Title of the Story [4/5 points]

The punctuation and spelling is fine... but you got the grammar wrong. I know that there's only one sister, but it should be Sisters not sister since there's brothers and gangs. -1 point

Poster and Background [4/5 points]

Honestly, I really disliked the way the title was cluttered together closely like that. I also wished that Niel, Jennifer and Myungsoo were blended in together more. Maybe that's too much to ask? >< Anyways, kudos to the graphic artist, it's pretty cute and decent. Fits the genre of the story alot.

Foreword [2/10 points]

The description is used for author notes and credits. Please take note of that.

Many grammar and spelling mistakes. Message me and ask if you wish to find out.

Originality [2/10 points]
I'm pretty sure I've seen a Super Junior story with the exact same plot. The only difference is that Jennifer has four brothers while in the other story, the girl has two (Leeteuk and Heechul). 

If they are such a close and loving family, why did all of them join different gangs that are rivals?

Sorry to say this, even though Teen Top and Infinite are my top groups, they are idiots in this story. 

Plot, How your story goes [8/25 points]

She has brothers in different gangs. Then she meets two guys from seperate gangs and falls in love. Sigh. "Why is it so hard to pick?!" *pulls hair* That was Jennifer, by the way. I understand how much of a I'm being, but this is who I am, the y reviewer. 

Did I mention that I have a thing for cliché plots? Pfft. Totally.

Spelling, Grammar and Vocabulary [4/15 points]

You said English was your first language? 

If it is, seriously, you lack alot. 

And this is coming from a thirteen year old. 

I'm not going to point out what's right and what's wrong, but the usual stuff that irks not only me, but others as well.

 

Which girl was obsessed with Teen Top and blah blah blah

You know, I would be chilling if it wasn't for that blah blah blah. Couldn't you just mention a simple 'and other nosense' or 'whatever other crap' since she was supposed to be annoyed? You just had to pick blah blah blah. 

 

Ooofff

I don't think you realize how annoying that ooofff is. Just type a simple Oof! instead of ooofff. Readers may get different ideas. For example; When BFF becomes BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Did that sound like somebody farted to you?

 

"What was that ing for?"

“Aish! She’s ugly like .I tell you.She’s also damn y.You know that?She also went to hit on Ricky too.”I said

“Well,no but that would make me a bigger .They would get me when I’m alone. Duh!”

“Yah! You ! How dare you send notes to MY L.Joe oppa?”

“Nothing,we were just teaching this  a lesson for sending you a note.”

 off Minjung! Did the freakin’ note hurt you no.Now  off.”

“Did you not hear? L.Joe asked you guys to  off.So  off!” 

 

Cuss words curtesy of chapter one and two.

I giggle a little when characters in fanfics cuss, honestly. But this? the cuss words were over-used. It's all , , , etc. When's the proper grammar coming?

 

Characterization [2/10 points]

Sorry. I really dispise all the characters here.

Even though I love Infinite and Teen Top, your characterization ruined them for me.

 

Ending [-/10 points]

No ending.

Total: [27/100 points]

I know that you'll most probably go over sobbing to your readers, so I want to take my time to apologize.

You have the potential to be an amazing writer, really. But your  grammar and characterization is most probably your biggest enemy, currently.

If you really want to improve your vocab, the book I suggested is great help. You can use more smart- words such as asinine, nonchalant and what not. I'm pretty sure gangsters are supposed to use words like that, so the book will help out alot. Here are some tutorials that are recommended.

~ For grammar; Tutorial

~  Basic; Tutorial one, Tutorial two

~ Instead of using AFF's Check Spelling, you can use grammarly.

 

I've subscribed to your story and I hope to see your progress. I also hope that this review helped. 

 

 

-sarxkyu-