about Mongolia.” He said, changing the topic, “What is it like to live there?” Princess Sarnai thought for a moment and smiled warmly.

“In Mongolia, you can experience all four seasons every year.” She said, “In the spring, the snow and ice from our long winters melts, and flowers bloom and animals return as the rivers begin flowing again. In the summer, it is hot, but we receive a lot of rain and the rivers are at its most abundant time. When it gets very hot, we will take some time off from our duties and splash in the rivers in order to cool down. During the warm part of the year, we like to wander freely and race horses across the green steppe grass. The best time is in August, when we hold the festival of horses!” Her eyes sparkled at the thought of her home, and then she smiled bashfully as she looked at Yixing.

“I’m rambling, aren’t I?” She asked. Yixing smiled and shook his head.

“No, it sounds like a wonderful place to live.” He said, and Princess Sarnai smiled and laughed in agreement. As the princess continued to describe her home, Yixing found his mind wandering again. Mongolia sounded completely different from Qing. Although they also had their classes and status to consider, the Mongol people had so much freedom. It was something that Princess Feiyan would certainly enjoy. Yixing’s chest tightened at the thought of his mistress.

My Lady...are you alright?

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A few day later, Yixing and the Mongol delegation reached the border of the territory between Qing and Mongolia. Princess Sarnai called the group to a stop and turned to look at Yixing.

“Zhang Yixing, this is where we separate.” She declared. Yixing stared at her in confusion.

“What do you mean?” He asked. Princess Sarnai smiled and pointed at his sword scabbard.

“It is time that you return to the girl who gave you that scabbard.” She replied. Yixing frowned.

“I’m...not understanding.” He said. Princess Sarnai stepped forward and shook her head as she looked up at him.

“Zhang Yixing, as yourself.” She said, “Can you really bear to leave Qing and your beloved princess behind forever?” She held up a hand as Yixing opened his mouth.

“Don’t tell me you have no choice, that the emperor is forcing you to leave.” Princess Sarnai said firmly, “What I want you to do is to ask yourself truly and sincerely. What is Princess Rongxian to you? Can you really bear to leave her side? Do you want to leave her side?” Yixing stared at Princess Sarnai in surprise for a moment, then closed his eyes and took a long breath.

What is...Princess Feiyan to me?

Princess Feiyan was his mistress, but that certainly was not all. She was the one who had given him a new identity, a new life, and a purpose in life. She was the only one who had shown him kindness when he had fallen to the lowest part of his life, and that kindness had continued in the decade since he became her personal guard. When the princess was happy, so was he. When she was sad, he wanted to go and find whatever had caused her sadness to punish the person who had dared to cause his mistress to be unhappy. When she smiled, it seemed like his entire world had been lit up. And when she had cried that day he had told her he was leaving, Yixing had felt like his heart would break into a million pieces. He took another long breath before opening his eyes.

“No.” Yixing agreed, “I cannot leave Princess Feiyan. She...is my everything. I could never leave her side.” Princess Sarnai smiled, a knowing look in her eyes.

“Then go back.” She said, “Be the man that you are, and don’t let the emperor dictate your relationship with the princess. If you tell her the truth, I am certain she will protect you from the emperor’s wrath. The princess needs you as well.” Princess Sarnai reached into her bag and handed him an elaborate token.

“Take this with you.” She said, “If you are ever in Mongolia and need my help, this will allow you to cross all checkpoints. As for checking into your past, I already had your portrait drawn. I will take it back with me and investigate your past. If anything comes up, I will certainly send you a letter.” Yixing closed his hand over the token and he smiled gratefully at Princess Sarnai.

“Thank you so much, Princess Sarnai.” He said with a bow. Princess Sarnai smiled and patted him on the shoulder. As she swung back onto her horse, she turned and called out to him.

“Zhang Yixing, I hope you are my brother!” She called, “And when I am certain of that fact, Mongolia will throw an elaborate feast and celebrate for days to welcome you back! Until then, stay alive and well!” Yixing smiled and waved as the Mongol delegation departed. Then, he swung back onto his own horse and set off at a fast gallop for the Qing capital.

My Lady...wait for me! I will return to your side very soon, and this time, I surely will never leave you again.

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Author's note: Yeah, so I realized I had yet to have Yifan appear yet and he's supposed to be rather important so...oops! He will appear more, he's more important to the later part of the storyline. Please look forward to the reunion in the next chapter! What will Feiyan's reaction be when she sees Yixing return?