Ilana headed toward HaEun and HaLee’s room with a wide grin on her face, still hearing HaLee’s hollering:

 - “I’m not in HaEun’s dumb court, why do I have to get dressed up!”

 - “Because you don’t want to be the ugly duckling amongst all the swans.”

 - “Nina!”

 - “Yah!  When has Nina ever let you down?  I have just the outfit for you.”

 - “Really?”

HaLee had made herself scarce, hiding from Jesse who was trying to get her dressed.  KyuHa found her and threw her over his shoulder with a strict warning not to ruin their sister’s day.  Thankfully, her Godmother, JaeKyung, had already arrived and was helping Jesse make the youngest Yoon child presentable.

Stepping into the room, Mina and JeongHee were fluttering about, placing the final touches on Princess HaEun, while HaNa stood back giving orders.  “Ajumma...she needs more flowers at the bottom of her hair, it looks empty.  JeongHee-ah, make sure you use the shimmer powder on the high part of her collarbone as well as down the center of her nose.”

Ilana softly smiled at her panicked child, who hated being the center of attention.  “I brought you some lemon balm tea...and a straw so she doesn’t ruin her lipstick,” Ilana glared at Mina and JeongHee who were about to argue with her.

 - “Gomawoyo, Umma,” HaEun gave her Mother a quivering smile as she fought back grateful tears of relief.  She was going to have a nervous breakdown and no one but her mother knew this.  Though she’d worked hard since October to come out of her shell, it hadn’t been easy.  Without her best friend, InSo, and her Brother, HaNeul, and phone calls to HaNa, in Greece, she would’ve died.  HaEun wasn’t prone to dramatics but she was sure one could die of an anxiety attack.

 - “None of that, now,” Ilana handed her the insulated cup.  “Take a deep breath and drink.  It’s not that hot so you won’t burn your tongue.”

HaEun did as she was told.  “Mmm...yummy.”  The fragrance alone was enough to soothe her nerves.

 - ”Better?”  Ilana asked.

 - “Of course she’s fine,” HaNa blurted out.  “She’s Yoon HaEun and can do anything she puts her mind too.”

 - “There’s nothing to fear, jagi.  It’s only your family and friends here today.”  Mina placed a loving hand on her goddaughter’s arm.

 - “All hundred plus of them,” JeongHee teased.

 - “JeongHee-ah!”  HaNa scolded.

 - “Wae?!  It’s true!  We’re all family and friends!”

 - “Deh...deh…”  Ilana stopped the teasing before it got out of hand.  She took a good look at her daughter.  “Wau...Beba...you really are a Princess, today.  Wasn’t it just yesterday you were the flower girl at Nino and Nina’s wedding?”

Before Mother and daughter could get emotional, they were interrupted by So YiHyun and her daughter, Dasom, who was part of HaEun’s Honor Court.  “Knock...knock...it’s just me and Dasom, we’re coming in!”

 - “Deh!”  Ilana shouted back.  “Annyeong Unnie!”  Ilana moved to greet her friend.  “Annyeong Dasom-ah!”  YiHyun met Ilana and wrapped her in one of her bouncing hugs.  “Did you sleep well?”  Ilana asked, pulling away from the hug.

 - “Deh, gomawo!  I want a few pictures of Mom and daughter before the ceremony and then I’ll have HaEun and just her ladies.  Omo!!!”  She gushed.  “HaEun-ah...if this was the old days, you’d have all the boys attending today, fighting for your hand in marriage the second the ceremony was over!”

 - “Imo!!!”  HaEun giggled.

 - “Unnie, don’t say that around nampyon, he’ll have a panic attack.”  Ilana said, not joking.

 - “Nor mine!”  Mina said.  “If AhReum gets to go on her first date before she’s 30, it will be a miracle.  HaEun-ah, your Nino will convince your Appa not to let you date before then, either.”

 - “Omo, Junnie will be sobbing the day Dasom goes on her first date,” YiHyun said.

 - “Anieyo!  If I ever get to go on a date it will be with the entire secret service on my back!”  HaNa complained.

Ilana laughed.  “Well...I can see that happening...though it’s better the secret service than your ajussi-deul.”

 - “Ilana Imo, please don’t let Appa hear you?”  JeongHee pleaded.

 - “Well...that’s why you girls have Umma to keep Appa from going completely overboard.”

 - “Maja!”  Mina agreed.

Pre-ceremony pictures done, Ilana and Mina left HaEun upstairs with her friends; the rest of the Honor Court ladies had arrived and had flocked to her room.  “I’m going to look for Jihoo, mostly everyone’s outside already.”  The ceremony was due to start in twenty minutes.

 - “I hear the keyboard,” Mina said.  “That must be my husband or he’s at least close by.”

 - “Deh...I’ll see you in a few minutes.  Sarah sent me a message and she and Pastor Jonathon are just arriving.”  As with their wedding, most guests had arrived to the estate by Victorian horse-drawn limo and shuttles provided.  Even so, Ilana had reserved a space in the driveway for Pastor Jonathon so he didn’t have to waste time looking for parking.  Ilana walked with Mina toward the backyard but didn’t immediately see her husband amongst the guests.

GaEul immediately walked up to Ilana.  “Annyeong!”

 - “Annyeong!  JeongHee and the rest of the agassi are upstairs with HaEun.  Have you seen nampyon?”

 - “Anieyo...come to think of it, where’s JunPyo too?”  YiJung interrupted the two women.  Like most of the F4 men, they couldn’t be parted from their wives for very long.  This made it even odder that JanDi was alone, in another row, talking comfortably with KyuJong and Emily.

 - “Yo, what’s up?”  WooBin, JaeKyung, and a finally-dressed HaLee walked up to them.

Ilana took in her daughter’s bohemian multicolored type dress and blue floral embroidered Mary Jane shoes. “Aww, Chiquita, you look nice.”  HaLee’s outfit wasn’t something Ilana would ever wear but it suited their youngest perfectly.  “Did you thank your Nina JaeKyung and Hana Unnie?”

 - “Yup!”

 - “She did…” JaeKyung confirmed.  “Go on and find your friends, get all the wiggles out before the ceremony.”

 - “Okay...I see SeoJun and JungSoon.  Mama, I can sit with Aunt Emily and Uncle KyuJong?”  JungSoon was calling her over; the trio had become fast friends in the months since her birthday.

 - “If it’s okay with them.”  Ilana watched her youngest go off and saw KyuJong give Ilana a head nod.  “I need to find nampyon...mostly everyone is here.

Jihoo had slipped into the office to retrieve HaEun’s new ring.  Between Ilana’s Mother’s jewelry and his Mother’s jewelry, their girls didn’t need any but this was a special occasion and his princess deserved something of her own.  The digital picture frame on his desk caught his eye; specifically two-year-old HaEun in her flower girl dress.  Without thinking, he sat at the desk with a wistful smile and a tear, watching his kids’ precious life moments flash in a 5x7 frame.

Jaejoong figured his friend would be an emotional wreck today.  After all, wasn’t he declaring to the world that his little girl was a grown woman?  He had noticed Jihoo walk into the office but not come out.  So, after telling his family to have a seat without him, he decided to wait a few minutes.  When JunPyo walked in and Jihoo hadn’t walked out, Jaejoong sprang into action.

 - “JunPyo-ssi, I think our buddy needs us; ttarawa (follow me).”

- “Mworago?”  JunPyo was cordial with Kim Jaejoong as their daughters were best friends but not close enough to appreciate being approached in an overly familiar manner.

JanDi, knowing her husband, placed a calming hand on his arm.  “Jaejoong-ssi is speaking of Jihoo Sunbae?”

 - “Deh, JanDi-ssi.  Na believe he’s a little overwhelmed at being the Abeoji of a 15-year-old girl.”

 - “Nampyon, go with Jaejoong-ssi.  Nampyon knows how that feels.  Yeobo was a wreck InHei’s first year of Shinwha University and we saw her less and less.”

 - “Aish...what can we do?”  It wasn’t that JunPyo didn’t want to help his friend, he just didn’t know how.  Jihoo, just like JunPyo had, needed to accept that his princess was growing up.  It was horrible; he hated it and wanted to punch every boy that so much as even looked at her.

 - “Just be there for him.  Nae jagi left me to go to school with your dtal in South Korea!  Does JunPyo-ssi think Na was fine with letting her leave the country, even if she’s in the care of my parents?”

 - “Gu JunPyo…,” JanDi gave him an impatient sigh.

 - “Aish...deh...deh...everything for your precious Sunbae.”

 - “Deh, and don’t forget everything your best friend has done for you.”

 - “Deh…” he turned to Jaejoong.  “Eeliwah.”

Before Jaejoong followed JunPyo, he bowed before JanDi with a wink.  “Annyeonghi gyeseyo,” he said and turned to follow her husband.

JanDi grinned to herself and continued her way outside.

 - “I thought I saw you come in here,” Jaejoong barged into the office like old times.

 - “Kim Jaejoong, must you still barge into my office unannounced?  I thought Abigail-ssi made a new man out of you.”  Jihoo gave them his politely bored look and returned the frame to its original place on the desk.

 - “Mollah (whatever), you know you miss seeing me every day.”

Jihoo shook his head.  “Gu JunPyo, how did you get roped into coming in here?”

 - “Mollah…” JunPyo glared at Jaejoong.

 - “What are you doing holed up in here?”  Jaejoong asked.  “Ceremony will be starting soon.”

 - “Na came in for her ring that was in the desk drawer and got sidetracked.”

 JunPyo saw Jihoo give a brief glance to the pictures on his desk.

 - “She’ll always be your gongju...ara it seems time is passing too fast...hajiman...in here…” JunPyo knocked over his heart.  “...she’ll be the same gongju whose Appa is her wangja.”

Jaejoong grinned.  He knew all about JunPyo’s softer side from the stories InHei told them but had never witnessed it.  “Maja...nae jagi left me for her best friend but if I didn’t let her go, neither would her Umma.  The thought of her disappointed face was enough for me to agree.  She’s a good kid, never asked for much...and when I see her and she hugs me tight, it’s like time hasn’t passed and she’s still that adorable four-year old that conquered this Cassanova’s heart.”

Jihoo grinned at the memory of the first time they met Isabel.  “Deh...ara...HaEun surprised us when she asked for this party and perhaps she didn’t quite understand the tradition and by then she had already committed herself and would never back out.  She’s trying so hard to break out of her shyness but it worries me that she’ll try to be someone she’s not.  Na just want her to be true to herself.  We’ve raised her believing that no matter what, God comes first and he has a path for her.  Na just don’t want her to force herself to be someone that she isn’t supposed to be.  God can and will use her just the way she is.”  Jaejoong nodded, knowing this fact well.  Even JunPyo was surprised that omniscient God would need his hands and feet to work for him.  Jihoo sighed.  “This is just the first step.  She’ll be in Shinhwa University next and then what?”

 - “Yah...don’t get ahead of yourself.  Don’t worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will bring its own worries...remember?”  Jaejoong quoted.

 - “Nah chingu is just overthinking like always,” JunPyo stood and gave his friend a playful slap on the arm.

 - “Ara…gomawo.  Every season is precious and Na don’t want to take any moment for granted, even this one.”

 - “Gwenchana, with luck we can delay their marriage for thirty more years,” Jaejoong joked.

 - “That’d be daeback...though InHei Umma will most likely want grandchildren at one point.”

Ilana had been searching for Jihoo in a few different places until finally deciding to check the office.  Hearing men’s laughter, she peeked her head in the door.  Her husband, Jaejoong and JunPyo were all sharing a good joke from what it appeared.  “Sarang!  I’ve been looking for you!”  The door was not closed so Ilana entered the office without knocking.  “Gentleman, am I interrupting anything?”

 - “Anieyo,” JunPyo answered.  “We were just remembering old times.”

 - “Na see how it is, Ilana can barge into your office unannounced but your oldest chingu can’t?!”  Jaejoong pretended to be offended.

Jihoo stood from his chair to place a loving hand on his wife’s back.  “Anae is a part of me; wherever I am, she is also.  She cannot barge in to a place when she’s already here, beside me.”  Jihoo may have been directing his response to Jaejoong but he looked and spoke only to his wife.

 - “Aigoo...can you two stop being so cute already.”

 - “Deh...you can do all that when we’re not around,” JunPyo cringed at their unashamed displays of affection.

Jaejoong laughed, slapping JunPyo on the back and ignoring the irritated look on his face.  “Well, we should probably find our seat; Isabel wants me to send her video clips of all the important parts of the ceremony.”

 - “Isabel and InHei will be on break soon,” Ilana smiled at the two dads.

 - “Deh…, we’ll see you in a few minutes.”

When JunPyo and Jaejoong walked out, Ilana turned to her husband, placing her hand in his.  “Gwenchana?”

 - “Deh, like JunPyo said, we were just remembering old times.”

 - “HaEun Appa, ready?”

 - “As ready as I’ll ever be,” he bent and kissed her tenderly, his free hand gently rubbing her arm as if she were the one in need of comforting and not him.  “Sarang, gomawo for our beautiful children,” he said when ending the kiss.

Ilana smiled at her husband before wrapping her arms tightly around his waist and leaning her head against his chest.  “Anieyo, Sarang, they were a gift from the Lord.  Na should thank Sarang for making them with me,” she giggled into his chest.

 - “Mmm..., my pleasure, Sarang,” he grinned back.  “Kaja...our gongju is going to faint from nerves if we don’t get this over with.”

 - “Gwenchana, she’s had lemon balm tea and Mina and Hana are on the job as well as all the other girls.”

That reminded Jihoo that at least 12 girls were spending the night.  Park Suji was still too young and thankfully would not be his responsibility.  “Sarang, is there any way we can call this slumber party off?”

 - “Does Sarang want to see the sad look on his gongju’s face?  She was looking forward to the slumber party more than she was her blessing and grand celebration afterward.  Besides, Mina and JaeKyung said they’d stick around for a little while until we were sure everyone was fine.  Na can always have all the yeoja over and we’ll make it a Mother and daughter sleepover while Sarang and the namja have theirs at the inn?”

 - “Anieyo,” he said with a “don’t-you-dare” expression on his face.

 - “Just a suggestion…”  Ilana laughed and poked his side until he too was laughing.

Mina and YiHyun had wrangled all the girls downstairs while Kike and Jaejoong did the same with the boys.  Mina let out a shrill whistle to get everyone’s attention.  “Yah!  I need everyone quiet,” Mina shouted.  The din quieted.  “Mr. Heo is going to play the entry song and you will walk in pairs.  Boys on the left, ladies on the right, like this.  InSo-ah, help me to demonstrate.”  The boys snickered as InSo walked toward Mina but he just smiled proudly.  “Ladies, take your partner’s hand...boys, gently clasp her hand and then ladies...the white rose is held right at your center.  Glide down the path with backs straight, no bobbing up and down like a buoy.”  This earned her the laughter of all the teens.  She and InSo walked a straight path, hands clasped and the rose in Mina’s hand perfectly centered in front of her.  “When you get to the front, gentleman, bow to your partner and you each take a seat; girls on the right side of the aisle, boys on the left.  Since my husband is playing the keyboard, InSo will be entering with me.

 - “Deh, Ajumma,” InSo his manners and answered politely, even though his face felt a little embarrassed.  At least he was carrying the pillow and wouldn’t have to be in actual contact with her.  He’s already done that when he practiced his and HaEun’s dance.

 - “I’ll be directing you kids from the back,” YiHyun said.  “No funny business.  My husband will be taking your picture as you come down the aisle.”

 - “Deh, Ajumma…

 - “Yes, Mrs. So…”

 - “Ready, Beba?”  Ilana asked.  “Appa is waiting downstairs.”  Jihoo decided it would be safer for him to wait downstairs instead of meeting his daughter and wife in her bedroom.

 - “Mmm...Umma, how do I look?  It’s too much makeup, deh?  You don’t think the flowers are too much?”

 - “Anieyo…yippeun, chincha.  I dare any quinceañera to be as lovely or as sweet as our gongju.”

 - “Umma, gomawoyo.”

 - “Let’s go downstairs with Appa; the ceremony is already late getting started.”

Jihoo heard a door open and close and when he looked up, his daughter and wife began to slowly make their way downstairs.  He had no words to say; he didn’t think he could speak.  His daughter dressed in a white Valencia ball gown and half her hair unbound in curls and cascading down her back was almost the vision of her Mother on their wedding day.  Perhaps the white made her look older than her fifteen years but the scoop neckline and lace detail on the bodice and toole skirt and sleeves reminded him of her first ballet performance.  She was still his little girl, after all.  “Yippeun,” he said as Mother and daughter arrived at the final step; his voice came out unintentionally rough and he coughed to clear it.  His eyes noted the necklace she wore; he’d almost forgotten about it.  Noticing his wife’s questioning gaze, he smiled unsurely.

 - “Gwenchana?”  Her eyes asked about everything - the ceremony; the necklace; was he feeling emotional?  “I understand,” her subtle blink, said.

He didn’t know exactly how he felt about this day or the necklace he hadn’t seen since before HaEun’s first birthday.  “Mollah,” his half smile answered her.

Ilana knew there was something special about a Father and his daughter.  HaEun had been the apple of daddy’s eye since before she was born and would be until a fortunate young man caught her eye.

 - “A-ppa…” HaEun threw herself into his arms, not understanding why he looked so sad.

 - “Wae…,” he pressed a kiss to her forehead.  “Na gongju looks like Umma on our wedding day.”

 - “Andwae,” Ilana said.  “Our gongju is much prettier.”

 - “Anieyo, HaEun Umma is…”  Jihoo couldn’t resist a kiss to his wife’s smiling lips and just when he was about to give in to temptation they were interrupted by So YiHyun.

 - “Uissanim...Ilana...there’s no time for that...the kids are walking down the aisle as we speak.  I left your chingu Abigail in charge.”

 - “Deh, Imo,” HaEun took a deep breath and looked up at her Father with that same smile that made his heart leap for joy every time he saw it.

 - “Kaja, nae gongju.  We’ve made everyone wait long enough.”

HaEun walked slightly ahead and Ilana wordlessly took her husband’s arm.  No words were needed between them, she knew because she felt it too; it was hard to see their babies getting older.  No matter how proud they were of all their achievements (even their silly HaLee) there was that scary part. One day they wouldn’t be able to hold their hand and guide them.  They would have to pray that when that day came she and her husband would have done their job well and their children would remember the lessons learned while in their care.

Nerves, slowly fading, HaEun was able to smile shyly to her guests as she walked down the aisle.  Her Nino played the ballad of Adeline.  HaEun especially liked that the song said she would never walk alone.  Just like now, her Appa and Umma were only steps behind her.  Despite her sometimes painfully shy personality, she had her family, her Nina and Nino, and her friends whenever she needed them.  And she still needed them.  She was fifteen, now, no longer a little girl; though, she’d always feel like Appa’s little girl.  In her mind, she’d made her future plans a long time ago.  She would need her parents to turn to for questions and support.  As she told HyunJoong, she wanted to run the conservatory for her Appa as much as for herself.  She would need his guidance and all the elders’ knowledge.

HaEun’s mind had been wandering for a few minutes and they were now at the front of the aisle and all their guests.  She didn’t hear all the murmurs of admiration, especially from a few of the boys.  HaEun bowed to Pastor Jonathon and then her parents.  Jihoo, unable to say anything, slowly kissed her forehead.  Ilana’s eyes were already watering and the ceremony hadn’t even begun.  She drew her “Beba” into her arms, “Umma and Appa love you so much and will always be proud of you.  Just keep being you, keep trusting in the Lord with all your heart.”

HaEun nodded, trying to keep tears from spilling over and turned to sit in the decorated chair.  Mina took up her post and made sure her ball gown was properly displayed on all sides and not scrunched or pinned under the legs of the chair.  Jihoo took his wife’s hand and led her to their seats.  Once seated, Ilana took a deep breath and smiling, leaned her head on her husband’s shoulder.  Knowing she was holding back tears, he surreptitiously handed her his handkerchief.  Ilana shook her head, not wanting to cry on this lovely day.  Her eyes didn’t listen to her and neither did Jihoo as he caught the tears that had escaped.

 - “On behalf of the Yoon family I would like to welcome you all to HaEun’s Quinceañera.  My name is Pastor Jonathon. I have had the pleasure of knowing and praying for HaEun since before she was born.  HaEun’s sweet disposition and the joyful noise of her musical abilities are a blessing to everyone she comes across.”

HaEun shook her head, denying this statement while HaLee shook her head and rolled her eyes.

 - “HaEun Unnie is always nice,” giggled Kim (Wells) JungSoon, next to her.

 - “That’s because she’s not your always perfect sister.”

 - “HaYi doesn’t need to be jealous,” JungSoon’s younger brother, SeoJun, said.  “Her hair is boring, your hair is daeback,” he affectionately pulled one of her braids.” 

 - “Knock it off or I’ll treat you to an Axe Kick later on.”

SeoJun was six months younger than HaLee but considered himself much more mature.  Her threats never bothered him; that was just the way they got along.  HaLee’s voice could get quite loud when bothered; KyuJong decided it was time to reign in their chatter.  “Adul...don’t tease HaYi.”

 - “Abeoji, gwenchanayo, neaga the only one that gets to tease HaYi,” he stuck his tongue out at her and HaYi reciprocated the gesture followed by his sister, JungSoon before all three began to laugh.

Emily raised an eyebrow at her husband.  “Yeobo, we aren’t back home, the kids shouldn’t be chattering through a ceremony,” she whispered.

 - “Jagi, alguesubnida,” he turned to his son.  “Yah, if you three don’t keep quiet and get me in trouble with Umma again, you’re sleeping in the stables tonight.  If HaYi is nice, she might let you have one of the horse blankets.”

This set the three giggling again.  Emily was sitting at the end of the aisle.  She had switched places with KyuJong while talking with JanDi and GaEul.  After the other two left, she would have sat next to the kids but Gu JunPyo was blocking her view and remained where she was.  Now she leaned across KyuJong, “yah, monkeys, pipe down.”  Emily’s British slang did nothing to stop their giggles.

 - “Jagi, your English only makes the kids act up more just to hear you.  They’ll keep quiet, maja?”  KyuJong gave the kids a warning look.  HaLee tapped her two friends on the arm and pretended she had a zipper across her lips.  The other two mimicked her movements, snorting as they tried unsuccessfully to keep quiet.  Silence was restored a few minutes later once no one was paying attention to them.

 - “I’ve known the Yoon family just over sixteen years.  I am honored that I have been asked to speak today.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the tradition, a Quinceañera is a big step in the life of a young woman. It is a ‘coming of age’ ceremony – a celebration of HaEun turning 15 and making the transition from a young girl to becoming a woman. Even more important than a birthday celebration, the Quinceañera is also deeply spiritual. It is a time for HaEun to take responsibility for her own faith. So, today is a day for HaEun to make a public commitment in front of God and all of you, her friends and family, to live a life fully devoted to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  But before we begin, please join with me in prayer:

Lord, I thank you for the pleasure it has been personally to know HaEun. To see her love for her family, her friends, the passion she has for her music and the sweet joy she takes in doing the things she loves and the simple obedience with which she does those tasks that aren’t as pleasing to her.”

HaEun, already with bowed head, felt her cheeks burning at Pastor’s words.  Her simple obedience wasn’t always easy when it came to her sister or being put on the spot, as she was now.  Perhaps she hadn’t thought things through when she asked for this event.  She just liked the idea of having a special event to have all her family and friends around her.

 - “Lord we ask you today as HaEun makes the transition from a girl to a woman, that you will take priority in her life. That she will live her life dedicated to loving like you loved, and serving like you served all the days of her life.  It’s in the name of Jesus that we pray. Amen.  I’ll never forget the time your Umma was distracted going over a piece of music and your Abeoji had turned his back on you for just a minute.  The keyboard was unoccupied and you climbed up on the chair and began playing Fur Elise.  Not a song we usually play in Church, everyone turned their head to see 5-year old HaEun lost in concentration.”  HaEun buried her face in her hands, completely embarrassed.  Jihoo and Ilana turned to each other and laughed remembering the day very well.  As soon as their daughter realized all eyes were on her, she froze and began crying.  “I won’t bring up any more embarrassing stories, I promise.  But I do want to say our HaEun has a lovely and willing heart.  She may be shy but that’s okay, the body of Christ needs those with the gift of helps.  As long as our HaEun doesn’t have to be in the front, she’s willing to help in just about anything.  She readily volunteers to play her instruments for the children or to help in the kitchen.  She even joined her parents at a refugee camp in the dead of winter.  She always has a smile for everyone; young, old and in between.”

HaEun ducked her head again, avoiding the joyful stares.  She didn’t mind helping the elders in the Church and she loved to play her violin for the kids.  Their little eyes grew so big at the sounds coming from her instrument as she slid the bow across the strings.  What came so naturally to her was something almost magical to the little ones.  Except for her sister.  Sighing inwardly, she decided she’s figure out how to get along better with HaLee, later.

 - “I cannot believe that you are 15 already!  We prayed for you since before your birth when your Umma was having excruciating pain and then found out she was pregnant with you.  Later in the pregnancy you thought perhaps being born six weeks early might not be such a bad idea.  We prayed and the Lord kept you safe inside your Mother’s womb until the appointed day of your birth.  We celebrated and thanked the Lord upon your 100th day of life.  The Lord had kept HaEun safe through the perils of pregnancy and birth and your parents dedicated you to the Lord.  As you were a gift from Him, they would raise you in his ways and show you his great love as he had demonstrated it to them.”

Jihoo slipped his arm around his wife as if those worrying days were

back and his wife and child were in danger.  Ilana reached for his hand and squeezed it.  By God’s grace they were alive and well.  They had work to do on this earth still and one of those things was to raise their children as their parents weren’t able to raise them.

HaEun glanced at the way her Appa held her Umma.  She too had given her Mother a hard time during pregnancy and yet, she always resented HaLee for making their Umma so sick.  “Umma, mianhaeyo,” she mouthed.  HaLee was almost always in her prayers.  Either HaEun prayed for patience with her or she was asking for forgiveness for getting angry at her.  “Help me to do better, Lord.”  Her Umma always said HaLee was her ministry but how to make it that way in her heart?

Pastor Jonathon continued.  “Where has the time gone?  Right Umma?  Abeoji?  I have had the privilege of watching you mature from the 100-day-old baby girl I first met into the young woman who stands before us here today.  Today we celebrate your transition into womanhood.”

Ilana read the “yes” loud and clear in Jihoo’s eyes.  Despite their busy lives, they did what they could to put their family first.  Having been deprived of parents, they wanted to participate in every moment of their children’s lives.  Still, the time flew by and jealous parents that they were, just wanted to keep their babies a little longer.

InSo chuckled in his seat.  He didn’t know how much more responsibility HaEun could take without killing herself.  It wasn’t that she wasn’t willing; she was very willing but too afraid of disappointing anyone and so shy that she hated to be on the spot.  He witnessed a frozen HaEun several times since he had consciousness of her and, in the last few months, a panic attack or two.  She could compete with any virtuoso in the world but his friend would never believe she could, so she only played her music only amongst her family, the little kids at Church, and only recently amongst friends.  She finally convinced herself to audition for the kid’s college at the SuAm Foundation Conservatory and used a fake name (provided by HaNa) to enroll.  In case she failed, no one would know she was the founder’s granddaughter.  InSo covered for her during their afternoon class and he rushed out to the conservatory to be the first to congratulate her on her success.  Unfortunately, he didn’t find an excited and elated HaEun.  The audition board said she had missed her appointment.  InSo ran back to school to look in all her hiding spots.  He finally found her in her hiding spot under a tree, trembling silently, and focusing on some point in the distance only she could see.

 - “HaEun-ah!  I’ve been looking all over for you!  They said you weren’t at the audition?”  His friend sat their unmoving staring past him but not looking at anything.  “HaEun-ah?  Gwenchana?”  She was so pale; he’d never seen her like that.  Taking her hand to try and lift her from her spot, it was cold.  In a panic, he called a car to pick them up and he took her to one of the clinics her Father owned.  Not knowing exactly which clinic his Mother was working in that day and in a hurry, he took her to the closest one.  Her uncle KyuJong was there and he quickly treated her anxiety with soothing words, hot tea, and a mild sedative.  Once she came to, she begged her uncle not to tell her parents.  Slowly, she recounted every detail.  It was almost her turn for the audition and she felt her mind go blank and couldn’t remember the music that had been imprinted in her brain just hours before.  Her fingers started to tingle and go numb and it was hard to breathe.  Before she knew it, she was running away from the Performing Arts building.  KyuJong and Emily escorted her home, omitting the panic attack and the audition.  Simply stating she hadn’t been feeling well and InSo brought her to the clinic.  She had wanted to surprise her parents if she passed the audition on her own but did not want to disappoint them if she failed.

  - “HaEun, because of Jesus, you are made new. You are no longer defined by what you have done, but what He has already done for you. Your worth is no longer wrapped up in your accomplishments, or what anyone else thinks about you. Your worth is based solely on your position as a child of God.”

HaEun cocked her head, listening.  The world expected accomplishments but, of course, she wasn’t supposed to follow the world’s point of view.  At Shinhwa, most kids judged you by your position; who your parents were and what their accomplishments were.  It was her position as an F4 daughter that kept her safe from most of those scrutinizing tongues.  And Gu InSo, who always sheltered her from any mischief other kids might think of trying.  She only ever wanted to be a valuable daughter to her parents.  That God loved her and created her and only wanted the best for her was something amazing but the world didn’t believe in that.  So, how to be in the world without trying to fit in somehow?  And she hated anyone thinking badly of her, how could she not feel her worth was based on what people thought of her?   A conversation with her Umma crossed her thoughts.

 - “Before Yesu, l had no worth at all, not by the world’s standards, as I wasn’t leading my parent’s company or even enjoying my riches.  Not by my own standards, because I hated that I wasn’t living up to what Mami and Papi would have wanted for me.  Not by Yesu’s standards as I didn’t believe he loved me or even thought of me.  Not even your ajussi-deul or Appa could convince me that I was someone worthy to be loved.  It wasn’t until I felt that worthless me wasn’t needed in this world, that I finally opened my heart and Yesu told me he needed me.  I could be of worth to him; he only asked that I love him and let him love me.”

HaEun thought of the scar on her Umma’s wrist and a small tremor passed through her.  Pressing her lips together in thought, she turned her eyes back onto Pastor Jonathon.

 - “...Because at the end of your life, when you stand before God in heaven the only question that will matter is did you know Jesus.  That is why the Bible says in Proverbs 31:30, in speaking about what a woman should be like:  “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.”

HaEun didn’t really want to be praised; she just wanted to make those around her, happy.

Jaejoong grinned at his wife.  Yes, she was someone who was beautiful.  She carried herself with confidence and had a nice figure with curves in all the right places, but it was her faith that was her most beautiful asset and it was what drew him to her, wanting to make himself worthy in her eyes.  Abigail caught him staring and questioned him with her eyes.

 - “Yippeun,” he winked at her.

 - “Jae, shhh…” she scolded.

 - “HaEun, seek after the Lord with all your heart.  My hope and prayer is that you continue to become a woman after God’s own heart – a woman who loves her friends, cherishes her family, and commits wholeheartedly to her faith.”

HaEun nodded, letting her eyes scan from left to right at her Nina, Nino, her parents and all her friends.  She was grateful for all of them and loved them with all her heart, even HaLee.  Her friends were the best friends she could have.  InSo, who was always beside her, protecting her from all her fears; Hana, who was always there to listen whenever she needed and cheer her on or scold her (sometimes both at once); JeongHee who was always telling her to dream big and use whatever talents she had.  There were more friends, of course.  All her other unofficial cousins and girls from her ballet class and girls from her Church group but the first three were the most special to her.  She hoped and prayed that she could be even just a little bit as precious and helpful to her friends as they were to her.

 - “At this time, your family has prepared some gifts for you. Each gift has symbolic meaning to represent your loyalty and commitment to God.  “Mr. & Mrs. Heo have a new Bible for you.  (Psalm 119:105) Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

YoungSaeng and Mina came forward and HaEun stood to receive her first gift.  “May this Bible guide all the days of your life,” placing the Bible she had decorated into their Goddaughters hands, Mina told HaEun before wrapping her in a hug.

 - “Kansamnida, Nino, kansamnida, Nina.”  She looked down at her lap and tenderly touched her new Bible and cover that her Nina had decorated in white quilted satin and lace and embroidered with a shimmery pink thread.  “Kansamnida!”  She’d had the same Bible since she was old enough to read, also a gift from her Nina and Nino.  Could she just ignore her faithful companion for the last eleven or twelve years?  Looking up, she saw her Nino’s eyes filling with emotion.  “Nino!”  HaEun threw her arms around him, not sure if it was appropriate or not but she loved him almost as much as her Appa and she just needed to hug her Otter Prince.

 - “Gwenchana, gongju.  Naega haengbokae!  Na see your Imo Suzy...we’ll go now.”

Mina walked back to her seat with her arm wrapped in her husband’s.  She wondered at the emotion in his eyes, perhaps he was seeing AhReum in a few years.  Arriving at Mina’s seat, she turned and smiled tenderly at him.  After all, daughters never outgrew being their Father’s Princess.

YoungSaeng ducked his head (in that cute otter’s way), a little embarrassed at having gotten emotional.  Giving his wife’s hand an “I love you” squeeze, he returned to the piano where Suzy was waiting for him.  He had seen the necklace around HaEun’s neck which brought on a rush of emotions and sweet memories.  Hands on the keys in front of him, he channeled the jumble of emotions to his fingers, letting them flow on to the keys. 

While Suzy sang (On My Knees), HaEun’s eyes were already filling with happy tears.

I can be
In a crowd,
Or by myself
Or almost anywhere
When I feel
There's a need
To talk with God
He is Emmanuel
When I close my eyes
No darkness there
There's only light

This was one of HaEun’s favorite songs and she loved the part about closing her eyes and only finding light.  Whenever those fearful storms kicked up their wind and dust inside of her, she closed her eyes and they would be gone.  Well, not always.  Sometimes she would forget to close her eyes but then InSo or HaNa or her parents and sometimes even HaNeul would be there to remind her that she wasn’t alone.

 “Wae do you hold everything in!”  InSo had told her countless of times.  “You have your Appa and Umma to turn to.  You even have your dongsaeng-deul and me and our friends!”

 - “Poor Oppa,” she thought.  He was always at her side when she needed him most.  As was HaNeul and Nino, Nina and even KyuHa.  HaLee...well, there must be something she could learn from her little sister.  She just didn’t know what that “something” was just yet.  Her parents seemed to have it all together.  Her Umma always said her Appa was perfect; though HaEun thought her Umma was perfect too.  After everything both her parents had suffered, losing their parents, Harabeoji distancing himself from Appa, and her Umma being kidnapped and horribly hurt.  They had gone through such horrendous trials, how could her trivial problems compare?  Even her Appa’s friends had gone through such hardships when they were her age, she didn’t feel right to worry or complain.  Inside of her was a stubborn need to be perfect for her parents.  She was far from perfect and thankfully her parents knew that she needed their hugs when she was sad, their smiles and kisses when she was happy, and their wise counsel when she stubbornly tried to do it on her own.  Yes, she just had to remember to close her eyes and someone would always be there to listen.

 - “Jihoo and Ilana,” Pastor Jonathon spoke as soon as the song had ended.  “Come and crown our Princess.  The Tiara symbolizes that you are a “princess” before God and the world; you can triumph over childhood and have the ability to face the challenges ahead. It is also a reminder of the greater crown that Christ will place on your head one day in Heaven.”

InSo stood to follow Jihoo and Ilana, carrying the tiara on a white silk covered pillow.  Ilana carefully untied the ribbon that was loosely placed in her daughter’s hair.  As it was, even with Ilana’s 3-inch heels, HaEun was still taller than her.  InSo stood solemnly by, as still as a statue, during the process.  His dongsaeng looked like she wasn’t breathing (not sure if she wanted to cry or be happy) as her Father took the diamond and pearl floral motif tiara from the pillow where it had been resting.  The neat interlocked row of flowers, reminded him of HaEun’s days in the corps de ballet, there was even a swan detail on both sides.  In fact, the row of flowers reminded him of the Swan Lake Corps de Ballet.  Swan Lake had always been her favorite; she even surprised them by auditioning and accepting the role of a demi-soloist in Swan Lake at her ballet school in Seoul.  Only HaNeul and InSo knew the pain it had cost her to attempt the audition.  When HaEun’s eyes finally met InSo’s (and no one else was looking) he crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out at her.  HaEun was never immune to InSo’s silly faces and a giggle escaped her lips before she could stop it.  Jihoo, infected by HaEun’s giggle, also smiled widely as he placed the tiara on his daughter’s head.  “Gongju,” Jihoo placed a kiss on her forehead.  Before she was his Princess, she was God’s Princess.

Also, on InSo’s pillow was a ring.

Ilana had not let Jihoo go overboard as the value of the ring and the Tiara.  The value was not in the price tag but the commitment for what they stood for.  Still, the ring was quadruple the standard price of a purity or promise ring.  If his wife was his unconscious beauty, so was their eldest daughter and he was sure one day HaLee would draw the same stares from boys.  Taking the rose gold ring, he slipped on HaEun’s ring finger.  A rose dominated the middle of the ring and its petals and surrounding leaves were filled with tiny diamonds; someday, a young man would replace this temporary ring with a permanent one.  He tried not to think of it.  Ceremony or not, she was still his little Princess.  Knowing the ring’s symbolism, HaEun’s cheeks were already turning red, as if she were fevered.  Even before Pastor Jonathon spoke again.

 - “HaEun, this ring symbolizes purity. It represents your commitment to a life of ual purity, and is to be worn as a reminder until the day you are married.”  HaEun suddenly did wish she was ill and somewhere other than listening to her Pastor talk about her “ual purity” in front of everybody.  Jihoo’s cheeks were also turning crimson after the Pastor’s statement.

InSo cringed, as if he was hearing nails screeching on a chalkboard.  That skin crawling feeling was the same.  Any talk of his best friend and the word “ual” together was enough to make him sick.  He quickly walked back to his seat (his job was done anyway) and pinched himself hard, making sure his mind didn’t go where it didn’t need to.  InSo turned his head and scowled at the boys behind him that were laughing and making dumb jokes.  KyuHa looked a little embarrassed while HaNeul was unsuccessfully trying to keep his half of the boys quiet.  It wasn’t working, “Yah...quiet…!” 

 - “InSo-ah, gwenchana.  If you ignore them, they’ll stop.”  Mina whispered to her partner.  She had seen the uncomfortable look on his face when he returned to his seat, as if he’d eaten something sour.  Kids talked about all the time these days.  It was everywhere, magazines, billboards, the media and yet they still cringed when an adult brought it up in a healthy way.

InSo sat uncomfortably in his seat.  HaEun was his dongsaeng, like his twin little sister.  They were always together and he liked being her Oppa.  Sure, she was pretty and any guy would be lucky to date her but he didn’t want to think of her being “ual” with anyone.  True, there would be a day when she got married but even then, he couldn’t think of his sweet and shy Princess doing certain things.  He shook his head needing to calm himself; he was squeezing and pulling on the pillow in his hands.  Any minute now it would start to tear.  “This purity promise is actually a good thing,” he finally decided, suddenly finding himself getting angry at HaEun’s future boyfriend.  “If he so much as even kisses her, I’ll lock him in Uncle WooBin’s interrogation room (Not that the famed dungeon or interrogating room had ever been discovered).  HaNeul and I can beat him with clubs while he’s rolled in a mat.”  If there was anything left over, he’d let his uncle’s ninja spies (again, the legends InHei and JeongYul had passed down had never been proven) have a crack at him.  Of course, the idea of tying the degenerate’s arms and legs to horses and have him be pulled apart was also appealing.  Historical dramas with all their fascinating torture scenes passed through his head.       

Ilana laid a hand on her husband’s arm before hugging her daughter and giving her a kiss on the cheek.  “After today, I shouldn’t call you Beba anymore.”

 - “Ahnieya, Umma!  I don’t mind.”

 - “All this talk of going from child to woman and yet Umma still thinks of you as her Beba.  Eottokae?”

 - “She’ll always be our gongju no matter how old,” Jihoo received his daughter’s beaming smile with one of his own.  He lovingly gave a caress to her cheek and then returned to stand next to his wife, behind their daughter.  She immediately took his hand and they each placed their free hand her daughter’s shoulders as she stammered through her Purity Oath, wishing to be swallowed by the ground.

 - “I vow to remain pure … from this day … until the day…  I marry the man… God has for me.”  HaEun wondered who that man would be.  At fifteen and with all she wanted to accomplish she couldn’t see herself married anytime soon (ten years was soon).  Shouldn’t she do all her learning and be established at the foundation before thinking of marriage?  And how would she ever talk to another boy like she did her InSo Oppa.  It was hard enough telling him things that were in her heart.  He knew whenever something was on her mind and he would call HaNa to scold her until she told someone.  She chanced a relieved smile at her parents.  Could she ever find someone like her Appa who knew what her Umma was thinking (or so it seemed) before she said anything?   

Mina glanced at InSo, who was muttering to himself and clutching the pillow like he wanted to rip it apart.  A rather frightening scowl marred his otherwise sweet face.  Gu JunPyo was a little over the top at times and could be known to get impatient and start throwing things (which he hesitatingly apologized for afterward) but JanDi was the sweetest and most caring person she knew.  In all the years of their acquaintance, Mina had yet the privilege of seeing anyone threaten JanDi’s loved ones in which case she turned into a wild boar ready to tear apart anyone in her way.  When the boy next to her began to emit grunting noises, she hesitantly tapped him on the shoulder causing him to nearly jump out of his seat.  The boys behind them began to laugh again until she pulled out the adult card and told them to be quiet.

InSo quickly inclined his head to Mina.  “Ajumma, mianhamnida,” he turned away from her and knocked his head a few times hoping to restore order in there.  Mina silently giggled as Jihoo and a tearful Ilana were reciting their own oath to support their daughter in hers.

 - “Believing that true love is pure.., we join HaEun in committing to a lifestyle of purity.  We…make a commitment to God…, ourselves…, our family and our community of faith…to set an example for HaEun…in purity…” this was where Ilana completely broke down and Jihoo finished.

 - “Umma!”  HaEun’s head was bowed, avoiding anyone’s eye contact but her Mother was no longer speaking.  When she had looked up, her Mother was choking back a sob.  Without hesitation, she wrapped her arms around her.

 - “and accountability… in biblical relationships… from this day forward,” Jihoo ended and rested his hand on both HaEun and Ilana giving each a kiss on the cheek.  “Saranghae,” he said, voice also on the edge of tears.

Ilana wished she could have been a better example for her daughter.  She was grateful that her story could help save children from her same fate but at the same time, she wished she had a different lesson to share with her daughters.

While Pastor Jonathon had the rest of the family and friends agree to an oath committing to surround HaEun with the love, grace, and truth of Jesus, Jihoo escorted his wife back to their seats.  Mina smiled at them while InSo looked awkward.  He knew what had happened to HaEun’s Umma when she was young, so did HaNa.  He wasn’t sure who else knew, it wasn’t something you would bring up in normal conversation.  Turning to look at the row behind him, he saw HaNeul’s almost tearful look as he stared in the direction of his parents.  KyuHa looked perplexed; it seemed as if he hadn’t been told yet.

HaLee, being only seven, also wondered why her Mother had begun to cry and was about to ask her uncle KyuJong but it looked like he was about to cry too.  She looked at her friends and the looked back, shrugging.  Neither of them had a clue what was going on.  

 - “Sarang, gwenchana, Yesu has made you blameless,” Jihoo dabbed at her eyes with his handkerchief.

 - “Ara, mianhae.  Na let the enemy plague me with what if’s again.”  Finished crying, she wrapped her arm across his waist.  “Gomawo for loving me deeply and covering all my sins.”

Jihoo kissed the top of her head and soothed her back with gentle .  “Nomu saranghae hajiman it was Yesu that covered your sins, not me.  Na just waited until he was done with you.”

 - “Greon gomawo for being patient and waiting for me, nae guardian angel.”  Minor pity party over, she sat up giving him her ‘what would I do you without you’ smile.  He took the hand that lingered on his lap and kissed it.  “Youngwonknee,” his eyes answered.

Serenity restored, Ilana stood and walked over to YoungSaeng and the microphone.  “HaEun-ah, we are confident that God is able to orchestrate everything to work toward something good and beautiful when we love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan."  Ilana began to sing (Trust in You).  “Letting go of every single dream, I lay each one down at Your feet”

HaEun was surprised; this song was very different than her classically trained Mother’s style.  It was more of a pop/country crossover and knew her Mother had spent months hiding out at the conservatory, in her spare time, stretching her voice to fit the lower key and (when needed) bending the song to fit her vocal range.  She glanced at her Appa who wore a huge smile.  He loved her Umma’s singing and she knew how proud he was of her whenever she tried something new.  Her Umma was a lot like her; she worked hard at her craft until she was sure not to disappoint.  Only then would she reveal to them what she had been secretly working on.  Inside of her too was a stubborn need to be perfect for her parents.  She was far from perfect and thankfully her they knew that she needed their hugs when she was sad, their smiles and kisses when she was happy, and their wise counsel when she stubbornly tried to do it on her own.

I've tried to win this war I confess

My hands are weary I need Your rest

That brought her back to what her Umma was singing.  “Yesu, is this one of the dreams that I need to leave at your feet?  Running the foundation for Appa and not wanting to disappoint him and Umma ever?  Yesu, my dream is not a selfish desire.  Wae would you give me the gift of music if not for that?  Appa should work on healing patients with his Doctoring gifts and musical abilities.”

”

When You don't part the waters

I wish I could walk through

When You don't give the answers

As I cry out to You

I will trust, I will trust

I will trust in You

HaEun grinned in her seat.  “Arraseo, Yesu, I will trust in you.”  Turning her head to the left, she could see InSo also grinning to himself.  If anyone wanted to impatiently walk through water it was her friend.  Her uncle JunPyo wasn’t used to waiting for anything and her aunt JanDi would change the outcome of a situation by sheer determination, if possible, whether it is a problem at the clinics or a problem patient.  InSo was a lot like his parents, he couldn’t sit still until there was a solution for whatever obstacle came his way.  His Noona InHei observed patiently before acting, like their Aunt JunHee.

You are my strength and comfort

You are my steady hand

You are my firm foundation

The Rock on which I stand

By this time, everyone was singing; her Umma had claimed the song as her own and was no longer in their presence but singing directly for her Savior.  HaEun thought she sat on that foundation more than she stood.  In HaEun’s young mind, it was hard for her to believe that she wasn’t the only one that sometimes needed to be picked up and placed back on that foundation.

As I cry out to You

I will trust, I will trust

For the time being, HaEun let herself go and everyone had faded into the background.  It was just her and her Mother promising that they would trust in Him.

I will trust in You

 - “Lord...,” Pastor Jonathon took up his post again.  “...we ask you now as HaEun moves from childhood to adulthood that you will watch over her. Bless her. Guide her steps. Help her in the decisions ahead that will determine the direction and destination of her life.  Give her the strength to make the right choices even when it’s hard. Give her the courage to stand for what is right, even if she is the only one standing. Give her faith to trust in your Word, even when trials and temptations come her way.”

Jihoo and Ilana looked over at their daughter, they knew inside her timid shell was a strong heart willing to stand for what she believed in.  Unfortunately, at times she just didn’t believe in herself, much like her mother.  He gave his wife’s hand a squeeze.

 - “Ara!”  She understood the unspoken gesture and untangled her hand from his to poke him in the leg.  Jihoo allowed it once and then took her mischievous hands in his.

 - “We also pray that you would help us, her friends and family, to help guide HaEun. To look out for her. To love her. To strengthen her in her faith together.”

Most of the adults turned a doting eye toward HaEun, including some of the kids.  HaNa caught her attention and gave her a fighting sign.  InSo nodded in HaEun’s direction and sat straight up proudly in his chair.  He was already doing his job.  HaNeul looked in the direction of his younger brother and they grinned knowingly.  It was hard work raising a sister even if she was older.  Matteo looked longingly over at his “cousin”; he could love her too, if she let him.  He wished his dad would move to Los Angeles or that his Aunt and Uncle would move to Miami.  Perhaps then he could get her to see him as something other than a distant relative.

 - “It’s in the name of your son Jesus that we pray. Amen.  At this time, I’d like our court to please stand.”  Mina directed the boys to all stand and on the opposite side, YiHyun directed the girls.  “HaEun, please receive your court.”  HaEun stood and one by one, the girls excitedly presented her with the white rose they’d held onto and then walked to the other side to be united with their partner.  HaEun received them all with thanksgiving and watery eyes.  “HaEun, we concluded our thanksgiving ceremony, I ask The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.  Everyone, please give a round of applause for Miss HaEun Yoon.”

YoungSaeng and Suzy began to sing (Come Thou Fount) as Mina motioned for an embarrassed HaEun and her parents to begin walking down the aisle, followed by InSo, the rest of the court and She, YoungSaeng, and Pastor Jonathon brought up the rear of the Recessional and the rest of the guests.