~~~

Did the weather get crazy? Did my heart get crazy?
or did they both get crazy?
looking at you who's walking from there
I knew that my heart got crazy
I’m so excited since the weather is nice
but no, honestly, I'm like this because I like you

20 Years of Age – Crazy Weather

~~~

It’s a few days after Mark’s birthday, Haechan never brought up the talk again after that time at Mark’s house. He just accepted the fact that Mark liked Renjun.

Actually Haechan is not the type of person that can be brought down easily. No. In fact, he’s pretty confident with himself. But when it comes to Mark, he just felt.. helpless. He felt weak. Not that it’s a bad thing, but Mark just has that spot in his heart. He doesn’t want to lose him. And after all he’s been through with Mark, he knows that he didn’t want to push Mark. He just can’t. 

But talking about Renjun.. he noticed something weird lately. Renjun and Jeno looked a bit.. close. They were close before, but now they seem to be closer.

It was a normal ordinary morning that day, Haechan was walking through the hall with Jaemin after changing their uniforms for PE, Chenle and Jisung were not with them because they had different classes, when he saw two familiar figures walking not too far ahead of them.

Like what he thought lately, the two seemed a bit.. close. Real close. Kissing your friend’s ear lovingly is not considered normal, is it?

Their faces just full of smiles, it looks glowing. Okay. What is going on? Haechan thought. He glanced at Jaemin, but he didn’t seem to notice anything. Maybe it’s just me..?

-------

Haechan’s mom was working out of town again for a few days so the Dreamies decided to hang out and have a sleepover at Haechan’s house that night, just to keep him company.

Haechan didn’t know why his mom has to work on weekends too, but he knows that’s her job, that’s what keeping them afloat through all these years, and he knows how hard it is for his mom to raise a child on her own, so he’s not going to complain about it. Besides, now he and the dreamies are free to hang out in his house for the weekend.

They always watch movies when they’re hanging out together. It just became a thing. New movie everytime. Maybe sometimes they seem to be just a bunch of careless kids, watching a movie and laughs at it, but sometimes they like to talk about the characters in the movie and their stories of life, sometimes the talk just became so deep that it made them reflect on their own lives too, they’re learning. They just like watching movies together.

And that’s what they’re doing right now. After they’re tired of playing video games, they decided to watch some late night movies with blankets and snacks and pillows and a mattress, of course, in front of the tv.

Haechan is trying to keep a close eye at Renjun and Jeno. He wants to find out if it’s just him or is there really something going on between the two. So he sat at the back, at the couch to be exact, with Jaemin next to him and Mark next to Jaemin, while the others sat or splayed around on the mattress.

It was almost an hour into the movie when Jaemin moved down to join the others on the mattress, and just then Haechan saw movements on his two targets. Renjun had to shift to make room for Jaemin so he moved closer to Jeno, but then Haechan saw him rested his head on Jeno’s shoulder. And when Haechan tried to look closer, he could see that Jeno had his hand around Renjun’s body already.

He almost reflexively looked at Mark, who’s now sitting next to him on the couch. He can see that Mark’s eyes are on them too. 

Oh no.. he noticed that too, didn’t he? Is he okay?

He shifts closer to Mark so he could talk to him quietly.

“Hyung are you okay?” He whispered into Mark’s ear as soon as he got close enough to him.

Mark flinched a little, surprised by the sudden intrusion “Why wouldn’t I?” he asked, confused.

“Renjun and Jeno..” Haechan started slowly while pointing to the direction of the two, but then Mark chuckled “Oh, that” he said.

“Why are you laughing? I knew you were looking at them too earlier.” Haechan asked.

“I laughed because of you, checking up on me after you saw what that two were doing.” he laughed again. “Don’t worry, I knew about them” he said.

“What? But you said-”

“I never said anything, did I?”

“But-”

“You’re the one putting the words into my mouth.” Mark said, looking at him in the eyes, trying to hold back another laugh.

Haechan is speechless. So.. Mark hyung didn’t like Renjun hyung like that..?

“So you didn’t like him?” he has to confirm it.

“Well I like him, as a friend, because he’s the most bearable human being in this room. Not like ‘someone else’ who’s always get on my nerves everytime I see them.” Mark said while looking at him. Haechan can see that Mark tried to hold back a smile and he knew then.

He was talking about me huh?

“I will kiss you for that.” Haechan said playfully as he moved even closer to Mark, grabbing his shoulder.

“No you don’t” Mark said as he tried to get away from Haechan, laughing.

“Yes I do. Come here you-”

“What’s the ruckus about back there, kids?” Jaemin asked suddenly.

“Yeah, we’re watching a movie here if you don’t mind.” Jeno added.

Mark and Haechan get back to their previous position slowly. “Nothing.” Haechan said.

“Sorry” Mark added quietly.

When the attention is not on them anymore, Haechan tried to attack Mark again. Silently this time. But Mark is ready for this round and beats him to it.

It’s hard to focus on a movie when someone is putting their arms around your neck and try to choke the life out of your body you know.

But Haechan is not complaining though, as he gets to rest his head on Mark’s chest the whole time.

-----

“I’m hungry again!” Chenle shouted.

“Yeah me too” Jisung agreed.

“Do we have anything else to eat haechan-ah?” Jaemin asked.

“No..? You guys ate all the snacks already!”

“Aww but I’m hungryyy” Chenle whines.

Haechan sighed at that “Okay! I’ll go buy some more snacks then. Be right back!” he said as he grabbed some money and walked to the door.

“Wait, Haechan-ah!” he heard Mark calling him.

“Hm?” he’s done putting his shoes on and ready to walk out the door.

“I’m coming with you.”

“Uhm?” Haechan looked at Mark weirdly. He really wanted to go with me? He then realized he hasn’t given Mark a respond yet. “Oh.. okay..” he nodded.

“Is it okay if we just walk? It’s kinda nice out tonight. I wanna walk” Mark asked as they walked out the door, before Haechan could even go to get his bike.

“Okay.. we’ll just walk then.”

-----

“Waahh look at the stars hyung, it’s pretty!” Haechan said excitedly while looking up at the sky.

“Look where you were going!” Mark said as he pulled Haechan away from a pole. “Yeah.. That’s why I wanna walk instead of riding the bike.”

“Hmm.. it’s been so long since the last time I saw this many stars..” Haechan said, smiling to himself.

“Me too. Beautiful, right?” 

Haechan’s eyes meet Mark’s and he nodded, giving his best smile to the other.

Mark didn’t realize his heart skipped a beat at that.

They walk like that for a while, just enjoying the night sky view until their necks can’t take it anymore and they had to look down to give their necks some rest.

“So, hyung..” Haechan started. “You sure you didn’t like Renjun hyung in that way?”

“Nope, I just feel.. I don’t know.., comfortable around him because I think he’s a lot like me. We kind of have the same pace, you know? I don’t know how to say it. It just feels like.. he understands me.”

“I understand you.”

“Haha yeah.. I think you do too.” Mark smiled, ruffling Haechan’s hair. “It’s just that he’s.. like I said before, a lot like me” he looked at Haechan. Haechan has a confused face on and Mark couldn’t help but let out a little laugh at that.

“Hm..” Haechan’s still not sure. “are you sure you didn’t like him like that?”

“Oh god, yes! I’m sure. Why am I even telling you this” he said, while pushing Haechan’s body a little to the side playfully.

“I’m just worried about you..” Haechan said quietly as he shifted back closer to Mark.

“Don’t worry then! I’m one hundred percent sure about this, okay?” Mark said as he looked into Haechan’s eyes.

“Okay” Haechan nodded and smiled widely upon hearing that. But then the wind blows and Mark saw Haechan trembling a little. He just wore some thin sweater so no wonder he feels cold.

“I don’t know if it’ll be this cold!” Haechan laughed.

“Come here. Don’t walk too far.” Mark said as he pulled Haechan close by his waist. Haechan knew Mark was just trying to be nice, he’s always like that, or maybe he gets cold too, but either way, it makes Haechan’s heart goes crazy.

-----

When they get back to Haechan’s house, the others were already sleeping.

“Did we go that long?” Haechan asked as he put the groceries on the table. 

“I don’t know..?” Mark said as he put the ones in his hands on the table too. “Well we clearly can’t sleep here.” He said as he looked around.

The couch in front of the tv is occupied by Renjun and Jeno, the other three are sleeping on the mattress by the couch.

“Well.. guess we’ll just sleep in my room then.” . He then abruptly looked at Mark, not sure how he would react. He didn’t ask him first about this, the words just slipped out of his mouth.

“.. if you want to, hyung” he added quickly.

“Yeah, let’s just sleep in your room. I don’t want to get kicked out of the mattress in the middle of the night. Just look at them.” Mark said while pointing at the three bodies splayed out on the mattress. Mark then turned to him. "You won't kick me out right?" He chuckled.

Haechan let go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding. "Of course not hyung" he smiled nervously.

He then moved to take the groceries on the table. “Okay then.. I’ll put this in the kitchen first.” He said while shaking his hands, showing Mark his full-of-groceries hands.

“Okay.” Mark nodded.

-----

They were laying on Haechan’s bed, their back facing each other’s.

Haechan found it hard to sleep. Well it's not like it was their first time sharing a bed, they did it all the time when they were little. But since they got bigger, Mark was about to enter high school to be exact, one of them usually had to sleep on the mattress because the bed was not big enough for the both of them to slept comfortably anymore. Haechan was a bit glad about this arrangement because his heart was really not helping back then, he would be too nervous to sleep.

But right now the mattress is obviously out there and they had to sleep on the bed together. That was why Haechan was getting a bit anxious before, he was worried that Mark would feel uncomfortable with this situation. Well Mark said okay anyway but still, his own heart is not okay with this and here he is, lying on his side, trying hard to just sleep. But then he remembered that there’s this one thing that he wanted to say to Mark.

“Um.. hyung? Are you asleep yet?”

“No.. not yet. Why?”

“Hyung. I don’t want to sound weird or anything, but..”

Haechan turns his body to face Mark’s back. 

“Promise me that you’ll never leave me.. Okay. That sounds weird. I didn’t mean that you can’t leave me, you have your own life to live, I can’t control that, but what I mean is.. how do I say this..”

He heard Mark laughs as he turned his body to face Haechan.

“There, there, it’s okay, I understand.” He said, meeting Haechan’s eyes, smiling “Okay, I promise you.” 

“Really hyung?” Haechan didn’t think Mark would answer so easily like that.

Mark nodded his head, smile still intact.

Haechan smiled at that too.

“Okay! Thank you, hyung.” They stayed like that, just smiling at each other until Haechan decided to speak again before everything turns awkward. “Then.. night, hyung.” Haechan said and closed his eyes. But Mark could still see the smile on his face.

“Good night Haechan-ah”

They fall asleep like that, still facing each other.

-------

Haechan noticed that Mark is more.. tolerant with him these past few weeks. He didn’t really mind Haechan getting close and initiated touches with him anymore. Maybe after all these years he finally getting used to me being clingy with him. Haechan thought. 

He has think this through, and although he said that he’s afraid to lose Mark, Mark had promised him that he won’t leave him so.. he decided to just tell Mark how he felt about him. 

At first he thought it was just a crush. But who is he kidding? He always think about Mark. He always wanted to be with Mark. He’s super happy when Mark’s around.

I don’t know where this would go but I just had to tell him before he graduates and get into the uni. Haechan knew Mark was planning on going to the university at another city. So it’s now or never.

-----

“I need to tell you something hyung.” Haechan said as he sit in front of Mark on the bed.

“I don’t know when this all started but..” He leaned in and kissed Mark briefly. On the lips this time.

Mark is surprised by the sudden contact, it just felt so.. soft.

Haechan pulls away and continues “Hyung.. I think I’m in love with you.” Haechan said, smiling nervously as he meet Mark’s eyes.

Mark’s mind is still blurry from the kiss earlier. He had a hard time processing any information right now. What? He tried to replay what Haechan just said in his head.

Haechan had asked him this morning if he can come to his house that night. It’s weird, Haechan never really asked him before he come, not since that first time when they were still in elementary school. Usually he just came, like he owned the house. So Mark’s a bit weirded out by that, but this, this is not what he expected to happen. 

He didn’t know what to do. Or what to think.  Haechan just kissed him. On the lips. 

-----

Mark started avoiding Haechan after that. He always find a reason to get away everytime Haechan asked him to go home together, or everytime Haechan greets him when he met him.

He didn’t know how to feel about Haechan’s confession. He didn’t know how to act normal around him, to act like nothing happened between them. He still doesn’t get it. Was he serious? He loves me? Love is.. a big word. He always said that he liked me since we were little, but I thought he was just saying that because he wanted to be friends with me? Maybe this time he get this all wrong? Mark thought. It felt weird.

It’s a few days after Haechan confessed to him. He’s still avoiding him as best as he can. 

He met him at school that day. “Mark hyung~” Haechan try to greet him, as usual, but he just put on a little smile, wave a little and get away from him. 

Way to make it not obvious, Mark. He told himself. He felt sorry to Haechan for doing all this, but he just didn’t know how to face him. He hasn’t really thought about what he was going to say to Haechan. And Haechan didn’t seem to push him to give him an answer either. So..

“Hey Mark.” He heard someone greets him and he snapped out of his thoughts. He turned his head to look at who’s calling him. Yukhei?

“Uhm.. hey..?” Mark is confused. He knew Yukhei. He’s a senior too, but they’re not that close to actually greet each other like this. Yukhei is that tall-handsome-athletic-loved by everybody kind of boy. Mark is.. Mark.

“Your boyfriend? I saw him around you a lot.” He asked as he tipped his head towards the direction of where Haechan was, smiling.

“No..?” Why is he asking that?

“Thank god. What’s his name?” 

Thank god? Why? “Haechan..?”

“Ooh.. Haechan. He’s cute.” He talked to himself while looking down, still smiling. He looks up and meets Mark’s eyes again. “Thanks man, gotta go.” 

What?

-----

It’s almost a week after Haechan confessed. Mark saw Yukhei around Haechan lately. They talked, like they knew each other for years. Yukhei even put his arm around Haechan’s shoulder sometimes. And they laugh. Like. A lot.

How did they get so close like that? Mark wonders.

-----

It’s a week after Haechan confessed.

Haechan catches him when he was about to get out of the school gates after school ended. 

“Hyung!” he’s on his bike, as usual. “Let’s go home together!”

“Uhm.. go ahead.. I just feel like walking home.” He said, trying not to meet Haechan’s eyes.

“Hyung.” Haechan called him with a serious tone.

“Uhm?” Mark still avoid his eyes.

“Is it about what I said that day? I noticed you’ve been avoiding me since then.”

He meets Haechan’s eyes for a brief second before diverts it again. “No.. it’s not that..”

“Then what did I do wrong? Why are you avoiding me?”

Mark doesn’t really know what to say. He didn’t know how to say it to Haechan. He still has no answer for him. 

Haechan seems to notice that Mark won’t be saying anything to answer him, so he asked again.

“It is because of that right? Because I confessed to you?”

“You didn’t know what you’re talking about, Haechan. You didn’t love me. Maybe you got it all wrong?”

“Don’t question my feelings hyung. I know what I felt. You are the one that was too afraid to accept it. If you don’t like me that way you could just say it. I’ll be okay.. eventually. I’m still okay after all this time anyway.”

All this time? What is he talking about? Mark asked himself.

“No, try to think through about it Haechan. You didn’t love ‘love’ me right?”

Haechan had enough of this talk. This won’t work. Mark just couldn’t understand how he felt. “I know what I want hyung, I know my feelings. Try to ask yours.” Then he left.

Mark takes his time walking home after that. He has so many thoughts in his mind. The walk home felt very cold that day.

-----

As soon as he stepped his feet inside the house, he heard his mom calling him.

“Mark! Come quick, we have to go to the hospital!” Mark didn’t have the time to ask anything as his mom already pulling his hand to get him out of the house again. He’s confused. Who got into the hospital? Why his mom looked very uneasy and worried? 

Did something happened to dad?

“Mom..” he tried to call his mom when they’re in the car, driving to the hospital. But she stayed silent. Just as he was about to ask why they’re going to the hospital, his mom said “Haechan got hit by a car, Mark. His mom called me and she thought he can’t make it. We have to hurry, she’s all alone there.”

Mark can’t believe what he just heard. Is this all real? What is happening? He asked himself. He stayed silent until they get to the hospital, still trying to process what was happening. 

He felt this uneasy feeling in his chest as they walk into the hospital. He remember what Haechan told him before he left him minutes ago. 

"I know what I want hyung, I know my feelings. Try to ask yours."

He felt his heart clenched at the thought of that voice.

When they meet Haechan’s mom, she was squatting down on the floor, her back leaned on the wall behind her and she has her face up, staring at the ceiling. 

When she noticed them coming, she stands up abruptly and start walking towards them. As she gets closer Mark noticed that she was not in a good condition. Her work suit is messy, wrinkles everywhere, her hair is messy, her eyes bloodshot red from too much crying, and he can feel her body trembling as she hugged Mark and his mom when she get to them. 

Then she whispered with choked breath “He didn’t make it.”

Mark can’t feel or hear anything. He just know that he’s now kneeling on the floor when he looked down, his hands clenched tight. He can’t think of anything else, there’s only one thing in his mind right now, the familiar voice saying it over and over.

“Hyung.. I think I’m in love with you.”

~~~

Feels like our time has stopped
Does there anything that last forever in this world?

They say you only know how good it was once it’s gone
I didn’t understand that till I lost something

Whispered promises all night
I hope you remember that day

iKON – Don’t Forget

~~~

So.. there. That’s the story people. :)

No. It's not completed yet. I can't stand sad endings, so.. :")