“His name is Fengmian.”

Yixing froze as he heard Princess Sarnai’s answer, the name ringing quite familiarly in his ears.

“Did you just say...Fengmian?” He said, not quite believing his ears. Princess Sarnai nodded, her eyes confused.

“What’s wrong?” She asked. Yixing swallowed hard.

“I was once severely injured protecting Princess Feiyan.” He replied, “While I was unconscious, I heard a voice calling out to me in my dreams. It was a woman’s voice, one I didn’t recognize. In my dreams...she called me Fengmian.” Princess Sarnai’s eyes widened at the news, and she looked pensive for a moment before speaking.

“Imperial Guard Zhang...this combined with the pendant that you’ve had since childhood...could you be my lost brother?” She posited, eyes wide. Yixing stared at her, shocked. It certainly was a possibility, and it had certainly crossed his mind before but...he shook his head, his hands tightening around his blanket.

“That’s...completely absurd.” He said firmly, “It simply isn’t possible. Until I entered the palace, I spent my entire life on the streets. There is no way that I am a mongol prince, I have no memories of Mongolia at all!” Princess Sarnai bit her lip.

“I know it sounds ridiculous.” She said, “But don’t you think this is all too coincidental? My parents were able to trace my brother’s whereabouts until the Qing border, where they suspect he was sold. I know you don’t remember anything, but it’s possible that the trauma of what happened before you were kidnapped caused you to seal your own memories away. There are records of that happening to other people before!”

“Your Highness, you cannot just posit such an absurd idea and expect me to believe it right away.” Yixing replied firmly, “Please give me time to think over it.” Princess Sarnai sighed and rose to her feet.

“Alright, I won’t force you.” She said, “But Zhang Yixing, please think over it carefully. And if you decide to pursue this possibility...please come back to Mongolia with me. If there is one thing that is certain, your past is certainly connected to Mongolia. It is only there that you will find all your answers.” Yixing bit his lip and didn’t respond, and after a few seconds Princess Sarnai left the room. Yixing blew out his breath slowly and leaned back against his pillows. His head was spinning with the new possibilities, ones that he did not even know where to start analyzing. A mongol prince? Captured by bandits as a child and then sold to another country? It was like something out of Princess Feiyan’s storybooks that she loved to read. Princess Sarnai’s offer to go to Mongolia was certainly tempting, and she did have a point, but...Yixing sighed as he thought of Princess Feiyan’s bright smile and kind heart.

My Lady...how could I ever be so selfish as to leave you and run off to Mongolia to search for my own past?

__________________________________________________________________________

No matter what Yixing thought though, fate seemed to have other plans. The next day, Yixing was summoned to Emperor Kangxi’s study, where he found himself facing a very stern emperor.

“Your Majesty.” Yixing greeted with a bow, “How may this servant be of service to you?”

“Zhang Yixing, I heard that you and Princess Sarnai were sparring yesterday.” Emperor Kangxi said, “She seems to have taken quite a liking to you.” Yixing felt his throat go dry, starting to sense where this was going. Of course the emperor know about the sparring match; he had eyes and ears reporting to him everywhere, even in his own daughter’s palace.

“Your Majesty, that is only because-” He began, but the emperor raised a hand, cutting Yixing off.

“Why she likes you isn’t the problem.” Emperor Kangxi said, “Zhang Yixing, I want you to leave Rongxian’s side. Since Princess Sarnai likes you, go back to Mongolia with her and leave my daughter.” Yixing stared at his ruler in shock, his senses going numb for a second from the surprise.

“I’m sorry?” He finally managed to eke out, stunned, not sure he was hearing things right. Emperor Kangxi’s expression was stern.

“Zhang Yixing, you are an intelligent man.” He replied, “And I am grateful for your ten years of service and protection for Rongxian. But she is of the age to marry, and once she is married, I cannot have a man by her side who she is so close to. Do you understand what I am saying?” Yixing swallowed hard.

“I promised My Lady I would protect her forever.” He protested weakly, knowing it was futile.

“Zhang Yixing, this is not a suggestion.” Emperor Kangxi said, his gaze narrowing, “It is an order. Princess Sarnai will return to Mongolia in a few days, and you must go with her. I don’t care what you tell Rongxian, but distance yourself from her in the next few days and leave for Mongolia afterwards.” Yixing’s heart pounded loudly in his ears as he forcibly suppressed a number of curt retorts he could have given his ruler.

“Your Majesty...why are you telling me to do this?” He asked at last, “You could simply order me to leave in front of My Lady.”

“I know the way Rongxian is.” Emperor Kangxi replied, “She would never let you leave if I asked her to let you go. The only way she would allow it is if you asked for it yourself, and left her no choice but to agree. Zhang Yixing, you are to execute this order immediately.” Yixing could barely suppress the rage rising up in him at the incredulous order and lack of rationality in the emperor’s statement. The emperor knew how happy Princess Feiyan was to have him by her side, but he was willing to sacrifice that happiness simply because he couldn’t trust his own daughter to marry properly with a male bodyguard by her side? It made no sense, and yet Yixing knew he was in no position to refuse. The emperor’s word was the final word, and if he dared to continue refusing, Yixing would likely be killed then and there. Yixing could tell the emperor the truth, that Princess Sarnai was only interested in him because he could be her brother. But then, it sounded so ridiculous, even Yixing himself didn’t dare to believe it, and he didn’t have any evidence beyond speculation. The emperor would likely only think that he was spinning excuses to get out of obeying the order. There was only one choice put out in front of him. Yixing blew out his breath slowly and bowed his head.

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

__________________________________________________________________________

Yixing returned to Princess Feiyan’s palace with a heavy heart, knowing full well that he had just agreed to something he shouldn’t have. Princess Feiyan bounded up to him with a bright smile.

“Welcome back!” She chirped, “Where did you go? I went looking for you and you weren’t in your room!” Yixing smiled faintly, his heart troubled even more at the sight of her friendly smile.

“I simply went to talk to Yifan, My Lady.” He replied. His smile faded briefly as Princess Sarnai walked up from behind Princess Feiyan.

“Your Highness.” He greeted with a bow. Princess Feiyan grinned.

“Jie jie was telling me more stories about Mongolia!” She said, “Oh, it all sounds so exciting Yixing! I would love to visit there one day.” Yixing felt his chest tighten at the suggestion, but forced himself to smile faintly again.

“One day, My Lady.” He replied simply. The emperor’s words rang warningly in his head at he looked at his mistress, and Yixing bit back a sigh before looking at Princess Sarnai.

“Princess, may I have a word with you?” He asked. Princess Sarnai looked at him in confusion, but followed him to the other side of the garden.

“What is it?” She asked as he pulled her closer to him. Yixing ducked his head and lowered his voice so that Princess Feiyan could not overhear.

“I have a favor to ask of you.” He said, “I need you to pretend to be in love with me for a few days. In return, I will return to Mongolia with you just as you suggested.” Princess Sarnai stared up at him in surprise, her eyes wide.

“You will have to give me more of an explanation than that.” She said firmly. Yixing sighed.

“I will explain later. For now, will you just help me?” He asked. Princess Sarnai gazed at him for a long moment before sighing.

“Only because you may be my brother.” She replied, “Or else, I would never want to trick the little princess like that.” Yixing felt his heart grow heavy as he turned slightly to look at Princess Feiyan. The young princess was gazing up at the sky with a smile on her face as she watched the birds fly across the sky, none the wiser about what was about to befall her.

“Believe me, if I had a choice, I would not choose to do this either.” He said. Yixing took Princess Sarnai’s hand in his, and forced a smile to his lips.

“Now, smile as if I had just said something lovely and you are in love with me.” He said. Princess Sarnai smiled as he had asked, and upon catching Princess Feiyan peeking at them, Yixing leaned over and turned his head slightly so it seemed like he was possibly kissing Princess Sarnai’s cheek.

“Yixing!” Princess Feiyan’s voice called immediately, sounding startled, “What are you doing?” Yixing pulled away from Princess Sarnai and smiled over at his mistress.

“Nothing, My Lady!” He patted Princess Sarnai once more on the hand before returning to Princess Feiyan.

“I made a promise to the princess that I would take her to see the night market, that was all.” He replied. Princess Feiyan looked at him skeptically.

“Promising to see the night market requires you two to be in such a close proximity?” She asked. Yixing forced a smile to his lips and ducked his head in a show of shyness.

“For the two of us, it would.” He replied simply. Princess Feiyan’s gaze was confused as she stared at him for a long moment.

“What’s wrong?” She said, “You’re not acting like you usually do. Did something happen?” Yixing swallowed down a sigh. Of course the princess could see through him; Yixing considered himself capable of lying if needed, but it was doubly difficult to lie in front of Princess Feiyan.

“No, My Lady.” He replied, “Nothing is wrong.” Princess Feiyan gazed at him for a few moments, her eyes wide and searching.

“Very well.” She replied at last, “But if you want to go to the night market, you must take me with you.” Yixing turned and looked at Princess Sarnai hesitantly.

“I’m not certain if Lady Sarnai would want that.” He said at last. Princess Feiyan pouted and crossed her arms.

“Zhang Yixing, you are my personal guard!” She said firmly, “What logic is there in you going outside of the palace without me?” Princess Feiyan reached up and poked him on the forehead.

“Also, what is with the sudden change in title?” She asked, “Jie jie will always be ‘Your Highness’ to you, do you understand?”

“My Lady…” Yixing began again, but before Princess Feiyan could retort, Princess Sarnai stepped forward and pulled Yixing back.

“Yixing, that is enough.” She said, laying a hand on his arm, “If Princess Feiyan wants to come along, then let her. It has been a while since she left the palace anyway.” Princess Feiyan frowned as she stared at Princess Sarnai’s hand on Yixing’s arm, then reached out and promptly pulled her hand off Yixing.

“Thank you.” She said firmly, “But please, his title is Imperial Guard Zhang. Don’t forget that.” Princess Sarnai smiled graciously and nodded.

“Of course.” She said. Yixing reached down and looped Princess Sarnai’s arm through his.

“My Lady, I think it is getting late.” He said, “I will Lady Sarnai back to her quarters now.”

“You could send any other guard!” Princess Feiyan protested. Yixing smiled and shook his head.

“I would not be at ease.” He replied. He squeezed Princess Sarnai’s hand and led her away from his mistress. As they walked, Princess Sarnai squeezed his hand tightly and looked up at him with a smile, but her gaze was irritated and confused. Yixing only smiled in return and shook his head subtly. As they stepped out the door, he could feel Princess Feiyan’s gaze on his back, and he could not help but feel his guilt grow even more.

____________________________________________________________________________

“What?!” Princess Sarnai stared at Yixing incredulously as he finished telling her all that the emperor had ordered him.

“That is absolutely ridiculous!” She exclaimed, “What right does he have to tell you to leave her?” Yixing sighed.

“Because he is both emperor and her father.” He replied gloomily, “And I cannot refuse precisely because he is the emperor.” Princess Sarnai huffed angrily.

“That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!” She snapped, “In Mongolia, status does not matter as much! What matters is a woman’s husband must be a brave and mighty warrior, a man capable of caring for his entire family!” Yixing smiled sadly.

“Unfortunately, the rules are not the same here in Qing, Your Highness.” He replied, “I apologize for dragging you into this.” Princess Sarnai growled.

“I will go tell Princess Feiyan right away!” She declared. Yixing rose to his feet and blocked the mongol princess’s path to the door.

“Please don’t.” He pleaded, “I do not want to trouble My Lady.” Princess Sarnai gazed at him for a long moment, her gaze softening.

“You truly care a lot for her, don’t you?” She observed, “But Imperial Guard Zhang, in the end, she will still be hurt by your sudden decision to leave. And she won’t be the only one.” Yixing stared at her quizzically until she sighed and smiled dryly.

“You will also be hurt by the decision to leave, Zhang Yixing.” She said, “Princess Feiyan has become such a central part of your life that you cannot possibly leave her and live a separate life.” Yixing stared at her in surprise then laughed softly and shook his head.

“You are very keen, Your Highness.” He said, “Yes, but the emperor is still her father who she loves very much. I would rather she hate me but live a happy married life in the future.” Princess Sarnai’s gaze was concerned as she gazed at him.

“But will she, without you by her side?” She asked. Yixing swallowed hard and turned to look out the window.

“One can only hope.” He replied simply.

____________________________________________________________________________

Feiyan

A few days later, Feiyan obtained permission from her father to leave the palace to play in the night market along with Yixing and Princess Sarnai. Unlike his usual protective self, the emperor was oddly willing to allow Feiyan to leave the palace. She figured it was because Yixing and Princess Sarnai would be with her, so it would be safe. The two of them were acting strangely though; although they had been on more or less friendly terms before, now they were stuck together almost all the time. The other day, Yixing had arranged for another guard to watch Feiyan for a day, and then promptly disappeared with Princess Sarnai for most of the day. Even when he was with Feiyan, his attention was often trained on Princess Sarnai, who often appeared in Feiyan’s palace to spend time with her, or so she said. Feiyan had a sinking suspicion that Yixing was keeping something from her, but she couldn’t tell what it was. As they walked along the night market, Feiyan was happy to enjoy the bright lights and bustling market full of merchants and their wares, but she couldn’t help but keep an eye on Yixing and Princess Sarnai. While he didn’t go too far away, Yixing had pulled Princess Sarnai a healthy distance away from Feiyan, and now the two stood with their heads close together as they admired some hairpins. An unfamiliar feeling curled up in Feiyan’s chest as she watched the two of them, and before she could think twice, she walked up to them and pointed at the hairpin Yixing was holding.

“Yixing, I want that one.” Feiyan said firmly as she pointed to it, “Buy it for me.” Yixing looked hesitantly at Princess Sarnai.

“I already promised to buy it for her.” He replied. Feiyan stared at him incredulously.

“It is one hairpin!” She protested. “You can buy her another one!” Yixing shook his head.

“I said I would get her this one.” He replied.

“Lady, they are quite the good couple.” The shop owner said, trying to be helpful, “The pin would look lovely on her.”

“Who are you calling a couple?” Feiyan all but snarled at the man, fury building up in her chest, “Listen here! They’re barely friends, much less a couple!” A few people walking by stared at Feiyan, and Yixing quickly hurried to her side.

“My Lady, please do not draw unnecessary attention to us.” He hushed her quickly. Feiyan glared at him.

“So says the personal guard who isn’t staying by his mistress’s side!” She growled. Yixing sighed, looking exasperated.

“I will buy you another hairpin.” He promised. Feiyan growled and shook her head.

“It’s not the hairpin that’s the problem!” She snapped. Yixing sighed again as he looked around at the people staring at them.

“Please wait for a moment.” He said. He returned to the hairpin seller and paid for his purchase, and Feiyan’s jaw dropped as he promptly inserted the pin into Princess Sarnai’s hair. His gaze was warm and gentle as he took a step back and nodded approvingly.

“It looks good in your hair.” He said. Feiyan felt a snarl turn up the corner of her lip as she stared at them. Princess Sarnai was a warrior! What use would she have for a dainty Qing hairpin? It would likely break in a matter of days! What was wrong with Yixing? He barely knew Princess Sarnai, and here he was taking her side against Feiyan’s wishes! It made no sense! She walked back over to the stall angrily, and slammed down a gold ingot.

“Boss, I am buying all of your hairpins for tonight!” She said firmly. The owner stared at her in shock, then smiled and quickly wrapped up the remaining hairpins.

“Thank you, Lady!” He said happily.

“My Lady, please don’t waste money.” Yixing whispered from behind Feiyan, but she simply turned and glared at him.

“So what if I want to buy them all?” She snapped, “Just keep your focus on your little lady friend!” She plucked the bundle of hairpins from the stall owner and promptly stormed away. Despite her obvious bad mood though, Yixing seemed to have most of his attention fixated on Princess Sarnai during their entire time in the night market. The little attention he spared Feiyan was to make sure she didn’t wander outside of his immediate vision. It irritated Feiyan to no end, and by the time they returned to the palace, Feiyan felt like a stormcloud was hanging over her head. As she stormed into her rooms, she was surprised to find Yixing and Princess Sarnai following her in.

“What do you two want?” She snapped. Princess Sarnai looked down uncomfortably, and Yixing looked over at the mongol princess before speaking.

“My Lady...you know that Lady Sarnai is leaving tomorrow, right?” He asked. Feiyan raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, and?” She replied coolly. Yixing swallowed hard and seemed to struggle hard before continuing.

“I intend to leave with her.” He said at last. Feiyan stared at him in surprise, her head whirling from the gravity of the simple short sentence. Her breath caught in , and she felt her heart sink like a lead weight.

“What did you just say?” She finally managed to eke out, her eyes wide. Yixing took a deep breath before speaking.

“I said, I intend to leave with Lady Sarnai and go to Mongolia with her!” He said firmly. The statement had an air of finality to it, leaving no room for questioning. Feiyan felt herself stagger slightly from the shock of his statement.

“Zhang Yixing...you cannot possibly be serious.” She said, “You  are surely joking!” Yixing shook his head and then hesitated before pulling Princess Sarnai close to him.

“My Lady, Lady Sarnai and I have fallen in love.” He announced, “I will return to Mongolia with her and become her husband. Lady Sarnai has already sent a letter to Mongolia about it.” Feiyan stared at them in shock, and she walked forward slowly, her steps heavy as if her feet were being weighed down.

“Yixing...you have barely known this woman for a little over a week.” She said, “And you...are telling me you fell in love with her in that short period of time?” Yixing ducked his head apologetically.

“When it comes to love, time is not the problem.” He replied simply, “We are quite well matched.” Feiyan took a deep shaking breath.

“Then...you intend to leave me forever?” She asked. Her tone was hesitantly, slightly hopeful. It wasn’t too late yet. Any moment now, Yixing’s gaze would soften, he would laugh, and the tense atmosphere would break as he told her that it was all a joke. Surely, it had to be a joke. Instead though, the opposite happened. Yixing reached down and took Princess Sarnai’s hand.

“I am not joking, My Lady.” He said, “Would you like me to kiss her in front of you?” Feiyan raised a hand quickly at the suggestion.

“Absolutely not.” She said firmly. Her heart pounded in her ears as she looked from Yixing’s expressionless face to Princess Sarnai’s apologetic one.

“Is that why you have been spending so much time with her?” She asked, “Because you fell in love with her?” Yixing nodded silently, and Feiyan bit her lip.

“But Yixing...you promised you would stay by my side forever.” She said, “Until the ends of the earth!” Yixing’s gaze wavered, and for a moment something else seemed to waft to the surface before he pushed it back down.

“I am sorry for breaking my promise, My Lady.” He said, “Please find yourself a new bodyguard.” Indescribable rage bubbled up in Feiyan’s chest, and before she could stop herself she stepped forward and slapped Yixing across the cheek. The sound echoed through her quarters, and Princess Sarnai gasped in surprise at the sudden move.

“You bastard!” Feiyan growled, “I trusted you! I put all my faith into your loyalty, and now you’re telling me you’re leaving for a woman who you barely know?” Yixing sighed and lifted his head to meet her gaze.

“If it makes you feel better, My Lady, you may hit me once more.” He said simply. Feiyan stared at him in anger, rendered speechless by the sudden change in the man she thought she had known very well. In a matter of days he had completely changed, all supposedly in the name of love. Feiyan had no idea how to even begin to make any sense of what was happening all of a sudden. Her gaze turned to Princess Sarnai instead.

“I treated you like a friend, and you returned the favor by stealing my personal guard?” She accused. Princess Sarnai’s gaze was apologetic.

“I’m sorry, Princess.” She said quietly. Yixing pushed Princess Sarnai behind him and gazed down at Feiyan.

“My Lady, I am not an object.” He said, “I am a human, who can make choices about how he wants to live his life. I am not one of your little trinkets you bought off the street.” Feiyan stared at him in shock. Never in her life had Yixing ever looked at her so coldly, spoken so firmly. He had always been so gentle, so kind. Even when he scolded her, he said it in a way that was warm and soft. The man standing in front of her now was like a stranger, a man she did not recognize. Tears bubbled up in Feiyan’s eyes, and she nodded defeatedly.

“Alright, Zhang Yixing.” She said, “You want to make you choices, right? You have made up your mind, right?” Feiyan jabbed a finger towards the door.

“Get out.” She growled, “Pack your things and get out of my palace immediately! Don’t ever let me see your faces ever again! Go and live your life, and don’t ever show up here for the rest of your life!” She turned around so that he couldn’t see the tears begin to run down her face, and after a few long moments, she heard him move towards the door. As he opened the doors to leave, Feiyan called out as loud as her voice would carry.

“Servants! Watch this man pack up his things!” She ordered, “Make sure he doesn’t leave a single thing in his room! Starting from today, Zhang Yixing is no longer an imperial guard serving in my palace!”

_________________________________________________________________________

Yixing

Yixing felt horrible as he shut the doors to Princess Feiyan’s quarters behind him. Her order rang loudly in his ears even though she was no longer speaking.

No longer an imperial guard serving in her palace…

Although not officially recorded yet, Princess Feiyan had effectively stripped him of his status. Now, he truly had no choice but to leave. He had half a mind to turn around and tell her the truth, but stopped as he remembered the emperor’s words. In a way, perhaps the emperor was right. Princess Feiyan’s anger was a good sign of how attached she was to Yixing, and he didn’t want to get in the way of a good marriage for her in the future. Still, he could not forget the look in Princess Feiyan’s eyes as she had slapped him. The growing rage, fury, and hurt in her dark eyes was something he had never seen before. This time, she truly was angry. It was not a simple angry fit like the ones she sometimes had when things did not go her way. This time, Princess Feiyan was furious.

“Imperial Guard Zhang?” Princess Sarnai’s voice drew him out of his thoughts, and Yixing sighed. It was useless to think about it now. There was no going back.

“I’m going to go pack my things.” He told her, “You don’t have to go with me.” As Yixing walked down the steps leading from the princess’s room, he heard a furious scream and the sound of smashing porcelain come from inside. His body instinctively tightened, and he wondered if Princess Feiyan had hurt herself. Still, Yixing forced himself to keep moving and returned to his room to pack.

My Lady...I am so sorry.