Btw: A Courrone is a "crown" shaped danish. I ate one for breakfast a little while back and was suddenly inspired~!

Cameras flashed as I paused to take a deep breath. This was the most intense moment of my life, coming out. Who would've thought? It was easier saying it to my bathroom mirror and even then I couldn't look myself in the eye. uality. Something that shouldn't ever be an issue. Love does not harm, it comforts and soothes. But people made it out to be harmful, as if we were animals craving nothing more than a body. uality was deeper than skin. It was deeper than the flesh of another man, it was their heart, their personality. The way you could feel so comfortable and most-like yourself. 

The way another person understood your pain.

And yet, here I was facing all of those people that saw my love as disgusting. My desire to connect to another human being on an emotional level as vile. I didn't understand it, but I sure as hell felt it. The questions came one-by-one and I answered them in a single sentence.

Are you obsessed with Chef Lee Hyukjae?

No, we are working together on the portfolio that was previously announced. 

Is Chef Lee Hyukjae in love with you?

No, I can assure you he is straight and in love with a woman.

Are you in love with Chef Lee Hyukjae?

Again, I paused. What could I say? Quick on my feet, a response flew from my lips.

No, the only thing I'm interested in is my work and releasing a piece that can inspire our younger generation to become chefs themselves. The portfolio is an insight to one of the greatest chefs of our time and I hope you can see the hardwork and dedication that was put into it and hopefully, end up supporting Enrich Magazine and Le Petit. Thank you.

I stepped away from the mic, my heart racing with every milisecond that passed. I was silently praying that my misdirection of the question would end their curiosity and this conference. Maybe in two weeks it would blow over. I'd be back in Enrich working on another article or a well-deserved vacation in Italy, test-tasting some of the dishes in Milan or Florence. 

"You did great, Hae. Breathe."

I gasped, not aware that I had been holding my breath the entire time. I bent over slightly, taking in deep breaths as Chaerin rubbed soothing circles into my back. 

"It's over, Hae. Let's go home."

I nodded and watched as Kyuhyun wrapped up the conference. We all walked off as questions were still being thrown at us in the background. I chose to ignore all of them. I felt drained. All this time I had put up such a disguise, a happy-go-lucky straight boy from the countryside and now I had to find who I truly was. Now, I was finally becoming myself. 

"Can I speak with Donghae for a second?"

Chaerin nodded and I followed quietly as Hyukjae walked to a more quiet area. 

"Y-you were brave." He stuttered out and I awkwardly agreed. Would he see me differently knowing that I was gay? 

"I wish I could be more courageous." He whispered, more to himself than me. Just as I was about to ask him what he meant by that, he patted me on the shoulder and walked off. A part of me wanted to follow, to always follow him, but I had to change. I gave so much time to being something I wasn't, to pretending and that had to end. I had to be the Donghae, everyone close to me truly knew.

"So what did he say?" Chaerin spoke behind my ear and I jumped up slightly frightened. She stood tall with her arms crossed, her eyes following Hyukjae's disappearance. 

"He just said I was brave." I didn't tell her the second half. I didn't want to lead either of us on, trying to interpret something that was probably meant for Yuri. Hyukjae wasn't brave enough to properly pursue her and she got caught up with other guys. The same way I hid behind a facade. We both had things we needed to come to terms with, my lifestyle was mine.

Chaerin side-eyed me, but left it alone. I knew that she knew what was going on, but didn't press the matter further which I definitely appreciated. Feelings were great when reciprocated, otherwise it stung like a . 

We hurried back into the van awaiting us, noticing that neither Hyukjae nor Kyuhyun were present. It was odd how quickly they vanished, but it was for the best. I had to finish the portfolio, publish it and move on with my career. This ending of ours was more than enough.

"So you're not going after him?"

I sighed, buckling in my seatbelt. "No, its better that way." I stared solemnly out the window. I was half right and half-assing what I was saying. Something pulled me towards Hyukjae, but right now my pride was pulling me back. I couldn't keep this fairytale up, he admitted himself how he felt about Yuri. That bold statement, I can never forget it. 

"Well let's get back fast then. I'll go over the draft again, send me what you have and we'll decide from there."

I nodded quickly in agreement. I didn't have much else to say. What could I say? 

As we arrived back at Chaerin's house, I noticed that the paparazzi was pretty much gone. The house looked more empty than before and I took a deep breath indulging in the silence.

"Are you going to come in or go home?" 

I shook my head. "I'll go home, I think I'm due for a rest."

She yawned, stretching her arms and unbuckling her seatbelt. "Same here. I'll see you tomorrow at work, 8 am sharp."

"Okay." She exited the vehicle, waving and walking off to her home. I instructed the driver on my address and leaned back in the seat, taking it all in. I never expected to out myself which in a way, I found hysterical. I was ready to love Hyukjae, but I couldn't even admit I was gay to the public? What did I expect him to do with me? Hide in his house for the rest of my life and pray no one ever found out? Now that I was taking the time to really see through all the nonsense I inspired, it was a slap to my face. 

I was ready to ruin another person's life without any regards to how he'd feel, just so I could love him. I'd force him into a lie just so I could be happy. I didn't think this through and Chaerin was right. She had told me before that I tend to act without regards to the other people involved; I was selfish and not in a good way. 

As the van pulled up in front of my apartment, I thanked the driver. I unbuckled my seatbelt and exited, closing the door solemnly. This was supposed to be a greater chapter in my life, a chapter of growth without excuses. Yet why did I feel so ashamed? 

I walked towards my doorstep, each step heavier than the last. I had so much learning to go through and even now I felt as if I knew nothing. The portoflio was the furthest thing from my mind. I took out my keys, turning it into the lock and stepped inside, closing the door behind me. I tossed my keys onto the small table by my entrance and slid onto the floor. My legs unable to take me any further. My head fell into my hands as tears poured from my eyes, my body wracked with sobs. 

Did I even know love? What if Hyukjae were actually gay, what if I had outed him by accident and simultaneously ruined his career as well? The shame spilled from my body. Yuri was right, I was a nobody who's ego got too big from working with one of the top chefs of the century. A man who's eyes were too big for his stomach. I curled into myself, my thoughts corroding my brain with negativity. The press conference put so many things into perspective that I wasn't ready for and I felt the brunt of everything. 

I waltzed onto the stage confident as if I were making some life-changing statement, when all I did was put everyone around me in a difficult position. Enrich could've been destroyed, Hyukjae's reputation, even Kyuhyun would've been affected in some shape or form just for knowing me. So many could have been hurt and I didn't think twice to speak. 

As I sat there, the sobs faded. Left behind were tiny gasps and sniffles. I wiped at my eyes frantically, trying to remove any remainder of sadness but the damage was done. I was hurting more than before, and most of all I felt burnt inside. The invisible crown I wore atop my head, shifted to the side in my mind. 

"He that hath no cross, deserves no crown."

-Francis Quarles