Kwon Eunbi seldom shed tears.

Kwon Eunbi has her image to hold, as a leader, as the eldest unnie, as an idol - idols exist to make their audiences happy - she deeply believe in this. Once she took her steps into the entertainment industry, her mission is to cheer others up and bring joy to them.

The award ceremony has been going on for an hour and something already. They had woke up at nearly 4am for travelling to the venue, rehearsing for who-knows-how-many-times, doing the make up, and sitting at the guest seats for quite some time. Their concentration have been drifting apart. The youngest have been making some silly jokes among themselves at first, gradually it became more like a fight with the tireness threating to surface.

Kwon Eunbi has been controlling herself from leaking a yawn or being captured by the camera for fluttering eyelashes, but deep down she knew the exhaustion was there. Shaking her head slightly, Kwon Eunbi put on a bright smile and checked on her members, making sure everyone was fine and looking good.

Yujin and Hyewon seemed to be having a chat on intiating skinships - well it's their nature so let it be, Chaewon looked cheery as always and waved a little to fans down stage, Chaeyeon seemed deep in her thought but the expression are well-kept, Minju sneakily taking side glances at Yujin and Yuri was trying hard to call Yena despite the fact that Sakura, Hitomi, Nako were sitting between her and Yena, Eunbi decided to turn her focus on the performances, following what Wonyoung was doing.

When Wanna One sunbaenim's songs were played, Kwon Eunbi recalled her memory when they were performing Energetic some times before. It was a short special stage, but all twelve of them have been practicing very hard for it for the past month. She wondered how will their fans reacted; for herself, Chaeyeon and Yena are definitely the VVIP for this performance.

The two are good at all perspectives; they could sing well, dance well, deliver great stage presence, and even able to rap. Wiz*one often included her and the two as the Ace line, but Kwon Eunbi would rather say the two are much more talented than her. When she was at their age, Eunbi did not have such ability to ace all areas of performing - that's why her first debut is mot that of a success. There is no one to blame for when things do not go the way you imagine, Kwon Eunbi tends to believe it is more of her own faults.

This kind of mindset is miserable! - this is how Chaeyeon once told her when they were still groupmates in Produce 48, - you should not think like that, unnie. The debut is none of your fault, you should see it as a turning point instead of putting yourself in blame.

She still remembered how Chaeyeon - a girl that younger than her for five years - opened her arms amd embraced her into a warm hug. This was the very first time she dropped tears not for competitions in the program or results of her teams, it was more of her personal crisis. It was comfortable and relieving to know there is a person who she could get advices from, yet at the same time her self-esteem could not help but hurt a bit for not being able to hold up her own dependable-unnie-image. 

Unnie, please don't hide everything to yourself only, we are always here to support you. Just like how you pour your heart to lead us.

Similar to her words on the birthday rolling paper, Chaeyeon also said so when the two met up the other day after Kwon Eunbi's birthday. They were both early to arrive the practice room, and the younger approached her for extended congratulations.

"The female rookie of the year... Izone!"

Absent-mindedly clapping her hands like the other groups do, it took 3 seconds for Eunbi to draw herself out of her own thought - Izone for The Rookie of the year award on MAMA!

Wiz*ones have told them several times that they would certainly win this award, but there are so many outstanding rookie girl groups out there this year, who could ever be so sure that who would be the final winner? She covered in surprise and raised in her seats, seeing her members were equally as shocked as her. As a leader, Kwon Eunbi quickly collected her emotions and led the girls to the main stage, getting ready for the award receiving speech.

"Thank you MAMA for the award, and for granting us the opportunity to stand on such a big stage. Thank you all producers who gave us wonderful albums tracks. Staff who sacrifice resting time to take care of us, I wish to express our sincere gratitude here. Wiz*one who always support and love us, we were only able to stand here because of you, thank you so much. Since we can only receive the rookie award once, it is even more meaningful. We'll work harder to show our best side!"

There was no way for Eunbi to held her tears after the thank you speech. All her strength has been used to hold herself while calmly delivering their thankfulness.

Looking back on her journey in this industry - days preparing for her first debut, days after her group disbanded, days drifting between all kinds of part time works to support her living while keep pursuiting her dreams, days working as a dancer for idols of her new company, days training again as a trainee that seemed too old for now, days striving hard in Produce 48... Everything, everything she has endured and overcame seemed playing over and over in her mind, and she could not hold it anymore.

Her knees gave way and there were a pair of arms holding her from behind - it was always Chaeyeon, who she could put down her protecting shield for some time and cry her raw emotions out. She suddenly did not want to care about her image for a second. Reality shows are what audiences like nowadays? Then she would show them the realest side of Kwon Eunbi.

She hid her face into the crook of the younger girl's crook of neck, sobbing ugly tears and care nothing while on stage. Just for this moment, Eunbi wanted to be selfish and stayed true to herself. She felt Yuri softly touched her shoulder, and Chaeyeon mumbling soft nothings to comfort her, she cherish them. Minutes later, she would return to the responsible strong leader role she held. 

It was embarrassing for Kwon Eunbi to cry if you ask her, but there are always some times she would want to unveil that side of her. After all, she is still a human being, she is still a woman, she is still a girl who might need tears to cleanse her mind.

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A not yet proofreaded one freshly written after MAMA. I apologize for any mistakes or incoherent plots in advance, my brain is working not that good when I was sleepy xd

I'm moved by how emotional Eunbi was when they received the the rookie award. The girls winning on MAMA is much expected, but that does not mean they don't deserve it. We have results and talents to prove, Izone are equally good as the other girl groups competing for the same award :D I love a lot of girl groups, so mutual respect are much appreciated~ 

At last, congratulations to Izone again!