~~~

Meghan Trainor – Just a Friend to You

~~~

Mark notices the changes in Haechan as he entered high school. He loss his baby fat, his body looked leaner. His smile looks even more glowing than ever. He seems different. He looked.. cute, almost. But Mark never wanted to admit that to him. Ever. He didn’t need the extra confidence boost. Mark thought.

But what Mark didn’t know is, he’s not the only one noticing these changes.

-----

Mark just finished his homework when he heard his door opened. It’s pretty late, who would come to his room at this hour? He wonder.

Haechan’s head peeked from behind the door. Well, isn’t that surprising? He rolled his eyes.

What’s he doing here this late at night? Nobody knows. He usually just came like this without telling Mark and asked him to play, sometimes they’d watch a movie, or sometimes they’d just talk. Well, usually Haechan did most of the talking, but it was fun nonetheless because he always find something funny to tell him. And Mark maybe, just maybe, enjoys and always waits for times like these because it would distract him from any stressful thoughts he had in his mind. 

And Mark had a lot of them.

Plus, it’s Saturday tomorrow so he got nothing to complain about staying up late because of Haechan.

“Hello hyung~” Haechan said as he walked into the room. He sits on Mark’s bed, facing him who’s still on his desk, and just stare at him with a smile on his face.

Mark would be lying if he said that he didn’t expect the kiss Haechan usually gave him. He just gets so used to it. But it looks like that won’t happen tonight seeing how Haechan just went straight to sit on his bed and just stare at him with that weird smile on his face. Did he forget about that? Mark couldn’t help but ask himself.

“What are you doing?” Haechan finally speaks again.

“I was just finishing my homework”

“What? But it’s Friday night. Who did a homework on a Friday night?”

“Apparently, I did.” Mark said, looking at him with a straight face.

Haechan didn’t want to annoy Mark any further so he continued “Anyways, it’s finished, right? So you’re free now?”

“Yeah”

“Okay. So.” Haechan patted the space in front of him on the bed, gesturing for Mark to come sit in front of him. Haechan’s heart started to beat faster. He’s just so nervous about what he’s going to say.

Mark sits on the bed, now they’re facing each other.

“Hyung, remember what we saw yesterday on the way home?”

“Which one? There’re plenty of things, I’m not sure if I even remember all of it.”

“The one that is out of ordinary.”

“Oh. It’s that dog isn’t it? The big one sitting on the sidewalk just staring at us with such a creepy face. ”

“Really, now? You wanna talk about that?” Haechan raised his eyebrow.

“Not really..” Mark said with a sheepish smile.

“What else was out of ordinary that day?” Haechan asked again.

“Hm..” Mark tries to remember what else they saw on their way home that day “.. are you talking about that two boys?” he asked.

“Yeah, the two boys.. holding hands..”

“Ooh, yeah, I remember them. So you’re here just to talk about them?”

“Well.. I want to talk about them first, then talk about me..,” he said quietly and Mark’s face twisted in confusion, Haechan’s not sure if it was because he couldn’t hear him clearly or because he’s really confused about what’s that two boys had anything to do with him, so Haechan continued “uhm, anyways. What do you think about them hyung? You know that they’re not just ‘friends’ right?” he said, emphasizing the word ‘friends’.

“Well, yeah, I noticed. What do you think I am? Five?”

“Right. So what do you think of them? What do you think about that kind of relationship?”

“Well, it’s their life, their choice, I don’t have the right to judge about how they live or who they’re dating right?”

“So you’re okay with that kind of thing?”

“Yeah, I guess. What about it?”

Haechan relaxed a little at that but still, his heart won’t calm down. The business is not over yet. The hard part is yet to come.

“Hyung I want to tell you something but don’t get weirded out okay? Please..” He said, his heart is stammering on his chest.

He’s so afraid of how Mark would think about him after he said this. But he knew Mark is not going to push him away because of this, he said he’s okay with this kind of thing, so.. here goes nothing.

“I’m like them hyung” he said, letting the words float in the air for a few seconds before continuing “I’m gay. I liked boys.”

“Oh. Okay.” Was all Mark said. Well Haechan didn’t know how to interpret that respond and that expression. But at least Mark didn’t look mad or anything so he said what he was actually planning to say that night next.

“And.. I have a boyfriend.” 

“Oh..?”

Mark wasn’t really surprised by Haechan coming out, he saw it coming actually. But what shocked him is, Haechan has a boyfriend?

“I know right? I never saw it coming too! You’re the first person to know about this, hyung. My mom doesn’t know about this yet, even Jaemin, Chenle and Jisung didn’t know about this! I want you to be the first one to know hyung, I trusted you the most.” Heachan said with such excitement, then he gave him a sweet smile, and Mark didn’t know why but he felt a little sick right now. He returned the smile as best as he can.

Then Haechan started talking about his boyfriend. It’s a kid from his grade he said, he’s tall and handsome and has a nice voice and haechan just keep babbling about that kid all night. Mark just sit there, listening, well, not really, because his mind is actually in a hectic state right now. He just couldn’t wrap his head around all of this. When did all this happened? I never saw him getting close to anyone in that way. When did he get such attention from anybody anyway? As far as I know, nobody is attracted to him. Well he attracts people because he’s loud and all but not in ‘that’ way, right? Mark felt a weird feeling in his chest.

Suddenly there’s a phone shoved in front of his face. He snapped out of his thoughts. 

“Here hyung, look. He’s cute riight? Aaww. He’s so cutee! And he’s nice to me too hyung.” Haechan said and starts giggling.

Mark looked at the image on Haechan’s phone.

He couldn’t think of any other words to respond to that, so “Yeah, he’s.. okay.” was the only thing his mind was telling him to say.

Mark didn’t know how he get through that night and how that night ended, but Mark knew he didn’t find that night to be as fun as any other night where Haechan came over to his house.

-------

Mark didn’t see haechan as often since then. It has been two weeks, he’s always with his so called boyfriend, even his mom started asking if they had a fight with each other. But Mark is not complaining though. He finally gets what he wanted, right? Haechan’s not sticking to him anymore. 

Or is that still what he really wants right now?

Mark was so into his own thoughts that he didn’t hear someone calling him. He just walked lazily towards the gate until someone wrapped an arm around his shoulder and made him stop walking.

“Heey, missing someone?” He heard Jeno asked.

“What? No..?” he said as he shrugs the arm on his shoulder away, then starts walking again.

“So what’s with the long face man? You didn’t even hear me calling” Jeno asked, catching up with him.

“What long face? I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Jeno gave him a teasing smile. “You know you can be honest with me” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Who are we talking about anyway? Stop messing with me.”

“Oh you know who. Your boyfriend.”

“What boyfriend.” 

“Oh I don’t know.. the one who’s always following you around maybe?” Jeno teased.

“What are you talking about dumbo.”

“Oh come on. I know you miss Haechan. Don’t try to deny it. Even I kind of missed him.”

“I don’t miss him. It just felt weird. He’s always around, but suddenly he isn’t.”

“You miss him oh my god. That’s what people said when they miss someone. Just admit it.”

“Why are you so obsessed with me?”

“Just. Admit. It.” Jeno said, emphasizing each words.

“Okay, yes, maybe.. I miss him.. kinda..?” Mark shrugs.

“God, finally. What’s so hard about saying that anyway? Oh I’m so proud of you son. It’s a big step, I know. It’s always hard to talk about your feelings right?” He said while making a sad face and patting Mark on the back.

Mark just rolled his eyes at that.

------

Mark still had so many thoughts in his mind as he walks back to his room after a shower that night. He then goes to his closet to get some clothes and put it on, but when he closed the closet door, Haechan was standing there behind him in the mirror of his closet.

“OHMYGOD!” he yelled. 

He turns his body around to face Haechan. “When did you get in here? Why did you do that? I almost had a heart attack oh my god. That’s so not funny!” Mark said while clutching his chest. But Haechan didn’t say anything, he didn’t even laugh.

Mark noticed Haechan is a bit.. quiet. 

“Hyung do you think I’m stupid?” Haechan asked suddenly.

“Uhm? What’s with the sudden question?”

“Just answer the question. Please.” 

Mark couldn’t look at Haechan’s face because he kept it low. What’s happening? Mark asked himself.

“No. Of course not.”

“Am I annoying?” Haechan asked next.

“Uhm.. no..?” Mark answered hesitantly. He didn’t want to make Haechan pissed, he’s clearly not in the best mood right now.

“Be honest. Please.”

“Well sometimes, yeah..? But it’s not that bad, I think.”

“Am I childish?”

“You’re a child of course you are childish.” He tried to lighten up the mood.

“Hyung I’m not joking here.” Haechan said, still looking down.

“Yeah you are, sometimes, but it’s okay, right? There’s no problem with it.”

Haechan stayed silent for a while after that. Mark walks closer to him, he tried to look at Haechan’s face as he stands in front of him now. Suddenly Haechan took a step closer to Mark and hug him. Mark could feel that it’s not the playful or happy kind of hug Haechan usually give him. 

Mark knew something’s off, so he just hug him back.

“Hey.. what’s wrong?” Mark tried to ask him.

He can feel Haechan hugged him tighter.

“What happened Haechan-ah? Tell me.” He asked softly as he rubs his back, trying to comfort him.

“He said I’m childish and annoying hyung. He said I’m stupid for believing that he actually liked me” come the muffled voice.

Mark already get the idea of who he was talking about, but he just had to ask.

“Who said that to you?”

“My boyfriend.. no, my ex-boyfriend.”

I knew it. That kid is no good. I knew it. I knew it. Mark said to himself.

“Do you think I’m really like that hyung? Stupid and annoying?” Haechan asked.

Mark couldn’t stand hearing the voice that usually sounded so cheerful and bright now sounded so.. sad.

“No. Of course not, Haechan-ah. He’s just a jerk for saying something like that. He is stupid. Not you. You’re just too good for him, that’s why he felt insecure and said those things to you.” Mark said, now patting Haechan’s back.

“You really think that hyung?” Haechan knew Mark was just trying to make him feel better by saying that. But it worked. He did feel better.

“Yeah, of course, Haechan-ah”

“Thank you hyung” Haechan leaned away a little, just to kiss his cheek and leaned back again to hug him.

“You’re really a nice person” he said as he rested his head on Mark’s shoulder.

Mark was surprised by the kiss but what’s new though? At least the old Haechan is back.

Haechan stayed over that night. It’s not like it was his first time doing it. He often stayed over at Mark’s house when his mom has to go out of town to work for a few days, or sometimes they just played or watched a movie until they fell asleep. But tonight, Mark was the one asking him to stay over. Haechan could feel that Mark was so worried about him. Mark is always like that. Try to be nice to everybody, afraid to hurt people, worry about everything. 

Haechan knew that he couldn’t replace Mark with anyone. But he has to try, right? That was why he got a boyfriend, a cute one at that, and he liked him.. a little. He was nice at first and handsome and all Haechan could think of as his ideal type, before that jerk started talking and hurt him. 

-----

“Hyung, I heard someone confessed to you again today?”

“Yeah..”

“You rejected her?”

Mark nodded.

It’s the second time in this new semester that a girl confessed to Mark and as always, Mark rejected her. Mark is a senior now, and more and more girls confessed to him, but Mark never accepted any of them. It makes Haechan wonder..

“Hyung can I ask you something?” Haechan leaned to the side a little to look at Mark’s face, he grabs Mark’s sides tighter. They were on the way home from school on Haechan’s bike. Mark rides it, as usual when they go home together, and Haechan sits behind him on the extra seat.

“What is it?” 

“It’s a bit personal though.. don’t be mad okay?”

“Just ask it already”

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend until now? There were so many girls confessed to you. They were all pretty but you never accepted even one of them.” 

Mark is silent after that and Haechan thought he was mad, but then Mark said “I don’t know.. maybe I’m just not interested in dating yet.”

“Or maybe, you’re not interested in girls.” That just slipped out of Haechan’s mouth and he slapped his mouth for that. Way to go dumbo. Haechan said to himself. He nervously waits for Mark to answer.

Mark actually didn’t know what to say so he just shrugged at that. 

Haechan raised his eyebrows, confused, not sure if he wants to ask more about this matter.

-----

Haechan’s mind is full of thoughts that night.

I know Mark hyung is not really paying attention to girls. He seems.. not interested in them. He never has a girlfriend until now even though there’re so many girls confessed to him. Did he like boys? But he looked so.. mad when I almost kissed him when we’re in junior high.. 
Maybe he didn’t realize it yet back then that he liked boys? 

Then one thought struck his heart and make it stop beating for a second. Or maybe it’s just because he didn’t like me..? 

That must be it, right? 

Haechan let the thought sink in.

Well.. that hurts.

-----

It’s Mark’s birthday today and the Dreamies are celebrating it at his home after school. The celebration is actually just them hanging out together like they usually did, except the addition of the birthday cake. 

It’s night already when they decided to finish the celebration with watching some movies. 

The seven of them didn’t fit on Mark’s couch so some of them had to sit on the floor. Haechan is sitting on the floor with Mark and Jisung beside him. Jeno and Renjun sit on the couch behind them, along with Jaemin and Chenle.

As Renjun sat behind Mark, Haechan started to notice a few things.

Renjun put his chin on top of Mark’s head and circled his arms around Mark’s shoulder. Mark didn’t seem to mind about that. He didn’t cringe, he didn’t try to get away. He just let him do it.

In fact, try to think back about it, Haechan realized how Mark always liked to be close to Renjun. He didn’t try to get away when Renjun initiated skinship with him. He even seemed.. to like it. He looked comfortable around him. Not like when he’s with me.

It can’t be because he knew I’m gay right? He’s always like that even before that.. Or maybe.. maybe he liked Renjun hyung.

I have to ask him.

-----

Haechan stayed behind and waits until all of the others went home to help Mark clean up the mess they made, as usual. Well thankfully those dumbos brought the trash out with them so it was less work for the householder. Haechan thought. 

And now is a good time to ask about his thoughts earlier.

“Hyung.. do you like Renjun hyung?” Haechan asked as he comes out of the kitchen after putting the dirty dishes away. Mark was picking up the pillows sprawled on the floor.

“What?” Mark is a bit surprised by the question.

“I know he’s quiet and smart and mature.. and beautiful. You like someone like that, right?” Haechan asked again, walking towards Mark. 

Mark could see from his face that Haechan’s asking seriously about this, he’s not teasing him or any sort of that kind. So Mark thought about the question seriously too.

“I… I don’t know. I like it when he’s around. He’s very.. calming..? But does that mean that I liked him ‘like’ that?”

Haechan’s now standing in front of Mark and tried to give him a smile. “Yes! That means you like him, hyung. You like being close to him right? I even realized that you looked so comfortable around him..” 

Haechan didn’t wait for Mark to answer that. He didn’t need to. So it is true.

“Aww you guys will be so cute together~” Haechan said and squealed, with his eyes closed and his hands clenched in front of his face. 

He said that but he could feel his heart clenched tightly. Why are you doing this to yourself Haechan-ah? He asked himself. He started to feel the lump forming in his throat. This is not good. The tears started to fill his eyes. Thank god he still got his hands in front of his face. He can’t show this face to Mark. So he turned his body around.

“Aha.. this is great. I never knew that this day will come where ‘the’ Mark Lee would finally has a crush on ‘a person’” he said and try laughing, thankfully it did came out as a laugh, and thankfully Mark takes the joke and start hitting his back playfully from behind him. 

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean!” Mark said, and Haechan just laughed again and start running away from Mark’s hits. 

He didn’t turn around after that though, instead he run and run until he reached his own room, away from Mark. Then, and just then, he let the tears streamed down his face.

~~~

IU – Ending Scene

~~~

And I made Haechan cry. Again. I’M SORRY :””
Promise the next chapter will be more.. uhm.. fun. :’)