Mark and donghyuck grow up so much their 2018 duet is making me cry :””

That’s it. That’s the note. Love you all ❤

~~~

Ed Sheeran – Kiss Me

~~~

All Mark could see was Haechan, standing a few feet in front of him.

His smile is so bright. He just looked so happy. 

Mark saw Haechan waved his hand but Haechan was not looking at him. Frowned, Mark turns his head to look at who he was waving to and his heart dropped. No, no. 

Mark tried to stop Haechan from walking but as if he didn’t see him, Haechan just run past him and into Yukhei’s embrace. No. This can’t be happening. 

He then tried calling him. “Haechan-ah!!” but like before, as if he didn’t hear anything, Haechan just turned his body and started to walk away with Yukhei. They were smiling to each other. 

Mark chases them, he grabs Haechan’s hand as he gets close enough with him. The two stopped walking, he could see that Haechan had his head down, Mark couldn’t make out his expression. He wanted to ask Yukhei what was happening but as he looked in his direction, Yukhei was not there. He disappeared. Mark looked around but there was no sign of him, as if he was never there. He turned to look at Haechan again, his face still pointed downwards but now he had one of his hands, the one that’s not in Mark’s, covering his face. 

Haechan’s shoulders started to shake a little, Mark could hear sobs coming out of him. He could feel the hand that he was holding clenching. He let it go and he tried calling him again.

“Haechan-ah?” he cupped Haechan’s face and raised it. He never saw Haechan like this. He just looks so broken. His face is just full of tears, he looked like he was in so much pain. Mark felt his heart throbbed at the sight, he felt like crying too. 

“Don’t cry Haechan-ah.. please.. don’t cry.” Mark wiped the tears off his cheeks.

Haechan shakes his head and takes a step back. 

“It hurts, hyung” he said with a sob.

“What hurts? Who hurt you?” Mark tried taking a step closer to him but Haechan just takes a step back again.

Haechan looked into his eyes then, “You.”

Mark opened his eyes and he’s welcomed by darkness. He could still feel the tight feeling in his chest, his breath felt heavy. He tried taking a long breath and rubs his face. Then he sits up on his bed and runs his hand through his hair. What kind of dream is that? He asks himself.

He just had so many thoughts after the talk he had with his mom that night and he just felt so bad. Why didn’t he notice it all before? How could he even doubt Haechan’s feelings for him? 

“Don’t question my feelings hyung. I know what I felt.-” 

No wonder he looked so hurt that day. 

Looking back, Mark remembered how Haechan was always there with him, how they did stupid things together, how he changed little by little beside him, and how happy he was whenever Haechan was around. His life is never boring since the day he met Haechan that day on his door many years ago.

Through all these years, Mark didn’t really know when he started to stop getting annoyed with Haechan and when he started to actually enjoy his company. But now that he’s not around him, he started to feel the effect on him. It’s their first time to not actually see nor speak at all to each other for days like this. They had their bad fights before where they didn’t talk to each other too, but even that didn’t happen for that long. And that times didn’t feel this.. bad.

This time it just feels different. And to think about it, they don’t actually fight, well the last time they spoke to each other it didn’t seem to be one, but he just didn’t have the guts to talk to him. He’s afraid that he would feel hurt again by just seeing his face like the last time. Haechan seemed to doesn’t have the will to do so too, as he didn’t hear anything from him either.

Maybe I’m right. Maybe he’s just so busy with Yukhei around him now that he didn’t even think about talking to me. 

But.. I missed him. I wanna see that smile again. 

I had to talk to him.

-----

Mark gathers his courage and goes to Haechan’s classroom the next morning, before the class starts.

But then as he gets close to his classroom, he saw Yukhei there, talking with Haechan in the hall, in front of his classroom.

Of course he’s with him. 

Mark turned his body right away. Call him a coward, but Mark just didn’t want to talk to him with Yukhei around. After that last ‘incident’ Mark didn’t know how he would act around the two, moreover when they’re together in school like this. He didn’t want to attract attention from their surroundings. 

Mark knows that everybody has been talking about what happened at the party, and what he just saw, just seemed to be confirming the existing rumor that was being thrown around the school for days now. 

I still need to talk to him though, Yukhei’s boyfriend or not. That doesn’t matter right now.

Mark tried again after the lunch break. The bell hasn’t rang yet, he tried going to Haechan’s classroom again and he’s lucky that there’s no Yukhei with him this time, just Jaemin, and they’re about to enter the classroom.

“Haechan-ah” he called.

Haechan turned his head to look at him “H-hyung?” he looks surprised.

“I’m going first.” Jaemin said to Haechan, then turned to Mark. “Bye hyung!”

Mark nodded at Jaemin with a small smile, and Jaemin smiled back at him before he left. He assumed that all of the dreamies know what happened at the party by now, and they know that the two didn’t talk after the party. Hell, usually they hang together almost everyday, of course they know something happened. 

He looked back at Haechan again.

“Why is your face like that?” Mark chuckled looking at the face Haechan’s making. He looked so tense.

“Uhm? Uh.. it’s nothing.” Haechan’s now looking down at the floor.

“Hey.” 

“Y-yeah?” Haechan raised his head again, meets his eyes for a brief second before looking away again.

“You’re free later after school?” Mark just wanted to make sure that Haechan doesn’t have a date or something with Yukhei later.

“Uhm.. I’m free after school, but I promised Jaemin that we’ll do our project later tonight. Why hyung?”

“Don’t worry, this won’t take a long time. Remember that café on the corner?”

“Uhm?” Haechan frowned.

“The one where I take cover from the rain before you came and save the day.” Mark said dramatically, trying to lighten up the mood and maybe make Haechan felt less tense. It worked.

“Oh. That. Yeah..” Haechan smiled a little. Mark could see that his confidence is coming back.

“I saved you that day, huh?” he continued.

“You know, I think I get the situation under control already, I thought I would just wait for the rain to stop. But yeah, you did came offering the umbrella so why not?” Mark shrugs.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” Haechan grinned then. “So. What about that café?”

“It actually looked kinda nice. I want to check it out. Wanna come?”

“Look at you. Asking for my help again. Just tell me that you don’t want to go there alone and looked stupid by yourself.” Haechan rolled his eyes, still grinning.

Mark really wants to wipe that smug look from his face right now. I can't believe this kid, really.. 

“You wanna come or not?” Mark ended up asking, didn’t want to feed Haechan’s ego any longer. 

“Hm..” Haechan made a face like he was thinking really hard while rubbing his chin. That’s it.

Mark ruffled his hair then, chuckled. “Meet me outside the gate after school okay?” then he left to his own class, just in time as the bell rings, but not before stealing a glance at Haechan who’s fixing his hair, trying to hold back a smile with a pout on his face. Seeing that, Mark didn’t know why but he just felt.. contented. He shakes his head, trying to get rid of the smile from his face. People were giving him weird looks as he passed by, looking at him smiling to himself.

-----

“So.. you’re not mad at me anymore?” Haechan asked as they sit on their table, waiting for their drinks.

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“Well, you told me not to come to that party and I still came anyway.. I thought you’re mad, and that’s why you’re not talking to me after that day.”

Mark frowned. So he thought I was mad at him? Because of that?

Haechan then continued quietly “Well I have my reasons to come to that party..”

Is it because of Yukhei? Mark couldn’t help but wonder in his head, he felt his heart clenched a little. No. We’re not talking about that now. 

“No, I’m not mad because of that.” Mark stopped. Wait. That would just lead to more questions. “Well. Actually, I’m not mad at all. I’ve just been busy.”

“Really hyung?”

“Yeah. So why don’t we just talk about something else?”

It’s been a long time since they really talked like this. Mark just felt so relieved to saw that bright smile again. He never knew he could admit it to himself that he really liked that smile. Like, really really liked it.

They just talk and talk about everything. Well except about that night and Yukhei. Mark is glad that Haechan never bring him up throughout their talk. He didn’t know how he would react if Haechan ever did that.

-----

Mark never felt this happy walking home from school. They were throwing jokes at each other and just laugh together. It’s just like that party never happened in the first place, like they just get back to how they used to, except now Mark just feels a bit different. He noticed that something happened inside him.

They are in front of Haechan’s house now, Haechan just told another joke and they’re laughing again, but this time Mark couldn’t stop himself from grabbing Haechan’s face and squeezed it. He’s just so cute. 

Haechan tried shaking his head, his hands on Mark’s, trying to pry Mark’s hands away, he moved his mouth, trying to protest but of course he couldn’t, with Mark’s hands still pressing on his cheeks. Mark glanced down at those moving lips for a second and regrets it. Now his head is full of thoughts he never knew existed in him before. 

He just feels his body leans closer. 

Haechan stopped moving then, but his hands are still on Marks, he’s grabbing them now.

Mark’s eyes now focused on that lips, it’s just getting closer and closer.

“Hey guys..”

Mark pulls his body back abruptly, surprised.

“I hate to break it down to you, maybe you guys weren’t aware about it but you guys are on the side of a road, which is not a problem for me, but you’re kinda in the way.. I’d rather be inside than standing here watching you guys faces out in the open, which is once again, not a problem for me.”

Mark knew this voice. Damn it.

Mark turned his head to look at this newcomer and there he is, Jaemin, standing in all his glory with a stupid grin on his face. “I’m really sorry for interrupting guys.” Jaemin faced Haechan then, with his hand in front of him. “Key?” he then asked.

Haechan didn’t say anything and just gave him the key.

“Thank you. I’ll be inside. Please, proceed.” He then winked at them before walking past them and into the house.

Mark looked back at Haechan. Well this is going to be awkward.

“You should go in now.” Mark said quickly.

“I should.” Haechan nodded, glancing at him for a brief second before turning his body and starts walking away. 

-----

Mark never realized how he adore Haechan before. Or when he started to notice the little things Haechan do. How he’s always positive about everything, how he’s always just so bright, the way his eyes would turn into crescent when he smiles, and that cute nose would scrunched a little when he laughs, that cute laugh, that sweet voice, that love shaped lips. He’s just so.. lovely. 

He admits that Haechan makes his heart skips a beat not only once, but so many times already. He thought it all just some spur of the moment thing, he never really think about it. But looking back at it now, Mark realized that he never think about anyone else the way he thinks about Haechan. How he just unconsciously smiled whenever he thinks about him. How he felt all giddy everytime their skin touches.

Haechan is not that little boy who followed Mark everywhere anymore, he’s all grown up now and Mark is a little late to notice this because they’re always together so he never really see the changes, but now when he takes time to really look at him, he has to admit that Haechan is beautiful. And try to think about it, he notices that those bright smiles starts to make his heart beats faster, he felt warm inside. Now everytime he sees that smile, he would like to run his hands through that soft looking hair, he wanted to caress that cute little face in his hands and maybe give him a kiss or two. 

Mark never knew he had it in him to even think about doing these things with Haechan. He never really thought about it before. But after that afternoon he almost did it, he can’t get the thoughts of it out of his head.

What am I thinking? He’s with Yukhei now. How could I even think of doing ‘that’. It’s not right.

I had to talk to him and get things straight. Ugh, it’ll be awkward.

-----

“Hey guys.” Mark tried going to the place where Haechan and his friends used to hang at lunch the next day. But then he noticed that Haechan is not with them. “Where’s Haechan?” those words just slipped out of his mouth.

“He’s with Yukhei hyung.” Jaemin answered. Mark turned and looked at Jaemin, who’s already looking at him with wiggled eyebrows. Ugh, this dumbo.

“Yes, Yukhei hyung came by earlier and took him away from us.” Chenle agreed, pouting.

Oh. Right. Mark just nodded at that. He tried keeping his face straight. 

I forgot about him.

“Okay then.. I.. have to go.” Mark said.

-----

He lied on his bed that night after a shower, just thinking, as usual. He was just so into his own thoughts that he didn’t hear the bell rings. He only snapped out of his thoughts when someone knocked on his bedroom door.

“Yeah?” he answered and then the door opened not long after that.

“Hyung..” 

Haechan?

“Haechan-ah?” He stands up from his bed, surprised. Well, he’s not expecting Haechan to come to his house today.

“Hi hyung.” He gave Mark a small smile, while walking into the room.

“Hi..?” Mark didn’t know what to say. He’s been wanting to meet Haechan this whole day but he didn’t expect this visit and he’s just still so flustered about what happened the last time they were together. It is save to say that his mind’s a mess right now. “Uhm.. so.. you met my mom on the way here?” Well that sounds kinda stupid. Of course he met mom. Who else was opening the door for him? “She asked about you all the time. She must be very happy to see you here again.” He added quickly.

Haechan smiled wider and nodded “Yeah! She squeezed me so hard I think I broke a few bones.” Haechan said playfully, then added. “I missed her.”

Mark chuckled a little at that. “Believe me she missed you too.” Mark didn’t know where he got all this sudden courage from but then he continued “I missed you too.”

He could see Haechan’s eyes widen after hearing what he just said.

“Anyways, why are you here?” Mark tried to change the subject.

“I.. uhm.. Jaemin said you were looking for me earlier? He said it’s important?” Haechan said quietly.

that dumbo. Mark thought. 

“Uhm? Uh.. yeah?”

Mark could see that Haechan was trying not to meet his eyes, he just fixed his eyes on the floor. 

“What is it hyung?” he asked.

“It’s.. nothing, actually. I just didn’t see you with your friends so I was curious about your whereabouts and I heard you were with Yukhei.” he doesn’t want to sound bitter but he did.

Haechan nodded. “Yukhei hyung confessed to me today.” He then said out of the blue.

Mark felt his heart stopped beating for a second there. 
Wait. So he just confessed now? I thought they were a thing already?

“Oh? I thought you guys are together already?”

“No, no. We’re not like that” Haechan shaked his head frantically and glanced at Mark before looking down again.

God, what’s he being so cute for? Mark tried holding back from patting his head. “So.. what did you say to him?”

“I..” Haechan started as he walked closer to Mark. “I told him no.”

“Why..?”

“Because I.. love someone else.” Haechan said as he raised his head and finally locked eyes with Mark, now standing in front of him. Mark could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

Looking at those eyes, there are so much things going on in Mark’s mind. Mark glanced down at those lips then looked up again at those eyes. Can I do that? Is that really okay now? He was talking about me, right? But.. what if- he cuts his own thoughts then, -ugh it.

He leans in and closes his eyes, one of his hand moves to Haechan’s back and stays there. He heard Haechan gasps as their lips touched. 

He did it. He finally did it. He kissed Haechan. Well, it’s just their lips barely touching but still. This makes him feel this weird feeling inside, but it’s a good feeling though. He wonders if he could go further but he has to make sure that Haechan didn’t mind about this first.

He put his hands on each side of Haechan’s face, pulled away a little while rubbing his cheeks, then opened his eyes again. 

Haechan is smiling, his eyes are still closed. Mark couldn’t help but smile too.

“Hey..” Mark whispered and Haechan opened his eyes, looking at him straight in the eyes with his sparkling ones.

Now that Mark recognizes his feelings, this all just feels.. right. The kiss feels right. Just Haechan’s presence near him feels right. 

But then Mark just had to look down at those lips again and he remembered why he pulled away in the first place. Those lips were just so soft and made him feel these weird pleasant feeling in his chest, Mark needed more of it. 

“Can I?” he asked quietly.

Haechan nodded almost immediately and that’s all Mark needed.

He leaned in again then, circling his hands around Haechan’s body, and this time Haechan put his arms around Mark’s shoulder, pulling them even closer to each other.

I could get used to this. Mark thought, smiling to himself.

-----

“So what made you change your mind hyung?”

They’re now laying on Mark’s bed, just enjoying each other’s warmth after the so-many-kissing-session they had, before they decided then that they need to stop to actually talk about things first. “I never changed it. I just finally made up my mind. I realized that you mean so much to me and as cliché as this sounded, I never want to live without you. Be it just as a friend or more than that, damn I wanted more, we are more than friends now, right?” Mark just felt so lightheaded right now he didn’t even think before he speak, the words just flowed out of his mouth. These feelings make him feel like he isn’t himself. He’s not surprised to saw Haechan raised his eyebrows at what he just said but he had a smile so bright on his face so Mark didn’t think that what he said was a mistake or something like that.

“Well yeah, obviously” Haechan chuckled.

Mark smiled at that, running his hand through Haechan’s hair. “But anyway, I just want to have you in my life. I don’t want to lose you.” Again. 

He pressed their foreheads together then, his hand on the back of Haechan’s head, caressing his hair, keeping him close.

“I’m sorry I took so long to say it but..” he leaned away just so he could looked into Haechan’s eyes properly and continued “I love you. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that. I didn’t realize that I always felt like this with you. But then I realized that I never feel like this with anyone else. It’s only you. I felt so stupid now, knowing that I was just afraid to admit it to myself. And hurt you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay hyung.. I was hurt, a little. But I know it’s hard for you to show your feelings. I understand that.” Haechan rubs his thumb on Mark’s cheek. “So.. now you’re ready to show your feelings to me hyung?”

“I’ll try.” Mark nodded. “I need to. I got a lot of troubles for not showing it all this time” he chuckled. “I even thought you’ve done with me and moved on to Yukhei or something.”

“No, hyung. I just thought that I had to act like nothing happened because I thought that would make you feel better. Like, I don’t want to make you feel bad for not returning my feelings and make everything awkward between us. I don’t want that. I don’t want you to keep a distance from me more than you already did. And about Yukhei hyung.. I just think about him as a really good friend. He’s really nice to me.”

“That’s why you wanted to go to that party so bad?” Mark tried asking with a teasing tone. No. I can’t be jealous right now. Control it Mark.

“Well I wanted to go to that party because.. I kinda wanted to keep my eyes on you. I didn’t want to let you go to that party alone and got.. you know, hooked or something with those senior girls I knew had been targeting you.”

Mark frowned. “Girls? What girls?”

“You don’t have to know about them hyung. The truth is, I know you won’t be interested in them but they’re so into you I’m just afraid they would do anything to maybe.. get close to you. It’s a party for god’s sake. And you would just let them do it.. you’re always like that.”

“Hey, says the one who left me and went to ‘dance’ with Yukhei.” Mark teased.

“Hyuung I didn’t mean to do that. Well.. you didn’t look so happy to see me there, well obviously, you didn’t want me to go there, I know, so I thought maybe staying away from you for a bit would be good. But then I kinda.. got carried away.”

Mark didn’t realize his expression changed until he heard Haechan stutters. “N-no! It’s not because I like Yukhei hyung. Trust me. I don’t have feelings for him hyung.” Haechan rubbed Mark’s forehead softly with his thumbs, trying to get rid of the frown on Mark’s face.

Mark chuckled at that. “Yeah, but he clearly had feelings for you.”

“I admit that was my bad. I didn’t act fast enough. But I pulled away from him as soon as I realized what happened. He said that he was sorry and that he got a little carried away because he was a bit drunk at that time. After that I tried looking for you but I couldn’t find you inside that packed house so I just went home. I tried calling you when I got home but your phone was off so I thought maybe you’re mad at me or something. But then you showed up in front of my house hours after that, drunk. What happened hyung?”

“Well it’s kinda stupid but I don’t really know what happened after.. you know.. I saw that.”

“You saw what happened?!”

He caressed Haechan's cheek. “Well, yeah.. Honestly that’s why I couldn’t talk to you after that party. It was hard for me to even looked at you. That was the first time I felt so.. hurt.” Beside seeing you die.

Haechan leaned closer and kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry hyung. I didn’t mean all that to happened.” 

“No, you don’t have to say sorry. I’m the one letting things went that way. Besides, it’s all in the past now. Let’s just think about the future from now on.” He smiled at Haechan, which he returns with such a bright one. That smile which never failed to make Mark’s heart beats faster. He leans closer to peck Haechan on the lips before pulling him closer, hugging him, as he puts a hand behind Haechan’s head, his fingers played with his hair.

“I’m so happy..” Haechan said, his voice muffled as he snuggled his face against Mark’s chest.

Mark could feel his heart swelled with so much affection right now, he just squeezed Haechan as hard as he can. Even holding him this close doesn’t feel enough for him.

In all that mess of thoughts and feelings Mark’s having that night, he remembered one thing.

Maybe I should say thank you to that dumbo called Jaemin after all.

~~~

Since when has it been? I can't remember..
When my head became dizzy with thoughts of you
Once or twice, these thoughts would pop up in my mind
I feel anxious as my heart opens more towards you

Is it love? If you feel the same way, is it the beginning?
My heart keeps saying it loves you
It yells until the whole world can hear
Why has it taken so long for me to hear it?
We've finally met, Love has found us right now

Eric Nam & Cheeze – Perhaps Love

~~~

Actually, I wanted to end this here but meh, I’ll just post one more chapter just for the sake of it ㅋㅋㅋ

Happy sunday people~! ^-^♡