This fic is going too be one person pov only and mostly the main character hae as i decided..I want it to be different and thus the one pov thing..and yes the one in the summary is hae! hyuk will got his pov sooner or later too because if i have hyuk pov too then i will not as mysterious right?I want hyuk to be mysterious~ 

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Prologue: Meet me! 

My name is Donghae and i am from a well family in south korea.No, I dont live in a huge mansion and having 20 maids or so.My house is big but not that huge.It is only a small mansion.No swimming pool or large field.Just a big two floor white house with an attic plus a porch with 3 cars, a nice backyard with flowers and some trees.To sum it all up i just live like a normal rich businessman son would. Other than that I am 19 years old and I study in  SM university major in arts and more specific singing plus business course.Yes i do take a double degree as my father advice me to take business as a backup.I have a younger brother name Kibum and he is 17 years old and he is quite the opposite of me.

Let see.I am a quite a good looking boy with white pale skin,puppy and mesmerizing eyes people will die for and attract too, thin pink lips and too sum it up i am mixed.Yea my father is not fully korean as he is mixed  too as my great grandparents are British! I am not the best in sport in the university but i am not bad in it either.It is just that iam to shy to show my talent to people. I am a bright student. I maintain a good relationship with my parents and the elders. I am very independent proved from the lack attention my parent giving to me as they need to pay more attention to my spoil and dependent dongsaeng.My parent love me too just that they know iam capable of taking care of myself and they tend to leave me alone sometime.Although i know i am very capable to solve my problems  on my own but sometimes i wonder that it will surely be  nice for a change if people try to ask me how do i do and do i need help.I just need support sometimes and a child needs to feel  being taken care of although how mature he seem like. Not that my parent leave me hanging or do not take care of me like those parents who just abandon their child welfare  and expect money will solve it all! It is just that my parent show lack attention to me  but again maybe it is my fault that i am too mature or trying to hard to be a perfect son that maybe my parent think  that i am very independent.Sometimes they do explain to me that they do care for me equally with kibum  but just that because i am already independent they should spend more time with my brother as he needs guidance and they are thankful to me for giving a least the chance for them to relax by behaving myself.I do feel proud and I do understand but sometimes in all the mess i do tend to breakdown and in need of  support.I just need someone to take care of me too.I have done alot to take care of others such as my brother and my parents feelings.What about me? Plus my brother sometimes envied me for being a perfect son but believe me i maybe perfect outside but my heart is no near to perfection.



To make matter worse.I can never feel those affection that people like me usually gets which is from their lover.Yes! iam gay but i keep it to myself.I dont know when and how i just dont know.I am sure that i am straight when i am little. I got a lot of crush with my cousins or random pretty girls.You can say that i have a lot of crushes.Maybe i got bored? or maybe the lack of affection in my life lead me to need some protection and being pampered and love where only man could give.Maybe i have enough of taking care of others like a son and  man should that i need another man to take care of me.Believe me, i feel weak and vulnerable like a girl now although i am not a sissy but iam quite the opposite!  Thats why i should be the one to envy my brother or others because i cant feel the feeling of being loved or mutually love to be exact because i know i cant find a boy who will love me and i love them simultaneously at the same time.I may have silent crushes from boys as i am good looking but i am not sure if i love them back and vice versa.Love is the greatest feeling of all but the chance for me to feel it is very little.Thats the dark secret that people dont know about me, my uality and if people found out i dont even know what the community will think of me.What will my parents and friends think of the once perfect boy they once know and that is a another fact why i couldnt feel love as i know i will never be in a true and accepted relationship.

My school life up to college is okay.At first i dont know that i am gay but only when i am 15 then realized it. And boy i found it in a interesting way. My first crush was the ever great kyuhyun.He is a  handsome young man.He is clever to a level that he is always in the top 3 in my class and yes he is more clever than me and he is quite good in sport.He may win in that area but i win in the personality area as i am more charming and have more manners where he is more free spirited young man where he doesnt always follow the book unlike me.yea! i soon got over the crush and i become quite close with him.In fact he is now also in university with me.Just that he only take singing and economics.My second crush is when i am 17 and it is on my last year as a high school boy.He is also my classmate but i dont realize my feeling for him.It only occur to me that i have crush on him when he becomes more close to me due to he sitting next to me that year.His name is Yunho and dear me that he is a charming guy but i win him in education area.Quite opposite of kyuhyun and me actually.Soon i got over him too and he is now studying in the same college major in law.Thats is why we are not close anymore.Come to think of it.Maybe those crushes is only based on looks and charms and nothing more.Thats why i got over it easily.

next is my forever bestfriend, Sungmin! he is as cute as a bunny and yes we are in the same age just that he is older by a few months.Yea he is quite a cute fellow not to meantion with his aegyo! Plus he loves pink stuff and bunny but dont think he is vulnerable because he is not! he learnt martial art and trust me you dont want to mess with this fellow except me though.He love me and i love him too much plus i am scarier when i am angry.I am quite a short tempered man and believe sungmin if he  says that a chair will be thrown at you if you piss me off! we are best bud since we are in elementary school but again he doesnt know about my dark secrets and crushes.pity me.I tend to help people with their problems but i cant do the same because the consequences it just too much and i cant take any risk.Anyway we are  closer than ever now.Kyuhyun,Sungmin and me are best bud and we hang out with each other a lot in university.Sungmin is taking the same course as me so that we can spend time together and all.

My university starts and my life is bearable.i dont think much about the crushes much although i hang a lot with that kyuhyun now and sometimes he make me blush but i know it is nothing serious.I dont really care about the lack of affection and love i got over these years.I just think of finishing my universtiy years and soon chase after my dream of becoming a singer.Yes i love the idea becoming a singer as i love the popularity and the feeling of being loved.That way i could at least sure that I will be loved right?It also can take my thought of my problems and pain away when i sing.Of course i will also  continue my daddy business slowly.Sungmin will do the same and we will be forever bestfriend.Weird right i dont have any love feelings for sungmin because i love him only as my older hyung and he is one of the few people that actually offer some love to me.

I know that life will be bearable for me but boy i was wrong because last week,just in the last year of my college year.A transfer student came into our college and boy he change my life  and ultimately i know he will bring pain and suffering unintentionally to me.Yes you Lee Hyukjae and boy i dont know what the future will bring me.I just dont know but i got a feeling that it  will bring a lot of pain to me.

a/n how was the prologue.Hope i dont make fail in this...PLEASE DO FORGIVE ME FOR THE BAD WRITING STYLE AND GRAMMAR..THIS ONE IS ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO..LOL..i think~ so yeah.it may look different from my recent piece..

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