I feel a bit better after the incident and after I express my feelings too Eunhyuk, well, half of it that’s it. We had fun after the incident in the toilet. Unfortunately after I went home, ate my dinner, took shower and lying on the bed, I cried my heart out again. Why? Why would I fall in love with him? My new best friend, my new companion that understands me. Well, that’s it maybe? Because he understands me so well that my heart can’t help too break down the walls that I had built. Thus, making me too fall deep. so deeply in love with a man name Eunhyuk.

I asked and wonder countless of time, what on earth did I do in my past life that, I deserved this kind of test from god. To be inside a forbidden love, not in this particular love story but for the rest of my life. If eunhyuk did return my feelings, it is still a forbidden love. I just can’t find love, that fact hurt me so much. I yearn for love, I yearn for protection and mostly I yearn so much to be loved. Why can I be normal and given a chance to enjoy those emotions, those happy memories and those happy times being in love and being in a relationship. I just wanted that but I guess I was punished or better still, was given a test by god. A very painful test indeed. I will never find love or if I found one, I might not be able to keep it.

I am in a terrible dilemma. That’s one thing, I need my family too be here for me too, but I guess I can’t ask for their love too. Yes, they love me but they had given me too little attention. They give most of their attention too each other and mostly too my sibling, kibum. How much I envy kibum right now, he had been in a proper relationship, he has a great girlfriend and he has great friends and he has my parent attention the most. He even got my attention. Though I am jealous of him, I love him still. 

How much I need a lover right now, for me too hug , for me too gain attention from , a lover that cared about my welfare, a lover that will wipe my tears of my face if I am sad and most of all, a lover that will love me with all his heart.

Unfortunately, my ideal lover is a man, and since I am a man and boyxboy love is forbidden, I guess I could only dream of it. It hurts me so so much but what can I do? I can only endure this pain and just pray too god that he will help me with too ease the pain, help me to move on and help me to accept the fact that love are never meant to be mine.
I cried and cried with the intention too ease the pain in my heart. I cried myself too sleep that night. I guess I would have just too enjoyed the moment I have with eunhyuk as much as I can. I guess being his best friend and being close too him will do for now. Before, well, before he would find his own love and then I can avoid him without him being mad at me because maybe when he had found his love, he will not care too much about me.

After that, the whole week was spent with me and eunhyuk being as close at we would be, or maybe closer. Where I go, eunhyuk goes. That’s how close we had gotten. Well maybe because I open out too him much more than I had too anyone, more than when I am with sungmin maybe. I act differently around him, I would be myself more when I am with him and for the first time in my life I feel so happy because I don’t have too pretend too be someone I don’t, a cold person. I let my guard down when I am with him and though at the back of mind says that I will regret soon but I will listen too my heart more for the first time. I decided too enjoy this happy feelings and endure the pain later. I would get pain now too if I decided too avoid eunhyuk so I decided too be happy for the first time in my life and endure the pain soon later.

Now, it’s Saturday and eunhyuk decided too drag me out too a fair and unlike usual, this time Minnie will joined us. He felt sorry for neglecting me nowadays since he is very busy with his musical with Kyuhyun and the other music students. We are currently walking side by side at the fair and I guess Minnie well, is rather quite surprised too see a new side of me that he has never seen before. Blame me when I jumped around and being bouncy, I even joke a lot with eunhyuk . Joking maybe not be so obvious but me being jumpy and bouncy is well, rather shocking for Minnie. I want to control myself but when I am eunhyuk, my true self will come out not matter what, and when Minnie didn’t ask, I decided to ignore it. But well, Minnie must be very curious when he finally asked me.

“Well hae, you sure seem to be in a V-E-R-Y good mood today, and you never seem so bouncy and well, I have never ever seen you did that childish act just now”

Well, I kind regretted when I did that. It is eunhyuk fault! I wanted too win a cute fish plushy at the one of the stall at the fair but well, I at archery. But eunhyuk clearly again not a surprising fact for me that he is good in archery. He won the fish plushie but when I asked for it and he knew that I love the plushie, he rejects it. I pout and whine so childishly in front of him! It would be very normal for us but now MINNIE IS HERE!! Mouth hanging open wide and eye brows raised upwards clearly confused!

“W-e-l-l,”

“What’s wrong at what he did? He look cute and he is actually a kid that got stuck in a man body. ” eunhyuk interrupted me.

“HYUK!!” I SLAPPED his arm and pouted again which again, make poor Minnie confused.

“He sure look cute but I never seen him did that AND I WAS SUPPOSE TO BE HIS BEST FRIEND” Minnie burst and pouts too. Well, it’s normal for him to do that since he did that a lot.

“WELL, he got two best friends now and guess what; you have a new competition now. I will be his number one best friend!” 

“AAAAAAH! NO! I AM HIS BEST FRIEND! I DON’T CARE! I HAD BEEN FRIENDS WITH HIM MORE THAN YOU”

“BUT I KNOW HIM BETTER AND HE ACTS HIMSELF MORE WITH ME!”

“SHUT THE HELL UP BOTH OF YOU!!!” I BURST.

“Sorry...” chorused both of them

“Both of you are my best friend and I don’t want to hear about this thing anymore ok!”

“Araso” both of them said. I smiled and continue to whine at eunhyuk too give me that plushie. When it didn’t worked, I threaten him that I won’t be his best friend anymore. It worked! but it made Sungmin to be more confused at our antics

What donghae didn’t realized is the look Minnie gave them, he has a confused expression on his face but he smiles at the adorable act between Donghae and eunhyuk. He is glad that donghae is very happy now but he has an instinct somewhere deep in his heart that,something bad is going too happened and Hae will get hurt.


Currently,I am waiting for eunhyuk too get me my lunch in the school canteen, ah, I was spoilt by him, and he will do anything for me if I asked him too. I am very happy and this is as close as I can get of what it is called, love. Maybe not “love” but at least having someone care about me and taking care of me make me a bit happy. I wondered, if eunhyuk loves me too. I just can’t seem to get how a man, treating another man so well like he did with me. Well again, it is natural too for a guy too be good and be close to another guy friend and moreover his best friend but what I try too say here is, eunhyuk seems too treat me like his girlfriend. I am just wondering but deep inside, I know that, it is just absurd, wrong! Other than that, I might get hurt for if I get my hopes so high.

Then it snapped upon me, if I get used too these kind of treatment from eunhyuk, I would be too much a blow for me if eunhyuk found his lover in the future. I would be devasted and I would be hurt. What on earth am I thinking, indeed I had planned too enjoy these moments as much as I can but this is too much. I have become so attached too eunhyuk that it might kill me if he left me in the future.

“Guess who” I didn’t realize that eunhyuk has arrived with our lunch and he had put the food on the table and cover my eyes with his hands.

“Hyuk!! It’s not funny!”

“Hae? What’s wrong?”

“Why do you think that there is something wrong?!”

“Hae? You cannot lie to me. You know that. Come on, tell me what’s wrong?”

“…” that’s it, I have stopped this.

“hae?”

“We should stop hanging out. Well, at least not too much”

“WHAT! WHY ON EARTH I WOULD AGREE ON THAT?” he burst and I can feel or at least hope that eunhyuk actually cares for me.

“I have neglected sungmin and you seem to forget about your other friend. We can’t be together all the time, we have other people surrounding us too” I tried too come up with an excuse.

“What do you mean?! YOU DON’T MAKE SENSE”

“WE HAVE BEEN hanging out too much. You didn’t bother too make any other friends since you are with me. “

“I don’t care, as long as I have you and our friends.”

“Hhyuk! Please, you can also f-fi-n-d you-rself girlfriend too. It seems like I am keeping you from dating girls too”

“FINE. IF THAT WHAT YOU WANT, LETS STOP HANGING OUT THEN. YOU CAN HAVE YOUR FRIEND AND I CAN HAVE MINE.AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I FIND MYSELF A GIRL FRIEND TOO”

That’s how my whole week ended up I am being alone most of the time since eunhyuk didn’t bother too hang out with me after that. That is also why, I ended up crying in my room again after I heard eunhyuk confesses too Hara and saw them kissing in the university when I passed Hara classroom.

My heart clenches in pain that it hurts so damn much. My heart is torn into two. I cried myself out. Congratulation donghae. Your wish had come true. You had officially lost your love one too someone else. That’s what I had asked for right? Then,I just got my wish. 

I cried and cried. My tears are flowing nonstop and my body is shaking vigorously as I cried nonstop. It hurts so much, seeing your love one move on and had become someone else rights is so painful. It is definitely fate worst than death.
Oh god, please ease this pain in my heart,I prayed .Please wipe away this pain from my aching heart. Please fill in the hole in heart that I had caused. Please take those painful feelings away. I pray and pray too god. I cried my self to sleep and indeed, losing Eunhyuk is the worst pain that I had ever felt in my whole life.Indeed I had fallen in love with Eunhyuk so so much.

I guess that the storm had come. The bad feeling had finally came true. I guess that’s the end of the happy moments that I had. I guess this is the time too embrace myself and endure this pain. Just promise me god, too help keep me strong and prevent myself from doing anything stupid and sinful.

“Please god , I begged you. Help me with this pain” is the last word I said before I went to sleep with a tears stricken face. 

a/m: 

I am thinking of locking this fic..It is so precious to me as it is my first fic ever..but the feedbacks i get is a bit in the low part..Comment ok? i want to see ur opinions


ENJOY THIS CHAPTER NEH.. tHE PEAK OF TH STORY IS BEGINNING. i WILL UPDATE THIS MORE NOW.

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