A/N: The time between SMA and GAON for VRene is so short because of SMTown in Chile so... I did my best, don't hate me TT :)) unedited because I want to sleep now :))

Joo-Hyun swirled the red liquid inside the glass that she’s holding. Her body was so tired but her mind isn’t. She can’t sleep after tossing and turning for the nth time. It’s all because of the conversation that she had with her friends earlier along with the things that transpired for the past few days that she’s been away from home. It doesn’t help that he’s still not at home, having been in his company studio all day. It’s a shame since he would make a good pillow.

She sighed, drinking her wine, enjoying the combination of sweetness and sourness of it as it glides in . She leans on the armrest of their couch, hugging her legs as she stares outside the wide window of their suite.

The view was dark and foggy during nighttime but you can still see the form of tall buildings and zigzag roads that are void of traffic at this hour. Bright twinkling lights illuminate them, making it beautiful to look at especially in this view. Her eyes randomly zoomed in on one building with red blinking lights, staring at it for a couple of seconds, letting her mind rest and think of nothing because the overwhelming thoughts in her brain are just too much and if she doesn’t stop it will only make her more anxious and restless.

The sound of their keypad door being pressed can be heard across their quiet suite but her brain didn’t pay mind to it. Only when the familiar silhouette of her human pillow subtly painted the window pane in front of her did her brain register that he had arrived. She blinked, putting the glass down and looking back at the person that was approaching her, “You’re here. How’s the song going?”

A kiss was put on her forehead and she closes her eyes, enjoying the heat emitting from the lips that touched her skin. It feels like a long time when it’s only been just a couple of days. The bane of having a long distance relationship especially with their job.

“A lot of revisions was made. I wanted to add a lot of things so I spent my day convincing them. It came out a lot better than before so I’m satisfied,” he said, his voice sounds so rough because of the time. It still made Joo-Hyun smile, letting his voice resonates within her. She misses it a lot during the times that they’re not together.

He removes his jacket before he sits close to her, legs crossing as he faces her side profile, the couch dipping because of his weight. “I’ll record the song tomorrow.” He propped his hand in his face, looking at her silently. His eyes were as soft and tender as always when they look at her. It made her smile and cups his face, leaning forward to kiss those red lips. She lets the kiss linger for a few seconds before leaning away.

“That’s good. Let me hear it after,” she said. He just hums his reply and continues to stare at her for a few seconds, eyes roaming her face, focusing on her lips for a while before he scrunches his nose and leans in for a quick kiss.

He didn’t say anything when he gets back to his original position. The usual playfulness of her boyfriend was not present but Joo-Hyun enjoyed his presence nonetheless. She knows that his silence means that he knows something is bothering her and this is his way of telling her that he’s here and that if she needs a soundboard then he’ll gladly be one. Just like always.

Joo-Hyun looks down and gently grabs his hand, playing with it as she organized her thoughts. it’s always hard to put thoughts into words for someone like her. Since she’s never been good at communicating what she feels, it will take a lot of time for her to sort what she wants to say. But there’s one thing that she’s sure about as she looks at the man patiently waiting for her to open up. She can’t help but blurt out the one thing that was clear in her mind at the moment.

“I miss you. Badly,” she said, biting her lips. Her already red cheeks from the effect of wine darken more at the confession.

It’s true though. The signal of a new year came along with their busy schedule. Award show appearances, tv show appearances, advertisement photo shoots, album recording, concert tour. There’s just no end to it. Her phone’s calendar was already full of color-coordinated legends of both their schedule and January hasn’t even ended yet. The printed copy of the calendar was pinned on the corkboard next to their fridge and when she glanced at it earlier as she and Seung-Wan prepared the girls’ snacks, she saw some new messy scribbles here and there which means that his schedule just got jam-packed again as if it isn’t already. She made a mental note to herself to update her phone’s calendar after their mini-celebration so she can share it to him... which she hasn’t done yet because her brain just wouldn’t let her be.

“I miss you too so so much, Hyun.” His perfectly aligned teeth were showing as he smiles brightly at her. “How’s Chile? Did you enjoy it?” He said as he prompted his arms in his thigh, his hands supporting his face as he gazes at her, eyes wide. A signal that he’s excited to listen to her stories.

“Yeah, the crowd is so passionate. They sing and dance to all the songs. I was so sad when it ended. We could’ve performed more of our songs,” she pouted. “I’d like to perform there again with just Red Velvet.”

“Right? I love performing there too” he agrees, his eyes sparkling making her smile back after seeing in his eyes the same feeling that she has every time she performs on stage. But then she suddenly remembers the things that happened during and after the concert, making her smile dim a little.

How should she say this?

Truthfully, there was a time that she questions herself why she has to reassure someone else of her actions. Because it’s burdensome for her to explain herself. That she didn’t do anything wrong. That she’s just doing the task that was given to her with a grateful heart. She doesn’t owe anyone an explanation.

Joo-Hyun is the type to value her small window of privacy because it’s the only thing she has for herself ever since she entered this world of theirs. Sharing parts of herself to someone else other than her family or trusted friends and members is hard. So hard. She can’t even say all of it to the ones she trusts the most.

To justify her actions, knowing that it might have upset that person is not for her. But every time she thinks of the man in front of her, looking at her with twinkling eyes, smiling at her adoringly and listening to her every qualm without getting bored and annoyed, she realizes as they grow together in their relationship that if she wants to have him for a long long time, learning to compromise each other's personality is a must.

Reassurance, communication, patience, and trust are the things that matter the most after love. And, Joo-Hyun is willing to do those things even if it goes against what she has known all these years of keeping everything to herself. Just to keep the man in front of her, possibly and hopefully, forever.

“I—,” she started, dropping her gaze at their intertwined hands. It amazes her how her hands look so small compared to his and how it fits perfectly in his beautiful hands. “About Chile… I know that we’ve talked about it already when you called last time… I just want to ask again,” she looks up at him, “you’re okay with it, right? We’re okay?”

His eyebrows shot up before his hands reach up to her forehead, brushing away the creases that appeared on it. He smiles, “I’m fine. You know me, noona. As much as I want this jealousy to go down the drain as quickly as it rushes down on me,” he shakes his head, teeth biting the corner of his lips, “it just won’t. I know for the fact that you’re not doing me wrong. I know that. It’s just hard for me to swallow sometimes… almost all the time… having you but not having the chance to tell it to the world,” he said, sheepishly looking at her before looking down, “I’m sorry, I’m not mature enough to understand it yet. I should be but… I don’t know how to.”

It breaks her heart how fragile he sounds as he said these things. It has become an unfortunate occurrence in the later stage of their relationship that’s been cropping up every time she’s paired with some other guy, even if it’s unintentional. The most recent one was during SMA when NCT was assigned to sit next to them since it’s an obvious fact that they’re from the same company.

He was stoned-face, hands clenching when she took a few subtle glances at him because he was facing directly at their table. His pissed off expression even got caught in the camera. The public interpreting it as hot. He was but she knew why he’s looking like that. It continues while they’re seated together with their company juniors, only calming down a little when they briefly met backstage as their group prepares for their performance. They kissed, wishing each other luck. She even stole one last kiss for good measure, smiling when the corner of his lips shot up.

But then, he got upset again by the fact that their position during the photo ops didn’t go his way after reminding her many times before the event that it’s the only award show where they get to be together.

“We have to make it count, babe,” he said, pouting at her.

He was sulky the whole ride back to their place. It irked her how he’s being oversensitive about it because they can’t do anything about those things. She confronted him as they enter their place. “What is your problem, seriously?” she said, her voice sounding so loud as it echoes across the hall.

He momentarily stops in his tracks, “Nothing,” he said in a tired voice, not even bothering to look back at her before walking again and dropping his body in their couch, his eyes closing in the process.

If she had the time to abate his anger, she would have just let this one go, give him a breather so he’ll calm down and then talk about it tomorrow. But they’re not going to see each other for a week. She can’t have him feeling wronged and upset like this when she didn’t even do anything to warrant his cold attitude towards her. So, she moves towards him, dropping her bag in the nearby couch before stopping in front of the tired man.

As usual, BTS has performed like it’s going to be their last and it’s evident how the whole routine has taken a toll on their body when they trudge the stairs to hurriedly go backstage. She caught a glimpse of his sweaty face when they descended the stage, his eyes were midway to closing and his body was hunched as he walked. It’s like his body was already on pilot mode and might break down at any minute.

It made her worried and she would very much like to stand up and help her man but that can’t happen. Not when they have the whole audience eyeing their movement. Their eyes met for a second, his eyes reflecting the sadness that she’s also feeling every time they have to pretend that they don’t know each other before he looks the other way, brushing his messy hair as he walked past their table. Just so they won’t alert the public’s eye. Just so they can protect themselves and their relationship.

The twinge in her chest slowly spreads inside her as she too puts on her mask, looking away, swaying and lightly tapping the table to an unknown beat even when she’s aware of him. So full