When I awoke in the morning, Kyuhyun and Hyukjae were eating breakfast in the kitchen. Chaerin had sat on one of the stools by the counter with a steaming cup of coffee. 

"Bout time you woke up, sleepyhead." Chaerin cooed. 

I ran my fingers through my hair, shedding away what tiredness remained and perked up upon seeing Kyuhyun in a blue and white apron that said Kiss the Kyu embroidered on it. 

"What did I miss?"

"Well, it's 7 am. The conference starts in approximately one hour. So we have 10 minutes till we need to head out." 

I sighed, reaching for the buttered toast Kyuhyun had placed before me. I took a bite, savoring the flavor when Hyukjae looked on proudly. 

"It's spiced butter and brioche toast. My recipe." He boasted and Kyuhyun scoffed, tossing the spatula to Hyukjae who scowled. 

"Enough of you. Have you prepared your speech, Hae?" Kyuhyun asked and it hit me that I would even need to speak. I figured between Chaerin and Hyukjae, everything would be handled. After all, speeches were not my thing. Sometimes I could barely speak proper English to Chaerin. I was fluent and still felt like a fumbling . 

"Uh...speech? Chae?"

"He doesn't 'do' speeches." Chae mumbled through the toast she was also munching on, acccompanied by air quotation marks while also rolling her eyes. She was a sarcastic one.

"Hae, you're directly involved. If anything, the article is entirely about you. I can only see one solution."

Panicked, I shoved the toast into Kyuhyun's mouth and ran off to shower. Unfortunately, Dara never stopped by to drop clothes off for me. Only Chaerin, who was given a simple pair of black trousers and a black jacket, with a plain white blouse accompanied with pearls. Which meant I had to borrow clothes from Kyuhyun. 

I soaked myself off in the shower, tears flickering in my eyes. I was terrified, not as scared as I had been hours before but still very scared. I knew what I had to do, Kyuhyun was absolutely right. It just didn't make the choice any easier. When I exited the shower, I wrapped a white towel around my waist. I walked to the door, opened it and went into the bedroom. Steam following me closely behind.

"Gosh you take forever, what were you doing? monologing?" 

I screeched, the towel slipping from my hands.

"Oh my. If I didn't have Siwon..." 

I yelled even louder, grabbing the towel and running back into the bathroom. I locked the door behind me. 

"I was just dropping off some clothes for you, Hae. Don't be shy~"

"What did you do now?" 

I could hear Hyukjae's voice through the door and felt instantly relieved. Kyuhyun may have been married, but I was on his radar in the past. 

"Pfft. You're always blaming me. Why don't you take responsibility for your actions too?" 

I angled my body so that my ear was flush against the door. 

"This tale again? I told you to drop it."

"Why do you keep going after what you don't really want? I saw the way you looked-"

"You saw nothing. Yuri and I--"

"Yuri and herself have been great together." Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and sat down on the edge of the bed, one leg folded over the other. He dug into his shirt pocket, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter. He placed the cigarette into his mouth and lit the end. He took a pull then exhaled, the smell mingling in the air. 

"You still smoke? I figured Siwon would have stopped you."

Kyuhyun scoffed. "I smoke to deal with stress, you avoid it. Think of him too. You're not the only one that loses out. I guess that's what you and Yuri have in common; selfishness." 

Footsteps and then a loud thud. I jumped from the door in shock. What did I just hear?

"You two knock it off!" 

I gently opened the door, the towel firmly wrapped and gasped in shock. Kyuhyun was on the floor with a bruised lip. The cigarette still burning on the carpet. Hyukjae stood over him, his eyes wild with anger and snuffed out the cigarette. I was completely floored. 

"What did you do!" I ran beside Kyuhyun, picking him up and inspecting the cut on the side of his mouth. Chaerin on cue ran inside, fury written all over her face. 

"We have a conference in 45 minutes!" 

Chaerin helped me to pick Kyuhyun up and place him on the bed. He winced as I touched the wound. 

"Jae, you've still got one hell of an arm." He joked and I punched his arm playfully. "Ow! I'm already hurt!" 

I looked behind me to find that Hyukjae had left the room. Chaerin sighed and reached into her purse, grabbing her makeup kit. 

"Boys will be a mess." She patted his face with some kind of white powder and spritzed over the area. I wasn't sure what the heck it was, but suddenly the wound was covered. "That should hold, at least long enough to finish the conference. When we get there I'll add more concealer. And Hae?" She called.

"Yes?"

"Get dressed and then go talk to Hyukjae. We leave in 3 minutes."

I grabbed the clothes Kyuhyun had laid out for me and ran to the bathroom. As I began getting dressed I realized how tight the clothes were! Damn you Kyuhyun! I exited the bathroom, saying every curse in existence. 

"Wow." Chaerin smirked at me as I exited the bathroom. "I didn't know you had all of that under those baggy grandpa clothes." 

"Screw you." I growled, glaring at Kyuhyun who was now checking himself in the mirror above the dresser. He turned around, catching my figure in the reflection of the glass and smiled, wincing again as the pain hadn't subsided. 

"If I weren't married..." he began then smiled quietly to himself. "I'd still end up with Siwon. You are delicious, I'll admit that and certainly, Siwon would agree. He's into cute faces." He spoke as he made a signal referring to himself. 

I grimaced. I still hadn't officially met Siwon, although if he was anything like Kyuhyun with his ego, I'd rather not. 

"Where's Hyukjae?" I asked. Kyuhyun remained silent and Chaerin shook her head. 

"He bolted out of here. I don't know if he smokes, but the way he left requires either a cigarette or a drink. Take your pick."

I reflected back on the conversations we had. Smoking definitely wasn't an option. Being a chef was a high-profile job and very stressful, but the way he reacted towards Kyuhyun showed otherwise. He did not smoke. Drinking? It had to be. Those who don't smoke, drink to the occasion. In this case, drank away their sorrows. 

"I'll be back." I expressed, running out the door before peeking my head back in. "Where's the nearest bar?"

"Two blocks left." Kyuhyun replied, "and also, it's our favorite bar. The idiot will be there." 

I nodded and closed the door behind me. What made Hyukjae so upset? The comment about Yuri? He should know his friend's temperament. I doubt he meant anything offensive, but then anything I didn't know the guy. I barely knew Hyukjae and personally, that upset me more. There was so much to him and yet it was all wrapped up in a tight bow. I didn't have to be his lover, I knew my place. But at the very least, a friend. I hadn't met someone so passionate about food and to top it off, he was a chef! The ideas I had floating in my head, I could help him out. I could be his sidekick, his friend, his--

I pushed the door open to the bar and immediately spotted Hyukjae sitting closest to the bartender, a shot glass kicked back as he asked for another. 

"Hyuk?" I called gently. I didn't want to stir him up more than he was, but we really had a conference to get to. 

"They sent you?" He questioned, kicking back another shot and I winced at the clang it made against the table. 

"We have a conference."

"I know." He said and tossed a $20 bill on the table. "Keep the change."

He followed me out silently and I felt the anxiety bubbling in my gut again. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

I knew it wasn't my place to question anything, hell I didn't have the right but my curiousity wouldn't die down. 

"You overheard didn't you?" 

I remained silent. 

"Yuri and I aren't dating. We never were. I made futile attempts, but there was always another guy she fancied. Always someone else. I adored her. She's steadfast, sharp and most of all she was there for me when I was going through so many changes. She stood by my side, encouraging me to push forward. I would've never opened a restaurant without her support."

Tears prickled at my eyes. So this was what heartbreak felt like? true heartbreak. Knowing and feeling and seeing that the person you want is desperately in love with another. My speed slowed down, I trailed behind him. I was making a fool out of myself. Always trailing after some guy that never wanted me. Always getting heartbroken after putting too much effort. Always wasting time on the person that was never meant for me. 

I stopped walking, he grew further and further away as my vision blurred. We remained like this the entire walk back. 

"Finally, you guys made it! Let's go!" Chaerin called out.

We jumped into the car, Kyuhyun front seat and Hyukjae in the back. I stared out the window, wiping away the remanants of my tears. God it hurt. The gnawing in my chest began to burn. I could feel Chaerin's eyes on me but she knew better than to ask me anything. I wanted to get this conference over with and then take a vacation. I was beyond due for one. I could have Chaerin edit the remaining chapters, publish it and be done with it all. I needed space. 

As we arrived, the paparazzi circled around us like vultures. Snapping photos with bright lights, I followed behind the group by covering my eyes from the blinding lights. 

As we lined up to speak at the podium, I could feel my heart bursting against my eardrums. This was it, hopefully this would end the madness. But at the moment I watched Hyukjae rise up to the podium, I couldn't hear anything anymore. Deafening silence. He announced the restaurant's re-opening, the new menu and then ended it with a reveal of the book he was writing and when everyone could expect its release: early December. 

Kyuhyun went next, he didn't have much to say but it was a way to throw the media off-guard with his remarks. Then came Chaerin who publicly announced our portfolio, the vague details of it and then she introduced me: the star of it all. 

I stepped forward, the smile leaving my face as the cameras snapped twice as fast and the questions blurred all into one: Are you gay?

At this moment, I had 3...maybe 3 people on my side. But I had 100 enemies watching my every move. This wasn't Sparta, and I didn't have 300 men but I had one final move that would make this endgame. If I retracted, I could never mention it again. I'd live the rest of my life in secret. But if I said it, eventually, sooner than later maybe someday or currently if I became nobody again, it wouldn't matter. I'd be out. Even now, who would care? My career was there, but still nonexistent. No one cared about me before Hyukjae and--I looked at him one more time. Yearning kept me from breathing and I wasn't someone who always held back. I was stronger than this in the past. I had a fiestier personality than Chaerin at one point and I gave it all to my secret. 

So now it wouldn't be a secret anymore. And the sociable Donghae they knew...would change.

"I'm Lee Donghae and I'm gay."