As much as Seungwan wanted to believe Seulgi’s fantasy of a jealous Joohyun secretly studying her prospective rival, and although she was in the habit of lying to herself to avoid some hard truths, it really was too much of a stretch to assume Joohyun felt anything but friendly fondness towards her, especially after the events of the previous day. She would accept, under much prodding from her best friend, that Joohyun probably enjoyed her company and wanted her around, but it would take mental gymnastics far beyond her level to reach for anything else.

And that was fine, really, because now she could focus on being Joohyun’s friend and eventually the crush thing would go away, probably. It wasn’t like people spent that long nursing their unrequited feelings, right?

Sometimes Seungwan really wished she’d gone through this lovesick teenager phase when she’d been an actual teenager. Or that her best – and until recently, only – friend had any sort of experience in the subject.

Seulgi would be so good at dating, probably. She definitely wouldn’t make all the mistakes Seungwan constantly managed to stumble into. She’d fall for people after an appropriate number of dates, and only if they weren’t losers. Plus she knew how to talk to people and to maintain multiple friendships.

Seungwan shook her head and wondered once more how she’d managed to land such a great best friend. Whatever she’d done to deserve it, her luck had clearly run out after that one miracle. Although one might argue that meeting and befriending Joohyun was pretty lucky as well. One might further claim that getting to spend a sunny afternoon at the park with her was the very definition of luck.

Not that the afternoon was guaranteed yet. First, Seungwan had to go over and have an awkward conversation and possibly be rejected because things had definitely changed since they’d made their plan. But she was working on it.

She knocked on Joohyun’s door before her brain had the chance to talk her out of it. She’d probably end up going to the park alone, but at least she could check first.

Every second she spent waiting for her neighbour to come to the door, she felt her conviction evaporate further, until finally, mercifully, the door was opened to reveal a casual Joohyun in jeans and a loose t-shirt. Her hair was up in a ponytail and the flowery and soft smell that Seungwan had come to associate with her home clung particularly powerfully to her today.

Joohyun’s face showed a distracted expression, like she was still thinking about whatever she’d dropped to answer the door, but it quickly shifted to surprise, her eyes widening for only a moment before opened slightly to let out an “Oh.”

“Hi,” Seungwan offered with an awkward smile. She waved at Joohyun like they weren’t standing right in front of each other. “I just thought I’d drop by, ask if you still wanted to go do something today?”

“Oh,” Joohyun repeated, although this time her lips were curled into a small smile. She looked away for a moment, the space between her eyebrows creasing cutely. “After yesterday, I thought you might not…” She didn’t finish the sentence, suddenly very interested in the hem of her t-shirt.

“Yeah, I also thought you might not,” Seungwan replied, fighting back a smile. “So then I thought, I’d better check or we’ll both miss out on a nice afternoon for no reason,” she finished wisely. Joohyun’s smile was wider now, but she raised a suspicious eyebrow at Seungwan’s sudden confidence. She folded easily. “Ok, fine, Seulgi’s the one who thought that. And the one who made me come over. But I still did the talking,” she argued.

Joohyun’s face fell slightly as a look of concern took the place of the previous happiness. “I suppose you told Seulgi about yesterday,” she remarked quietly, a slight flush on her cheeks.

“Well, she’s my best friend. I kind of tell her everything,” Seungwan confirmed. “Sorry,” she added quickly, reaching out stiffly to offer a comforting pat to Joohyun’s arm.

“No, I understand, I also tell my friends everything,” Joohyun said in reply, smiling to communicate that she didn’t blame her. She leaned slightly against Seungwan’s hand. “It’s just a little embarrassing,” she admitted, scrunching up her face.

Seungwan squeezed Joohyun’s arm slightly before quickly pulling back, suddenly self-conscious. “Well, she’s been around me long enough that she’s pretty desensitized to embarrassing by now,” she offered with a laugh. “I’m not sure yesterday even registers.” It did register, it had been super weird, but Joohyun didn’t need to know that.

Her neighbour’s relieved smile was reward enough for the little white lie, though she still looked a little doubtful. “I hope so, I wouldn’t want your best friend to think badly of me,” she said with her wide eyes locked on Seungwan’s, making it very difficult to think of a reply.

“Oh!” Joohyun suddenly exclaimed, startling Seungwan. “I didn’t even invite you in, I’m so sorry! Come in, come in. I was just hanging the laundry, do you mind if I finish that while we talk?”

Seungwan assured her that it was fine and followed Joohyun while she busied herself with the wet clothes. It soon became clear that these were the source of the lovely smell permanently filling the apartment, causing Seungwan to wonder just how often her neighbour did her laundry.

Even though she’d said they’d talk, Joohyun now seemed completely absorbed by the task at hand, so Seungwan tried to entertain herself until her neighbour was done. First she texted Seulgi to inform her of her success, then she put her phone back in her pocket and had a look around. The side table now held two books, with Joohyun’s current read resting on top of the science fiction book Seungwan had picked out some weeks before. She hadn’t read much more since then, but clearly someone was confident that she’d eventually get to it.

With another glance at Joohyun, who was still busy hanging clothes, Seungwan reached for the book on top. She read the blurb on the back, but it didn’t really tell her much. Judging by the bookmark, Joohyun hadn’t gotten very far into it yet, so she probably wouldn’t be able to tell her what it was about either. She set it down gently, then picked up her own book and leafed through it, trying to find her place. She’d read the story about the Mercury station and vaguely recalled the one where the robots started a religion. She finally found the place where she’d stopped and started reading the next story with some curiosity.

Before she could get very far into it, there was a tap on her shoulder. Joohyun stood beside her, one hand still clutching a couple of clothespins and the other stretched towards her, holding a bookmark.

“You looked like you were having a little trouble finding your place,” she explained with a smile. “This should make it easier for next time.”

Seungwan took the bookmark a bit sheepishly, embarrassed at having been caught with clearly no memory of what she had and hadn’t read. Joohyun brushed a stray strand of hair behind her own ear with her free hand then gestured to the hanging laundry. “I’m almost done, just one more shirt.”

Seungwan got up to accompany her. “Cool, so, I was thinking maybe we could go to the park? Since it’s such a nice day; I don’t know how many more of those we’ll get this year.”

Joohyun nodded along as she hung the last shirt, then suddenly stopped in her tracks. “I forgot we were going out,” she exclaimed, a bit nonsensically. “I didn’t get ready,” she added in lieu of explanation.

It was hard to take her worry seriously when she looked better with a bare face than Seungwan did with make-up, and when her casual ponytail just made her look approachable instead of an unkempt mess.

 “You look fine like this,” Seungwan commented with a shrug. “Not that it’s about what I think, obviously,” she added quickly. “People get dressed up for themselves and you should do what makes you comfortable.”

Joohyun’s smile was tinged with amusement, along with something else Seungwan couldn’t quite place. Probably the confusion that any of her weird tangents tended to elicit. She seemed to consider Seungwan’s words for a moment, then nodded firmly.

“Alright, then I’ll just change my shirt. I’m not going out wearing my 23rd annual company picnic t-shirt,” she said with a laugh. Seungwan looked curiously at Joohyun’s front, noticing the writing for the first time, then frantically glanced away when Joohyun pulled the t-shirt over her head and walked to her room.

Seungwan stood rooted in place. She could see Joohyun’s shirtless frame as she looked through her closet, since she’d left the bedroom door wide open. Eventually, her neighbour selected a shirt and slipped it on, walking back out while she buttoned it. Seungwan focused intensely on anything else until the woman’s torso was once again fully covered.

She turned back to Joohyun with relief just as she undid her ponytail, running her fingers through her hair to smooth out the kinks formed by the hairband. It was impossible, really, to witness those delicate fingers tracing a gentle path through soft, silky hair and not imagine them running over her own hair, her neck, her… Well, her everywhere.

She sighed in frustration, willing those distracting thoughts away. Thankfully, Joohyun seemed to misunderstand the issue, because she just giggled. “Ok, ok, I’m done,” she said in mock innocence, raising her hands to supplement the performance as she reached for her jacket. “After you,” she added cutely, with a sweeping motion towards the door.

They made their way to the park, riding the subway silently. The outside air and the influx of strangers, who featured for the first time in her time with Joohyun, somehow worked to clear her head, providing welcome distractions from her tendency to overthink. Doing these mundane things in these mundane settings helped Seungwan remember that Joohyun might be her crush, but she was also a friend whom she liked and appreciated.

The soft grass bent gently under their feet as they walked, trying their best to avoid the shade of the trees so that the sunlight could warm them. Seungwan led the way through the footpaths that were, for the most part, more a gentle suggestion given by well-packed dirt and a lack of vegetation than any man-made construction. Their hands were laced together, ostensibly to ensure they didn’t lose each other, but mostly because Joohyun had reached out and Seungwan had seen no reason to reject it.

Finally, a bend in the way left them standing on a small open field that encircled a pond. Their sole company, apart from the ducks that slid aimlessly across the surface of the water, were a few couples lying on the grass, far enough apart that their voices couldn’t be heard from where Seungwan and Joohyun stood.

They walked to a nice enough spot and sat down on the grass. Seungwan remained silent for a moment, looking at the ducks distractedly, content to study the quickly-fading paths they drew on the water while Joohyun took the time to observe her surroundings. She did this thoroughly, first looking behind her at the trees they’d come from, then ahead at the lake with its surrounding vegetation, and finally stretching back to gaze at the deep blue sky and the small strips of white that fluttered across it lazily.

“It’s beautiful,” she said softly, the gratitude at being shown this place clear in her voice. “How did you find it?”

“Seulgi and I like to walk around in parks. We’ve got them all pretty much mapped out by now,” Seungwan replied with a shrug.

“Right,” Joohyun began, sounding strangely confident, then abruptly stopped talking, deciding instead to pay close attention to a patch of grass by her side.

Seulgi had probably mentioned their trips to the park when they’d talked in the diner, Seungwan reflected with a smile. She shifted closer and prodded Joohyun’s knee with her own. “You know, Seulgi told me about meeting you that night.”

“I figured she might have,” Joohyun replied simply, still focused on the grass. She tugged at a blade until it came off in her hand, then looked at Seungwan sheepishly, still holding it. “In my defense,” she added with a firmer voice, before returning her gaze to her hands, “you two really sound like you love each other.”

“Well, we do,” Seungwan said with a wide smile. She poked Joohyun’s knee again, trying to get her attention away from the poor blade of grass, which she was now ripping up into little pieces. “Just not romantically,” she concluded with a small laugh.

Joohyun finally released her victim, opening her hand to let the little green pieces blow away in the breeze. “I understand,” she said softly. Her gaze settled on the edges of the pond, where small creatures poked out their heads amid the reeds before disappearing again. “I hope that… one day you can feel that way about me,” she confided in a low voice, letting her head rest on Seungwan’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I want that too,” Seungwan replied in what she hoped was an even tone. She forced a smile, which was a bit silly, because it wasn’t like Joohyun could see her face. Maybe it was more to convince herself.

They sat in silence then, watching the time tick by in the seemingly chaotic routine of the ducks and the slow movement of the sun in the sky. Seungwan’s mind refused to sit still, running from thought to thought, from hypothetical scenario to hypothetical scenario, but really just cycling endlessly between what she wanted and what she wanted to want. Joohyun and Joohyun. Different Joohyuns, different scenarios, but it really didn’t matter because it all came down to the same question.

As she reached the inevitable conclusion for what must have been the thousandth time, she finally broke the silence. ”If you knew something was impossible,” she said suddenly, pausing for a moment as she felt Joohyun start at the unexpected sound, “how dumb would it be to keep trying?”

Her friend slid away from her shoulder, sitting up to look her in the eye. She looked drowsy, like she’d been halfway to sleep and suddenly awakened by Seungwan’s question. “I think,” she started with a crooked smile, “that you asked me not to interfere with your love life.” She looked smug, like she was secretly proud that she’d pieced it together.

“Hmm, I do recall something to that effect,” Seungwan admitted with a smile of her own, a little embarrassed at the admonishment but mostly glad that she hadn’t roped herself into another cryptic conversation about her feelings with her crush.

“So, instead of answering your question, I’m going to…” Here Joohyun paused for a moment as she got up, her eyes fixed warily on the ducks that had made their way out of the pond in the late afternoon glow and were now steadily climbing up the margins towards them. She stepped away towards the trees and sat down behind Seungwan. “Move here so you’re between me and the ducks,” she concluded after sitting.

Seungwan spun around to face her and couldn’t help laughing as she saw that Joohyun wasn’t actually sitting, but had instead chosen to squat down on the grass, probably so it’d be easier to get up and run away. “You’re afraid of ducks, too?” she teased.

“Not all ducks, but these look particularly menacing,” Joohyun explained with a furrowed brow. Seungwan pushed at one of her knees and laughed again as Joohyun out a lightning-fast arm to keep her balance and not lose her tactical advantage.

“Cute,” she pointed out simply, although she did spare a glance behind her back to keep track of the advancing horde.

“I’m a grown woman, Seungwan, I am not cute,” Joohyun huffed out, trying her best to look dignified in spite of the circumstances, yet still failing to look anything other than adorable.

Seungwan laughed at the sight. “I would argue that you’re being very cute right now,” she said with an amused smile. She reached out an arm to steady herself as she got up, then stretched it towards Joohyun to help her up from her awkward position.

“We’ll see what you’re arguing when the ducks bite your arm off,” Joohyun grumbled as she brushed away the bits of grass and dirt that had stuck to her hands.

Seungwan replied with a low “So morbid,” but her voice was drowned out by a loud quack from a duck that had somehow snuck up on her. Joohyun jumped in place, then promptly turned around and headed for the trees. Seungwan had to run after her to pull her in the right direction, though her hand remained in the crook of Joohyun’s arm long after they’d reached the path back to the more crowded regions of the park.

“I’m hungry, buy me ice cream,” she said teasingly, bumping into Joohyun’s side for emphasis. “I did just save your life from that killer duck.”

“I saved my own life, thank you very much,” Joohyun replied haughtily, bumping into her in return. She ran her free hand through her hair, which had become disheveled from all the sudden movement.

“If I guess what you’re thinking, you have to buy me ice cream,” Seungwan demanded suddenly, more to pester Joohyun than anything else.

They walked in silence for a few steps as Joohyun appeared to consider the proposal. “If you get it wrong, you’re the one paying,” she finally suggested as a counter-offer.

“Deal,” Seungwan agreed immediately. She lifted her hand to tap her index finger against , like she was deep in thought. “Elephants,” she dead-panned at last.

“No- why would I be thinking of elephants?” Joohyun let out amidst sudden high-pitched laughter.

Seungwan shrugged. “Go big or go home,” she said simply, causing fresh laughter to erupt from Joohyun. “Was I close?”

“No, I was thinking of the ducks,” Joohyun replied. This time it was Seungwan who broke into laughter, clutching Joohyun’s arm for support.

They were nearing the small ice cream cart and Seungwan gently tugged at Joohyun to correct her course. “You know, they’re both animals. I think that’s close enough.”

“If you thought the game was too hard, you shouldn’t have suggested it in the first place,” Joohyun said ruthlessly. They separated so Seungwan could rummage through her bag, eventually finding her wallet. She threw a last pleading look at her friend, who stared straight into her eyes without pity then turned around to order.

In the end, Joohyun had three scoops with sprinkles, shaved almonds and chocolate sauce. It nearly toppled over onto her shirt and it took her about an hour to eat, but she smiled smugly through it all.