Songs which inspired me to finish this 

Home - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3czp9Yjwq5s

Dito ka lang (Just Stay Here) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo2xy3CaNhA

Having something to pursue is worth your days. You wake up, get yourself readied, ready to conquer the world and continue where you left off yesterday. Chaewon felt like this. Motivated. Detached from her family back in Yuchi-ri, she was living her life the way she envisioned it to be, but now she has found a whole new purpose. To become the best version of herself, to come back home ready as ever to run the KimKwon Inn.

Getting her mom to agree was difficult. However, with the help of Chaeyeon filling in her shoes, she felt at ease leaving the inn to her. Besides, Chaeyeon reassured her that Sakura was with her. They’ll be doing short videos and Sakura assured her that she’ll be part of the promotions and marketing team of their Inn until she comes back.

The clock read 6 am when Chaewon was at her dormitory’s pantry, getting herself a cup of warm coffee. It was during this time of the day when Chaewon would look at the empty tables in the common area, sipping her drink, thinking that it would have been better if there were flowers. So sometimes, Chaewon would grab a few stems from the nearby flower shop and fix up a boquet. Today was one of those days.

She took a sip from her drink and began her magic. Sometimes she would pause and look around, hoping that a pair of eyes would be there. Not just any body’s, but a pair belonging to a girl with plump cheeks. She just frowned each time she realizes Hitomi isn’t there anymore.

It has been a year since she left and 6 months since Hitomi started being aloof. She wanted to give all her support to Hitomi but with the distance and time differences, it was just too difficult.  Hitomi would shut her off at each attempt of making an effort to cheer her up. She wouldn’t pick up her calls, video chats, or even reply for days. Hitomi explained she doesn’t want to be a bother to anyone while she’s recovering.

Chaewon, teary-eyed at the empty spot next to her recalled everything she said.

But you’re not a bother, Hiichan. At least, not to me.

Chaewon pulled out her phone. She started a habit of sending Hitomi snaps from her days. It was okay even if she didn’t reply. She just wanted her to know she thinks of her everyday. Sometimes, on good days, Hitomi would send her snaps as well, but most of the time, she just reacts to her messages, as an acknowledgment.

These flowers are peach colored. I wish I could arrange flowers with you again. I’ll wait for it to happen, Hii. Have a good day!

Once pressed sent, she would now begin her day at the university. She would walk along the city and ride the subway on her way. Sometimes, she would go have breakfast with Nako, but knowing how busy the doctor-in-training is with her academics and new found friend, they’d just go whenever it was convenient.

She looked at her schedule, she still had time so she decided to scroll the internet. She’d log on to her youtube account and look at what Sakura and Chaeyeon were up to. She chuckled at how the development of the two enemies turned friends grew.

Nice video. Even the kids could dance better than Sakura! Kekeke she cheekily commented on their video.

A few minutes later, her phone began ringing and the moment she answered it, she was met by a pouting Sakura.

“Hi Sakuchan.” Chaewon greeted.

“YAH! Chaewon!!! I saw that!” Sakura screamed. Behind her was a very audible hysterical laugh.

“Hi Chaeyeon!” Chaewon smiled.

“Hi Chaewon~ How’s the morning there?” Chaeyeon shoved Sakura away from the camera.

“Oh everything is fine here. Exams just finished, I managed to ace everything.” Chaewon smiled smugly at the two and winked.

“Wah, General Manager would be pleased!” Chaeyeon exclaimed.

“I’ve been brewing up proposals here, to boost our inn’s sales. I wont come back empty handed you know!” Chaewon answered.

“Tell us when you’re ready.” Chaeyeon’s smile was so pure. She was really proud of how Chaewon was carrying on with her life. The two carried on with their catching up until someone interrupted them.

“YAH!!!!”

“Don’t forget about me! You know the moment you commented that, our viewers have been liking it and now it’s the top comment! YABAI!” Sakura put her hands in her face.

“Now, everyone will know I can’t dance.” Sakura fumed her nostrils at Chaewon.

“Wow, I see you still have that temper going on.” Chaewon chuckled.

“Oh, she’s improved. Just this week, it’s her 2nd time getting mad, and it’s already Wednesday.” Chaeyeon gave Sakura a pat to which the latter indulged herself in.

“I guess spending time with the children here let her cooldown faster, plus if she bursts outta nowhere, I’ll kick her .” Chaeyeon smiled, erasing Sakura’s.

“Oh. By the way, our channel already reached 500K subscribers and because of it, we managed to score a courtesy call with the town’s mayor! They might give us a position for tourism or something!” Sakura excitedly reported.

“It’s really thanks to Chaeyeon bringing me around the town. The place really has a lot of hidden gems. I can’t wait to explore them with Chae!” Sakura was full of enthusiasm. She was speaking fast and Chaewon could see that she has found joy in what she does.

“Wow, I didn’t call you guys for the past few weeks and now you’re really hitting it big!” Chaewon was proud of her friends.

“Hiichan would be so proud of you, Sakura.” Suddenly, the mention of her name put everyone into a state of silence.

 “Sakuchan, how’s Hiichan? Any news?” After a few minutes of pause and awkward silence, Chaewon asked.

“Uhm.. Sasshi told us not to worry and that she’s been doing well.” Sakura awkwardly answered.

“So.. uhm.. She’s still not talking to you guys either.” Chaewon frowned.

“And her grandma? How is she?”

“Well, not so good. Apparently, the car crash damaged nerves in her back. She’s trying to recover but none of the therapy seems to work.” Sakura answered.

“Maybe we should go to the US this vacation, just to check up on her?” Chaewon suggested.

“The last time Nako and I did that, we really didn’t end in good terms.” Sakura answered. “She just didn’t want us to interfere, I actually feel mad that she’s trying to cut us off and not giving us any right to act as a friend, but Hiichan must have reasons.”

“Sakura, why are you so calm about this?” Chaewon raised her voice a little. “Isn’t she your friend?”

“She is. Chae. And the last thing she would want us to do is to worry so much about her that we forget ourselves.” Sakura looked at her apologetically.

“It’s not easy for the both of us, but you know, Hiichan is with Sasshi.”

“She’s in good hands.”

“I agree what she’s doing is making us worry, but sometimes, we just have to trust her. It’s Hiichan we’re talking about.” Sakura tried to assure the teary-eyed Chaewon.

“I feel like she’s drifting away from me.” Chaewon frowned.

“She’s not. She loves you, always.” Sakura assured her. Deep inside, she knew her friend so much that while there was little communication between the two of them, Sakura knew her friend wouldn’t leave Chaewon.

“We love you, Chae. Just one more year and we’ll be complete again.” Chaeyeon smiled at the girl.

“FIGHTING YOUNG MASTER KIM CHAEWON! THE SINGING PRODIGY. THE TAKER OF BREADS. THE FORMER YOUTUBE SENSATION. THE MUSE OF HII. THE ONLY HEIR TO THE IRON INN.” The two girls tried to lift the atmosphere up, bringing a smile to Chaewon’s face.

“Yah. Stop it. I have to get to class. It was nice talking to you.” Chaewon bid her good bye.

Chaewon put her phone down and started walking towards her classroom. It was going to be another busy day. She finds it a good thing, that way she wouldn’t feel sad thinking about Hitomi. If she could have the opportunity, she’d drop everything in a snap and go to where her bread girl is. But she knows, Hitomi wouldn’t like it if she gave up that quick and so she’s just doing her best in studying.

After every exam, she’d take a picture of her results and send it to Hitomi. The girl on the other side of the world would reply her sincerest congratulations. That’s the only time she’d get words out of the girl.

I love you, always. The moment Hitomi sends that, it would mean that their conversation is over.

Hitomi, you are so unfair. Chaewon couldn’t help but think of the situation that way.

Once her class ended, she would go to her part time job. She figured, in order to become a good heir to their family business, she needs experience outside it. So, she managed to hook herself up with some of her connections, the Ahns.

The Ahns have a huge resort/villa in the outskirts of the city, bordering the country side. They were known for their services and accessibility to the busy towns people looking for RnR. Chaewon was glad the transport system in Japan was never a problem. Plus, she liked working there because she’s able to interact with her favorite 10 year old, Yujin.

“Yujin!”

“Unnie!” Yujin ran towards the girl smiling.

“Unnie, I heard you aced your exams. So here’s a pint of Mint Choco!” Yujin cheekily smiled. She’s always like this, surprising her after every achievement. She’s glad to have the younger girl with her.

“Yah, Yujinnie. How’d you find out?”

“Uhm….” Yujin paused and her eyes wandered around. “Appa told me!” Yujin smiled. That’s what she always says. Chaewon didn’t pry further. Everytime Chaewon would have an achievement, Yujin would give her a treat. She appreciates the gesture of the younger kid.

“Let’s go and eat that and let’s start with our duties, Ojou-sama.” Chaewon proceeded to tease the younger girl.

“Ack. Chaewon-unnie. No no. Yujin is not an ojou-sama!” Yujin hated being called an ojou-sama, since she she’s been told she cant be as active as she wants to be.

“Okay, Ojou-sama. Let’s finish this ice cream. Unnie can’t eat it all, you know?” Chaewon took the child with her.

“Ah, Chaewon-unnie, let’s take pictures~” Yujin took her camera. The younger girl had a penchant for photography, which reminded her about her favorite bread person. How could Chaewon say no?

“Fine. As long as the ice cream doesn’t melt!” Chaewon looked amused with the younger girl with her.

----

Being on the other side of the world required a lot of adjustment from the mochi girl. And it doesn’t really help that she’s sick. Not only her, but her grandmother too. Even though she was a traveler used to different environments, this time around felt different. Too different. She didn’t have anyone.

It was her first month here in the US. It became a habit of hers to send good morning selfies to Chaewon. Sometimes when she’s lucky she’d be able to talk to her before she goes to bed. She missed the girl so badly. She thanked God video chatting was a thing in their generation.

“Good night, Chaewonie.” Hitomi peaked at her phone screen, smiling brightly upon seeing her muse.

“Good morning, Hiichan.” Chaewon greeted her in her pajamas. She looked tired but was smiling upon seeing her favorite bread person.

“Are your things ready for Japan?” Hitomi asked.

“Of course. I’m very nervous.” She showed her luggage in the camera and pouted. Ofcourse she would be nervous, she would go someplace else, without anyone she knows. Hitomi could understand where her anxiety was coming from.

“I know you’ll do well. Like you always do.” Hitomi cheered her on. She wanted to give her the confidence that she can conquer everything.

“Hmm…” Chaewon was fidgeting.

“Yes? What’s up?” Hitomi asked.

“Thanks for always believing in me.” Chaewon looked through the screen.

“Thanks for being so believable.” Hitomi chuckled.

“I miss you.” Chaewon blurted out of nowhere. Hitomi nodded.

“I love you, always.” Hitomi then would cut the conversation with this line.

“Have a safe flight. Yeah?”

Hitomi just stared at her phone and sighed. She misses the girl dearly. She wanted to go out of her way just to meet her. She put her hand on her head, a migraine forming. There she saw two figures going her way.

“Unnie?” There where two thin kids holding hands. The other one was in hospital robes with an IV drip on her hand while the other kid was in a purple hoodie. The both of them had concerned looks towards the older girl.

“Pwease take thwis.” The girl with the hospital robe gave her a piece of cloth.

“Your nose is bleeding, Unnie. Are you okay? Do you need any help?” The girl with short hair mentioned.

“Eh?” Hitomi checked and it was running continuously.

“Unnie, it’s gonna pouw!” The taller girl placed the cloth on her nose.

“Let’s call a nurse!” Yujin told her.

“Nah, it’s okay. I just need to breathe. Join me?” Hitomi offered the two.

The three walked towards the hospital open spaces, near the church. Hitomi was sandwiched between the two younger girls. They showed utmost care to the Japanese girl. They sat at the benches under the big tree. It looked similar to the building she often got confined in.

“Unnie, you look oddly familiar!” The puppy like kid stared at her for a long time. “You’re Hiichang!”

“Unnie, I am a fan! I met Chaewon-unnie last time at Yuchiri but I didn’t get to see you.” Hitomi was surprised someone recognizes her here. She smiled at the girl.

“Thanks for always supporting me.” Hitomi replied politely.

“I guess this is the reason why you guys aren’t continuing the videos anymore? I thought it was because Chaewon unnie was gonna study overseas.” The puppy girl frowned. The girl in hospital robes however smacked her.

“Yujin-unnie! That was wude!” The girl had a slight lisp and braces which made Hitomi smile. “I’m sowwy about hew wudeness. My name is Jang Wonyoung and she’s Ahn Yujin-unnie.” The younger girl introduced the both of them.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Honda Hitomi. You can call me Hiichan.” Hitomi smiled. She was looking at the younger girl, wondering why she’s here.

“I’ve been hewe since I was a little girl. I have wung cancew, Hiichan-unnie.” The girl smiled.

“Same here, I’ve been here since we were kids. Her personal aide.” The older puppy girl smiled.

“Well.. That’s until I go back to Japan with Daddy.” Yujin smiled and went to Wonyoung’s side. The older girl held her hand.

“Hiichan-unnie, I’m glad we found a new friend for Wonyoung here. I’ll be leaving in a few days you see.” Yujin forced a smile.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be a good unnie to the both of you, especially to Wonyoung.” Hitomi replied.

“Promise?” Yujin asked.

“Not until you promise me one thing too.” Hitomi locked her pinky with the puppy child.

Having the two younger kids to accompany her made it seem easier for Hitomi to get through her sad days. Sometimes, she would bring the both of them to her grandma and grandpa, cheering the two of them up. It was all good until Yujin had to go back to Japan. Yujin entrusted Wonyoung to Hiichan. While watching Wonyoung go through her illness, it dawned on her that the emotions and lows a sick person can get is harsh but Yujin always made a point to call her everyday, if not every other day. Yujin would rant about how Wonyoung kept on pushing her away. Yujin couldn’t take her mind off of Wonyoung. She understood why Wonyoung kept it that way. She didn’t want to bother Yujin.

Days, weeks and months passed. Her grandmother’s condition wasn’t getting any better. She herself too, had frequent nose bleeds, coughs, as if none of the treatment works on her. She would feel severe headaches, one which wouldn’t allow her to get up of bed. She would feel frustrated, lock herself in her ward, not allowing anyone but her grandfather and Sasshi to get inside.

She turned pale. She was weak. She was losing motivation. She was losing her life. She would just stare at her phone. Look at it blankly. Scroll through all her friend’s updates. They were having the time of their life while hers seemed to stop. In her defense, she didn’t want to ruin it for them. Sometimes, she thanked the time differences, so she would have a reason to respond late.

Hitomi didn’t like the idea of being a burden to anyone. Not anymore. She didn’t want to hinder anyone just because of her circumstances. She wanted to be as independent as she could be, even at the expense of pushing people away. She had grown anxious of her condition. None of the things that used to make her happy helped.

The bleeding didn’t stop. It was more frequent than ever. After a month of tests, it was positive that it was ITP. She needed at least a year to recover. She was devastated. HIV and ITP? What a joke. She thought.

“You should go out.” Sasshi entered the room. There she saw Hitomi on the corner of her bed staring at her camera and laptop placed far away. She hasn’t touched them for months and now it has been catching dust.

“Go on a photo walk, you know.” She sat at Hitomi’s bed.

“I’m not in the mood.” Hitomi stared blankly. Nothing could bring back Hitomi’s enthusiasm towards art.

“Your grandfather is getting worried.” Sasshi held Hitomi’s hand.

“Maybe another time.”  Hitomi turned her back on Sasshi and lied down. Now she was staring at her phone, with Chaewon as her lockscreen.

“You should at least call her.” Sasshi looked at the phone.

“Just tell them not to worry and I’m doing well and that I’m having a social media hiatus so I only check my mails once a week.”

“Until when are you gonna keep this up?”

“Until I get better.”

“You won’t get better with this attitude.”

“I don’t think I’ll get better anyways. These meds just make my suffering longer.”

Sasshi was sad to see that Hitomi was losing all hope. The stress and her health conditions weren’t helping her recover.

“Don’t make this so difficult the way it already is.” Sasshi crossed her arms.

“I’m not getting any better, Sasshi. Nothing is helping.” Hitomi frowned.

“There’s only so much I could do to you, I’m sorry for not being enough.” Sasshi apologized.

“Sasshi, don’t be sorry, it’s me, I’m the problem. I was born like this.” Hitomi smiled.

“I thought it would be easy, but I thought wrong. It’s hard not having Nako and Sakura around… And Chaewon..”

“But didn’t you ask for this? Anyway, they’re just a call away.”

“And what? They’ll stay with me, like the old times? No way… I can’t bear that. It would make me hate myself more.” She hugged her knees. Sasshi could only hold her tight. She understood her dilemma. She just needed to be there for Hitomi each time she would break.

“Everything will be okay. Just be patient. You’ll get better.”

“I’m sorry I was born like this.” Hitomi cried. Her crying session was interrupted by sasshi’s phone alarm. “It’s time for my iron infusion.”

Sasshi proceded to do the infusion.

---

Her grandmother and her, although admitted at the same hospital, their wards were in different floors, so sometimes, Hitomi would have to go to the other end of the hospital just to stay at the orthopedic ward. On good days, Hitomi would walk towards her room.

“Grandma. I’m sorry I can’t take care of you.” Hitomi talked to her grandma who was still unconscious.

“Did you know? This is the moment I regret being born like this.” She placed her head on the hospital bed. “I’m useless. Right?” She looked at the sleeping figure.

“Your grandma would be sad if she heard you.” Her grandpa came inside the room.

“It’s true though…” Hitomi mentioned.

“Don’t beat yourself too much. You did nothing wrong.” Her grandpa smiled.

“What did the doctors say Grandpa?”

“Hmmm. The accident damaged a nerve in her back. Also, she won’t be able to move her legs anytime soon.” Hitomi could’ve sworn she heard her grandfather’s voice crack midway. Hitomi was speechless.

“Don’t worry, Hitomi. Your grandmother is a fighter!” The two of them look at the old lady in bandages.

Hitomi couldn’t have felt worse. She cursed herse