(Joohyun POV)

Everything felt new and exciting. It was like somebody had thrown a switch in Joohyun’s brain and all the loose cables and wiring, previously arranged in no particular order, had suddenly connected in the perfect pattern and thrown light into her world.

And yet, despite the sudden clarity, Joohyun had never felt so lost. It was the first time she'd felt like this, with no idea what to do. Or, to be more precise, she'd certainly felt confused before, but she'd never been so invested in getting it right. Usually, she just trusted her instincts, but this time she really didn't want to make a mistake.

She was in a delicate situation. All the websites she'd googled - she'd had no choice but to google it, since her friends refused to give her any other advice - agreed that she had to take care with her actions. They insisted that she must make sure of her own feelings, consider the possible consequences and test the waters thoroughly before proceeding.

But in spite of it all, she just couldn't find it in herself to worry. It was difficult to feel too concerned when she was around Seungwan. She was careful, she took it slow, she tested the waters, but she did it all with cheerful enthusiasm. Because it just felt so nice. Everything did.

Seungwan was nice and her smile, so radiant that it lit up her entire face, was nice too. She looked so nice, with her hair that made Joohyun want to run her hands through it just to feel its softness, her warm eyes that always made Joohyun feel welcome. And she smelled nice as well. Over the scent of her laundry detergent, which Joohyun's nose was trained enough to quickly dismiss after identifying it, there was her fruity shampoo, so sweet that she could almost taste it, and something that enveloped all of Seungwan, heady and nearly intoxicating, that Joohyun could only assume was her body wash. Possibly coconut. And when she baked, every inch of her would smell of it, warm and cosy, just like home, and all Joohyun wanted was to bury her nose in her and stay there.

Every moment that they spent together was nice. In the rush of experiencing the full scope of her emotions in every interaction with Seungwan, even those little things that they'd done a million times before but were suddenly cast in a new light, she let weeks slip by before she realized that she was supposed to be doing something about it. It was just so difficult to concentrate on some subtle plan when Seungwan was right there, her shoulder inviting her head to rest on it, her look of concentration, or amusement, or confusion, or anything that animated her face with emotion, impossible to resist, so that Joohyun caught herself staring again and again.

It wasn't simply the way Seungwan invaded her senses with her presence. Thoughts of her were never far from Joohyun's mind. She wanted to know everything, every little irrelevant detail. Most of all, she dearly wanted to see Seungwan's apartment, how she'd decorated it, what personal items she kept around. It felt like an essential part of her identity, yet it was hopelessly beyond Joohyun’s grasp, occupied as it was by that terrifying cat. She’d asked Seungwan to see some pictures of Mr. Fluffers, only to discover that it was even bigger than she’d thought. It looked like it could take off her head with a well-aimed strike of its powerful paws. To her credit, Seungwan hadn’t laughed at Joohyun’s reaction. She’d said Mr. Fluffers got it a lot.

Seungwan was nice like that. Considerate, taking care not to mock Joohyun for the things which even she knew weren’t entirely rational. She was endlessly patient and she pushed herself out of her comfort zone again and again for Joohyun, always willing to return a hug, to let Joohyun borrow an arm to cling to on the sofa, even if she stiffened at first. Joohyun felt a little bad to be so demanding of her physical affection, but more than ever she felt incapable of stopping. She wanted to be close to her, to feel her warmth, to intertwine their fingers and keep Seungwan by her side.

That was the strangest thing, perhaps. That none of this was truly new. She’d always wanted to know about Seungwan, to spend time with her, to hold her close. The only difference was that now her eyes had been opened to the scope of her desire, to the reason behind it. To her true intentions. She wanted to wake up to Seungwan every morning and go to sleep by her side every night.  She wanted Seungwan to feel the same way she did. And she wanted to kiss Seungwan.

She really wanted to kiss Seungwan. Those cute little lips taunted her, drew her in, especially when Seungwan bit them or poked out her tongue in concentration. When she wore makeup, they were tinted a pretty shade of pink that made them stand out even more. She supposed that was the general purpose of makeup, but all the same it felt supremely unfair that Seungwan would walk around looking like that when Joohyun couldn’t simply pull her in and taste that pink against her own lips.

And yes, Seungwan was attractive. Joohyun might be inexperienced, but she was certainly informed and she wasn’t some blushing maiden. She could admit to herself that she liked the way Seungwan looked in jeans, or when she wore particularly tight tops. She knew that when Seungwan’s shirt rode up and a sliver of skin was exposed, she would be only too happy to slip her hand inside and feel the warmth of Seungwan’s stomach, its smoothness against her fingers.

But she tried not to dwell on those thoughts, because it was one thing to have feelings for her best friend, even think about kissing her, but it was something else entirely to start fantasizing about things that could very well make Seungwan uncomfortable if she knew about them.

So whenever she pulled Seungwan closer, she focused on the giddiness bubbling up in her chest and the way their bodies seemed to meld together comfortably. It was easy enough, when their proximity struck her with something so intense that it almost felt like relief. If anything, the real trouble was ensuring that the smile on her face wasn’t too wide, too childish, too revealing. And if it was, just a little, well… That wouldn’t really be the end of the world, either.

Because that was her intention, after all, wasn’t it? What she wanted was for Seungwan to know how she felt. That was what Seulgi had said, that she should show her. And the websites said it as well, that she should test her best friend’s reaction by giving subtle hints. Some of the suggestions were a bit confusing, like using affectionate body language, smiling and complimenting her. She’d been doing those all along, so should she be doing them more often or possibly more intensely? Perhaps if she called more attention to it. But they did suggest keeping it light and subtle, so that might not be the best idea.

Then again, the websites grouped all that under flirting, which she was quite certain she hadn’t been doing. Mostly because she had no idea how to do it. But this suggested that there was some other way of complimenting people and smiling at them other than the friendly one that she was accustomed to. Perhaps she should continue experimenting with it until the concept made a little more sense.

On this particular afternoon, she was bravely attempting flirting, encouraged by the presence of Yerim and Sooyoung. They were very supportive, even if they became frustratingly ambiguous when she asked for any concrete advice. She’d asked them what they thought of her chances, of course, but they’d refused to comment. Then again, it’d be unfair to expect them to know about Seungwan’s heart. She was the one paying closest attention and even she couldn’t tell how she felt.

Seungwan was the last to arrive and Yerim was already dutifully studying her notes when she walked in. Sooyoung had decided against working on Joohyun’s computer for the day and sat next to Yerim, eyes fixed on her laptop, although both looked up at a knock on the door.

Joohyun opened it herself and was greeted by the sight of Seungwan in a navy-blue sweater and a pair of white-washed jeans, looking a little flustered at her own delay but holding up a large plate of golden-brown cookies in compensation. Joohyun smiled widely, stepping forward without much thought to chase the smell that she knew would be pressed to the outfit – cinnamon, from the looks of the cookies -, but the plate was held between them, keeping her from approaching. Seungwan returned her smile, gesturing with her full hands.

“Hi, sorry, I know I’m really late. I had to let these cool down,” she explained, already on the move towards the sofa. She dropped the plate on the coffee table, accepting Yerim’s appreciative high-five after some hesitation. Joohyun followed on light feet, throwing her arms around Seungwan’s back when she was close enough. She started slightly but didn’t pull away, only sighing out the surprise and raising a hand to tap Joohyun’s arm.

“Hi,” Joohyun murmured, as she was far too close to Seungwan’s ear to speak any louder. She dropped her face to the shoulder of Seungwan’s sweater, inhaling slightly in search of the cinnamon, but finding only the smell of freshly-washed clothes. Seungwan must have changed before leaving, then. Any trace of her baking would only be present on her skin, which was unfortunate, because Joohyun couldn’t exactly press her nose against her bare neck. Not that she’d mind it, but she expected that Seungwan might.

Seungwan’s hand returned to Joohyun’s arm, this time pulling it away gently so she could slide down and sit on the corner of the sofa, next to Yerim. The youngest quickly slid closer to Sooyoung, pulling the cookies within her friend’s reach, and Joohyun gratefully took the place she’d left vacant.

“They smell very good,” she commented distractedly. She wondered how to introduce flirting into the conversation. Should she compliment Seungwan on her baking? It was one of her interests, which the websites recommended bringing up, but how could it possibly be taken in a romantic way? All friends complimented their friends on their baking. She was sure Seulgi had done so many times.

Then what else? Perhaps praise some aspect of Seungwan’s face; that one was recommended frequently. But they did mention that it should be weaved into the conversation, so she’d have to find some bridge between the cookies and Seungwan’s eyes. Perhaps her lips, since they were used for eating.

She looked into Seungwan’s face, hoping that a spark of inspiration would strike. Her hand had found Seungwan’s of its own accord and she threaded their fingers loosely together, thumb running over Seungwan’s palm as she mulled it over.

She was beautiful, of course. Her lips were tilted up slightly in the shadow of a smile that seemed permanently fixed to her face whenever she wasn’t actively grinning. Her cheeks were rosy, certainly not from the heat of the oven if even the cookies had had time to cool off. It might be the embarrassment of her delay; Seungwan did have a tendency to become flustered over the slightest oversights. It made Joohyun want to reassure her again and again that it was more than fine, especially when Seungwan herself readily forgave much worse.

Her eyes were luminous, as captivating as ever, sparkling under slightly furrowed brows. Seungwan looked at her with what seemed to be confusion, her head tilted to the side. Apparently she’d said something that Joohyun hadn’t quite caught. She smiled solicitously and hummed to request that Seungwan repeat it.

“I said, if you want some you should probably get them before those two eat them all,” Seungwan repeated with a chuckle. Joohyun laughed along with the funny comment, her grip on Seungwan’s hand tightening instinctively. The websites all mentioned making physical contact when the other person made you laugh and Joohyun had just done it without even thinking. She might be better at flirting than she’d thought.

“Oh, that’s alright. I’m sure they won’t eat every single cookie,” she replied with a smile. Seungwan didn’t seem very convinced, eyebrow raising to show her scepticism, but Joohyun only waved away her concern. The sound of clinking porcelain as another cookie left the plate made her turn around to see that the pile had been significantly reduced. Yerim paused, hand halfway up to , then scooted even closer to Sooyoung, moving the plate until it was entirely out of reach of Joohyun and Seungwan.

She turned back to Seungwan to find her studying the plate dubiously. “Maybe I’ll bake some more tomorrow,” she suggested with a shrug. Her lips puckered into a thoughtful pout, making her look adorable, but they were soon pressed together as her eyes darted down to their joined hands. Joohyun had resumed the motion of her thumb and it seemed to have drawn Seungwan’s attention this time around. She paused at once and waited for Seungwan’s reaction, but she only offered a half-smile and shifted slightly in her seat, making no motion to pull her hand away.

Still, Joohyun readjusted their hands to let her thumb rest motionless on the back of Seungwan’s hand. There were limits to how far she could invade Seungwan’s personal space and she didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Her cheeks were growing pink again and this time it surely wasn’t because of her late arrival.

“If you want,” Joohyun offered politely. She would appreciate anything that Seungwan had made, but she wouldn’t force her to bake her weekend away.

“Not a fan of cinnamon?” Seungwan asked, taking her a bit by surprise. She had intended to sound accommodating, but she might have overshot it and come across as indifferent. Seungwan’s smile was already dimming, giving way to the weak imitation of happiness she presented when the real thing was lacking.

“Oh, no, I’m a fan,” Joohyun rushed to reply, her eyes wide as she tried to convey her earnest interest. “I love cinnamon, especially the smell. I just didn’t want to trouble you.”

The clouds on Seungwan’s face cleared, returning her usual brightness as she eagerly assured that baking a fresh batch wouldn’t inconvenience her at all. Joohyun nodded along happily, absently taking a deep breath at the thought of the baked goods. The weak hint of cinnamon that she captured reminded her of her earlier disappointment that Seungwan had changed out of her baking clothes and robbed her of that simple pleasure.

She studied the offending sweater, freshly laundered and looking particularly bright and untouched. Joohyun had never seen it, which by itself didn’t guarantee much, as she couldn’t be sure that she’d seen Seungwan’s entire wardrobe in their time together. But the fact that it was almost completely free of cat fur was a much clearer sign.

“Is that a new sweater?” she blurted out as soon as the thought crossed her mind. Seungwan seemed a bit taken aback at the sudden change of topic, but Joohyun was elated because there it was. The perfect subject for flirting had fallen right into her lap. She might be a flirting genius after all.

“It looks nice on you,” she continued slowly, because apparently doing things slowly made them seem more seductive. The websites said so, at least. She released Seungwan’s hand in favour of running her fingers down the sleeve of the sweater.

“Oh, uh, thanks,” Seungwan replied brightly, pulling her recently freed hand into her lap. “I got it at the mall a few days ago. They probably still have some for sale if you want one.”

Joohyun fought the urge to clench her jaw. She’d thought her meaning had been clear enough, but obviously she still had a few things to learn about avoiding ambiguity. “No, that’s unnecessary. I wouldn’t wear something like that.” There, that should clear things up.

To her dismay, Seungwan only looked confused, a small frown growing on her lips. Had she not understood her flirting? Had she understood it and been put off? Had Joohyun done flirting entirely wrong? Perhaps she was hopeless after all. She should have known better than to have confidence in any form of subtle social skill.

While Seungwan was busy studying her own sweater like she regretted buying it already, Joohyun turned to the other two for support. Sitting next to a nearly empty plate of cookies, Yerim studied Seungwan with a hand covering and deadened eyes while Sooyoung pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing deeply.

The sight revived Joohyun slightly. Clearly, all three of them were taken aback by Seungwan’s obliviousness to Joohyun’s advances. It wasn’t Joohyun’s fault after all. She only needed to keep trying, perhaps make it a little more obvious next time. In the meantime, there was always the body language and the smiling.

Yes, Joohyun thought as her arms reached out to snake around Seungwan’s until their sides were pressed together and her head rested on Seungwan’s shoulder, she’d just have to keep trying. Eventually, something would work.

(…)

(Seungwan POV)

Seungwan felt like an old balloon, one of those that didn’t pop loudly out of existence or slip from careless hands and fly off towards the horizon. The ones that survived to linger in a corner of the room for weeks, changing so slowly that it went unnoticed at first, but changing nonetheless, until they were small and wrinkled and shrinking down to nothing.

Seungwan felt like all the sanity was leaking out of her, slowly but surely, just like an old balloon. If Seulgi could hear her thoughts, she’d probably call her a drama queen, but she didn’t know how else to express it.

Joohyun’s insistent touches, her constant proximity, knocked the breath out of her lungs and made it very difficult to recover it. She spent entire afternoons grasping for anything that could ground her, protect her against the assault on her senses. Joohyun was relentless and more often than not their bodies were pressed together, even when there was more than enough room for distance. Joohyun’s hands were always curled around some part of Seungwan, be it waist, arm or hand, and when they hugged her face would burrow into the crook of Seungwan’s neck until she could feel Joohyun’s breath against her skin.

Seungwan couldn’t breathe. Joohyun’s touches froze her and she looked to the other two for support, but they’d changed too. Instead of smirks and playful winks, they stared her down, like it would be selfish of her to pull away. Like she had no right to do that to Joohyun. Was it really that unfair of her to want some space? After all, they knew how she felt.

But the touching wasn’t the only problem. Joohyun had always been somewhat handsy and Seungwan should have expected that it would escalate as they became closer. On its own, she might have felt happy about it, even as her heart stuttered and she felt simultaneously light and heavy under Joohyun’s ministrations.

No, the real problem was that Joohyun was being weird. She kept doing the strangest things, then studying Seungwan insistently, like she was frustrated that Seungwan had missed something obvious.

She’d look into Seungwan’s face for the longest time, then her brow would start furrowing until she eventually made some comment on Seungwan’s eyes, or smile, or hair. It was always a positive comment, or it seemed to have been intended that way, and in different circumstances it might even have made Seungwan swoon. It certainly didn’t take too much effort from Joohyun to achieve that. It was the way she said it that ruined the effect, the words coming out stilted, like she’d been ordered to do it but wasn’t sure why. Instead of pleasure, it filled Seungwan with uncertainty.

It made her wonder if the demon children were behind it, which only raised the question of why they’d tell Joohyun to compliment Seungwan’s face. The obvious answer was that it was a prank, but whenever Seungwan studied them in the aftermath, they only looked unimpressed.

There was also the thing with her sweater, of course. She still wasn’t sure whether Joohyun had complimented it or insulted it, and it lay in the bottom of Seungwan’s closet while she tried to figure it out. She didn’t want to go out in something that Joohyun had deemed too ugly to even consider wearing.

Another time, Joohyun had asked Seungwan how she felt about the two of them having dinner. They’d done it many times before, so she wasn’t sure why Joohyun would suddenly wonder about it. She’d shrugged, a bit confused, and Joohyun had clarified that she meant dinner at a restaurant. That perked her up a bit and she suggested going to the Nepalese place Seulgi loved. Maybe all three could eat there. Seulgi would probably want to invite Yerim and Sooyoung, which wasn’t ideal, but Seungwan wouldn’t deny Nepalese food to anyone, so they might as well book a table for five right away.

That was one of the times that Joohyun got frustrated with Seungwan for no reason that she could find. She even tried apologizing for not wanting to bring the demon children along, but Joohyun insisted that it was fine. She didn’t complain while they were eating, but Yerim did make more jokes than usual about Seungwan being useless that night, so there must have been something after all.

She was sure that there was something. The problem was that, no matter how much she thought about it, she couldn’t figure out what it was. In the absence of concrete reasons, her brain fell back on the usual justification: Joohyun was mad at her or tired of her or on her way to one of the two.

Again, Seulgi would probably say that she was exaggerating and that everything was fine. She’d tell her to focus on how Joohyun clearly seemed pleased to spend time with her, always clinging to her and smiling widely. But she couldn’t explain Joohyun’s strange behaviour either, so her comforting words weren’t completely convincing.

Seungwan was pulled away from her ruminations by the sound of the apartment door opening as Mr. Fluffers excitedly jumped off her, the slam of his hind legs on her chest launching her into a coughing fit. She pulled herself to a sitting position and found Sooyoung, still by the door, pulling off her boots and running a hand through her windswept hair. Her gloves were already on the dining table, along with her bag and the keys she’d borrowed from Seungwan on a more or less permanent basis.

“Isn’t it a little cold to be making house calls?” Seungwan asked playfully. Sooyoung had texted her earlier, letting her know that she’d be dropping by, and she’d been lying on the sofa lazily ever since, awaiting her. Her visitor didn’t respond to the comment, opting instead to make another attempt at fixing up her hair. Her movements were short and snappy, like she was still trying to shake off the cold of the street.

“Come sit down, Fluffy will warm you up,” Seungwan finally added, since Sooyoung kept pacing from side to side instead of sitting and letting the large cat at her heels take his long-desired place on her lap. Sooyoung seemed to snap out of wherever her mind had just gone and followed Seungwan’s suggestion.

“Hey,” Sooyoung offered simply. She focused on running her fingers through Mr. Fluffers’s fur, who wasted no time in purring happily and stretching languidly under the touch.

Sooyoung came over fairly often, but she usually arrived before Seungwan and took advantage of the solitude to study or play video games. This time, even her text had made it seem like she wanted to make sure Seungwan would be there when she arrived, so she deduced that Sooyoung’s motives for coming over must be a little different.

“So, is your neighbour still having loud ?” she chanced after a moment. She had the feeling that Sooyoung wanted to talk about something and this would do as a conversation opener.

“Not really, it’s been pretty quiet this semester. Either she moved or there was some drastic change in her life.” Sooyoung retorted thoughtfully.

“Maybe she joined a celibacy-focused cult.”

Sooyoung snorted at the suggestion. “I was thinking something like depression or a bad break-up. I guess your thing is less sad.”

“Also less likely,” Seungwan pointed out with a half-shrug.

“You’d be surprised.”

“So, is that enough breaking the ice?” Seungwan asked with a raised eyebrow. Sooyoung landed questioning eyes on her, but she only smirked slightly in response. “You look like you want to talk about something.”

Sooyoung rolled her eyes. “You think you’re so cool when you do that. You’re not, it’s just annoying.”

“It can be both.” Sooyoung didn’t even bother rolling her eyes again at the sight of Seungwan’s growing smirk. It was fun to act smug with Sooyoung. She knew better than to take it seriously, but she didn’t shoot Seungwan down either. “Now spill.”

Sooyoung’s deep breath took Seungwan by surprise, because she actually looked nervous, and Seungwan couldn’t imagine why Sooyoung would be nervous around her. She ran a hand through her long hair again, her movements stiff once more, and Seungwan began to think that it might not be the cold after all.

“Okay, so you know about our group chat, and that Seulgi and Yerim and I are all friends now, right?” the girl began suddenly. Seungwan nodded obediently and waited in silence as Sooyoung collected her thoughts before continuing.

She thought back to that afternoon, not too long ago, when Seulgi had revealed her final secret and they’d gone back to being best friends with nothing between them. Or maybe little unimportant things. Things like Seungwan’s constant doubts, which she couldn’t keep piling on Seulgi because they only burdened her and she couldn’t clear them away anyway. Nobody could; doubts were an essential part of Seungwan by this point.

She willed those particular thoughts away, at least while she was supposed to be focusing on Sooyoung. She’d come all the way to her apartment, facing the weather that only grew worse as February approached, because she had something important to discuss. The last time they’d had a conversation like this, Sooyoung had concluded that she was bi. Since then, she’d had her heart broken and apparently mended, and now she was back, so what could be this serious?

Seungwan’s thoughts came to a screeching halt and she slapped her forehead with excessive force, the skin prickling unpleasantly as she pulled her hand away. Sooyoung watched her with concern, an unspoken question clear in her eyes. “I didn’t ask you,” Seungwan exclaimed, almost groaning in frustration.

“Seulgi told me I should just ask and I completely forgot, I am the worst friend,” she continued with fervour. She’d been so eager to find it out from Seulgi, but it had quickly been driven out of her mind by the sudden change in Joohyun’s behaviour. She was a selfish, self-involved person who couldn’t even remember to ask her friend about the girl who’d made her realize she was bi and then broken her heart.

“Ask what?” Sooyoung asked sharply, grasping Seungwan’s forearm to catch her attention.

“About the girl, your girl!” She gestured wildly, like her erratic movements could clarify her ambiguous words. Thankfully, Sooyoung seemed to have gotten the message.

“Well, you were busy with yours,” she said simply, a cheeky smile letting Seungwan know that she was forgiven. Her friends forgave her so easily, it almost felt unfair. “And it’s your lucky day, because that’s what I came here to tell you,” she added casually, and Seungwan had to admit that it was impressive how her nonchalance seemed almost natural.

“Plus,” Sooyoung added with a shrug, playing with the fur on Fluffy’s neck for something to do. “if you'd asked me any sooner, I might not have told you. But I talked to Seulgi and - “

“To Seulgi? Why?” Seungwan interrupted with some confusion, although it had morphed into amusement before she was even done talking. “Oh, right, she always ends up playing the romantic advisor, doesn't she?” she concluded with a small laugh. Life was ironic like that, sometimes.

The look on Sooyoung’s face took her by surprise. She made her best attempt at hiding it away under a smile of agreement, eyebrows raised at the subject of silly old Seulgi, but she couldn't wipe it from Seungwan's memory. That flash of stricken guilt, like Seungwan had accidentally hit the bullseye.

“Seulgi?” Seungwan asked in disbelief before Sooyoung could say anything. “Wow, I really am the worst friend.”

“I mean, we weren't exactly broadcasting it for the world to see,” Sooyoung said drily, cutting off Seungwan’s recriminations before she could really get started. “I'm glad you didn't figure it out, it would have been pretty awkward.”

Her face was set, challenging Seungwan to pursue the topic of her own obliviousness any further. Sooyoung’s straightforward dismissal of her worries took Seungwan by surprise and she had no choice but to comply. Instead, she raised her eyebrows, making a show of contemplating the news.

“So, Seulgi, huh?” Sooyoung snorted, clearly pleased at Seungwan's decision to keep things light, even if she might not particularly enjoy her words. “I guess you're into the sensitive artistic types.”

It was a surprise, she couldn’t deny that much. But she knew Seulgi, the way she made everyone feel like they were the centre of her world because, for that moment at least, they really were. And she knew Sooyoung, her hidden softness and the easy flirting that didn’t conceal it as well as she thought. Could it really have gone any other way?

“Yep, so you really have no chance with me,” Sooyoung quipped easily. “I'll give you some time to recover from the tragic news.” She laid her hand on Seungwan's knee, frowning in sympathy.

She knew Seulgi had hidden this from her, but it hadn’t been her secret to tell, after all. She wasn’t upset at either of them. More than anything, she was glad she knew, maybe a little sad that she hadn’t known before, when she might have helped them get through it. But what could she have done? And what would she have done, when all she thought about lately was Joohyun?

She willed away thoughts of her inadequacy before Sooyoung could notice them and scold her for it. It was the least she could do. Instead, she pulled the hand off her leg, making sure that her playful intentions were clear. “You never turn it off, do you?”

 “Please, you're talking to Yerim’s best friend. I could do this all day,” Sooyoung replied with a smirk.

She stayed over for dinner and the two chatted comfortably, mostly about Seulgi. Sooyoung didn't seem to have much of a problem with the topic, happy to praise her artistic abilities at length, complain playfully about her endless optimism or even linger with clear fondness on the ease with which she opened her heart to anyone who came into her life.

In that moment, Sooyoung seemed like the bravest, most impressive person Seungwan had ever met. Because she said it all with wistfulness, but above all she looked happy, determined, even relieved. She'd come through the other side of her rejection stronger than ever and, by the looks of it, without a single regret. Seungwan couldn't even dream of being that person.

As Sooyoung put on her boots and stepped outside the apartment, taxi money already shoved into the pocked of her overcoat by a concerned Seungwan, she paused for a moment and looked her host up and down, her eyes narrowing with impatience.

“Just say it,” she said cryptically, huffing at Seungwan's confusion. “I know you want to talk about Joohyun.”

“I don't - “ Seungwan attempted, but Sooyoung’s glare silenced her.

“You can say it, okay? So just say it,” Sooyoung prodded, running her hand through her hair one more time before she put on her gloves.

“Fine, okay. I just… She's been acting really weird lately and I don't know why,” Seungwan rushed out before her words could fail her. Sooyoung only sighed, like she'd been expecting as much. “Do you know what’s going on?”

The younger woman considered the question, still standing by the door in full winter attire. “She's… trying something new, okay?” she said slowly, measuring her words as she spoke. She took a deep breath and let her eyes wander the room behind Seungwan, like the right thing to say would be hiding somewhere in there. “You should just ask her, Seungwan.”

She cringed at the suggestion, even if she had seen it coming because it was what Sooyoung said every time. It wasn't exactly hypocritical, since she'd certainly followed her own advice. But the thought of approaching Joohyun and possibly confirming her fears, that she was being pushed away or barely tolerated, rooted her to the spot and froze shut.

Sooyoung must have understood her thought process, because she sighed again and looked down into her eyes, a gloved hand landing on Seungwan’s shoulder. “You're going to have to talk to her eventually,” she said, sharp words tinted with a measure of compassion. She seemed to debate adding anything else, before she decided against it and straightened up, already turning away.

“Why did you tell Seulgi?” Seungwan blurted out before she could walk off. “I mean, you knew she didn't feel the same way, right?”

For a beat, there was nothing but silence in the corridor. Then Sooyoung nodded with a smile that seemed almost sly. “Because if I didn't, where would I be now?” she asked with raised eyebrows, and the look she fixed on Seungwan was scary with the way it tried to communicate something that she really didn't want to hear.

“In love with someone who'll never love me back. Trying so hard to convince myself that every little thing meant nothing, wanting so badly to believe it didn't,” she continued, heedless of the way her words infused Seungwan with painful familiarity. Then she paused, raised her hand to tap Seungwan's chin. “That's not my style, Wannie.”

Sooyoung walked away confidently before Seungwan could react, her hand lifted for a moment as she waved goodbye. “Anything is better than a maybe,” she threw over her shoulder, and Seungwan cringed because Joohyun was only a door away, and what if she heard it?

“Even a no,” Sooyoung concluded, leaving Seungwan standing by her apartment door, still open even as her guest disappeared down the stairs.