-YERIN-

I sat at the edge of my bed putting my guitar  on my lap.  Today is Saturday and I don't have any plan to go out and silently wishing that my friends especially  the giraffe will be kind to leave me alone even just for today. 

I want to rest. All I want to do today is to play guitar until I don't feel my fingers anymore and just sing my heart out. I really love singing because this is my only and best way to express my feelings since I'm that kind of person that kept everything to myself. 

Actually there is one song that I really want to sing right now, but I am hesitating, I know how to play this song since I play it in school when my music teacher asks us to perform as our project. I didn't payd much attention to this song before, but when I heard it again in the radio this morning that's when I realized that the lyrics speaks everything that I want to say. 

I strum my guitar and close my eyes as I start singing... I know this song will show emotions that I used to hide from everyone .

When I was younger, 

I saw my daddy cried

And curse at the wind. 

He broke his own heart and I watched

As he tried to assemble it. 

my breathe became heavy as memories of the past flashing back into my mind. 

This is the reason why I hesitated to sing this song because it will brings back the emotions that I learned to locked in the deepest and darkest part of my heart. 

And again , I felt the pain in my heart as I remember that day - the day she left us. I saw how my father broke into pieces,  I saw how he cried his lungs out for the first time, I saw how he begged for her to stay - I was there' standing behind my poor father. 

I saw how he became a messed after that day . I heard him cried every night, I saw him drowning himself in alcohol, I noticed countless cuts in his wrist - in short ' I saw him suffered , but I kept my mouth shut even though I am suffering too. 

I am also crying everynight wishing that he won't cry again tommorow ,  I didn't  sleep at night, I also cuts my back whenever I saw new cut in his wrist, but he never noticed. 

He's with me but I don't feel him,  I still have him but I felt that I don't have anything left with me,  I lost my mother and it felt like I lost a father too . He's too messed up when she leaves us that he forgot that he still have me - that I'm still here. 

and my momma swore that she

Would never let herself forget, 

And that was the day that I promised

I never sing of LOVE

If it does not exist 

yeah she promised to me before she go that she would never forget about me but I just kept staring at her that time with tears flowing down my eyes,  she hugged me but I didn't reciprocate the hug,  I don't believed her

I don't know what I am feeling that time with my mother saying good-bye to me and my father kneeling behind her , it's too much for a young girl like me. 

For m