I'm so selfish

Love is like a rose, beautiful yet painful

Todoroki’s POV:

Life at Midoriya’s household is much more relaxing than home itself. Living here has made each day more and more enjoyable. It makes me feel like a normal boy again. Each day is filled with happy warm smiles and delicious homemade food. I haven’t had anymore major hanahaki attacks since before I moved to Midoriya’s. However, Midoriya has been feeling sick for the past few days though. His face is getting paler each day and his voice is getting more harder to hear. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, he would suddenly wake up and rush to the bathroom vomiting. He claims that it is just a stomach bug although it seems suspicious. I hope he gets better. It hurts me to see him like this everyday.

Midoriya has been a huge help lately. He helped me to brainstorm ideas on how to get closer to Yaoyorozu. Because of him, I am able to spend my lunch breaks with her and chat with her during class sometimes.

Today, My aim is to get to know her a bit better. Yaoyorozu is actually really easy to open up to. I got to know more about her family and herself more. Today I have a study session with her in the library. I can’t wait to share the good news with Midoriya.

“Midoriya!”

“What? Did something good happen?”

“Yep, I’m going to have a study session with Yaoyorozu today!”

“That’s great Todoroki kun.”

“Yup. So today you don’t need to wait for me. I might be there for a while.”

“Ok, sure. Then I’ll see you at home?”

“Yep.”

“Ok, have fun. Good luck!”

“Thanks”

The study session with Yaoyorozu was great. We got to complete a lot of our revision sheets. Yaoyorozu was a lot of help and she made English words easier to memorise. I had a lot of fun today.

——————————-

Midoriya’s POV:

Todoroki has been able to progress his relationship with Yaoyorozu a lot the past few ays. Things seem to be going on the bright side for Todoroki kun. Unfortunately, the Hanahaki is not getting any better. It’s getting harder to sleep these days. Now I have to rely on sleeping pills a lot. I hope I don’t get too sick from taking so many of them.

“Yep, I’m going to have a study session with Yaoyorozu today!”

Things seem to be going well for Todoroki. Yaoyorozu’s so lucky. She has such a perfect person to love her. If only I could have someone like that. I wonder, if Yaoyorozu wasn’t here, would Todoroki ever look at me like that? Will he ever look forward to meeting me like that? If only Yaoyorozu wasn’t here…

What am I saying?! I can’t believe I thought of that! Why am I so selfish? Why can’t I just support Todoroki kun? I need to calm down and learn my place. He will never seem me the same way I feel for him. I am nothing more than a friend in Todoroki kun’s heart. There never will be a place for me and there shouldn’t. Todoroki kun shouldn’t waste his time on someone like me, his time is limited now. There is no more room for me to earn a special place there. Todoroki’s hanahaki is the proof of his feelings towards me. There is no hope for me. I’ll just support Todoroki kun till the end. At least I can die happy knowing Todoroki is healthy and safe with the one he truly loves. I don’t wish for more. But sometimes, I really wonder if that is what I truly want. Some part of me deep inside still hopes to be saved. What a selfish person I am.

“That’s great Todoroki kun.”

Ah I must’ve sounded weird. I must’ve sounded really nervous. My smile must’ve been cringey. Todoroki kun’s going to suspect me. I’m such an idiot. Why does my feelings always show on my face? I hope he doesn’t notice.

The conversation carried on and thank god Todoroki kun didn’t realise how weird I was during that conversation. I guess I’ll be going home alone. It shouldn’t be much of a deal, after all I used to always walk home alone.

As I walk down the empty streets, I feel empty. The streets seem never ending. The silence is uncomfortable. How strange. Todoroki kun has only been living with me for a month, yet he has so much of an impact on me already. What am I going to do without him? I have to get a hold of myself. I ca’t support Todoroki kun this way. I try to push myself into believing I am not lonely, But reality never lies to you. Your feelings never lie to you. I wonder how Todoroki and Yaoyorozu are going. Are they having fun? Are they laughing? Are they happy? …..What if they end up together? My own jealousy is slowly eating me away. It’s as of a monster has entered in my head, the thoughts it fills me makes me feel so selfish. I promised to myself that I would save him yet here I am thinking about myself. Then suddenly, a wave of bitterness flooded my mouth. I know this taste all too well. It’s become so normal now. But I will never get used to the plain. Every time I cough up the red and white carnations, it feels as if someone has gotten hold of my heart and squeezed it. It’s painful. But sometimes I wonder to myself whether the pain is coming from the Hanahaki disease or the suffering of an unrequited love.

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kikixhi
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this fanfic. My next work will be on a BTS ship (Taekook) I am currently working on that right now. I hope to see you soon in my next work!
Kikixhi

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KimBae #1
I look forward to reading to this story about the best ship ever