12: Holding Back

Cracking my neck in mild irritation, I gave up on my seventh minute of attempting to nap. I uncurled myself stiffly on one of the unyielding swivel chairs in the conference room we were currently lounging in, wearily scanning the room to see what the others were up to.

Hobi-ah, Taehyung-ah, and Jimin-ie were huddled together in front of my iPad, watching Youtuber reaction videos of our new MV Spring Day. From the sound of the incessant squealing coming from the portable speakers and the trio’s idiotic grins, it looked like the response was good. Jungkook-ie was fiddling with his new toy—the third camera he’d bought so far in the past six months. He swung the gadget my way, wielding it like a weapon. I tsked and covered my face, waving him off.

“Aish, Yoongi-hyung, just one photo,” he whined, waddling closer to me.

“No,” I snapped, pulling the edge of my hoodie down further down from my forehead. Our maknae sighed and shuffled off, training his lenses on Namjoon instead, who was alternating between pretending to read a book (he hadn’t turned a ing page in the past hour) and checking his phone.

I smirked and shifted my gaze over to Jin-hyung. At least this one didn’t bother putting up a façade: he was staring at his cell, unmoving, as if willing it to do something on its own.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think these two were pining. Over what or who, I wasn’t really sure if I was mentally ready to find out. Finding out meant supporting. Supporting meant long talks and giving advice. Long talks and giving advice meant I had to listen. I loved these boys and I’d lend both ears any day if they had problems, but I don’t think I’d be of any help if the dilemma had something to do with the affairs of the heart. I couldn’t even take care of my own.

Still, I couldn’t help but worry. Jin-hyung and Namjoon-ah had been acting out of sorts the past few weeks, especially since Chin-ah announced her pregnancy—and even more so after the incident with Sung Jae in her apartment. Everyone was pretty much pissed off—even Kookie wanted to storm out of the van and throw a few punches on the bastard’s face—but these two are going around like they didn’t know what to do with themselves.

It’s been ten days since we last saw Chin—Namjoon-ah said she was okay, and the staff mentioned working with her recently for the tour preparations, so I knew she didn’t lock herself up at home. Guilt seeped into my gut. We’d been extremely busy with shooting Not Today and preparing for our Spring Day comeback performances that we never got the chance to personally check in on her the way we intended to.

That, or we simply didn’t make the effort to find time. I cringed in shame, my eyes lowering to the paper bag I brought with me this morning. I gathered a couple of things for Chin and they’d been sitting at the corner of my studio for days. Today would be a good day as any to give them to her, right?

Feeling somewhat better with my decision, I fished my phone out from my pocket and dialed her number.

It took three rings before she answered. “Yoboseyeo?”

“Ya Chin-ah,” I murmured. I definitely did not miss the way our eldest and leader perked up rather significantly from the other side of the room. I fought back a smirk. “You in the building?”

“Hi, oppa. Yeah. I’m in my office. I’m discussing the budget for US, but I’m almost done. Wae? Do you need anything?” she replied, sounding tired. I frowned, turning my chair slightly away from Jin-hyung and Namjoon-ah’s probing stares. They thought they were being subtle. I rolled my eyes.

“I’ve got something for you. Take a break, yeah? I’ll come to you.” I experimentally raised the volume of my voice, watching out for the two’s reactions.

Widened eyes and phones put away. Interesting.

“Oh. Sure. I’m wrapping things up with Soohyun-ssi. Come on right up.”

“Hmm.” I tapped the red icon on my screen to end the call, grabbing my paper bag and pocketing my phone. I stretched my aching back briefly before waving lazily to no one in particular. “I’m going out to see Chin. I’ll be back.” I headed for the doors, shaking my head slightly at two particular members’ dumbstruck expressions.

“Hyung! I wanna come,” Jungkook-ie announced, depositing his camera into its bag and slinging it quickly over his shoulder. “Can I?”

 I shrugged. “Kajja,” I replied, swinging the glass doors open. “Let’s bring Chin-ah to the café.”

Jungkook-ie frowned. “Shouldn’t noona be staying away from coffee, though?”

Aish. He’s right. “Maybe she wants tea or something decaf.”

We took the short ride up to the eleventh floor and trudged to Chin’s office, stopping every now and then to bow at the staff greeting us every which way.

The door was slightly ajar, muted female voices drifting out to the corridor. I hesitated, holding the knob lightly.

“Yoongi-oppa? Is that you?” Chin-ah called from the inside.

“Hm.” Figured I might as well come in. I swung the door gently. She was hunched over a small pile of paperwork, her trusty red pen flying across sheets of numbers a few more times before setting it down. The accountant’s assistant (I assumed she was the Soohyun-ssi) was seated across her, folders and envelops on hand. I pulled Jungkook-ah inside and we bowed at the lady. She looked to be just a bit older than us.

Soohyun-ssi’s eyes were wide and her cheeks were flushed. The budgeting must be really intense, I thought drily, pasting a polite smile on my face.

“Um, I-I should go,” she stammered, jumping off her chair and gathering her papers hastily. “Thank you for making time today, Chin-ssi. So sorry for the mix-up.”

Chin frowned, helping the woman collect the sheets. “It’s no problem, it happens more than you think,” she assured her with a weary but sincere smile.

I stood there awkwardly with a frozen Jungkook, watching the animated exchange. Soohyun-ssi was gone in a flash, scurrying around us to dash out the door.

Jungkook seemed to recover as soon as she left. “Is she okay?” he wondered aloud, pointing at the direction she ran off to.

Chin chuckled lightly. “I think she just got assaulted by your visuals,” she answered, shaking her head. “It’s her first time seeing you. She’s new.”

I sat on the seat across Chin. “How’s everything?”

A sigh escaped her lips. She pursed them and blew on strands of hair on her forehead that came loose from her ponytail. “How is everything, really,” she shrugged. “Your tours are always a crazy time for us. But we survive. Somehow.” She shut off her laptop and gently folded it close. “So what’s up? No schedule for today?” she asked, rubbing her eyes and leaning back.

I saw worry in Jungkook-ie’s eyes, and I knew they mirrored my own. “Noona, you shouldn’t work too hard,” our youngest cajoled, frowning.

“And let you guys have all the fun? Never,” Chin smiled, her eyes crinkling despite the fatigue.

I stood up, rounding her desk and grabbing her hand. “Come on, let’s get you out of this box for a bit.” I tugged gently.

She reluctantly got up, dislodging from my grip to press both hands on her lower back. “Ouch,” she muttered, stretching. She yawned and grabbed her purse. “I could use a break. Where to?”

We ended up bunched together at the corner seats of our favorite café just two blocks from BigHit. Jungkook happily munched on his blueberry muffin while I sipped my usual Americano. Thankfully, there weren’t many customers hanging around—just a couple of men in business suits and a group of college kids who were too busy mourning over their notebooks and ten-inch books to recognize us.

Chin was frowning at her hot coco. “I miss coffee,” she sighed, taking a tentative sip.

Feeling guilty for enjoying mine, I cleared my throat and set my cup on the far side of the table. “You can get decaffeinated, if you want,” I suggested, noting the dark circled under her eyes. She must not be resting as much as she should, I noted with a grimace.

Chin shrugged, setting her mug down. “It’s okay. I’m trying to be careful with everything I eat and drink.” She lowered a hand to her belly. “This one decided that it’s time for morning sickness.”

Jungkook swallowed, eyes bugging out. “You throw up a lot now, noona?” he asked, unaware of how Chin cringed a bit at the sound of the honorific she hated the most. She indulged Kookie, though, not saying anything about it.

“Yeah,” she muttered, smiling wryly. “But it’s normal, don’t worry.”

There it is. I almost flinched at her mantra. I unsuccessfully tried to hide my scowl, which Chin happily ignored.

Jungkook set his muffin down, shuddering. “I saw a little of the pregnancy book that Namjoon-hyung gave you,” he recalled, making a face. “The changes in your body must be scary.”

“Kook-ah,” I warned, shooting him a pointed look. I knew Chin was like a sister to our youngest and he meant no offense, but damn this boy had no filter.

The realization came after a split second.

“Namjoon-ah gave you a pregnancy book?” I echoed. I didn’t know that. Interesting.

Chin had a faraway look in her eyes for a brief moment before she answered. “Yeah, he got me a couple of guide books. He gave them to me the last time… we all had dinner." She turned to Jungkook who was flushing a bright red. “It’s okay, Jungkook-ie. It does look scary in the books. But not all the changes are bad.”

No they aren’t, I couldn’t help but think. Chin was tired, that part was obvious, but it wasn’t hard to see that she was also taking care of her body for the sake of the baby. I knew it would be a while before she showed a belly bump or whatever it’s called, but even I noticed the other subtle differences in her.

She was still pale, but her cheeks were a little bit fuller now. She seemed to have gained weight—though she could certainly use some more filling up. And speaking of filling up—I’d go to hell for it for sure but there was no w