“But I’m lying, I’m so very far from fine.” Twenty One Pilots, “Fall Away” (via wnq-music)

6 Years Later:

“Goodbye Dr. Hong!” The twins sing songed together, as they ran to their parents.

“Don’t come back any time soon,” he teased. “Take care of yourselves.” Joshua smiled at their enthusiasm even when he had to give them their shots.

The two of them smiled, holding onto the little treat that they chose from Joshua’s stash. Their parents laughed and gave Joshua their thanks before ushering the twins out of the clinic.

Joshua stretched his arms, letting out a small yawn. Looking up at the clock, he noticed that it was time to close. He stacked the files in his office and took them outside to the receptionist to file away. Going back in to his office, Joshua slowly did inventory.

 As he brought down the metal grate over the clinic doors, he waved good bye to his coworker who handled the older clientele who felt safer in the hands of herbalist.

Joshua had taken over his mother’s business. While he was a doctor he primarily worked in western medicine and his knowledge of holistic treatments needed brushing up as he left it behind in Korea and worked at Shriners for the last several years. So, he had taken on someone else to pick up the area that his mother left.

Adding himself into the office as a western medicine doctor did wonders for the business. The business now took care of both sides; the modern family and the patients who wanted more traditional methods. Even the random hipster who wanted to try herbal methods but didn’t speak Asian languages to communicated with the older herbalists.

The process to become a licensed clinic took some time and quite a bit of money for renovations but it was necessary. His mom would never forgive him if he closed down her office, even if she couldn’t work as much anymore.

The cancer had hit hard and fast. He called in several favors with fellow doctors to get his mom a fighting chance. It had been touch and go for a few months but finally after surgery and some chemo things seemed ok. The checkups were often and the money for insurance and bills were slightly draining but it was doable. It had to be. Joshua wouldn’t lose his mom.

Joshua was busier than when he worked at the hospital, running your own business wasn’t as easy as working under someone else. He spent most of his time here at the clinic and then on the weekends Joshua spent his afternoon and evening hours at the café.

In a bid to have another pool of money to draw upon, Joshua agreed to become a partner in the opening of a café. An up and coming café that was gathering quite the following; two of his other cousins and himself partnered together to open it up.

Between the clinic, the café, and making sure his mom was as healthy as she could be, Joshua barely had any time to himself. His guitar collected dust in its case; he hadn’t touched it in years. Joshua ate, worked, and worked some more. His normal routine included: breakfast with his mom, off to open the clinic, lunch, clinic, home, dinner with his mom, some mindless anime, sleep. Rinse and repeat. Except the weekends he replaced the clinic hours for café work. It would be bleak if Joshua even had the time to think about it, but there wasn’t much extra time at all.

Today something new popped up. Vernon and Seungkwan were here for a visit. Joshua changed his routine for the friends he hadn’t seen in person in the last three years ago. The two of them planned to stay in L.A. for a week. Joshua agreed to see them and take them around.

Their visit had been abrupt and unplanned. The two literally called Joshua the day before their flight asking him if he was free. While he wasn’t free in a sense, Joshua made time for them. But it seemed odd for the two of them to pop up in the states without telling him way in advance. Joshua would find out exactly why they were here later.

He got into his car and drove to their hotel. He would’ve taken them in but Joshua knew he wouldn’t be around and it was simpler for them not to know about his current problems now. Joshua didn’t want to burden them with his ongoing issues. Arriving at the hotel parking lot, he called Vernon. “Hey, I’m outside. I’m in the blue Honda.”

Vernon laughed, “No luxury car for Dr. Hong?”

Joshua snorted, “Not when it’s unnecessary. I paid a decent amount for this car anyhow. The idea of dropping a cool 60K on something like a BMW or Mercedes makes me cringe, doctor salary or not. Mr. Chwe, are you going to get into this poor doctor’s car or not?”

Joshua heard Seungkwan in the background screaming in Korean, “Hansolie, stop messing with Shua hyung before he leaves us to go back home!”

Snickering into his hand, “You heard him Hansolie,” Joshua teased.

Vernon grumbled, “We’ll be down,” hanging up on Joshua.  

Joshua laughed. He got out of the car, leaning against it to wait for Vernon and Seungkwan. It’d been too long since he had seen any of his friends face to face beyond the occasional video chat. He missed them: Seokmin’s unrelenting smiles and loud outbursts, Mingyu’s over eagerness, Soonyoung’s unfailing happiness, Minghao’s cuteness until riled, Jun’s greasy lines, Wonwoo’s love of food, Jihoon’s tiny body full of fight and music, Chan’s love of Michael Jackson, Seungkwan’s sassiness, Vernon’s extra ordinary personality, Seungcheol’s sturdiness, and Jeonghan’s—.

Clenching his fists, he let out a deep sigh. He didn’t want to miss anything about Jeonghan, at all. But he did when he thought about him, rare as it was: the kisses, the sweet whispers, the loving gazes. He missed Jeonghan like a missing limb.

Joshua jerked out of his trance hearing Seungkwan’s voice. Loud as ever, he thought fondly. He turned towards the noise and watched as Seungkwan and Vernon walked to him. Seungkwan waving cheerfully shouting, “Shua hyung! I missed you!” Vernon trailing after his boyfriend as normal sighing but sneaking smiling glances at him. Joshua smiled at how cute they were. It was best to forget everything that happened between him and Jeonghan. Nothing would change now.

Joshua drove them to one of his favorite places to eat in L.A, a hole in the wall Italian restaurant owned and family operated for years. He had been a regular back when he worked at the hospital and he was always warmly welcomed. The owner would pester him about marriage and children and he would shrug them off and laugh along with her sons as she tried to push them to have kids.

 She welcomed Joshua with a hug and kiss, happy to see him with friends for once. He normally came in by himself or with one or two coworkers when he did work at the hospital. Now a days, he came once a month with his mom. She moved them to a more private area after patting Joshua on the cheek and hugging Vernon and Seungkwan as well.

“Still popular with the older ladies huh Josh,” Vernon said with a smirk.

Kicking him underneath the table, Joshua scoffed. “As always? No. She’s like a second mother to me. I hang out with her sons on occasion actually. We’re friends.”

“You haven’t been secluding yourself in your room after work like we thought you would be?” Seungkwan threw in.

“No, I haven’t.” Joshua said. It was more or less the truth. Granted more often than not he went home and just died on his bed with his pets, but some days he would go to the beach or hang out with his friends. Less often than his mom would like but work kept him tired. No matter how much he slept, when he actually had the time, Joshua felt like he was exhausted down to his bones. But they didn’t need to know that. He coped just fine.

Vernon hummed as he drank his lemonade. “Are you dating anyone? The last time we asked you made a noise and moved on to the next question.”

Joshua sighed, wishing at that moment he actually drank still, he would need it if they were going to ask questions like this. But he cut drinking when he got back to LA, focusing purely on the ‘Doctor heal thyself’ mantra. “I did. A while back,” he looked up to the ceiling thinking. Man, it had been too long if he had to concentrate and think about it. “About a two years ago. I probably didn’t hear you when you asked last time. I was single then.”

“What happened?” Seungkwan asked, dipping the bread in olive oil and then feeding it to Vernon.

Joshua smiled as Vernon opened his mouth unconsciously and ate what was offered to him. “She broke up with me. Complained that I worked too much and didn’t spend enough time with her. A grade ‘A’ workaholic she called me,” he said, shrugging.

“Hyung,” Seungkwan said, eyes swerving to him disappoint clear. “How are you going to have a relationship if you’re working all the time? Even if you’re a doctor people won’t date you unless you actually spend time with them.”

Laughing he running his hand through his hair. “Are you my mother now Seungkwan? I’m too busy anyhow with the clinic and the café. No time for relationships here.” Joshua leaned his elbow onto the table, giving them a teasing smile.

“No baby Hongs running around? No urge for kids?” Vernon asked, munching on bread.

“Definitely not,” Joshua countered. “I’ve worked with kids for a long time. While they’re cute, I have no time or need to have one attached to me 24/7.” He didn’t mention the fact that the years he spent at the children’s hospital made him feel helpless when he couldn’t tell the child they’d be able to go home. That he couldn’t find the cure because it didn’t exist, or when the disease ran its course too soon and too fast. Working at a children’s hospital was fine, until he lost one.

Joshua knew the rules, the ideals, and the stances to take on patient death; it just always hit harder when he had to be the one to say the ugly words of ‘I’m sorry’. Watching children die put him off having his own children for life.

“I’m not ready to settle down yet. You two on the other hand. How long has it been since you’ve been together? If anyone is settling down for the long haul it’s you two.”

Seungkwan looked down, cheeks getting red, body shifting into itself. Vernon ruffled the back of his own hair, looking away from Joshua to the side. Joshua looked at them suspiciously. “Are you two hiding something from me?”

They let out nervous laughter. Vernon looked to Seungkwan with soft eyes and replied, “We, well, we were thinking of getting married. Here, in LA, since we had the opportunity.”

Seungkwan smiled back. Joshua would vomit if he didn’t find it cute. The two of them looked back to him. Seungkwan nudged Vernon who elbowed him back. This went on until Joshua got tired of looking at it. “What do you two want to ask me? I’m assuming you want to ask me something.” He looked at them like a disapproving parent: one eyebrow raised, folded arms, eyes demanding.

He cleared his throat. “We’d like for you to be our witness. You know since they need one to be there. We’d like it to be you,” Seungkwan smiled.

“Since you helped us get together and all,” Vernon said voice gruff, trying to hid how emotional this was making him.

Joshua blinked at them, batting his long lashes stupidly. “Me? I didn’t do much to get you two going.” All he had done was shove them in a closet and take away the key, waiting for them to do something. Which they had. The two had a minor fight, until Joshua heard a thud and some rather loud kissing noises. He unlocked the thing and hightailed it out of there.

“Hyung!” Seungkwan whined. “You did.” He folded his fingers over Vernon’s, “If you haven’t left us there we probably wouldn’t have done anything.”

Joshua chuckled, shaking his head in denial. “You would’ve gotten there eventually. I haven’t seen two people who care for each other like that in a long while.”

“But you have to be our witness. You pushed us. Please?” Seungkwan’s eyes went wide, almost tearing up on cue to make Joshua give in.

“You know the answer is yes. I’m the only one here.” He smirked, “Not to mention I have to record it for everyone else to see.”

Vernon laughed. “We’re planning a reception back home. For everyone to be together with us. Maybe a mini wedding too depending on our budget.”

“Will you come? For our pseudo-wedding?” Seungkwan asked, eyes bright.

Joshua gave them a weak smile. There was honestly too much to do. He opened his mouth only to get cut off.

“It’d be nice you know. To have my fellow bro there.” Vernon said looking at him imploringly.

The two of them were close. Their ability to speak English, odd rapport, and combined dorkiness made them close friends. Brothers in a way that the others couldn’t quite reach.

“I don’t think I can,” Joshua grimaced. He’d be too afraid of what would happen if he left for something like that. Not to mention a small part of him wanted to never see Jeonghan again. He stopped them before they could ask. “The clinic.”

Vernon’s face fell. But he nodded. They were adults. Joshua had a business, an important one. He understood but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

“I’m sorry. I would if I could.” Joshua said reaching over to clasp Vernon’s left forearm. Vernon clasped back with hand, nodding in understanding.

“You’ll be here at the least.” He said. Joshua smiled softly at him.

Seungkwan pouted a bit, “Well, this is what happens when you live across several oceans and a lot of countries away.”

At that moment, the food came out marking the end of their conversation.

Driving back home, Joshua mentally reshuffled some of his own schedule around in order to pencil in time with Vernon and Seungkwan. There were a lot of things to do to make sure they had enough time to get their documents in order. Half of the process was done that they gathered everything, but there were a few more steps still. Then Joshua also to make sure he had time to bring them to city hall, get them hitched, and back to the café for a nice celebratory dinner, even if there was no one else here besides him.

He drove into the driveway noting that his uncle’s car was on the street as well as his other aunt’s. Why would they here? They’d usually only come on weekends or for special family events. Parking his car in the garage, Joshua grabbed his bag and slowly walked into the house. As soon as he pushed the door open, he heard Ichigo bark and Shu meow loudly saying their welcome backs to him.

Walking in, he was greeted by his uncle, his wife, his aunt and his mom. They stayed on the couch. But Joshua’s pets on the other hand weren’t so subdued. Ichigo crashed into his legs with a large woof while Shu huffed in disdain at Ichigo’s behavior but came over to rub himself over Joshua’s legs as well.

“Joshua, you’re home. Come join us after you dropped off your bag and changed,” his mom said, smiling at how the pets greeted Joshua as usual.

Joshua ruffled Ichigo’s head and picked up Shu. He nodded to everyone letting out a small hi as he went up the stairs to his room, Ichigo following as per usual. Shu rubbed himself all over Joshua’s neck settling down like a scarf. Looking down at Ichigo’s excitement, he said out loud, “Do you know why they’re here girl?” He laughed as she gave a sneeze. Turning his head to Shu, “And what about you? Do you know?” Shu whapped his tail on his chest before flicking it lightly across his face. Sputtering as he caught a bit of cat fur in his mouth, “I’ll take that as a no then. Off Shu, I need to change.”

He stripped, throwing his clothes in the hamper. He pulled his shirt from out under Shu who yawned, flashing Joshua his tiny fangs as if saying I’ll get you for that later.

“You know what happens when you sit on my clothes like that,” Joshua said offhandedly to Shu. He grabbed a pair of new sweats. “Come on you two. Let’s see what the family is up to.”

He walked down the stairs, saying hi once again to his Uncle Jeremey, his wife Aunt Emily, and his Aunt Theresa, noting that his mom wasn’t in the living room with them. Ichigo and Shu followed him down the stairs, parking their behinds near him as he sat on the other couch.

“How’s the clinic Joshua?” Aunt Theresa asked.

Joshua would’ve stared at her in a side eye if it wasn’t impolite. Every time a relative started out with asking him how the clinic was, it signaled that they wanted something from him. Something that normally took him away from the clinic.

“The clinic is doing fine.” Joshua really wanted to just make them stop beating around the bush. He’d ask out right, but his mom was home and no doubt in the kitchen. She heard everything no matter where he was and she’d whack him one if Joshua was being impolite. “What’s up? Something wrong with the family?” It’s better for him to push this along before they start in on the small talk.

His mom came from the kitchen with a new batch of tea in the pot and a cup of water for Joshua. He didn’t drink tea as an avid coffee addict.

“No. Nothing wrong per say,” Uncle Jeremey said.

“So…?” Joshua felt the ache of the day weighing down on him and he could sense that whatever his uncle wanted it would be something very painful.

“Max is getting married.” Aunt Emily said.

“Oh, congratulations. But a text would’ve been fine.” He looked at them, raising his brows, “Unless there’s more to it than that.”

The two of them looked at each other, clearly anxious for some reason. If this involved Max, why was Aunt Theresa here. Unless they needed her for extra support.

“We don’t— “She shook her head. “We can’t leave the store and the kids to help him.”

“We wanted to know if you could go over to Seoul and help him with what was needed,” he held his hands up, “we’d provide all the money for Max’s needs and for you to fly over. We just need someone there to help him along the process until the actual wedding day.”

“Things like buying and setting up a house. Planning the wedding in some capacity,” Aunt Emily twisted her hands. “He’s young and while he’s smart there are somethings that he needs help with.” She gave him a soft smile. “You’ve had experience living there alone, making your own decisions. He needs a guiding hand. Can you go to Korea to help him Joshua?”