Krystal stepped into her office and closed the door behind her. Dinner with her family last night had been a disaster and she just wanted to get away for a few days or even weeks, but she had a new project she was in charge of so she couldn’t just take off on vacation. 

    She swallowed down an aspirin with a sip of water then sank into the leather office chair turned away from her desk and facing the large window overlooking part of Seoul. 

    “You’re starting to look old,” were Sulli’s words from last night when they’d FaceTimed. Sulli was in Bali for a photo shoot and Krystal couldn’t help but be envious. “Work less, play more. I could get you a shoot if you wanted. I may have secretly put together a portfolio for you.” 

    She was tempted. She’d loved dashing off with Sulli to different photo shoots when they were in college, but professional women were serious. They didn’t parade around in designer swim wear for money. 

    Krystal rubbed at her temples and winced when someone knocked on her door. Probably her secretary. She sighed, determined to ignore her headache and turned to face her desk. 

    “Come in,” she called, rearranging papers, folders, and pens as Ji Hyo walked in, a smart business suit hugging her youthful frame. 

    “One of the companies we sent a proposal out to for jingles sent an email last night. They would like to arrange a meeting to discuss the tone you’d like to set for your advertisement. They said it’s always better to get a feel in person rather than try to rely completely on the proposal.”

    
    “Any of the others get back to us?” 

    They’d sent it out to two other larger companies, but Ji Hyo shook her head. 

    Krystal’s headache pounded over her right eye. “Schedule something then,” she said. She’d been excited to start the project, but now she just wanted to get it over with when she remembered how many business meetings were involved. 

    “I’ll look through your teams and-“ 

    “No, no. I’ll go,” she needed to get out of the office more. She was starting to hate being closed behind these four walls nearly nine hours everyday the past two years. She couldn’t take it anymore. “See when my schedule is empty and make it a lunch or dinner appointment if possible. Somewhere with an open air café preferably.” Maybe if she were more hands-on she’d like the job more.

    “Of course. I’ll get right on that.” 

    Krystal sighed and finally booted up her computer when Ji Hyo left. She had contractors to locate, landscapers, interior designers… she squeezed her eyes shut then widened them, wondering if she needed glasses. Or maybe she was getting sick. Her head felt full of rocks. Maybe she was just stressed. She hadn’t taken a vacation since she started working with her father because she knew how easy it would be for him to go from seeing her as a valuable worker, to someone he needed to marry off to secure a client. 

She was in charge of her own future now. She had her own apartment, a well-paying respectable job, a team of people working under her who asked ‘how high’ when she told them to jump. 

But sometimes…she felt like she’d made a mistake somewhere. Sometimes where she was felt like exactly what she’d been trying to get away from. 

    Ji Hyo always knocked before she came in, so would anyone notice if she put her head down for a few minutes and rested her eyes. Just…for a little while. 

~.~.~

    “Date night?” 

    
    “Yeah. I think it would be good for us,” Amber said, putting her arms around Amy’s shoulders. “We hardly ever go out.” She kissed the side of her slender neck. “I’m thinking a stroll around the night market, buying my girl anything she puts her eyes on, then stopping at a restaurant, having a few drinks and a delicious meal? Then coming back here and-“ she ran her hands down Amy’s small body, pressing in close. 

    “I’m sorry,” Amy said, pushing against her slightly.  “I wish you would’ve asked me sooner. The kids wear me out, you know that. I’m exhausted, then I come over here and cook for you and you suddenly want to go out?” 

Amber ran her fingers lightly through Amy’s hair. “I figured we could burn off this dinner with the walk and have something light at a restaurant. Maybe this weekend then?” 

Amy chewed her bottom lip and Amber kissed it gently. “I know you’re still a little conflicted about being seen in public with me-“

“If the school found out I’m dating a woman, they wouldn’t trust me around the kids! And my parents!” 

Amber pulled Amy close again, kissing her temple. “It’s going to be okay. We can go out as friends like we usually do. We’ve only been out once since I got back though. I don’t want to only have a relationship with you when we’re in one of our apartments. I’m not doing that.”

She felt Amy cling to her. For someone who was always unsure about being in a relationship with Amber, she often got clingy if it seemed like Amber was about to break up with her. It made Amber nervous. 

Amy was a sweet woman though. Surely the thoughts in the back of her head weren’t right. Amber was a bit wealthy now, being able to save most of her salary the past few years with her dad taking on the burden of her mother’s hospital bills. She knew her money could be one of her attractive features and Amy didn’t have much left with paying off her student loans and helping her parents keep their house in Gangnam. 

Like Henry said, maybe Amber was just looking for another reason to sabotage yet another relationship.
 

She felt Amy’s fingers slip under her t-shirt. 

“I’m sorry, Amber. I know…I should be used to this by now. It’s just that, you’re my first girlfriend and it makes me so nervous.” She caressed Amber’s skin and tilted her face up to kiss along Amber’s jawline. “Maybe next weekend we can go out? A picnic at the Han river? We don’t need somewhere fancy.”

Amber felt some of the tension loose in her chest and melted into Amy’s touch.  She allowed the smaller woman to peel her shirt over her head and lead her to the bed room. 

When they both lay warm together beneath the sheets afterwards, she found herself watching Amy’s face as she slept. The doubts that had been quieted for a few moments, suddenly started up again, along with a restlessness that seeped under her skin and wouldn’t let her fall asleep. 

She secretly thought of the photos she kept hidden away on the top shelf of her closet and wondered if it were possible for your heart to truly only belong to one person. 

The thought sounded so immature that she couldn’t help but scoff at herself. 

She glanced over at Amy and she sighed. It was over. It was over before it begun. Soon, she would end it and go back to hookups. Henry might be right and she was sabotaging herself, but she wouldn’t drag someone else down with her. She liked Amy and the woman didn’t deserve the thoughts Amber sometimes harbored against her.  She’d never done anything to deserve it and had even introduced Amber to some of her friends despite being reserved about seeing another woman. 

Amy would probably cry and beg, but only a little. She might like Amber, but she wasn’t in love with what a same relationship would mean for her with her career or her family. She’d been up front with Amber from the beginning, but Amber hadn’t done the same in return, especially not with her heart that was growing tired of trying to fake enthusiasm for the relationship. 

She shook her head at herself, resigned to the possibility she might end up alone, but happy to have come to a new resolution of not trapping someone else in a relationship she didn’t give one hundred percent to. She was only twenty-seven. There was plenty of time. She wasn’t waiting for Krystal, but she also wasn’t going to try to force a relationship in order to forget the girl that had meant so much to her. 

Her heart and mind finally settled, Amber drifted off to sleep.