Junhui let the hot water run over his back and wished it would wash away his guilt. But to no avail, he didn’t know what was worse, the guilt of his desire for Minghao or the guilt of trying to keep his distance. He knew he’d made Minghao sad and he hated it. He hated himself. As hard as he tried he couldn’t get Minghao out of his mind. His smile that lit his whole face up, his huge brown eyes that stared straight into Junhui’s heart, his childlike joy and exuberance. And the crestfallen look on his face when he asked Junhui if he was mad at him.

It would have been easier if he could just talk honestly to him about his feelings and how scared he was of messing everything up. But how could he? How could he sit down with Minghao and confess that, although they had only known each other for four weeks, that it felt like a lifetime? That when he looked into Minghao’s eyes he felt like he had found his other half, his soulmate, his forever? It sounded so ridiculous he couldn’t even believe his own feelings.

He washed his hair and brushed his teeth and quickly got out before he used all the hot water. He decided he might talk to Soonyoung about it. He was smart and level headed and he would know what to do. And Junhui was pretty sure Soonyoung would keep his secret and not snitch to Seungcheol. He trusted him.

But when he stepped out of the bathroom and into their room he noticed straight away. Something was wrong. It was too quiet. Junhui called out to Minghao but there was no reply from the living room. He looked in the closet and swore when he saw Minghao’s backpack was gone. Panicking, he looked around the room, grabbing his phone so he could attempt to call him. Minghao’s busted phone was less than reliable, cracked and barely working with a battery that died constantly, but he tried anyway. He sat on his bed as he pulled socks onto his feet, the phone ringing on speaker, his hand brushing over a lump near his pillow. When he pulled the little panda out from under the covers he burst into tears.

Minghao was gone.

Junhui stopped trying to call him and debated calling Soonyoung. He didn’t want to worry him just yet though and he was ashamed of having lost Minghao. Seungcheol had trusted him with caring for the boy and Soonyoung had trusted them enough to leave them alone and Junhui had messed it up in just a few hours. He dressed and ran to the door and pulled on his shoes and coat. Minghao’s was still there, hanging on the hook like a surrender flag, a sign of the boy’s complete abandonment. He obviously was so mad at Junhui that he couldn’t even stand to wear the coat he had given him.

Junhui didn’t know where to start as he ran out onto the cold dark street. He looked one way, towards the train station, and then the other towards the park. He wondered what would be the right choice. Minghao was out alone in the cold, sad and aimless, and either decision he made would be the wrong one.<