"I'm looking for Lonsdale, do you know this place?" I asked the man who was staying in his trailer. I figured the best way to my way around was to seek for the locals, I searched up Lonsdale on Google Maps, and nothing came up.

The man eyed the map carefully, scratched his chin and mumbled, "Hmm, interesting..." he took out his glasses. "Adele?" he hollered. "Could you come over a second?"

In no time, a chirpy and stout woman walked over to us, draped in an apron. "What is it, Harold?" 

"This boy here is searching for a place called Lonsdale, as said by the map. Do you recall of such a place?" Harold asked his wife. "You studied maps when you were young, what do you reckon?"

Adele studied the map in my hands, her fingers tracing the dots I had made. "Say, are you on a treasure or something, my boy?"

I laughed nervously, "Y-yeah, something like that. And I'm hoping I'll find something in Lonsdale, hopefully something from my mom."

"Well I'm sorry to break it to you, honey, but Lonsdale doesn't exist." she answered. "Lonsdale is a paper town, marked on a map to avoid original maps from being plagarized. I would know, because I was a cartographer once - I named my paper town Ekko." she winked.

Disappointment and confusion hit me. "That can't be," I frowned. "Why would my mom hide something in a place that doesn't even exist? Are you sure there's no such place?"

She could tell I was desperate, "I'm sorry, honey, I'm extra sure this place does not exist," then she thought for a second. "Although, there was a incident where a paper town actually became real. There was a fictional hamlet called Agloe, and it stayed that way until someone opened up a general store there and hence Agloe became real. Who knows, maybe that's what your mother meant?" 

I recalled something awfully similar in a John Green book, but coincidences were far too perfect to plot. Besides, that book was published years after my mom planned out her so-called treasure hunt. To make matters worse, I didn't know my mom at that time, much less  understand what was going on in her mind-

But someone did.

I was debating whether it was the right thing to do, because if I did then my whole cover might go up in smoke (maybe throw in a few cops and sirens in the mix, I wasn't sure how badly Aunt Tiffany would react if I called after not responding after close to almost five days. For all I knew, she'd have everyone in the country searching for me like some dangerous fugitive) but I had a strong feeling I would never get my answers if I didn't ask her.

I sighed and pressed the buttons, letting the beeping sound emerge. I counted down the seconds before someone picked up on the other side. "Hello?" I said wearily.

"MARK LEE!" Aunt Tiffany screamed over the line. "Do you have any idea how worried we were? We've been looking everywhere for you!"

"I know, Aunt Tiffany. I'm sorry I made you worry, I'm fine. I just..." I pursed my lips. "I have some things I need to do before I come back, trust me it's not anything dangerous, I just need some time off that's all."

"Mark, if you have a problem you know that you can tell any of us. We're here for you, there's no need to run away." she choked.

That was why I hesitated on calling. "I'll be back soon, I just want to get things done. It's about my mom, Aunt Tiffany, I need your help."

"Your mom?" she exclaimed. "She wouldn't want you running away without a word like this, not even one bit!"

"She left a trail, Aunt Tiffany!" I interrupted. "Her journal, she even left a map for this scavenger hunt - I just wanted to finish where she left off. If not, I'll never forgive myself. And you know how much she matters to me."

She was silent for a moment, then she sighed, "What do you mean, Mark?"

"You were best friends with her, so you spent a lot of time with her - did she ever mention a place called Lonsdale?" 

"Lonsdale?" she asked. "I don't remember much, but I think she once said that it didn't really exist and thought she had been fooled. She wanted the place to be real, and so every semester break she would drive out of campus to who knows where to 'build her town', at least that's what she told me everytime I asked her."

"So she never told you where this place was exactly?"

"No, I'm sorry Mark. As much as I knew your mom, there were some things she never told me - like who's your dad, or what secrets she said were too sacred to tell."

I knew.

Still, I didn't tell her that. "I-It's fine, Aunt Tiffany. But I did ask the locals about it, and one of them said Lonsdale might exist if someone had the intention of making it real. Don't worry I'll figure something out, and I'll be back soon. I promise."

"Mark honey," she suddenly said, I could tell her tone was sympathetic. "I understand how much you miss your mom, and getting to know a bit more about her means so much to you - but don't be so hard on yourself. I'll tell Doc that you're okay, and Donghyuck has been searching for you non-stop too."

"He is?" I questioned. "Tell both of them that I'll be back soon and there's nothing to worry about."

That was when she sighed, "I've taken care of you for more than ten years, Mark, do you really think you can hide your feelings from me? You're not telling me everything, I'm sure of it. But for whatever reason, I won't force you to tell if you're not ready. But when you are, you know we're always here for you no matter the wreckage."

No matter the wreckage...

"I'll keep that in mind, Aunt Tiffany," I answered before ending the call. I looked up at the sky and let out a breath, sombre as it lifted some kind of weight off my shoulders. It may have been because I had finally explained myself to Aunt Tiffany, so technically I was no longer defying her orders. 'No matter the wreckage', she had said. You see, when it came to words - I loved and hated them, and for this phrase it made me smile. 

I flipped to the page where I had wrote my unfinished poem, ignored it and wrote on the clean side of it.

'No matter your wreckage, your cracks and splinters,
Your broken heart that was scarred and severed-

Then I came to a halt, I was at a stump for ideas to continue the poem. I could not fathom anything else rather than the beginning of it all, ugly and sad; I knew how the poem was supposed to go but I couldn't express it in words. Did I not believe it?

I looked up and spotted a plane flying over my head, it reminded me of Riley who was probably flying to Seoul at the moment. Soon not only would we be in different parts of the world, opposite timelines and lifestyles - I would be completely disconnected to her. something real as if I was heading back to Larson House as time slowed down with the mansion in the woods. 

How much did I matter to you? I thought about something Riley had said, that we were all made of matter - and matter could not be destroyed or created, but it was everchanging and could only be converted based on circumstances. If that was the case, how much did I really matter to Riley Andrews since the first day we met? And after all this time, how much did I matter compared to everything else in her life?

Then came the thought of my mom and Robert Lautner, and their 'one-night stand' (I assumed it was like that anyway). How could someone think lending their heart to another just for a while would mean no harm? Maybe it was just me and my perception of how feelings should have worked - and it was that feelings were never meant to be gambled. 

But how could my opinions be so different to the very person I was related to?

Did she ever matter to you?

*Donghyuck's P.O.V*

We stopped by the next gas station, and it was three in the morning. I realized we had been travelling for almost five days straight, and most of us must had felt like stinking trash. The rest of the gang got out of the car, along with their extra clothes and stuff. 

"Hurry up, we've got twenty minutes!" I could hear someone (possibly Lucas) hollering and ushering every else to hurry. I knew better than to wait like that, I opted to stay in the truck and get out at the final ten minutes. Felix tapped my shoulder, "You want anything?": he asked.

"Whatever's gonna last me the next six hours, I guess. Maybe some ramen will do." I groaned.

"Got it." he said and went into the store. I couldn't help but smile at his cheerfulness. I looked around and realized I was the only one left in the car, so I was free to look around for once. The stereo was still on since no one bothere to refill the tank yet, it was playing another Ed Sheeran song (miraculously it was a song I never heard of yet, which was strange since his songs were too overplayed on the radio) The backseats were scattered with bits and bobs, ranging from earbuds to candy wrappers and a few books thrown into the mix.

I got out and hopped onto the trunk of the vehicle, where Timothy had been separated from everyone else after he left the steering wheel. He had been abnormally quiet throught the whole journey, choosing to keep to himself rather be talkative like the time I first saw him in their room, where he was so easygoing with Mark. He didn't leave behind much, except a notebook and - his phone. 

It must have fallen out of his pocket without him noticing. The notebook itself looked delicate, tiny and leather bound with his initials engraved at the front. Wedged between the pages was his ballpoint pen, it made me even more eager to peek. 

I knew I wasn't supposed to do it, but I did anyway. His neat writing made it even more the easier to read what he had wrote:

Half a Heart

Make your mark across my chest,
As you have bested me for good,
Reap yourself of what you sow,
Know that my love for you will only grow.

Lately I've been stranded far too long.
Eventually left in shambles of your unfinished song,
Even if I leave the ghost of you would still haunt,
Me in my dreams, such of a sinner with countless wrongs.

I dare to say, I miss you so much,
Lying I'd be, if I say I did not,
Once you were gone, I was lost at sea,
Very much clueless,
East or West - what was to become of me?

Yearning and longing were my greatest flaws,
Oh my ghost, where'd you go?
Under and over, I have my heart broken in two,
Once healed, only to keep falling for you.

"Whar are you doing?" Timothy Armor looked at me with dread, from me to his notebook I had been holding. It was a mixture of fear and panic - even anger of what I had done. 

"S-sorry," I mumbled before handing him the book back. He snatched it away from me, almost lightning fast just so that he could erase what I had read. I looked away, awkward and unsure of how to respond. Tim was just as frozen, refusing to look at me as he averted his attention to the store. His hands held his notebook tight, I was waiting for him to explode in rage-

But he didn't.

"I-I'll just...go." hastily, I got off the truck and darted into the gas station's bathroom. After turning on the tap, I splashed water onto my face, so long I had lost count of time or how soaked my shirt was then. A flurry of thoughts ran past in my mind, from digesting everything I had read, understood and realized. The realization was so disapparated from reality it felt unreal. 

Timothy Armor was in love with...Mark?

"No way..." I whispered to my reflection in the mirror, just as confused as I was. For a moment, I would have pushed that possibility away - but I knew better than to deny something that was so obvious at the moment. And I was in no position to criticize him for his feelings, I knew better than to do that. It was his right to do so. 

But why did he look so panicked?

Of course, I finally thought as I shook my head at my stupidity, Mark doesn't know about this...

By the time I got out, the truck was about to leave. 

"Come on Donghyuck, we're leaving!" Felix hollered at me. 

"I'm in!" I said as I got on the back of the truck, much to Timothy's dismay. "Just drive!"

Lucas gave me a thumbs-up and started the engine, in no time we were continuing our journey. It was near dawn, and yet the sky was still littered with stars here and there. It was nice to look at nonetheless. Sitting there, with the wind gently billowing against my skin made it all the more soothing - it almost felt like I was on some roadtrip and not a manhunt for Mark Lee.

I'd have to give it to Mark, if not for him I wouldn't be there in the first place. 

I broke into a quiet laugh, making Timothy turn his head. "I have to give it to Mark Lee, this is pretty awesome. Like, I've never seen a sky this pretty."

I was trying to engage him into a conversation, but all he did was stay silent. I couldn't guess what he was thinking. It was a long pause, until he opened his mouth to talk. "The notebook..." he forced out the words. "-what did you see?"

I looked up at the sky for a moment, "I don't know, I guess you'd know better than me. Right?" 

He knew exactly what I was talking about, it was too obvious to hide. So all he did was keep quiet and purse his lips, "You must think that I'm a creep, right?" he croaked, managing a pained smile. "About me and your brother...good god..." he sighed.

As he said that, I took out the two bottles of beer that I had bought in the gas station (the cashier guy didn't even ask if it was legal for me to buy anything alcoholic) and handed Timothy a bottle. "Heard from Mark that you drink," I answered as he frowned. "-look, just because Mark's my brother doesn't mean I tell him everything - and that includes having a beer or two behind his back. So if you don't tell, we're good."

He smirked and opened the cap, and took a sip. That was exactly what I wanted him to do. "By the way," I continued. "about what you said, I don't care what you think of my brother because it's not my business to care about how many people he attracts, and that includes all genders. If you wondered anyway."

He leaned against the back of the truck, "Then I guess it's safe if I say that your brother's a very good looking guy then?" he joked, but behind his laugh I could tell it was taking all his willpower to not show how much pressure he had put on himself. 

"I'm serious - that I don't care and yet I want to know," I said sternly. "How long has this been going on? You liking Mark, I mean."

He took another mouthful of beer, "Do you believe in 'love at first sight'?" and judging by my expression at the time, he shook his head. "Yeah, it's been that long. And to tell you something, it's been torturing me ever since."

"That he doesn't know about how you feel?" 

"-that it's something that will never become true. Mark Lee will always be my fantasy and nothing more, that's what makes it painful. It's strange that I'm telling this to his brother. To make it worse, every time I remind myself of that - the more broken I am but my heart stays untamed no matter how many times I get punched right in the face."

"What do you mean he'll always be a fantasy?"

"Running after Mark Lee is like chasing the clouds, I'll never get to him but I still act like as long as I keep holding on I will eventually. And that's one gaddamned lie, Donghyuck. Your brother isn't mine to keep, he never will be. I'll always be his friend, nothing more." he recited it as if he had already written it on paper. Maybe he already did.

I knew first-hand how he felt, because I thought I felt the same way almost an eternity ago. It may have been him in general and the natural aura that he gave off whenever he entered a room, Mark Lee would make sure that he was noticable. The fact that he was as mundane as the next person, humans always had ways of finding connections - be it romantic or platonic. 

I was very sure in Timothy Armor's case, it was a romantic one.

I recalled all the times Mark brought up Timothy's name, at the dinner table, while we were driving in the car or even casual conversations between Doc and Aunt Tiffany in which they asked how was college and the first thing he'd mention was how Timothy read the books he read, or said something he had been thinking about a lot, even something as silly as his odd habit of changing classical music when he wasn't supposed to. The way he expressed was so enthusiastic it was amusing.

-when nothing he brought up excited any of us, except him.

I knew when Mark Lee was fond of someone, he and Tim's polaroid together that he kept in the time capsule proved it even more. And I stood by my previous thoughts that if I didn't know he had been dating Riley, I'd think he and Timothy would be more than friends. And now he was no longer in a relationship, what if...

"So you never told him because you thought he'd reject you straight away?" I said. "Timothy, Mark's not like that."

"And I wouldn't want him accepting me because he's nice either!"

"Of course not, I'm just saying you'll never know if you don't try. I know it's a stupid saying, but I'm serious. As much as he's my brother, I don't want you suffering because of the fear that he'd say no. And judging by how he talks about you, you matter so much to him - not just as a friend either."

He looked at me wearily, "You're ting on me, aren't you?"

"To hell I'm not. And the only way to know for sure is to ask him, he won't mind Tim. I know Mark, and one thing's for sure he's really bad at love, like really bad."

Timothy pursed his lips, "Y-you really think so?"

"I know so." 

He smiled faintly, "Yeah, I'll think about it." 

We both stared at the sky that was slowly ascending to dawn. To fill in the empty void, I tried asking him another question. "So you write poetry, how much have you written about him?"

He looked at me in dismay again, "Trust me, you do not want to know."

.