A/N: Just a heads-up before we get into the fun stuff: I'll be going on vacation soon and so I won't be able to update for the next three weekends. MAAN will be back on August 24!

*******************************************************************

It took Seungwan a great effort to stop thinking about Joohyun's hands all over her back. It took an even greater effort to avoid imagining them anywhere else. When they spent time together and Joohyun ran her fingers over the sleeves of her sweater or clasped them around her waist so that the slightest shift could have them splayed on the sensitive skin at the small of Seungwan's back, it really took all of her willpower to keep herself composed and not slip bonelessly to the floor under the weight of her wild imagination.

Inevitably, this left her a bit more distracted than usual. Sooyoung had taken to waving her hand in front of Seungwan's face with the pained expression of someone who knew exactly what she was thinking and wished she didn't have that information. Yerim just snapped her fingers really loudly.

And of course, when Joohyun delivered another one of her strange compliments or got frustrated for no clear reason yet again, Seungwan was even more powerless than usual to study her actions and find what she'd been missing. So she nodded along, a little desperate, a little dazed, and hoped that they'd soon come back to more comprehensible topics.

It didn't help that her mind had strayed so far out of her control that she'd started seeing things. She'd look into Joohyun's eyes and see, hidden deep inside, underneath all the layers of normal human emotion that were probably actually there, a hint of something else. A little spark, so tiny that she might not even have noticed it if she hadn't been so intimately familiar with it by then. A microscopic point right at her core that whispered, “I want you, so please want me back.” She guessed that was the first sign of her slipping sanity.

They must have made for a funny sight in those moments. Joohyun with that look of frustrated concentration, carefully enunciating confusing words as she fixed demanding eyes on Seungwan, and Seungwan herself, who studied those eyes searchingly, brow furrowed, head tilted, thoughts further and further away from anything that resembled normal human logic. Not that Yerim and Sooyoung ever seemed to be having any fun with it.

But the worst part was that it had only started after that damned massage, which Seungwan still couldn't find it in herself to regret. What did that say about her? The fact that she'd been painfully in love for months, yet it was only when her libido was activated that she lost it. What kind of person did it make her? When she saw that lying little spark telling her that Joohyun wanted her, what kind of wanting was she thinking of, dreaming of, hoping for?

This wasn't what she wanted for their friendship. What if those thoughts never went away? What if she was never able to hold Joohyun’s hand and just feel happy about it? What if this was what doomed her? What doomed them? How pathetic, how utterly selfish and immature, how downright ungrateful would that be?

She had to make it up to Joohyun and push it all away. She knew she could if she tried hard enough, the only trouble was that she didn't really want to. But some things were more important than her fantasies. Joohyun was more important than anything else.

She was on her way home, late again after there had been some disruptions with her subway line. The delay meant that she wouldn't be seeing Joohyun that day and she considered the thought with a mixture of relief and disappointment.

She paused in front of her apartment door. She shouldn't be relieved that she wouldn't be seeing her friend; that was what the selfish Seungwan would feel. Good friend Seungwan would want to see Joohyun. Good friend Seungwan would go over and knock on her door and not feel like she was knocking away another piece of her sanity.

Good friend Seungwan shoved her keys back in her purse and crossed the hallway in three decisive steps. Then she took a deep breath and knocked.

Joohyun opened the door, looking fully prepared for lounging at home, in sweatpants and an ed flannel shirt over a loose t-shirt imprinted with her company logo. Her face was bare, covered only by a large pair of glasses and the few wisps of hair that had escaped her messy ponytail. She looked as beautiful as ever.

After a distracted greeting, she padded back to the sofa and recovered her laptop, which she'd left on the coffee table. Seungwan was about to apologize for intruding on her work when she realized she was watching a movie. And not just any movie.

“Are you watching The Notebook?” she asked in what she hoped was a neutral tone. She would absolutely not comment on how she'd recognized the movie in about three seconds.

“Sooyoung said she loved it,” Joohyun threw over her shoulder. Seungwan nodded from her place near the front door. She stood there awkwardly, unsure whether she should stay or leave Joohyun to her epic romance.

“Would you like that?” Joohyun asked after a pause. She studied the screen of her computer intensely. “If someone intentionally risked their life so you'd go on a date with them,” she elaborated, sounding like she was thinking out loud more than anything.

Nevertheless, she looked in Seungwan's direction, so she must be expecting an answer. Seungwan quickly deduced that she was referring to the Ferris wheel scene. “Not really? Maybe if it was Ryan Gosling,” she added with a chuckle, but that only increased the intensity of Joohyun's glare.

“What does that mean?” she almost growled, and Seungwan began to think that a confused Joohyun was a very scary Joohyun. The movie was still playing but she didn't seem to be paying any attention anymore.

“I was, um, joking. Because he's hot and sometimes when hot people do dumb stuff it ends up looking… Not as dumb,” she explained hesitantly. Joohyun's eyes were still piercing her and she'd miss half the movie at this rate. “Not that threatening suicide would ever be a good seduction technique,” Seungwan added hurriedly. It was possible that Joohyun hadn't heard that last part, given her next question.

“What if I did it?”

It was funny, because it would have been such a perfect line in a romantic movie, but the way Joohyun said it, all demanding and almost angry, like Seungwan was purposely denying her the answers that would finally make The Notebook make sense, only succeeded in infusing Seungwan with a sense of unease.

She rummaged through her mind for something to say, which was a little difficult, because how was she supposed to answer that. “Is that… Are you asking me if you're hot? Because I'm not sure if I, um, like, how to answer that?”

Joohyun sighed and finally looked away, although still not at the movie. Seungwan snuck a little relieved exhale that she hoped her neighbour wouldn't notice.

“I know what you're doing,” Joohyun said with a voice that no longer had any sharp edges. Seungwan started at her words. “I told you before, I'm not as oblivious as you think.” She fiddled with the end of her sleeve for what felt like an eternity and Seungwan suddenly wished that she’d look up at her, that her eyes would betray what was going on in her head.

“You all do it,” Joohyun continued in a clear effort at sounding casual. The relief at the knowledge that her secret was safe was followed by guilt that it had been her concern in the first place, especially when she’d clearly upset Joohyun in some way. “You look at me like you’re thinking ‘what’s that strange person doing now?’”

 A barrage of excuses and denials tried to make its way past Seungwan’s lips, but she opened to find she couldn’t say a word. Joohyun was right. She hadn’t meant any harm by it, she’d really only been trying to wrap her head around Joohyun’s actions, but she couldn’t deny that she’d done it. That she’d been doing it only moments before.

“You can just tell me what I’m doing wrong. I won’t bite,” Joohyun added with a weak chuckle, like the attempt at humour was mostly for Seungwan’s benefit. It felt weird to be having this conversation across the room, one of them sitting and the other standing, The Notebook still playing on Joohyun’s long-forgotten laptop.

Seungwan took a deep breath and resisted the urge to turn on her heel and run away from her fears. “I guess you’ve been a little… Erratic lately. It’s like you’re nice one second and then mad at me the next and I can’t figure out why,” she blurted out, and the urge to run was so much stronger now that the words were actually out.

“Oh,” Joohyun replied simply. She blinked, then she pursed her lips and nodded a few times. Her eyes were fixed on a corner of the room as she remained completely silent, completely still. Then she nodded again. “I’m sorry, I’ll try to stop doing that. Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“No, no, just a little… confused.”

“I’m sorry for that. It won’t happen again,” Joohyun reassured stiffly. It was hard to tell whether she was angry at herself, or at Seungwan, or simply embarrassed. Maybe a little bit of all of them? She turned back to her laptop after a brief moment and finally returned her attention to her movie.

“It’s fine,” Seungwan mumbled, but Joohyun probably didn’t hear her. She stood in place, still a little unsure of Joohyun’s reaction. Was she mad? Should Seungwan leave? It was hard to tell what Joohyun was thinking when she could only see her profile, illuminated strangely by the unnatural light of her laptop screen.

“Um, Joohyun?” she called out hesitantly. She got her attention as she looked up to face Seungwan. She didn’t look mad, she looked…

“Do you… I mean, you probably don’t, but… Do you want some company watching the movie?” Seungwan offered, because Joohyun looked vulnerable and maybe a little upset, and of course she did. How would Seungwan feel if her friend had just told her she was some weirdo who behaved erratically?

“Sure,” Joohyun sighed out. Seungwan took a seat next to her and for once she didn’t come any closer. The few inches of distance between them suddenly felt like miles, strange and uncomfortable. Seungwan tried to focus on the screen and not think of anything else.

“Maybe you should rewind a little. You missed a couple of scenes while we were talking,” she suggested uncertainly. Joohyun only shrugged.

“I’m sure I can infer them from context,” she replied without much interest. Joohyun clearly didn’t have a lot of patience for movies.

The silence, oppressive despite the sounds of the movie cutting through it, lasted long enough for Seungwan to start nervously tapping out the seconds on her leg. Then it lasted a few minutes more. “Are you?” she asked after she couldn’t take it anymore, turning to Joohyun to see the confusion on her face. “Mad at me, I mean. Or tired of me, or something like that.”

Joohyun’s face softened a little at her words and she finally reached out, her hand landing on Seungwan’s leg and giving it a gentle reassuring squeeze. “No, of course not,” she said softly, smiling a little at Seungwan before turning back to the screen. Seungwan reached for Joohyun’s hand and grasped it tightly before she could pull it away again, a wave of relief flooding her chest when Joohyun smiled happily at the contact.

“Then you can keep doing it, if you want. As long as it’s not because you’re mad or anything,” she mumbled with some embarrassment.

“No, it was just a silly thing. Why are you sitting so far away, anyway? Can you even see the screen?” Joohyun quickly added, clearly intent on changing the subject.

“Well, your laptop is turned towards me so yes,” Seungwan replied amusedly. Joohyun took one look at her then began to rotate the computer away from Seungwan until she could only see a darkened screen showing an image irremediably distorted by the angle. She smirked at Seungwan’s offended huff and waited patiently until she closed the gap between them, letting her head rest on Seungwan’s shoulder with a contented sigh.

“I doubt it’s silly, though,” Seungwan tried again. She wanted to comfort Joohyun, beyond offering her hand to hold and her shoulder to lean on, but she wasn’t sure what to say. “You’re not the type to do silly things.”

Joohyun didn’t bother moving away from Seungwan’s shoulder to answer. “Well, I’ve done many silly things since we’ve met so that’s just bad logic on your part.” She gently squeezed Seungwan’s hand to soften any bite that her words might carry.

“What can I say? I’m a rebel like that,” Seungwan quipped immediately, eager to bring laughter to Joohyun’s lips. Instead, she only hummed thoughtfully.

“It’s not Ryan Gosling hanging off a Ferris wheel, but it’s a start,” she finally remarked, clearly teasing but still managing to bring a giant goofy grin to Seungwan’s face. She was suddenly glad that Joohyun couldn’t see it in her current position.

“Wow, that almost sounded like flirting,” she said, trying to keep her answer quick so Joohyun wouldn’t notice the effect her words had had and only really processing what she’d said when it was too late to take it back. Joohyun snorted like she’d said the funniest thing. It kind of was, when she thought about it.

“This movie is very confusing,” Joohyun complained, mercifully deciding that her snort would be answer enough for the flirting thing.

“Well, you did skip like ten minutes of it, that might be why.” Joohyun huffed out her disagreement but didn’t bother contesting Seungwan’s words. She seemed content to forget the movie entirely and settled for playing with Seungwan’s fingers while their owner gathered her thoughts. The insecurity and nerves were set aside for the time being and she basked in the comforting warmth of Joohyun’s proximity. She felt a little reassured, now that Joohyun had confirmed that they were fine. She wouldn’t lie about something like that, so they really must be fine.

As she wondered whether Joohyun would like it if she stayed around and cooked them dinner, absent-mindedly wiggling her fingers to entertain her, Seungwan realized that no distracting thoughts swarmed through her mind. Pressed against Joohyun, the only thing she felt at the moment was relief that nothing was wrong, happiness that she was wanted there.

And yet the wanting pulsed inside her, stronger than ever, constricting her heart. And she didn’t want to do anything to Joohyun, didn’t want to be taken to her bedroom or undressed right there on the sofa. She just didn’t want to go home alone at the end of the night. She wanted to stay.

(…)

Seungwan was an idiot. She'd like to consider herself an intelligent woman, but her actions insisted otherwise. What other explanation could there be for an inveterate pessimist like herself to take one look at the first clear sky of the year and decide to leave home without her overcoat? There was no way around it, she was an idiot.

She knew she’d made a mistake right away, but it was only when she got home at the end of the day and a change of clothes and a warm drink did nothing to ease the cold in her bones that she realized its extent.

The next morning, she managed to drag herself through breakfast and a hot shower before she finally gave up and crawled back into her bed. She called in sick and texted Seulgi, then fell asleep almost immediately.

Seulgi would be working through the evening and well into the night, so she came around before her shift to bring some lunch and check on her friend. As expected, all Seungwan needed to recover was bed rest and lots of fluids. In the meantime, she could take something for the stuffy nose and sore throat.

After Seulgi left, Seungwan turned to her only company, which consisted of a very comfortable cat, happily snuggled under the pile of blankets on Seungwan's bed, and the large Totoro that Seulgi helpfully brought in from the living room. She curled herself into these sources of fuzzy comfort and let time pass as she fell in and out of a fitful sleep, occasionally interrupted by bouts of coughing. In the early afternoon, she got up to eat what Seulgi had brought her, although it was hard to feel hungry when her head felt so heavy and she had to juggle breathing through and chewing.

She moved to the sofa, where she tried to pay attention to anything playing on the TV but wasn’t very successful. Eventually she gave up and picked a channel at random, gazing at the screen distractedly through watery eyes that she couldn’t manage to clear no matter how many times she tried to blink the tears away.

One good thing about being sick was the fact that her inability to follow a thought process for too long made it difficult to ruminate. All her thoughts about Joohyun either stuttered away to nothing as she found herself staring at the wall and wondering what she’d been pondering or devolved to simple considerations of how pretty and nice Joohyun was, and of how her house smelled so nice, and of how Seungwan wished she was able to smell anything at all at the moment, and then she’d turn around to blow her nose and forget what she’d been thinking about.

After some time, the TV started to hurt her head, so she returned to the bedroom and dimmed the lights, shuffling back into bed and closing her eyes to hopefully ease the pressure building behind them.

She must have fallen asleep, because when she next opened her eyes the living room had been plunged into darkness and the half-opened bedroom door only let in shade. The arrival of night meant she’d have to get up and do something about dinner soon, but she wasn’t too worried about that when the strange noises coming from outside had all her attention.

She kept hearing little yelps, punctuated by something that sounded like someone having a lot of trouble opening a sandwich they’d wrapped in aluminium foil. But it must be the world’s largest sandwich, because it just kept going, and why would someone break into Seungwan’s house to eat a sandwich?

Then she heard Mr. Fluffers meow with interest, immediately followed by an even higher-pitched yelp and some more crinkling, and she realized several things. First, that Fluffy was in the living room with the stranger. Second, that there was no sandwich and the stranger was just crinkling foil for some reason. Third, that the stranger was Joohyun. That explained the yelping.

As if on cue, Joohyun stepped into Seungwan’s bedroom, hurriedly turning around to slam the door closed. She carried a couple of plastic bags in one hand and a sheet of aluminium foil in the other and she let out a relieved sigh as soon as she confirmed that Mr. Fluffers hadn’t followed her inside.

“Um…” Seungwan attempted, not sure how to approach the situation and hoping to avoid speaking as much as possible, given the state of . Nevertheless, it was enough for Joohyun to jump in place and fix wide eyes on her.

“You’re awake,” she pointed out breathlessly, still standing by the bedroom door with her bags and her… Well, Seungwan wasn’t entirely sure, but possibly her tool for distracting Mr. Fluffers? After a pause where Joohyun made no attempt to move or say anything, Seungwan nodded awkwardly to confirm that yes, she was awake.

“I was… Did I wake you up?” Joohyun asked, looking a little embarrassed. She finally started walking, taking a few steps until she was standing by Seungwan’s side, then bent down to drop the bags on the floor. She left the foil on the bedside table then straightened up and ran a hand through her hair, studying Seungwan expectantly.

“No,” she lied quickly. That seemed to bring a small smile to Joohyun’s face. “What’s with…?” she asked, pointing towards the new object on her bedside table.

“Oh, that. I saw online that cats don’t like the sound of aluminium foil, so I was hoping it would keep Mr. Fluffers away.”

Seungwan wanted to ask why Joohyun had put herself in a situation where she’d have to keep Mr. Fluffers away in the first place, but she didn’t want Joohyun to think she didn’t want her in her apartment and she didn’t know how to wrap all that in a relatively short sentence that spared .

A sudden bout of coughing convinced her to drop the subject entirely and she settled for keeping quiet and listening to whatever Joohyun had to say. Her neighbour started forward worriedly at the outburst, then turned to the bedside table, where a box of tissues and a bottle of water were placed, and reached for them. Seungwan tapped on her arm and smiled reassuringly when she got Joohyun’s attention, trying to signal that she didn’t need anything.

Joohyun understood the message and retracted her arm. She sat down on the bed and captured Seungwan’s hand, patting it gently as she spoke. “Sooyoung told me you were sick. I had an extra key that she made for me and I thought, well, I’m your neighbour and your friend and I should come check on you.”

Seungwan smiled at the thought that Sooyoung had made a copy of her keys without even telling her and given it to Joohyun. Then again, she probably should have done that herself a long time ago, so she couldn’t blame her.

“How are you feeling?” Joohyun asked quietly, still holding Seungwan’s hand between both of hers. Seungwan tilted her head to the side as she shrugged, contorting her face into a slight grimace, and Joohyun seemed to understand. She leaned closer to Seungwan, inspecting her face for the marks of illness. “Do you have a fever?”

Seungwan shook her head slowly, to avoid bringing on a headache, but Joohyun didn’t look very convinced. “Did you check?” Seungwan had to shake her head again. With a huff, Joohyun brushed Seungwan’s hair away from her forehead and moved in to press her lips against it. The pressure wasn’t quite a kiss, but it was soft and comforting and Seungwan only wanted to close her eyes and fall asleep to such gentle touches.

Unfortunately, Joohyun moved away as quickly as she’d approached. “No fever,” she said approvingly. Her hand lingered behind to pat Seungwan’s hair back into place, then began to run through it, smoothing it as it must sorely need after so many hours in bed. Seungwan knew it was silly, but she felt so small and tired that she couldn’t help staring up at Joohyun with adoring eyes that implored her not to stop. Her hands twitched as she resisted the urge to pull Joohyun down by her side and snuggle against her.

“Do you want something cool on your forehead? I can go wet a towel,” Joohyun suggested after a moment, cupping Seungwan’s cheek to feel its temperature. Seungwan didn’t want her to leave so she grabbed Joohyun’s wrist as she shook her head. Joohyun smiled, dropping the topic easily, and moved her fingers back to Seungwan’s hair as she looked around the room. Her eyes landed on her own plastic bags.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, breaking contact with Seungwan to lean towards the bags and pull out their contents. “I wanted to bring you soup but I don’t have any and it takes a long time to cook. So I got some from the Chinese place next door,” she admitted sheepishly, pointing out the container. Then she waved towards the remaining boxes of food. “I also got you dinner. Since I was there already.”

A large smile grew on Seungwan’s face. Joohyun was just too nice. She was still in her work clothes and full makeup, like the only thing she’d done since getting home was free her hair from its professional ponytail, yet her actions were anything but professional, her movements and words a little shy and uncertain. And she was here, in Seungwan’s apartment. She’d braved Mr. Fluffers armed with nothing but a sheet of aluminium foil just so she could bring Seungwan some Chinese food and check her fever.

It was all too much. Affection bubbled up inside Seungwan as she looked at Joohyun. Her gentle touches, her caring words, the way she studied Seungwan expectantly, even now, like she was hoping she hadn’t messed up any of the steps in taking care of her sick friend. It all flooded Seungwan with warmth and tenderness until she could almost cry.

“I love you,” she croaked out of a scraped throat. It was only a split-second later that the words registered and the surprise threw her into a renewed coughing fit that at least gave her the opportunity to hide her face from Joohyun’s scrutiny.

“Wow, you really must have been hungry,” Joohyun joked, drawing Seungwan’s attention. She was looking at her with a teasing half-smile, ready to pass the situation off as some funny slip, even though the slight tint of her cheeks suggested that she’d been caught at least a little off guard.

On any other day, Seungwan would have laughed it off, eager to pretend it had never happened, but she was sick and she felt fragile and the thought that Joohyun would ignore her confession, accidental though it might be, brought her heart plummeting down to her feet. She struggled not to let her face show it, but Joohyun must have caught it because right away her half-smile was turning to a full smile, elated though still a little teasing as she reached out to pinch Seungwan’s cheek.

“And I love you too,” she said simply, so easy and careless that it felt like she would have finished the sentence with “obviously” if it didn’t make her sound a little callous. It almost made Seungwan wish she hadn’t responded after all, because it made it so glaringly obvious that they meant very different things. She hid her face under the bedsheets, hoping to pass it off as embarrassment, and let her disappointment show freely under the protective cover.

Joohyun’s hand landed on her hair, the only part of her head that was still exposed, and patted it a few times as Joohyun let out a small chuckle. The comforting touch pulled Seungwan out of her thoughts and she wished yet again that she could pull Joohyun to lie down beside her. Everything would be so much easier if she could just rest in her arms for a little while.

“Now I’ll go get a spoon so you can eat your soup. I’ll be right back,” Joohyun added with a gentle voice, anticipating Seungwan’s whine of protest. She did try shooting out a hand blindly and stopping Joohyun in her tracks, but she dodged it easily, or maybe she’d never been in its path in the first place, since she was already halfway across the room when Seungwan peeked out from under the covers.

When Joohyun opened the door, a plaintive meow sounded from the cat that was firmly stationed on the other side, demanding access to the room where all the people were. She jumped with a screech, which startled Mr. Fluffers so badly that he took off towards the kitchen at full speed. In a flash, the door was slammed shut again and Joohyun leaned against it, looking like she’d just faced death.

“Why was he right there?” she asked with barely concealed terror. Seungwan couldn’t help but smile slightly at the sight as she brought herself up to a sitting position.

“We’re here,” she explained in as loud a whisper as she could manage. She reached for the water bottle on her bedside table in the hope that it would soothe a little.

“Well, that’s no reason for him to come in. Aren’t cats supposed to be wary of strangers?” Joohyun complained, babbling a little in her panic. In the meantime, Seungwan finished drinking and turned to swing her legs off the bed. “Wait, you can’t get out of bed, you’re sick!”

She paused, halfway into the movement, and looked quizzically at Joohyun. “He’s in the kitchen,” She hoped the short statement would be enough for Joohyun to understand that yes, Seungwan did have to get out of bed, because she was the only one of the two capable of occupying the same room as the cat and, as luck would have it, all the spoons in the apartment had been stored in the kitchen.

Joohyun’s eyes widened a little, but she didn’t move away from the door. “No, stay there. I can do this, I just need a minute,” she insisted, even as she took large calming breaths that seemed to be doing nothing to ease her panic.

Seungwan wasn’t sure whether Joohyun was more stubborn or more afraid of cats, but she did know that they didn’t have enough time to wait for the two sides of her to battle it out, not if they wanted to eat their dinner before it had gone completely cold. She reached out to pick up the aluminium foil, then paused just as she was going to crumple into a ball.

“Open the door,” she commanded, pointedly ignoring the way Joohyun immediately opened to protest it. She only looked her in the eye, eyebrows raised in expectation, until Joohyun relented, or maybe assured herself that Seungwan wouldn’t get up if she did, and slowly pulled the door open. “Now, uh, hide behind it,” she added a little more uncertainly. Joohyun’s brow furrowed and she looked vaguely betrayed, but she obeyed quickly enough.

“And please don’t yell,” Seungwan finally requested as she started to crumple up the foil into a small ball. In a couple of seconds, Mr. Fluffers was back from the kitchen and studying the noisy object with interest. Seungwan bounced it from hand to hand, scraping her nails against it from time to time as Fluffy took slow, cautious steps into the room. Finally, she threw it a short distance, so that it landed by her side on the bed, and Mr. Fluffers pounced on it with enthusiasm.

“Go now,” she said in a neutral voice, trying not to draw the cat’s attention. From the corner of her eye, she saw Joohyun dash out of the room, pulling the door shut behind her. Fluffy jumped at the sound, then lost all interest in his new toy as he found a closed door, his greatest enemy. With a sigh, Seungwan got out of bed and scooped him up before he could start crying at his cruel fate. She slipped back under the sheets, still cradling him, and dropped him by her side.

“We have a guest, so you have to behave, ok baby?” she asked in a whisper that barely made any sound. There was no point in straining to talk to a cat. Instead, she focused her efforts on petting him softly and regularly until he seemed a little more conformed to his fate. He’d probably get up once Joohyun arrived, but she could always try.

They’d both settled back into bed by the time the door opened and Mr. Fluffers barely bothered to crane his neck at the sound. On her part, Joohyun was able to come in without any yelping, even though she almost fell back out of the room when she saw him curled up on the bed. She brandished a spoon, looking a little pale as she edged her way around the room until she reached Seungwan’s side.

“If you let him smell you, he won’t bother you anymore,” Seungwan tried in a soft voice. She held out her hand, hoping that Joohyun would trust her enough to take up her offer. Although her eyes never strayed from the dozing form in the middle of the bed, Joohyun eventually allowed Seungwan to take her hand and guide it closer to Fluffy. He opened his eyes lazily and watched the approaching limb with little concern. As it neared his snout, Joohyun’s grip on Seungwan so tight that it was a little painful, he raised his head and gave it an experimental whiff. He seemed satisfied, as he the hand a couple of times then returned to his nap.

“He likes you,” Seungwan concluded with a smile. Joohyun didn’t seem even close to convinced, but she nodded stiffly. Trying her best to avoid all noise, she gave Seungwan the container of soup and the spoon.

Instead of eating, Seungwan shifted to the side until there was enough space for Joohyun to squeeze in. She tilted her head towards the rest of the food and waited for Joohyun to join her, hand hovering above her soup. Seeing that Seungwan wouldn’t eat without her company, Joohyun gave in and sat by her side with a carton of food and a pair of chopsticks.

The soup was warm and delicious and it made everything inside Seungwan feel a little more settled and a little less sickly. Even seemed a little soothed as she swallowed it down. After eating it, she felt too comfortable and satisfied to move on to anything more solid, so she just let her head fall back against the pillows that were stacked behind her as Joohyun finished her noodles.

“How do you feel?” Joohyun asked softly, her words piercing through the haze of sleep that had descended on Seungwan the moment she’d closed her eyes. Opening them again, she found Joohyun studying her, the cartoon of food already on the bedside table. She wore a small smile, fond but concerned. Seungwan wanted to wipe away the worry and in her half-asleep state she almost pulled up her hand to physically wipe at Joohyun’s lips. She realized the futility of the action as she was halfway to Joohyun’s face and let out a giggle that must have confused Joohyun. She settled for curling her arm around Joohyun’s and moving a little closer to her.

“Better,” she whispered then, resting her head on Joohyun’s shoulder to mirror their usual position. Her friend raised her free hand to comb through Seungwan’s hair slowly, the motion soothing in its regularity. “Thank you,” Seungwan finally added, with little hope that Joohyun would understand what she meant.

She wasn’t just thanking her for the soup or the company or the shoulder under her head, but most of all for caring enough to do all she did and looking at Seungwan like she really, honestly liked her. And, of course, for always making Seungwan feel better so easily, like her mere presence was enough to push everything else away. But she doubted Joohyun would get all that from a simple thank you, so she squeezed her arm a little tighter and burrowed a little deeper into the crook of her neck, hoping that maybe Joohyun would feel her gratitude in the contact of their skin.

Seungwan’s body pivoted slowly until she was turned completely in Joohyun’s direction, her face so close to Joohyun’s neck that the tip of her nose brushed against it. She would have come even closer, but she didn’t want to get snot on Joohyun so she settled for this short distance. The woman in her arms was strangely tense and Seungwan worried that she’d overstepped somehow. She was sick, after all, and breathing her sickly breath right into Joohyun’s neck, which couldn’t be a very nice sensation. In general, she was much closer than anyone would like to be to an ill person. As much as she wanted to lean into Joohyun and fall asleep against her, she couldn’t be selfish like that.

Slowly, she disentangled her arms, which had somehow found their way around Joohyun’s waist, and began to move backwards, away from the enticing source of comfort and human warmth. Joohyun’s hand slid down from her head, halting its caresses, and it lay uselessly on her lap for only a moment before it was reaching out for Seungwan.

“If you want, we can keep…” she began hesitantly, and the pause in her words only confirmed what Seungwan had predicted. Joohyun would stay unpleasantly close to her if she really wanted it, especially willing to sacrifice herself to bring some comfort to her sick friend, but Seungwan wouldn’t do that to her. She slid down until her whole body rested on the mattress, then leaned her head forward just enough to brush against Joohyun’s thigh. That would do, although she wouldn’t say no if Joohyun’s hand returned to her hair.

“Are you going to sleep now? Should I go?” Joohyun asked in a low, worried voice. Seungwan’s brow furrowed unhappily. Why would she go? She lifted her head to communicate her displeasure with the suggestion and saw that mixture of fondness and concern, now shining in Joohyun’s eyes. She gripped the hem of Joohyun’s shirt, balling it tightly in her fist to ensure that she wasn’t going anywhere. Joohyun’s eyes cleared at the action and Seungwan couldn’t stop herself as the fist pulled Joohyun down, inexorably, not stopping until she was sliding down to face Seungwan on the bed.

Yes, she was selfish. But she was also sick, and maybe that was one of the few times when she got to be selfish. So she burrowed into Joohyun as soon as they were side by side, sighing in contentment as she felt arms enclosing her in a safe cocoon of Joohyun, letting her eyes slip shut as a hand returned to the top of her head and began scratching gently.