There are certain places that remind you of hurt, certain names that taste bitter, certain faces that are still hard to look at, certain memories that are too heavy to visit, even 5 years later, 10 years, 15 years.
They all remind you of hurt because something inside you “still hurts”.

• Kriti, All these years I thought it was them when it was my own heart (hurting) (via wordsnquotes)

“No,” Joshua stated bluntly. He never planned to set foot in Korea for a long while, maybe even forever.

“Joshua!” His mom scolded. “He’s your younger cousin and they need help.”

“No. There are plenty of other cousins to help and even family over there and here. Why do you need my help?” He tightened his fist; Joshua wasn’t going to play the pushover anymore. “Do you think I could leave the clinic for that long? That my own business is something easily handled and closed for a few weeks? And the café I set up with Benji and Philip?”

Ichigo whined as she apparently heard the underlying current of anger in his voice.

“We asked you because you’ve lived in Korea for several years and have friends there still. I thought it’d be easier for you since you and Max are similar ages. You know how he is. We want the best for him, not for their needs to be completely ignored by the older family members,” Aunt Emily said.

He raised his eyebrow again, “Not to mention me being a doctor certainly doesn’t hurt either huh?” He bought the part about some of the older family members likely ignoring Max and his future-wife-to-be’s opinions though.

“Yes, your age and occupation do help. But Joshua, please, Max needs help and we can’t leave the kids,” Uncle Jeremey pleaded.

“And leave my mom? Here? Alone? She just got into remission for the last two years. We still have regular checkups to see if the cancer is back. No!” Joshua rarely raised his voice, but they were really asking for a lot without giving him any reassurances. After losing his dad there was no way he could stand losing his mom, especially if he was in Korea and she passed while he was gone.

Aunt Theresa held out her hands in a placating manner, “That’s why I’m here Joshua. I would take care of her in your stead and take her to her appointments. Not to mention we’d have the kids around as well.”

“None of you are doctors,” he threw out, “in an emergency what could you do?” He opened his mouth, only to be shushed by his mom.

“Joshua Hong. I didn’t raise you to be like this.” She reprimanded.

“But mom. I can’t— “

“No. You listen here Joshua. Your family is asking for help and if you can you should provide it.”

“Fine. Fine. Aunt Theresa and the family taking care you besides. But who would take over the clinic while I’m gone hmm? My partner only manages one side of it. My patients can’t be without their doctor for 3-4 weeks.” Shu moved into his lap, purring in reassurance. He must’ve heard the anxiety in his voice. Joshua pet Shu’s head, breathing lightly, “Any solutions for that?”

“We were hoping that you could contact one of your other friends or that it would be all right to close the clinic for a few weeks,” Aunt Emily said trailing off.

“I—“

“Joshua!”

He sighed. As he pet Shu on the head, letting the cat head into his hand, he reluctantly said, “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you Joshua. We’ll take good care of your mom. You know that.”

He rose from the couch. “I’ll get started on the search. I’ll tell you in a few days what I come up with and if I can. Come on Ichigo, to bed.” He let out another sigh as he went up the stairs. Knowing his mom, he’d have no choice but to go. He shivered. Going back to Korea gave him a bad feeling. Damn his life right now.

At first, several of his calls came up empty. Not on vacation. Too busy. Still in my residency. His second to last call finally came up with something good. A medical school friend who was still waffling between staying at a hospital or opening her own practice. Luckily or rather unluckily for him she was actually free; she quit her job at the hospital to think. She was happy to help him. It would give her a feel for a private practice as well.

“It’s only for a month tops,” Joshua explained as he placed her drink down on the table, himself sliding into the chair across from hers.

“You won’t take more time off for a vacation? Helping out with wedding stuff isn’t fun. Why not take a vacation while you’re there too? Hang out with old friends,” Lisa said.

“An abandon all of my patients? This lovely café that I spent a lot of money on?” Joshua said, eyebrows raising into his hairline.

“Workaholic,” she teased.

“Yea, well my patients love me. Even if they’re seeing me because they’re sick,” he retorted.

opened. “Oh my god. What if your patients don’t like me? What if they ask if what I did with Dr. Hong?”

Joshua laughed at the panicked look on her face. “I’ll make sure to leave a note and a phone call to all my patients. That way they won’t try to eviscerate you on the first day. You’ll have to come in maybe a week to acclimate yourself to the clinic and my work partner.”

“The one who does the herbal medicines and things?”

“Yea. The older folks and some of the youngers one prefer it to the regular old here are some pills to relieve the symptoms. Even if I do tell them alternatives to western medicine.” Joshua shrugged. “Maybe my baby face makes them not believe me.”

She started laughing, hard enough to bang on the table a few times. “Baby. Face.” Letting out another round of giggles she said, “Please.”

“Hey,” Joshua said. “I’ll have you know it’s not my just my patients who tell me. It’s a lot of other people too.”

As Lisa let the giggles peter out she got up and looked at him. She nodded. “Ok. I concede. You do have a rather babyish face. Sort of. You’ve slimmed down a lot though coming back from Korea. It’s very elegant. But your aura.” She shook her head. “Nothing babyish about that.”

“I try to keep a very calm, cheerful feeling about me during work,” he said raising a brow. “I don’t carry myself the same everywhere.”

She laughed, smacking him on the arm. “Don’t we know it. You snake.”

“I’m not a snake,” Joshua protested.

Her phone went off. “. I’ve got to go. Call me when you want me to come in to get used to the ropes for the month you’ll be gone.”

“I’m not a snake Lisa!”

“Whatever you say Josh.” She replied back, running out the doors of the café, drink in hand.

Joshua sighed and stood up going back to the counter.

“Girlfriend, cousin?”

“No, Michael. She’s as likely to be my girlfriend as when you get one.” He raised a brow at him, “And we all know that’s not going to happen ever. ‘Mr. I’m gay parents deal with it. Hey cousins I’m gay you’ which was completely unnecessary. I could care less.”

“That’s you. Some of the other ones,” he said trailing off.

“Need to get their head out of their asses. I know,” Joshua nodded. “If they don’t, when it comes time for family reunions, here’s what you do. Get one of your biggest buffest gay friends to pose as your boyfriend and rub it in their faces. I’ll sit back and support you and laugh as they make the most disgusted faces ever.”

Michael laughed. “Oh my lord. Everyone says that you’re the nicest one of us all. But some of the you say.”

“It’s called being grown up and learning new things. Can’t be the angel forever.” Joshua shrugged.

“More like you never one at all,” Katy said as she walked out of the kitchen with a tray of muffins.

“Hey,” Joshua said, offended. “I’m nice.”

Michael started snickering on the side.

“You’re nice. But you’re definitely not an angel. The stuff you would do to the kids who pissed you off or hurt your friends.” She shook her head as she placed the muffins in the glass display. “You were more like an avenging angel. Now you’re a workaholic one.”

“What’s wrong with my lifestyle? And they deserved it,” Joshua said defending himself.

She finished placing the muffins, putting down the tray on the counter. Moving over, she started petting him on the head, straining her arm a bit. “Sweet, sweet, sweet Joshua. All work and no play make you a dull boy. And no one wants to date a dull boy. Right Michael?”

Michael who just about expired on the floor from laughing, picked himself up and quipped out, “Yup. Even the gay ones won’t want to date you. Doctor or not.”

“I don’t want to date,” Joshua said flatly, crossing his arms. “I have no use for relationships. Not now and not in the foreseeable future.”

“Awww, no grandbabies for mama Hong?” Katy said, teasing.

“No husbands? Or husbands with babies?” Michael said with a wink.

“None,” Joshua flatly said.

“You dated in Korea right?” Michael asked.

For a spilt second Joshua wanted to throw up. Korea. He had to go back there. And see him. His friends would want too even if he could avoid it for a bit he’d have to see him. .

“No,” Joshua said, shaking his head, lying through his teeth. “Didn’t date anyone there either.”

“Such a dull boy,” Katy tsked. “Look at you nearing your mid 30s and still single. While Max is set to be married soon. Such a great role model you are.”

“Are your parents hounding you Katy? Is that why you’re hounding me?”

Katy had the grace to blush a bit. “When are they not,” she mumbled.

Joshua sighed. “Listen. You’re a growing woman. A couple of years out of college. You’re young. Stand up for yourself and tell them to back off and that’ll you’re looking. Just haven’t found the right one yet.”

“If only if were that easy,” she said quietly.

“Do you want me to talk to them for you? I’ll come up with some claptrap and you’ll be home free for a while.”

“Will you?” She said, eyes lighting up. “You’re like the poster child for all things achieved even if you’re currently single.

Michael snorted. “Poster child indeed.”

“Need me to talk to your parents too Michael,” Joshua raised his brow in question. “Hmm?”

He looked down at his feet. “I’m tired of hearing I know some nice Korean boys Michael. A friend’s son.”

Joshua took a long look at the two of them, their youth really showed at times like these. “Sometimes I forget how young you two are. I’ll talk to them.”

“Thanks Joshua,” Katy hugged him before skipping back into the kitchen.

“I’d hug you but I know you don’t like them much,” Michael said.

Mouth raised in an upward quirk, Joshua said, “Force of habit.” Joshua turned away, starting to wipe down the counter with a towel.

“You know. For someone who said he didn’t date in Korea,” Michael started, biting his lip before continuing, “you looked like you came back devastated by something.”

He stopped. Letting out a long sigh, “Michael, that’s none of your business,” he said softly, “and my dad just died.”

“What do you mean it isn’t any of my business?”

Voice as cold as ice, Joshua said,  “Exactly what I said Michael. It. Isn’t. Any. Of. Your. Business. So drop it.”

Michael stepped back, surprised at the cold fury in Joshua’s eyes. “I just wanted to say that I’m here if you need me.”

“I told you it wasn’t any of your business. And you have no room to talk. We weren’t that close either until you started working here since Benji asked you if you needed a part time job. Don’t you dare say anything.” Joshua didn’t need people prying into his business.

“I just wanted to be of some help,” Michael whispered. He started towards the kitchen. “I won’t ask again then. Thanks for going to talk to my parents.”  He moved quickly. Most likely to talk to Katy about Joshua and his iciness.

Deflating, Joshua tore off the apron, nearly stomping to the employee changing rooms. He threw the apron in angrily. How dare Michael? He had no right to question Joshua about anything when Joshua didn’t bother him about his lifestyle of going through guys like t-shirts. Bringing up his past, reminding Joshua of Jeonghan now. Slamming the locker shut, he clocked out and informed the front workers that he’d be gone for the rest of the day.

 Joshua tore across the parking lot and into his car. He had other things to do anyhow. Meddling, nosy people had no place in his life.

The seagulls squawked, the ocean moved, the beach was alive. People milling about everywhere: playing volleyball, laying about in the sun, chatting, flirting, swimming. It was enough to drown out a person’s thoughts.

 Joshua headed towards an uphill area, a secluded spot. He needed to breathe, yell, think. Calm himself down. Having to go back to the source of the biggest heartbreak of his life was getting to him, and he wasn’t even out of the country yet. He didn’t think he could handle one month in Korea.

Hugging himself, he stood up on little cliff looking down on the beach. Joshua shivered. He woke up this morning with tears on his cheeks and a heavy feeling. The dream had been hazy but he remembered enough.

‘Hey, when are you going back to LA?’

‘Tomorrow. I told you thousand times already.’

Whining, Jeonghan threw him a pout. ‘How long are you staying?’

‘Jeonghan, I told you how long I was going to be gone too. A week.’

More whining. ‘A week is too long. What am I going to do without you?’

Movement. Close to him. Arms around him. Breathing on his neck. A kiss. A nuzzle. ‘Don’t leave me.’

Turning. Eyes wide, confused. ‘Jeonghan?’

‘Don’t leave me. Please. I love you. Don’t leave me.’

Joshua woke up to tears and a rapidly beating heart. He curled into himself feeling like he wanted to die. It was a dream. No, a nightmare. It was a nightmare mocking him of all the times Jeonghan had whined and pleaded for him not to leave him. Jeonghan had broken up with Joshua first. In terse words and hurried movements. Leaving him to pick up the pieces. And Joshua had been sent reeling months later with news of his dad’s illness and then the news of Jeonghan’s wedding. In the aftermath Joshua had left it all behind, only for his world to begin spinning once again.

He clawed himself back up from the brink of destruction and here he was made to go back to where everything fell apart for him. He didn’t think he could take it.

Feeling it all bubble up, Joshua wanted to claw out his heart and throw it away. Instead, he sat on that cliff for a few hours, watching the sun set.

A/N: I'm doing a little thing. do read the rules first.